just woke up in the cold sweat being pulled out of a extremely vivid dream about falling in love again... this time she mightve been perfect. but, they, again were just a fantasy. why tf does my brain keep doing this. im going to be stuck on this dream for weeks now trying to figure out a way to get back there again.
i know they were almost perfect becuase they werent someone i know my parents nor my friends would approve of at first, they were just for me unlike the others i dreamt up previously. they had a lot and i mean a lot of the same qualities the previous people i dreamt of. the previous people were images i thought either my friends would get along with or thought theyd try to pair up with. same thing for my parents, but ones created for my friends and for my parents were never the same. but she wasnt quite right. in the dream i felt like i met her too soon like she was dealing shit she wasnt quite ready to come to terms with yet, but almost there. she filled all her time burying her head in her shame. i felt myself all of a sudden get worried i was going to get caught up in her issues before handling mine like i always do. waking up, thats love to me but ive been down that path before and it really fucked me up. in the dream i didnt have that trauma, that is interesting. it just felt like i knew her all too well for it be a just be a dream. i already knew her quarks and desires( all of them). that being said i cant help but wonder again if i just visited another possible life of mine (please read midnight library for this reference). Or am i getting closer to find the actual perfect person since my brain is getting glimpses of the specific characteristics that i love; in this one and the ones previous. god this really is a mindfuck to have at 1am.
im hopefully going back to sleep. thanks for reading 💜