once again thinking about laudna "i'm just starting to wonder if i was always a blank canvas, even in my youth" and percival "did it choose me because i was broken or did it break me?" and laudna "you were never alive" and percival "you were always broken"
how both their childhood drags behind them like a corpse. and how they are the reflection of a city that died and killed everything in its wake. how their life does not really belong to themselves but to this malicious entity that represents all their worse thoughts and fears. and how they both love to fix and mend and invent things cursed by the knowledge that no matter how much they try they can't fix their own damage. and how they both think they are irredeemable. and how they both fear that it wasn't death, misery and grief that broke them, but they've just always been like that. broken and bad.
it's about the absolute despair. the finding comfort in the shadows because they're all you have. the years and years and years of loneliness so deep it makes a home in your bones. and then finally finding a family that sees you and loves you and still feeling like that isn't quite enough. still feeling broken. still feeling like there is just something inherently evil and wrong about you.
and it's also about what you do with your little moments. it's about looking at all that fear and ugliness and darkness inside you and still decide to keep going. little step by little step. walking into a brighter day.