27: Handplates: A Christmas Carol. In Script. Being a Ghost Story of Timelines.
(Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about Nalitie’s bathroom, except that it was very small. It is also a fact, that Gaster had seen it, exactly once, during his and Dukermin’s tour of that place; also that Gaster had as little of what is called fancy about him as any man in the Underground, even including—which is a bold word—the CORE, monarchy, and Royal Guard. Let it also be borne in mind that Gaster had not bestowed one thought on Art, since his last mention of his interdimensional counterpart that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Gaster, settling into the bathtub, saw in the faucet, without its undergoing any intermediate process of change—not a faucet, but Art’s face.)
(As Gaster looked fixedly at this phenomenon, it was a faucet again.)
Gaster: … *assumes he must be hallucinating* *adjusts the singular blanket Nalitie gave him* *looks around, inspecting the bathroom before settling into “bed”*
(He heard the front door slam somewhere out in the entryway as Christine left for work. It was succeeded by a clanking noise, deep down below; as if some person were dragging a heavy chain over the caskets in Nalitie’s basement. Gaster then remembered to have heard that ghosts in haunted houses were described as dragging chains. The child gate over the vent hole flew open with a booming sound, and then he heard the noise much louder, on the floor below; then coming up the stairs; then coming straight towards the bathroom door.)
Gaster: It’s humbug still! I won’t believe it!
(The bathroom door creaks open. Gaster turns toward the door, and Art’s cracked mask, that of Gaster’s interdimensional counterpart, swims out of the darkness. Gaster watches, unable to speak.)
* I believe it’s your line…
Gaster: What do you want with me?
* Much.
Gaster: Who are you?
* Ask who I was.
Gaster: Who were you?
* In existence, I was the Royal Scientist, though you know me now as S. G. Art.
Gaster: That’s my job.
* And so too you are.
Gaster: Why do you come here?
* I must. It is commanded me. I must wander the multiverse and see what I can no longer share, what I would not share when I walked where you do.
Gaster: And must go thus?
* The chain? Look at it, Gaster, study it. Locks and puzzles and EXP. I forged it, each link, each day when I sat in your lab, commanded those rooms. Sullenness, Gaster, violence. Feel them, know them. Yours was as heavy as this I wear, and you have labored to build it since.
Gaster: If you’re here to lecture, I have no time for it. It is late, this bathtub is cold. I want comfort now.
* I have none to give. I know not how you see me this night. I did not ask it. I have sat invisible beside you many and many a day. I am commanded to bring you a chance, Gaster. Heed it!
Gaster: Quickly then, quickly.
* You will be haunted by three spirits.
Gaster: *Scoffing* Is that the chance?
* Mark it.
Gaster: I do not choose to.
* Then you will walk where I do, burdened by your experiments, your wrath.
Gaster: Spirits mean nothing to me.
(Art, with his cracked mask, leaking face, and amorphous dark body, begins to fade away in the hazy light of the bathroom’s night light.)
* Look to see me no more. I must wander.
Gaster: Art… Don’t leave me! … Art! Art!
* Goodbye, Gaster.
(Gaster pulls shut the shower curtains. Just as he begins to fall asleep, the couch can be heard crashing back down through the roof. He jerks awake, and the first spirit appears. It appears as a tall skeleton child clothed in a green hospital gown, his hands unmarred and his eyesockets still full of optimism.)
Gaster: 2-P? What are you… Are you the first spirit whose coming was foretold to me, then?
Skeleton Child: I am. I am the Ghost of Handplates Past.
Gaster: Long past?
Ghost of Handplates Past: Your past.
Gaster: Why are you here?
Ghost of Handplates Past: Your reclamation. Take heed! Rise! and walk with me!
(The Ghost of Handplates Past holds out his right hand, notably lacking the metal plate that Gaster in his current form would have put there. Gaster hesitates, and the Ghost holds his hand out more insistently. Warily, Gaster takes it. Nalitie’s bathroom melts away, and is replaced by dark teal walls, tile floors, and a room full of boxes and machinery. Two skeleton children are in the center of the room, poking at each other. A version of Gaster stands to the side, observing.)
