#solentry

[unxr0rdinary]

And even now I’m realizing how many levels of grief I have to endure. A new layer is ripped off now, and any semblance of peace I’ve had is breaking apart. All I’ve ever known is to endure. Inspite, despite. My chest is on fire, and everything I’ve known and become accustom is gone. Death feels more peaceful than moving on.

[forsakenscience]

Diary Entry #1 (Muse)

Berlin, Germany. 

Where as my parents came to percieve in simplist terms, where East met West, and Good met Evil. And over time, it's where I discovered that every shade of grey was a result of the past. It was both a country and a city that rose in promininence after falling from grace as a superpower of Europe, Resurging, then became an obstacle only in the way of the Gears.

In a way, it's a city that wears it's scars and medals, like all the other reconstructed superpowers or those that are currently in reconstruction. I took a walk one day as we were settling in Berlin's own Hotel Tiergarten, or whatever was left of it after the Gears passed through this place. In my walk I was witnessing something as historical as the Fall of Rome, and having the terrors of Chernobyl. A place that was decimated economically and a lab accident that went horribly wrong. This was one of the many countries that paid the price for it.

I lit a cigarette that I pulled out from my Holy Order uniform. I was walking around, no weapon, no back up, no nothing. Just me. I admit, it was a little reckless but I'm a big boy and I can handle myself if some Gear was just prouncing about. The setting couldn't have been more disrupting, with grey clouds coming in, a little bit of sprinkling, and even some medium winds blowing through this war torn area. The Iron Curtain was already gone, and so was the end of the Cold War. But we were fighting for more than just nationalism and to see which superpower had the biggest and destructive guns. We are fighting for the survival of the entire world. Hopefully, by the end of this war, everyone will notice that now is no time to build alliances and enemies, but a time afterwards that should be a time of unification, healing, and even therapy for those that are going to be scared more, as if everyone wasn't already. 

I looked right behind me, amongst all the rubble, the destroyed cars, buses, you name it. Everything was gone. I noticed a bridge going to a large dome like structure, with water underneath that dome. The once clean water that was there was now as green as death, without the chloryde to keep it clean or even blue. Fishes were all pilling up, boats were destroyed, and God knows whatever was dead underneath those waters. It was a sight I wish I had never seen: bodies, animals, and structures all floating on Death's waters.

Somehow I was able to keep walking inside this now opened dome. Inside I was just breathtaken on how immense this place was. A statue of some military commander riding on a horse, the elegant stairs that were going both ways up, with an elevator in the middle and a hall of columns that were there. This was a beauty in itself, and I'm not much of artsy guy but this place was like walking into a palace. As beautiful as it was, no one was here. Just me, the cigarette lighting some of the way, and the beauty of this place. Or so I thought.

I toured around this place, sort of lost in my own thoughts. I guess it was a moment where I was in an artistic trance. This place seemed really nice and then I walked inside a hall and then smelled burnt ash and even saw some debris that was a result of a fire that just happened. I couldn't help it, I had to rush in there and see what this thing was that was killing this place. I wasn't sweating but I was curious as to find out who the hell was this coulprit. Then I saw it. A Gear with eyes as red as the Devil itself, wailing away with a horrendous yell. It was wrapped in bandages, and from what I saw, it desicrated and artpiece that was centuries old, killed two security guards that were armed. Then I saw the fires that were caused from the damn devil itself. It's teeth were as sharp as a shark, skin as grey as the ashes I saw blooming around the fields. Then there was the claws it had and it's disfigured/humanistic stance. I wasn't scared.

I reached over to my right to pick up an axe that was used back in the Ottoman Empire. A furious and well ancient empire now at the grasp of my left hand. The thing started charging at me but I cut right through it's jaw and up it's face to make sure the bastard was gone for good. It bled right through on my uniform, but it didn't matter, wasn't my blood. I walked around and noticed there was infestation of the bastards right there in the next room which was where there was the scortching fire. They all tried to tackle and kill me, but it was too late. Grasping that axe, I then gave them "a great show time" by sending them all to high heaven in one fire, leaping in the air, losing my headband. All hell was breaking loose in this beauty of a place. Columns were coming down and the fire was getting worse. I walked out and no Gear was left standing or breathing. I then walked outside from the fires, not my own sain self. But then at that moment I looked back, no settled down with my handband on again. The rain was pouring, and I just contributed to killing a piece of beauty and adding another badge to this enduring city. I lost myself for a moment but I'm still human. The units were coming down to see what the commossion was but they were too late. She was dead. 

I stood back in the van by myself looking at the fires and only seeing the rain try to desperatly extinguish it. I took my last cigarette and lowered my head as I lit the cigarette. No one was there to see, but I knew this was a penance I had to carry again. I was glad to get back to the hotel everyone was at and I stood there in my bed lying down and staring at the ceiling until I closed my eyes, and slept through.