Quite often, I found myself wanting to wander around the city for no particular reason. If there was no one nice enough to give me a ride, I would find myself wandering aimlessly through rounds and rounds of groceries in those small, so-called convenient store. I would think to myself: “Should I buy this?”, “But I don’t need it, I should buy it for someone I care about. But are they worth it?”
It’s quite funny because I always love buying strange stuffs for people, even when they are not that close to me. I think I just love making people happy or it’s just my way to buy myself a way to their hearts. Well I do love making people like me, you see.
But, I have never been able to make them stay. I have never been able to make them love me. No matter how many gifts or love I show them, they will end up walking away and I have left is this crawling feeling of endless loneliness.
“Ahhh...” I thought, “I’m gonna be like this until the end of my life; I’m gonna be that lonely woman who always gets angry at people for nothing at all.”
This has been on my mind recently. Sometimes to my favor, sometimes very suddenly. The reason for this strange disease is that I was unable to stop them from leaving. I am the soil of the earth. People leave their bones inside of me, moving on to a beginning.
I am the soil of the earth. One day, I will be the bone of myself.
- Octopus does dance.