Gaster: Good Heaven! This is my lab.
Ghost of Handplates Past: This is but a shadow of the things that have been. They have no consciousness of us.
(The two skeletons at the center of the room begin to rattle their bones. The Gaster in the scene of the past looks at them fondly. The Gaster travelling with the Ghost stares at the scene with almost a frown.)
Gaster: Why do you show me this?
Ghost of Handplates Past: *gazing at the Spirit Gaster* What is he thinking about, I wonder. His feelings about this pair.
Gaster: I… It doesn’t matter. You said yourself that this was nothing but a shadow of things past. I made my choice to do what I did to them.
Ghost of Handplates Past: What if a different choice had been made, though? *summons a choice menu*
(At once, Gaster is transported to the moment where he made the decision to go through with his project in full. He stands in front of this symbolic menu, a drill and two metal plates on a tray to his left, and the sound of childrens’ laughter emanating from his right.)
The Ghost of Handplates Past: *standing over his shoulder* Faced with the options, knowing all you know now, which choice will you make?
(Gaster hesitates, then deflects the question back to the Ghost.)
Gaster: It doesn’t matter. Yes, perhaps the path I chose has corrupted my SOUL, in your eyes. But I knew that’s what it would be when I created you. As I said before, when I gave you and your “brother” those plates: there is only one choice. I am the only one who would do this work, who could do this work, and to think for a moment that throwing that away for… for… … It would simply mark me a fool.
Ghost of Handplates Past: No need to defend your choices to me, I am not the 2-P you know but a spirit, here to show you the results of the promise you made. You cannot deny that for a moment you thought of “throwing it all away”. You must be curious as to what you were considering throwing your research away for. *before Gaster can reply* Come, let us see another Timeline. *pushes Gaster to the right, towards the sounds of laughter*
(The two emerge into the main street of Snowdin. The town is decorated for Gyftmas, and all of the monster children are swarming Asgore, who is dressed as Santa. Two much smaller-looking skeleton children run past to join the crowd. A version of Gaster, this one in a white turtleneck, trails behind them at a distance.)
Taller Skeleton Child: COME ON, BROTHER, WE NEED TO SEE WHAT SANTA HAS FOR US!
(The shorter skeleton child continues behind his brother at much the same pace, though he looks genuinely excited.)
Gaster: … What is this? This never happened.
Ghost of Handplates Past: Not to you, in this state. I stand before you as your mistakes, your regrets. All of the things you could have done and did not. But this timeline is as real as the one you live in now. However, you cannot change now what you would not change then.
Gaster: Then why bring me here? I have done with them. I shall live with them. As I have, as I do; as I will.
(In the distance, the two children excitedly show each other the presents they got, before running back to their version of Gaster.)
Ghost of Handplates Past: As you have, yes. *gesturing to the children and Sprit Gaster* Shall we see what gifts they received?
(As the two approach, the scene shifts, and the two boys are at home, in Asgore’s living room. They sit on the rug on the floor, playing with their new gifts. A fire crackles in the fireplace, and the lights are low. Asgore and their Gaster sit on the couch nearby, watching the two children. Papyrus climbs up in between them, turning to his Gaster to show him his toy.)
Gaster: Yet still, what is the point of showing me this? You may believe this could have been, 2-P, but you do not realize that in this timeline, then, Asgore must die. One who plays must sacrifice[1]. I did what had to be done to break the barrier without using the human SOULs, without him losing himself. He is a good person. I am not.
Ghost of Handplates Past: There is another time I could show you, from your childhood.
Gaster: No! I will not see it, I will not! They die. I could not—I did not prevent it. I was not strong enough then to do what needed to be done. I am now.
Ghost of Handplates Past: Then I will leave you.
Gaster: Hmph. And what of the other spirits?
Ghost of Handplates Past: They will come. I am always with you. *disappears*
(As the ghost disappears, the scene fades away, and Gaster wakes in Nalitie’s bathtub, cramped in an awkward position. He sits upright as a door somewhere in the house slams. Gaster stands up, gets out of the bathtub, and walks to the sink. He looks in the mirror–it’s still just him. A baby cries out in the hall.)
