Written for Swan Queen Spring Break Week 2021
A/N: This is way longer than I intended it to be, but these two almost always have some issues to work through, and I had to give them the time they needed. Prompt for Sunday 3/21: "Sunset/Sunrise"
Regina feels the cold before she’s fully awake. She rolls over, exposing the shoulder that had been beneath her to the cool air of the room, and the side of her that was apparently already cold registers the soft warmth of the sheets and mattress, in this the inverse of her former sleeping position. She frowns to herself in annoyance - the covers have been pulled away from her upper torso. Probably because Emma…
Images from the previous evening, and sensations from a long and eventful night begin to whirl in her mind, playing almost like a movie, pulling her consciousness forward into a cool, grey dawn. She’s a little more awake now, and she smiles to herself, eyes still closed in half-sleep, feeling a calm, empty, smoothed-out sensation in her belly, while simultaneously noting the soreness in her limbs, her hips, her jaw. One eye opens slowly.
The room is dim and monochromatic. The light of the coming day has begun to make its way into the room through a gap in the curtains facing east, but the sun is far from up. Regina is in shadow, with what little bit of illumination there is eclipsed by the figure seated before her on the bed, facing the impending sunrise.
The room is also perfectly silent and still, though she can see slight movement in Emma’s form, almost as if maybe she’s rocking lightly, or doing some sort of repetitive motion with her arm or hands. It seems to be the latter, she notes, as she can see a slight ripple in the blonde’s right tricep repeating with the motion. She lazily opens another eye to spend a moment admiring those arms.
Oh those arms, and what they’re capable of… there might be a slight bruise on her right shoulder blade today from when Emma had… oh my, what an evening. She smiles again to herself.
Regina’s gaze lingers for a moment longer, taking in the form before her as a whole - the posture, the body language, the silence, the trance-like repetitive motion. Emma seems to be not altogether here. Lost in thought. Contemplating or ruminating, and greeting the coming day very much alone, despite the proximity of a bed partner. Regina shifts again, gently, barely jostling the bed or the quiet at all, to see if it will register with Emma. It doesn’t. The new position is very comfortable and an exhausted Regina drifts back to sleep for a while.
She dreams strange but not unpleasant dreams. They are colourless and grey like the morning. Dreams of walking strange corridors and unfamiliar streets. Lonely silent places. She finds doors occasionally and feels the need to try them. They are always locked. There are small alleys, darkened, that beckon to her as well and she explores them, but they are all dead ends. An alleyway she explores on one side of an empty, foggy street reveals a difference finally. There is a door at the end of it. The door is a deep burgundy or maroon colour, standing very much in contrast to the dim and lifeless world around her. She strides purposefully forward and opens it.
She walks into warm, dim, golden light that spills from hanging lamps, illuminating a space which seems like a restaurant or pub. It’s all wood and brick and brass, and very inviting. The weird, foggy, unforgiving grey of the world outside is gone and she’s glad of it.
There’s a bar counter to the left, and a very familiar blonde woman is tending it. She walks to the rail, and the woman looks up from the glasses she’s drying and polishing. “Hey,” Emma says.
Regina cannot respond. It is a dream and she cannot speak.
Emma frowns. “Hey,” she says again.
Regina is confused. As she looks around the colour begins to fade from the room. She feels unsettled and maybe a bit panicked. She looks toward a frowning Emma who’s still saying “Hey” occasionally and sees her own bedroom in the mirror behind her, which is quite odd, isn’t it?
“Regina… Hey, wake up,” Emma says, shaking her shoulder lightly.
Regina comes to with a start, inhaling sharply through her nose. “Emma?”
“You were dreaming. Talking in your sleep.”
“Talking?” Regina asks. “I was trying to talk to you in the dream and I couldn’t… we couldn’t communicate.”
“Mm,” Emma says, almost a chuckle. “That sounds like us, doesn’t it.”
Regina snorts, but without mirth. That’s not a very amusing observation. She closes her eyes and rubs them. Her wakened state brings a mighty yawn and an involuntary stretch, which ends with a huff as her arms flop back to the comforter. They’re still sore. Images from last night begin to flit through her mind again as the soreness reminds her of the previous evening’s “activities.”
Emma has turned back round, facing the window again. She’s hugging her knees and resting her chin on them, and… humming? The room is brighter this hour. Where Emma was not much more than a silhouette before, she’s very real now, and very much here. Taking up space in the way she does, filling Regina’s senses, but still apart, which is very… her.
Regina sighs. She had hoped that along with all the walls and barriers that had come down last night, maybe this would be easier. But Emma is still Emma, she is still Regina, and neither of them is young. People like them don’t just change overnight. She pushes the covers off and rises to her knees, closing the distance between them and reaching out to gently knead Emma’s broad shoulders. “You need coffee. It’s a new day.”
“It’s a new lotta stuff…” Emma says. “And yes I do.”
Regina rests her chin on Emma’s head and wraps her arms around her shoulders. “‘New’ can be scary sometimes.”
She knows it’s best to just come out and ask. “Are you scared, Emma?”
Emma takes in a long breath and releases it as a sigh. “Yeah.”
