S15E19 all the extra pain and reciprocation in the script
Reading S15E19 script and I realize, not only does the aired version cut out so much of Dean's reaction and action that so clearly reciprocate and mourn Cas, but it also misses so much of Jack's reaction and mourning, too. Jack is so much more devastated and affected by Cas's death in the script than in the aired episode.
It's so clear from the script that Jack's final decision to take the burden of becoming the new God is because of Cas. Being the new God is a curse and a sacrifice he has to make, and he did it because he knew Cas died because of him; that deal was to save him.
So actually, post-S15E18, both Dean and Jack are thinking they're the ones who caused Cas's death, but they never really talked to each other about it, both taking it their own ways to repay Cas, either by sacrificing themselves again or just losing the motivation to keep fighting for life. The two people Cas died to save, ended up dying without really being saved. This, is the biggest tragedy that never stops killing me.
So for the two post-covid big finale episodes, we've been talking about how much they owe us the original ending of S15E20; we haven't talked enough about how much they owe us the proper S15E19, too. Even just the deleted scenes and lines from the script, we missed too much.
(More script reading below the cut)
(Day 1 after losing Cas. The opening scene)
THE IMPALA-- Arrives on the scene. DEAN stops, climbs out of the car, stunned. And burdened by news he hasn't yet delivered. Jack: Where's Cas? ON DEAN. How does he even start to talk about this? He looks away. And Sam gets concerned-- Sam: Dean? Dean: He saved me. (then) Billie was comin' for us, and Cas… he summoned the Empty. It took her. Took him, too. (then) He's gone. ON JACK AND SAM. Reeling. Jack shakes his head… Jack: No… no. He looks to Dean, who stares at his feet. Can't meet Jack's eyes.
(When Sam tries to call others)
Dean looks to Jack-- Dean: I... I'm sorry, kid. But Jack's too torn up to respond-- fighting back emotion.
Immediately after S15E18 losing Cas, Dean goes to meet Sam and Jack. The whole world is empty. Sam is shocked that everyone's gone, the world is empty, while both Dean and Jack's focus is on Cas --
Dean is burdened by news he hasn't yet delivered. All his thoughts and burden are about Cas.
And Jack's very first question upon seeing him is: "Where's Cas?" And that line of his, "No… no." gets cut out.
And Dean can't meet Jack's eyes.
Dean's painful for losing Cas, but he can't meet Jack's eyes. Dean is not the only one miserable and devastated with Cas gone. The only person he knows who would be as painful as him (or more painful than him) for losing Cas, is Jack. It's like he has to let the kid know his father is gone, and he's gone to save him. It's guilt that Dean can't meet the kid's eyes, even though it's not his fault.
(When Sam and Dean are inside the diner)
JACK-- Surrounded by empty silence as we MOVE IN to discover he's PRAYING. Jack: … how can you be gone? (then) You said you believed in me. That it didn't matter what I did. That just being me was enough. But what does that mean now? (then, voice breaking) Dad? Silence. No answer from Cas. Then-- Jack: Mom? (looking into the distance) You've always been with me. A whisper inside me, even when I was only a whisper inside you. Somehow you knew what the universe would expect from me. (then) You both… you never stopped believing in me. But, what if, without you… it's not enough? On Jack, in the quiet of this empty world. No answers, barely any sound. Lost and defeated, he rises… … and heads toward the diner. WE SEE, but he does not, that as he passes, potted plants and landscape foliage WILT IN HIS WAKE!
This is the first deleted scene of the episode. The aired version only has Jack looking up at the sky, whispering "Cas?" but nothing more. The pain is in the wordlessness, the quiet, the emptiness. There are so many more painful words and praying in the deleted scene, and even more in the script.
And, more heartbreakingly painfully, in the script, he's not whispering "Cas," he's calling "Dad? Mom?" His lips are trembling. He stares at the sky, looking for Cas. He's just a kid without his dearest mom and dad. Losing his mother at his birth is bad enough, but having Cas as his father for three years and now losing him for real all over again, Jack is completely lost. And Dean and Sam are too deep in their own pain and grief to realize his to help him.
It's moments like this that we get reminded, Jack really is just a three-year-old baby that needs his mom and dad desperately. The impact of Cas's death is so, so strong.