(A steady dripping noise starts from the bathtub faucet as a dark liquid spills out into the tub. Gaster can hear reality tearing as the eldritch horror from The Void leaks out into Nalitie’s bathtub.)
y̴̰͋̓̈̿̿̆̾d̷̡͔̜̘̼͇͖̙̣͒͜ḟ̸̨̖͉͍̜͇̱̓̈́̓j̵̺͙̯͓͒͐́͗̌̚͝2̷̢̢̠̱̘̺͚̝̀̆͂̂̋̕̚̚3̸̧̩̲̭̀̒̒̓͋̌4̶̧͖̮̲͕̩̰͊̄̊̈́̃͘: Hello again, Dr. Gaster.
Gaster: But you can’t be… We left you in that place.
8̵̘͕̠͔͚̙̀̎̈͝9̷̹̠̫̝̟̪̣̦̲͔͑4̵̪̫̖́̊͒̐d̷̡̬̪̟̝̩̒́͆̃̈́̇̓͜͝k̶͓͒̀̾a̵̰̙͙̥̦̣͛̓́͐̍̽͑̈́̄̂ḍ̵̢̡̥͒̈̾̏͘: That you did.
Gaster: Then you must be the second spirit. An imitation of… that thing.
0̶̫̻͉̘̒͐͂̑̑-̷̡̡̠͕̰͙͓̺͇̈́ͅ[̴̼̄̀͂]̷̧́̀ͅȩ̶̛̥͇̗̈́̓̊͑͑̃͜ȃ̴͕͈̘̏̄̈̈́̄̑v̸̞͈̞̻̱͗́́̒a̷̻̲̺̯͓̙̙̱̗̾̔͂: Well, yes and no. I am the second spirit. However, I am no imitation. You have never seen the like of me before; a being of the void, walking this plane of existence, enabled by your existence here. As well as by the disruption of the void that happened in Document 23. I will be your guide through Handplates Present.
Gaster: *heaves a sigh* I see. Then conduct me where you will. I went forth last night on compulsion, and I learnt a lesson which is working now. To-night, if you have aught to teach me, let me profit by it.
J̶̡̢̹̝̻̫̒̏̈̏̏́̓͊̏̈h̶̖̦̺̪̩͋̿̀̎̔̈́͑̎̾̚͜r̸͖̤̪̙͓̀̏̓3̴̡̖͈̦͕͈̿͐̈́4̵̻̑́ị̵̧͖̼̩̳͚̝̬́͒͋̈́́͂̓̈̓͘ŗ̵͍̙͈͚̯͔̝̉͂b̵̧̨̢̳̯̝̞̠͖͍͔͉̮̠̹̐: How now, Dr. Gaster! You have no desire to resist! Shall we take a walk? *extends a goopy appendage, inviting Gaster to walk through the bathroom door*
Gaster: *takes it warily* *leaves the bathroom*
(The two exit the bathroom into Asgore’s house once more. Alphys is here, talking to Asgore with a worried look on her face.)
Alphys: … a-and he was asking me about whether I’d–whether I’d thought about what it would be like i-if the world forgot about you, and now I haven’t seen him in–in three days, and I’m getting really worried… H-he’s not answering his phone, I haven’t seen him o-out of the lab…
Asgore: Ah… Shall we go check on him? Perhaps he has a hide-a-key.
Gaster: *frowning* “Handplates Present,” did you say?
I̷̼̟̼̳̳͍͕̹͙̥̩͂̂́̍͌̆̓̈͗̍͆̋̚͜͠f̵̨͇̺̙̺̠͉͎̖͈̂͗̄͂̌̍̃̋̐͜ͅ3̷̻̙̼̜̹̱̺̬̱̯́̐͌9̸̫̹͔̩͙̍̋́͐̚4̵̲̦͚̭̱͇͚̄̂͛g̵̢̛͔̩̦̬͙̩͓̹̯̬̤͙̹̿͆̓͑̽̌͆̓͘̕ͅ3̴̨͔̠̥̥̳́͒͌̚4̸̤̹̰̰̻̬̩̗̘́̋́̍͘͝͝: That I did. This is the timeline you are from, the timeline you’ve set with your choices.
