i always think about the bird test and the gottman institute’s research on bids for connection.
when i see a post about cats it takes everything in me not to send it to them anymore.
it feels like i’m a baby in the still face experiment too, and while they’re only in front of me in my imagination now, they’re unresponsive even there.
it feels like we’re looking at the same moon and connected somehow when i see we’ve liked the same tiktok or instagram post. the other day i was so neurotic and desperate to feel connected to them that i scrolled through reels and only watched videos i saw they liked. it’s almost like we’re watching a movie together then.
the bird test matters to me because i like experiencing life alongside a partner and getting confirmation that we’re seeing the world together. the same way we used to go on twitter during historical events. like yall seeing this???
i think this feeling is emphasized knowing i won’t have a community on tiktok to witness history with anymore either after this week.
i didn’t eat enough today and got crazy. i just ate a hoagie but i’m still waiting for the glucose to hot my brain so i’m still crazy.
i really haven’t caught up that this is my new reality yet. i miss having my person.
for reference this is the bird thing
