(Sam and Dean surrender to Chuck)
Sam: We'll give you what you want. Dean: The whole Cain and Abel. Us dead. Whatever. (then) I'll kill Sam. He'll kill me. We kill each other. You pick. (then) First though, you put everything the way it was: people, birds... and Cas. You bring him back.
Dean's offering his and Sam's lives for Cas and the world.
"You bring him back." It's like S13E01 again, Dean's prayer to God is always, bring Cas back. He wants nothing more than to have Cas back, whatever the cost. Even when the whole world is empty, his biggest wish is still -- bring Cas back.
(Day 2 after losing Cas)
INT. Men of Letters - Galley - Day Sam enters to find Dean asleep on the table, a liquor bottle near him. Other empties are strewn around. An open laptop, cover toward us, rests on a chair. Sam goes over. Sam: Dean? No response, then Dean stirs. Sam: You okay? Dean looks around as if unsure where he is, then sits up. Dean: (thick voice) Oh, yeah. I'm terrific. (squints around) Is it morning? Sam: Pretty sure. He crosses to get some coffee as Dean scoops up the laptop. He stares at the screen and sighs, turns it so Sam can see. On the screen is the same empty NEWSCAST SET, with its unmanned anchor desk. Dean: I keep checkin' back. To see if maybe all this was just a dream. But it's always the same.
The first night after losing Cas, Dean spends it sitting in the dungeon, can't believe it's real.
The second night after losing Cas, Dean spends it drinking himself to death alone in the bunker, keeps checking the news, hoping all this was just a dream. But it's always the same.
(They find Michael in St. Michael's church)
Sam: And Adam? Michael: (sadly) Gone, I'm sorry to say. We were in one of his beloved burger joints. He'd just finished a double chili-cheese, when his essence was pulled from the vessel. (indicates himself) Exterminated by my father. Like everyone else. That hits Sam and Dean. Dean: Poor bastard never caught a break.
The aired version, when Michael gets asked about Adam, there's only "Gone. I'm sorry to say." but not the burger line.
Michael would remember what they were doing and what Adam ordered to eat as his last meal before he was killed. Michael would remember how it feels when Adam's essence gets pulled from the vessel. And he would say these words sadly. He does care about Adam.
And when he's hiding out alone to not get noticed by his Father, who says he's not also in the mourning phase?
(Day 3 after losing Cas)
INT. Men of Letters - Library - Day Dean's putting down his stuff, having just arrived with Michael. Michael: Last time I was here things were less friendly. I feel almost naked without manacles. Dean: We're more casual this time around. Michael: And the angel? Where is Castiel? Dean looks at Michael, his pained look says it all. Michael: I'm sorry. He was a good soldier.
The second deleted scene.
This is a very rare moment that looks like Dean and Michael seem to actually bond. This is probably the only time I can sense the destined connection that's supposed to exist between Dean and Michael, for Dean to be Michael's ideal vessel -- Michael understands him, he understands Dean's pain of losing Cas, because he just loses Adam.
The funny thing is, Cas was never really a good soldier from Heaven's perspective. Michael held a grudge against him for throwing the holy fire Molotov bottle on him ten years ago. It’s Michael’s order to start the first Apocalypse, and Cas never follows his order to see it through. But now, Michael says sorry after knowing he’s gone, he feels for Dean’s loss and pain. It’s almost like he wants to comfort Dean by saying something nice about Cas, regardless of whether it’s true. "He's a good soldier" is probably the best compliment Michael can think of. Michael changed a lot too.
And Dean, he can't use words a second time to say Cas is gone. He said it once to tell Sam and Jack, and now he can only look down, look away, using his pained look to say it all. Everything is written on his face, in his eyes. All the pain is right there, too easy to read. So Michael gets it all.
(When the fake phone call comes in)
INT. Men of Letters - Galley - Day Suddenly Dean's phone BUZZES. He grabs it and-- THE PHONE-- On the screen is "Castiel." Sam comes over. Dean: (staring at phone) What? Sam also looks bewildered. Dean accepts the call. Dean: (nervously) Cas…? From the phone speaker we HEAR CASTIEL'S VOICE! Castiel (V.O.): Dean. I'm here. Dean and Sam look at each other in hope and amazement. Castiel (V.O.): I'm hurt. Can you let me in? INT. Men of Letters - Crow's Nest - Day Sam and Dean enter and Dean bolts up the stairs. He opens the door to reveal-- Sam and Dean enter and Dean bolts up the stairs. He opens the door to reveal-- LUCIFER! He smiles pleasantly. Dean immediately SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT, but before it's completely closed we HEAR A VOICE FROM THE CROW'S NEST BELOW-- Lucifer (O.S.): Wow. Way to treat a pal. NEW ANGEL-- REVEALS Lucifer down in the crow's nest!! A little behind Sam, who spins to face him. Sam: You're not our "pal." Dean's coming down the stairs. Lucifer: Be honest, would you have let me in if I said it was me? Dean: You're dead.