Regina dips her head to press a small kiss into Emma’s hair and sighs as well, the moving breath causing blonde hair to flutter and lightly tickle her nose. She squeezes her eyes shut and squeezes Emma’s shoulders at the same time. “Okay,” she says, and rises back up to give Emma’s shoulders a quick knead and a light pat, disengaging a little.
Regina pauses, her hands still resting on either side of Emma’s neck. “Don’t?” she asks. Emma begins to turn around and she has to move her arms up and out of the way for the blonde to spin and face her.
“Don’t let me do my stupid shit, Regina.”
“O...kayy?” Regina says and cocks her head. Her arms are still raised and she looks honestly quite confused. Emma gives her a sort of how can you not understand what I’m talking about look and grimaces.
“I mean, don’t let me pull away,” she says. “C’mere…” She puts her hands on Regina’s hips and guides her down to straddle her lap. “Give me a kiss, please.” Regina smiles, wraps her arms loosely around Emma’s neck and leans in to do just that. It’s slow and gentle and open-mouthed, a warm quiet kiss.
Emma pulls back and gives her an earnest look. “I know you think I need space or some time to adjust or something,” she says. “I don’t want it.”
“Okay.” Regina says with a curt nod, grinning.
“I’m serious. I gave up that space when I made love to you last night. Willingly. On purpose. I’ve had space, and I’ve been keeping space, and enforcing space, and I don’t want it anymore.”
“Oh Emma,” Regina says, and tightens her arms around Emma’s neck, pressing the blonde’s face to her sternum.
Emma tightens her arms around her waist and closes her eyes. She nuzzles the bridge of her nose back and forth twice across Regina’s collarbones and then lays her head on the brunette’s chest, moving her arms up her back and wrapping her in a fierce hug. “Sometimes I’m going to do my dumb shit and act like I wanna run because I feel overwhelmed or whatever… and I need you to see that for what it is, and head it off. Just like you’re doing this morning.”
“That’s a lot to ask, Emma. I have my own insecurities and moods and occasional temper tantrums, and I-”
“And I know what they are R’gina, and I know what they look like, and I can deal, I promise.”
“Are complicated,” Emma interrupts, “I know. And we’re both bringing a bunch of crap to this ‘cause we’re old and set in our ways, but I know we both want this, and we’re going to have to figure out how to deal with it.”
Regina pulls back and looks Emma square in the face, back and forth to both eyes several times. “Is that why you’re scared?”
“Well, yes,” Emma says, and her voice is suddenly quieter, and sounds younger, more timid. “Scared that I’m not strong enough maybe, and scared about how much I care that I might not be strong enough.” She trails the tips of her fingers up and down Regina’s ribs a few times and then, quieter still: “I’m in love with you, Regina. That’s terrifying.”
Regina, still watching Emma’s face carefully, smiles with a slight tremble in her bottom lip and reaches up to cup the blonde’s cheek gently. “You told me that last night, Emma… well, not the part about it being terrifying… and I told you…” she pauses and leans in to press a quick kiss to upturned lips, “I love you too.” She tucks wild blonde hair behind both ears and holds Emma’s face in both her hands. “So much, and for such a long time.”
Emma gives her a somewhat sad smile. “I’m sorry it took me so long.“ She begins to rise, and with an arm around Regina’s waist takes the brunette with her. When she reaches her knees she drives forward and unceremoniously pins Regina to the bed beneath her, drawing a surprised squeal from said brunette. “I said that, yeah, but I wanted you to kiss me now… here, this morning, so that I could feel it, and know it, without being in the frantic hormone haze I was in last night.”
Regina laughs a full rich laugh at that. “You were really, ah… ‘spirited’ last night, dear. I wondered a few times if I was going to survive it.”
“I know... I couldn’t help myself,” Emma mumbles, sounding embarrassed. “I felt like a bull moose in rut.”
“Oh is that what those noises were? I wondered,” Regina says with a chuckle.
“Oh my god RUDE!” Emma says, and digs her fingers into Regina’s ribs, tickling her mercilessly.
“NO!” Regina squeals, “Nooooooo no no no STOOOPPP!!! Emma!!”
Still laughing, Emma desists, and Regina is able to catch her breath again. The weight of the woman on top of her is pleasant and comfortable and reassuring. Her eyes remain locked on Emma’s as her breathing and heart rate gradually slow. The smile on her face is pinned there; she couldn’t dim it or erase it if she wanted to. Emma. Here. Lying with her. Smiling down on her after making love to her all night. She can hardly contain the glow within her chest ... it feels like it may burst.
The sun finally interrupts her as it manages to climb high enough to peer over the tall hedges separating 108 Mifflin from the house next door, and it shines directly on her face, bathing it in golden light but causing her to squint and chuckle “Oh…”
“‘Oh’ is right - look at you… you’re so beautiful.” Emma rolls off her toward the window, blocking the light that's blinding her and propping her head up with her forearm. She grins back at the smile still plastered on Regina’s face. “It’s a new day, and a new lotta things for us. Should we get it started?”
Regina darts up and plants a quick smooch on her chin before dropping back down to the pillow, out of the blinding light. “I’m ready.”
“Yeah? Okay,” Emma says, and throws a leg over. “Do you have anywhere you need to be? I personally don’t have a rule that says I need to be up with the sunrise…”