Goodwitch: Thank you, Miss Xiao Long, for that inappropriate retelling of The Lion, The Witch, and The Studmuffin. Next, we have Jaune Arc of Team JNPR, who will sing a song he wrote for us.
Yang: Heh, this should be good.
Weiss: It better not be about me again.
Blake: Anything would be better that Yang's performance.
Ren: Has Jaune been practicing with his guitar?
Pyrrha: (Nods) He's been practicing almost every day.
Nora: Ooh, I'm so excited!
Port: And rousing performance from all of our students!
Oobleck: This should be the first of the final three acts.
Ozpin: Then let us enjoy these last few moments.
Jaune: H-Hey, everyone! (Clears his throat) Uh, I was going to write a song about Oum and Professor Ozpin, but I thought I'd get in trouble for that, so, uh, here's a song about someone I read about. (Throws hood on, Voice hoarses, Strums)
Ever since the Brothers left, I have been here, To spread hate and violence, and kill all that you hold dear~.
I am the evil, the lost princess of a forgotten time, My name has been greatly hidden, but it is one you cannot simply hide~!
(Throws off his hood, Reveals long, white hair wig with colorful bows and ribbons)
Ozpin: (Spits out his coffee, Everyone else laughs)
Jaune: (Voice high-pitched) Hi, everybody! Uh, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
My friends call me the Grimm Queen, I am a Virgo born, My turn ons are cuddle sessions while eating human scorn~!
I got little Grimm nails, and little Grimm feet, Little Grimm eyes to help a little Grimm see, and a little Grimm dress to hide what you wanna see, I'm Salem~!
Jaune: Woohoo! Salem Arc for some, I don't know...
My true name is unknown to you, but you can call me Sal, I love to watch the news, then go raise a little Hell~
Then I'll take a bubble bath, and drink some champagne, to try to wash off those acts so inhumane, and then I make a toast to me~
Jaune: (Raises his hand like holding a glass) Hey, here's to life, so full of paaaiiiintednails, My name is Salem~!
To carry on my evil ways, I had myself a son. Last thing I heard him say was "I'm attending at Beacooooooooon~!"
I'm in every Achieve Men album, I'm in all the White Fang's rants, I'm the reason Jacques Schnee could even have a fucking chance~!
Jaune: (Chuckles, Audience rolling around laughing)
And if I wanna steal your soul, just know that I'm gonna, Don't care if yoj fight or if you're a runna, and fuck Ruby Rose, I don't care about your silva, My name is Salem~!
Jaune: (Strums softly) Once upon a time, there was a girl named Salem... (Stops strumming) Which is fucking bullshit because name one girl with anything like these~? (Pulls up his hoodie, Shows off him wearing a black bra with two cantaloupes) It's like, Oh my god~! (Pulls down his hoodie, Strums last few notes) Feed! The! Grimm! (Crowd cheers, He stands up and leaves)
Weiss: (Covering her mouth) That buffoon!
Blake: (Smiling) At least it wasn't about you, right?
Ren: Fantastic performance.
Jaune: No, I asked, and you said you didn't care.
Nora: No, you don't get it! It has-
Jaune: Top drawer of your bedside dresser.
Jaune: That's where it is.
Nora: Oh, okay... I still want it back, though.
Port: A rousing performance!
Oobleck: Odd that he would choose a forgotten princess turned monster story to turn into a singing comedy act.
Ozpin: Yes, it was. (Thinking) Salem's were much nicer.