This one made it to the final cut.
Probably the most sickening exploitation of the feelings and relationship between Dean and Cas. The son of bitch Lucifer is just obsessed with pretending to be someone's dead love of their lives to trick them to say yes, he did it to Sam, to Nick, to Vince Vincente, and now, to Dean, by pretending to be Cas.
We have seen enough cuts that analyze how eager Dean is to bolt toward the door to open it and see Cas again, too eager to hug him and talk to him to doubt the phone call's authenticity, but it's rare and interesting to note that, in the script, when Dean picks up the phone, and calls "Cas?" for the first time after Cas is gone, his reaction is noted to be nervously.
In a normal sense, he should be ecstatic, for believing this really is Cas and that Cas is back; or he might be ginger and suspicious, for being cautious and untrusting of the phone, maybe suspecting this is Chuck or someone's trick. But either way, he shouldn't be nervous -- unless, he's believing this really is Cas, but now he's already one step forward after that, thinking about how to reciprocate the confession. And that conversation is what is starting to stress him out.
But it only takes a second to find out it's Lucifer, and his hope is broken again.
But, also sarcastically, that's just another layer of hope right there -- Lucifer was dead, but now coming back from the Empty again. So what if Cas can escape the Empty again, too? So Dean's deadpanned line to Lucifer is "You're dead." Just in case Lucifer's resurrection can provide some new idea for saving Cas, just in case. So much new hope, so much new fear for new disappointment. We'll never know how much mental roller coaster Dean's been going through.
(When Jack absorbs all of Chuck's power, they're deciding what to do with him)
Chuck: This... this... is why you were my favorites. (then, realizing) For the first time... I don't know what comes next. (then) Is this... where you kill me? ON DEAN. Is it? Chuck: I mean-- I could never think of an ending where I lost. But this-- after everything I've done to you. IT just... it feels right. (then) To die at the hands of Sam Winchester, of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... (then) It's kinda... glorious. And he's smiling now-- almost welcoming it. ON DEAN. Struggling. What's he going to do? And then... he makes a DECISION-- Dean: Sorry, Chuck. Chuck: What? On Dean, remembering Cas's words from Ep. 1518. Dean: That's not who I am.
On Dean, remembering Cas's words from Ep. 1518. "That's not who I am."
Not the killer that he used to think himself to be, not the killer that God defines him to be. That's not who he is. Because Cas sees him as the most loving man in the world, Cas makes sure he understands and remembers it before he leaves. And Dean, for the first time, sees himself the way Cas sees him. "That's not who I am."
Cas's words -- Cas's love -- really change Dean, and change how this story ends.
Men like Chuck, are not afraid of death (almost welcoming it), but they're afraid of being insignificant, weak, unnoticeable. This is anticlimax, maybe as unsatisfying as Chuck feels, but it feels right, nothing much to complain about. This is from Cas's gift, this is Dean's change.
Any version of Dean that's before S15E18 might kill Chuck then and there, but not after. Not the now Dean.
(After they win Chuck, and are ready to go home with Jack)
The brothers are a little awed, trying to process all this. Sam: So… are you coming back with us to the bunker? Dean: (selling it) 'Course he is! HE's the man with the plan. The top dog. He can do whatever. He'll work from home. We'll even spruce up the place… recliner chairs… big screen TV… He starts toward the Impala, then notices Jack hanging back. Jack: (with difficulty) Dean? I'm not coming… "home." In a way, I'm already there. Dean: Where? Jack: Everywhere. (a resigned shrug) Things have… changed. A beat. The implication of this is overwhelming the brothers. Sam: (quietly) So you are. Him. Jack: I'm me. But I know what you mean. Sam: (already knows the answer) But if we want to see you… or have a beer or whatever? Jack: (gently) I'm around. I'll be in every drop of falling rain. Every speck of dust the wind blows. And in the sand, and the rocks, and the sea. Dean can't stand another word of what this means for them, masking emotion with irritation. Dean: This is a Hell of a time to bail. You've got a lot of people counting on you. They're gonna have questions that need answers. Jack: And those answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday. People won't need to pray to me. Or sacrifice to me. They just need to know I'm already a part of them. And trust in that. (then) I won't be hands-on. Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. (then) I learned from you and my mother and Castiel that when people have to be at their best, they can be. (then) And that's what to believe in. Silence again. Jack smiles sadly. Jack: Well. Dean and Sam can barely handle this loss. Jack is calm. He hugs them both. Then-- Jack: (quietly) I'm really as close as this. And he touches his heart, then each of theirs. Then he turns and goes. Heartbroken, Sam and Dean watch as Jack glances back, then GROWS TRANSPARENT, BECOMES A GLOW, AND MELTS INTO THE AIR. Dean can't speak. Sam: (a near whisper) See ya, Jack.
