#soulglitta

[soulglitta]

I fell in love with the first month of “you”.. 

and

 i spent 6 months chasing that person

 until it became clear to me

that

 when we first met,

 you showed me the person that you wished you were. 

and by the end of our “relationship”

that was the only thing we ever had in common.

[soulglitta]

I am not made of infinite energy. When I pour into you, I expect you to pour into me. This is called reciprocity. To take all of what you need without the intention to restore, is to steal. So, you must understand why I'm empty.

[soulglitta]

you do not love with the intention to give back,

to grow, or

to plant flowers. 

You love with the intention to hide.

to bury yourself 

within the depths of her soul's boundaries 

in hopes that parts of you

remain undiscovered, 

and

 unrefined.

-found

[soulglitta]

Your name Is by no means Rainfall to a drought

[soulglitta]

i've been starving myself 

of

me.

neglecting my soul's call for herself

in desire

and

in reason

and the space to engage the two interdependently.

to regain her energy 

to be in balance 

to be center

to be

 back.

-  necessary

[soulglitta]

I am not safe Not here 

Nor There.

[soulglitta]

And then they see us on TV: angry, infuriated, hurt, upset... and they say… i don't understand why these people are reacting this way. there is no need to riot. this is foolish. i'm sure this michael brown boy did something to the police officer. it's not about race. we live in a post-racial society. police don't just shoot people for no good reason.  this is why this happens to them. look at them. burning down their own communities. what a shame. 

they forget that this is not just another unfortunate situation: another "whoops, my bad.. i shouldn't have shot that kid 15 times". another "i thought their wallet was a gun". another "suspicious black kid in the neighborhood". another "i was reaching for my tazer, and accidentally pulled out my gun and shot him anyway". another "i thought they were breaking into a home, even though it belongs to them". another "i feared for my life even though the person was unarmed". another "i thought they were reaching for a gun even though i asked them to show me their ID which is usually always in someones wallet". another "i thought their music was too loud and they wouldn't turn it down because I told them to, even though I'm not anyone to be telling anyone to turn their music down at a public ass gas station. another "i felt threatened because i thought they had a gun even though their hands were raised in surrender".

all these "i thought"s. 

all these claims...

but 

no

evidence.

all these black bodies

all these deaths

but 

no 

justice.

[soulglitta]

every time i take a step

outside of my journal:

my comfort zone,

my heart's home...

i am always reminded that there is no space

for my thoughts.

for my aches.

for my skeletons.