I talk a lot about self-aftercare for solo play (such as scrolling Tumblr). This is a good best practice for EVERYONE, but esp. for trans folks with misgendering kinks, those with eating disorders who are into starvation kinks, things like that. Fantasy can be a great place to cope with our real-world trauma, IF we take care of ourselves in the process.
In general, self-aftercare is a great way to reduce feelings of shame and guilt after playing online. So what does it actually look like? Here are some ideas.
• wearing your favorite PJs and watching a comforting show. Maybe drink some tea, too!
• affirmations to read or say to yourself after scrolling: “My gender is valid,” “kink is about imagination and play,” “this was all just fantasy.”
• journaling and reflecting on your time playing—what was the hottest part of your scroll today? What did you like about it? What was something you maybe didn’t like as much, or made you uncomfortable? Have you noticed any of your soft or hard limits shifting?
• connecting with friends or loved ones. Try to find a few (platonic) people in your life with whom you feel safe talking kink. Online friends are great for this! Fun fact: When we share things we are ashamed of with people who won’t reject us, it reduces shame.
• taking a bubble bath with candles, listening to soothing music
• connecting with the folx whose blogs you like. My inbox is open, for one—feel free to reach out!
Remember: kink is meant to be hot and FUN. It’s called play for a reason. If you ever feel like your Tumblr scrolling is getting harmful, try to do the journaling exercise above. It might just take some small adjustments to get you feeling happy and sexy again
Feel free to share any self-aftercare ideas you have. Happy scrolling beautiful lovelies—please stay safe out there. ✨