I feel like I'm going to cry. I also feel like I've never going to get laid again, ever. I have been trying to create this ecosystem of opportunity where I am surrounded by chances to meet women, but it doesn't seem to be paying off. Granted, it just has only been a few months, but people are pairing off around me a lot faster than that so it makes me feel like it must be me.
In the past little while I've had a couple of people I was dating either drift or outright say they don't want to see me anymore. Granted, the one that said they didn't want to see me anymore I was already on the same page, and just thought we were mutually ghosting each other and then was annoyed when they came back and made it official... There are women who want to explore something, but tell me up front they don't have much to offer and I want something real
I don't want to keep being strung along by women who tell me up front they don't have much to offer right now, and I wait around like an idiot for years until they do have something to offer, but it never happens. I can't ever go through that again.
There was supposed to be a all femme sex party TONIGHT. I have been looking forward to this for MONTHS. Where else am I supposed to meet a bunch of women who aren't afraid of sex and their bodies and who I can just come right out and say I want you, without worrying that I'm being predatory?
Where else am I going to have sex again, ever? I guess I have to start going to the expensive club nights and basically paying for it.
To make matters worse, the only woman I'm still seeing right now was supposed to be at that party and she just told me she wasn't going to go. I guess now I don't have to be disappointed about not seeing her there, but I wanted to go whether she was there or not. We are supposed to be getting together tomorrow now instead, for coffee and a walk, and this is now the second non-sex date she's asked me on. We first met at (basically free, afternoon) Sex Dungeon party, which is way more my speed than these huge kinky sex club nights with DJs and dancing until 3:00 in the morning. We hooked up there. The next week we got together at her place and hooked up during the day while her kids were at school.
The next time we were supposed to hang out, she made it clear she only wanted to get coffee and talk with me. She did say she wanted to see me at the sex party, and also that she hopes to see me before then.. but she didn't. And now she's not going, and now it's not happening. I haven't cried over any of these rejections or cancellations or anything but I think it would be understandable if I did. I feel like all the doors I felt were open to me are just slamming in my face. A couple weeks ago I was dating four women and now I'm down to one. I haven't had sex in months. I'm about to start sleeping with the wrong person, because I can't find the right person, and I don't even feel bad about it.
But I feel like there is this beautiful, sexy, warm, sweet, woman who claims she just wants to have lots of sex... And I can't figure out how to get her back in bed. It feels like the pattern that always happens with demisexuals, but in reverse. Like wow, the curse is that powerful that even once I've slept with a woman they will retroactively friendzone me? The curse is as strong as I am bitter. Today I feel no hope that I will ever be with a woman ever again for the rest of my life.