Dean can't speak.
Too soon, too many goodbyes. It's not a victory after they won Chuck, it's just another goodbye, another loss, another family that sacrifices himself to save the world and everyone else, that they can't save.
The kid is not coming home with them.
Dean's heart is too broken to express his emotion, so he turns it into irritation again, blaming the kid for bailing them. When he says, "You've got a lot of people counting on you," he really means it's them. He needs the kid coming home with them, because he already lost Cas and all his family, he really really doesn't want to lose the kid again. He's already talking about the new room he's going to settle the kid in, the big TV screen, the recliner chairs. But no, he can't stop this. Jack is leaving, again. Just like everyone else. It's not death that takes him away this time, but they're losing him all the same. And Dean, can't speak.
When he lost his mother, he couldn't speak. When he lost Cas, he couldn't speak. And when he's going to lose Jack, he can't speak again.
He freezes when the emotion overwhelms him. He folds back in when the loss and farewells tear him apart. It's his mental self-protection mechanism. He's bracing himself. But he's hurting all over, bleeding, breaking apart silently, watching the kid leave, fading into the thin air.
They lost too much, and just on the horizon of victory, Dean lost the last member of his chosen family.
It's just too much pain to bear. It's no victory at all.
(When it's only Sam and Dean going home, alone, just the two of them)
INT. Men of Letters - Library - Night Still and silent. Sam and Dean, holding beers; enter and look around the place. Sam: Pretty quiet. They sit on the edges of opposite tables. Sam raises his bottle. Sam: To Jack. They touch bottles and drink. Dean: And Cas. And Mom. Sam: And Adam. Dean: And Kelly. And Bobby. And John. Sam: Dad? Dean: Yeah. Sam shrugs; they take long pulls from the beers. Dean sighs wistfully. Dean: And everyone… we've lost along the way. Drink and silence.
The last deleted scene of the episode.
Started with Dean just finished carving Cas and Jack's names on the table and wiping his knife. We never really know if it's Sam or Dean who carves Cas and Jack's name from the aired version, but now we do -- it's all Dean.
And the aired episode cut out all the names that they toast to.
Sam starts by toasting to Jack.
And the very first two names in Dean's mind are: To Cas. To mom.
Then Sam remembers Adam.
Dean to Bobby, to Kelly, to John.
Of the top five people Dean's mind immediately thinks of, who they lost recently and significantly, John is listed fifth on his list, and Cas is the first. Even before his mother.
This is probably the only time I remember seeing Dean actually call his father "John" instead of "Dad", and that's probably the exact reason why Sam gets surprised and turns to him, checking he's hearing it right: "Dad?"
By straight calling his father by name, it feels like Dean's really growing out of John's shadow and trauma. He's seeing John as John, a person, a memory, instead of as a role, a character, an order-giver, a general to the soldier that he has to follow, to listen to, to change and hide himself to live up to his expectations.
The whole big plot point in S15E19 is practically still the petty fight between Lucifer and Michael, both trying to be Daddy's favorite boy, killing each other, and ending up being killed by Chuck again. And there's also Michael's line in the second deleted scene: "Sons and their fathers are… complicated. Ask Dean." And now, here, finally, Dean's able to call John by his name, becoming his equal, growing out of him. He's finally making peace with the internalized John's figure and not living like Daddy's blunt instrument, a scared boy. This is finally the proof that Cas's last will is coming true -- Dean not only stops seeing himself the way God sees him, he's also stopping seeing himself the way his father sees him. He's finally free from himself. And Cas is the one who freed him.