#spontanteneous

[amusteredmind]

ig: sweetmariexo

[amusteredmind]

two years ago, i divorced the scale and the toxic relationship i had with my body.
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being a varsity wrestler, the scale was my best friend. I would weigh myself 
each morning 
after practive 
during my downtime
before dinner 
after dinner 
before bed 
and everytime i peed. 
.
so when i left the sport, my relationship with the scale remained the same. but the only difference is, it became a very toxic one. The numbers were slowly creeping up one pound at a time. I had gone from practicing 5-6 times a week at high intensity, to a moderate work out a couple of times. 
.
the scale was bound to go up. 
.
as it went up, I spent countless days reasoning with myself why it was going up and how i could rebound from this. Rebounding, would mean starving myself, counting calories, and literally being afraid to eat. this went on for quite a while. leading to me ultimately giving up, and eating what ever satisfied this dark hole. 
.
two years ago. I woke up. I woke up and realized I wasnt living life. 
I wasnt doing what makes me happy. 
I was hiding from the camera. 
I wouldnt wear clothes that werent 7 sizes bigger. 
I shamed myself out a bikini. 
.
My divorce from to toxicity, wasn’t one that just happened. Once i woke up and realzied, it took time. I started wearing one piece of clothing I would’ve cried in out. Then day by day, making huge strides. To the point where i felt like I was running. 
.
Running, like a free person. 
.
I am free. I love my body for who she is. 
For what she will soon get to create. 
For the experiences she has gotten me through 
For the unwavering support 
For teaching me to self love
For being a home to this soul.
For just being mine. 
.
dear body, thank you for going through the ebbs & flows with me. thank you for allowing me to fall in love with you again. ❣️