#stfu lizz

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comrade boyega may have made some points

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i will never be able to replace twitter with tumblr bc casual star wars fans have the WORST movie takes ive ever seen

twitter is full of rian johnson worshippers who think that rose tico’s characterization in tlj was good representation, finn doesnt make sense to them, and they love adam drivers sex appeal and think the movie was poetry

tumblr has fellow gremlins who have memorized the last 4 episodes of the clone wars and can recite to me in chronological order every stupid scene of every star wars movie and will defend hayden christansen with their lives PLUS we all know the “3d printing 1 million men” joke post AND aren’t afraid to call george lucas a little bitch

twitter literally could never

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im experiencing so much sensory overload rn so i cannot fully unload all my ahsoka thoughts the way i want to but just as a quick glance into my brain, im really just sitting here like wow i can’t believe i thought ahsoka was going to fucking die in 2014 and now we’re here. she looked so good in live action. SHE LOOKED SO GOOD. like fuck rosario dawson but good lord the likeness was insane! (we do not speak about the montrals. im simply not looking)

dave filoni is quite literally the only creator i trust to expertly execute any ahsoka content and he never disappoints. that entire episode was so careful, so coordinated...i cannot fucking belive we might get an entire ahsoka show. i might actually die from that

like -- i just can’t get over the fact that at this point in the timeline ahsoka really only knows that anakin became vader, and now he’s dead. she doesn’t know about the twins, or obi wan, or yoda, or mace or padme -- she doesnt know about anakins last moments. all she knows is that the last person who loved her and believed her was torn apart, and the last time she saw him he was a machine fueled by hatred and anger, and she will never let that happen to anyone else. “you’re like a father to him” is basically ahsoka speak for “jesus CHRIST mando, tell that baby you love him and retire somewhere. no hate no shade @ obi-wan’s ghost but maybe if you hugged anakin more we wouldn’t be here.”

also at the end of the clone wars, she seemed likely to go back to the jedi; when she fights vader, she insists i am no jedi; and when she meets mando somehow she seems to be...okay with being referred to as a jedi? she says us???? 

why is that??? dave filoni what the fuck do you know that we don’t????????

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me: im getting off tumblr for real now bye

disney, grabbing me by the throat: im going to make you eat those fucking words

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my haikyuu hot take is that tsukishima is mean actually and yamaguchi isnt a sweet innocent baby he’s literally bully adjacent

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if “abolish the police” scares you....well it should. it requires you to envision a world that has never existed before and even further, requires you to envision the steps needed to get there. thats scary.

but fear isnt a good reason to just dismiss something as a bad idea. 100 years ago everything we currently do was scary. fuck it, in 2007 iphones were scary! in 2000 technology itself was scary! and now its part of our lives. so what did that fear do? nothing!!

if you are able to look at the countless stories of police acting like military personnel against peaceful citizens without thinking “there is something very very wrong here”  i truly do not know how many people will have to die before the unknown stops scaring you more than the familiar

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recently learned that a former friend seemed to have like....some kind of episode and cut off everyone in their life and im partially deeply worried and partially not really that surprised, just disappointed i didnt do something to warn people of this happening when i had the chance

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hello i have an update even tho i barely remember how to use tumblr 

Lizz, what the hell? What happened to you?

Thanks for asking! I was Doing Pretty Badly! 

I’ve had ups and downs with understanding the state of my emotional and mental health -- things got really exacerbated in college, and when my real life was wildly unstable, I could retreat to the internet. Discussing my personal feelings with people I knew felt 1) too intimate b) bothersome to everyone around me (hint: that was the self-hatred!) and tres) too difficult, so I thought that essentially venting online was healthier/better. It...worked, I guess? But since the pandemic started my emotional/mental state went CRASHING into the ground and I realized that my “venting” had more or less turned into “using tumblr to numb myself” and that wasn’t healthy. Plus I was/am addicted to the internet and social media, so I decided to quit cold turkey. 

The good news is, when I really stuck to staying offline and indulging in other hobbies and talking to people, I felt way better! The bad news is I started letting myself slip up and before I knew it, I was back in a pretty bad state, and I was using different social media to numb myself. You know the saying, two steps forward and one step back? Yeah, that part.

Damn...that’s crazy. Are you doing better now?

It is! I feel crazy! And to be honest -- I don’t know? This past week was ROUGH but between me writing this post and getting to facetime my brother I feel loads better, and tomorrow I’m actually going to have human interaction so...baby steps? 

Girl....therapy.

Yes. I know. But I can’t right now. I live at home, and like many people in my situation, online therapy from home with your parents down the hall is just......not it.

Therapy one day, hopefully. (But I’m also scared of it. So there’s that.)

Girl... move out.

I have no moneys right now, but trust, it’s in my current plan. (I have one of those now!) I’m setting up goals for the future that I want to see! Wow! aH-MAzing! 

Are you going to delete?

As of now, no. This blog is a facet of my life experience and things I like, and I like it too much to get rid of it. 

Will you keep writing these blog posts?

Maybe! 

Is there any good news about your life? Like any at all?

If you follow me on instagram you know that like 80% of my life and budget is now devoted to houseplant care/gardening, and I love it. I got a cactus and a ZZ plant today because I wanted to. Despite this I’m also doing a good job of saving money! 

I’m making strides to hold myself accountable to talk to and catch up with people, and it’s scary but fun!

I think I have an overall healthier approach to how I view myself and body -- significantly less self-loathing these days, and I’ve recently gotten into dancing again! It makes me feel really good about myself. After 22 fucking years, ya girl can finally whine y’all. 

I’ve picked up playing the piano again as well, and it’s fun to still have this skill despite not really focusing on it since like 2016. I’ve been obsessed with TwoSet Violin lately, so thank you Brett and Eddy for my life.

And finally, my brother and I have become obsessed with the game For The King so if you ever want to play, get in contact with me...somehow...and we can play together!

I’ve tried to say about 5 different things, but they all seem cheesy and stupid, so I’m just going to end it here. Learn a new skill, call a friend, have a fucking picnic, tell a racist to fuck off -- the possibilities are endless! 

Take care of yourselves y’all. 2020 might be a bitch but you are THAT bitch.

<3