Splinter remembers the day like it was yesterday. Despite his best efforts to drown out the memories with cheap booze, unhealthy snacks and mindless TV-shows 24/7, he remembers every single detail of the moment Lou Jitsu ceased to exist and became… this.
The noise of a machine powering up. The light of electricity coursing through his body. The feeling of an otherworldly substance on his skin and the pain of every molecule rearranging itself in his body.
The memories are fresh, like a wound that refuses to heal. He has learned over the years to accept his new existence and he has even realized that, in a twisted way, he can even be grateful for everything that's happened. Without the noise and the light and the pain he also wouldn't have his pride and joy, his beloved sons.
Splinter knows all that and he does his best to remind himself of it all, but sometimes the memories will still be too much. Too overpowering. Sometimes he will sit in his chair and stare at the TV without really seeing it and just drift in an endless sea of regret and bitterness so strong he can taste it on his tongue.
But the fact that he does remember that day so well has actually also been his salvation more than once. Because when the noise and the light and the pain get to be too much, he also remembers what came after.
Four little turtles, now strangely humanoid, rolling around on the floor. And some weird instinct (Survival? Parental?) urging him forward to scoop them up into his hands.
And he remembers them tumbling around in his palms. And he remembers the red-eared slider looking at him and immediately holding his tiny arms out with the biggest smile.
Leonardo.
Leonardo reaching out to him. Already trusting, already more happy to see Yoshi than any of his prior acquaintances had ever been.
Leonardo had reached for him first and it's that image that pulls Splinter back from the edge most nights. If Splinter had any recollection of Leo claiming that he was his "least favorite", he might have laughed. Or cried.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
And now he is kneeling here, on this cold concrete, and stares at a sky awash in unnatural colors. A portal has just closed and his son is on the wrong side of it. Has sacrificed himself to save them all.
And Splinter reaches up. Ignores the noise and the light and the pain, and reaches his arms into the sky, hoping against hope that his son will reach back. That those arms will reach for him once more. That he can pull him out, just like his son has pulled him out of the deepest pits of despair over the years.
But the portal is closed.
He can't reach him.
********
An hour later, April, Casey and him finally find his sons, and for a moment Splinter is convinced that his mind is finally broken beyond repair. Because right there, in the middle of a group hug, is Leonardo. Bruised and bloody and tired.
But alive. And here.
He stops in his tracks while April and Casey run forward, questions falling from their lips almost as rapid as the tears are falling from their eyes.
Splinter doesn't hear a word of mystic powers and portals and last minute rescues. He can only stare at the child he had thought to have lost forever.
Said child looks up and for a second something vulnerable flashes through his eyes as they find his frozen father. But then it's gone and he grins. "Hey Pops!"
And he holds out one arm, the other still trapped by a silently weeping Casey. His hand shakes a little and the grabby motions of his fingers look more desperate than they are probably meant to be.
But they are familiar and they are something Splinter was convinced he would never see again.
He finally moves, rushes forward on shaking legs to the hand that is once again reaching out to him. He grabs it and bends down, his forehead pressed against their joined hands.
"I got you.", he whispers, over and over. "I got you. I got you."
His son has once again reached out first.
And Splinter is never letting go again.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It always struck me as significant how the others are just tumbling around but Leo immediately makes eye contact and holds out his hands as if to say "Ohhh new Papa, hello there!"