(As Asgore and Alphys head towards the lab, Gaster sighs.)
Gaster: *under his breath* I don’t understand why she cares this much. I knew she’d worry.
F̵̨̨̡̛̤̯̲̙͚͍̦̜̤̼̪̅̃̃̆̒̏͜͝ņ̵̗͙͖͔̰͐ḧ̴̠̦̥̫͚̖̮̥̮̯́͐̓̍͌́̿̃̈́͌3̷͓̼͕̣̠̜̤̂̽́̃͜͠͠4̷̨͇̟̫͎̙̺̘͙̭̰̟̋͛͆̅͌̉̄͋͋̄̆̓͝ḩ̵̡̨̪̰̰̺̪͖̠̠͚̲͒͋́̈̓̈́̃͒̚f̵̫̫͉͙̝̩̠͇͖̞̯͕̑ͅ3̶̧̨̛̩̖̣͉̇͂̉͊͋͒͐̏̾̑: Worry and concern are natural. For most. *creates a doorway into the lab and ushers Gaster through*
(The two step into Gaster’s lab, in front of the cell where his creations sit. It’s currently filled with papers–mostly drawings–and other trinkets. Papyrus is fiddling with the color cube distractedly. Sans is laying sprawled out on the floor.)
Sans: ughhhh, i’m hungry. where is here? i bet he forgot about us. or maybe this is some new, worse test. see what happens if he stops interacting with us.
Papyrus: I’M SURE HE’LL BE COMING SOON! I…. I’M SURE HE’S JUST PREPARING FOR THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT NOW THAT HE’S NOT HURTING US ANYMORE!
Sans: but the lights haven’t turned off in forever. i think it’s been a lot longer than usual. he hasn’t forgotten to feed us in a long time.
Gaster: … Spirit. You are not from this plane, yet you can bring me here. Can you remove me from this place those humans have trapped me, and return me to my timeline? I… without me, my subjects, they will die.
4̸̲̰̫̬̣͍͇̦̱͖̤͔̰̼̙̾͊g̸̡̛̤̣̱̞̻̮̦̝̜̫̥̲̗̙̈́̌̓̐̔̎ḩ̴̃̋͆̀͑́͋̍̌͘̕̕3̶̮͉̦͚̦͇͎̘̭̰̉̔̐͋̅̍͊͗̆̅̔͜͠͝0̴̗̣̜͔̮̝̤͚̒̇̌8̴͓͉̟̖̫̦̻͇̮̪̠̀̐̈́͛̓̋͘͘͝͠g̸̲̳̟̥͖̀̐͗̈́͑̽̎̂̈͜͠: Ah, so now you’re concerned about their welfare? *wet, screeching sounds emanate from the being, which could be interpreted as riotous laughter*
Gaster: *catches himself* …. Keeping them alive is beneficial to the project.
(Inside the cell, Papyrus looks up from his puzzle, looking up towards where the shadow Gaster and eldritch horror are standing. He looks excited for a moment.)
Papyrus: LOOK, BROTHER! I TOLD YOU HE’D BE HERE!
(Sans looks outside the cell, and sees nothing. He turns to Papyrus.)
Sans: … there’s no one there. i think you might be having a vision. funny, he hasn’t shot lasers in our eyes for a while, though.
(Papyrus frowns.)
Gaster: But is there no hope in this Present? Without me, they will die, and monsterkind will still be trapped beneath The Barrier unless Asgore absorbs the SOULs and loses himself.
A̶̝͕͑̊l̵̡͕̱͕̲͇̟͍̩͇̣͙̈́̕ͅó̶͈̤͚̪͔̅͋̌̈̌̿̈̈́̆̚̕͝ͅ3̸̢̮̠͖̹̣̫̥̱̇̅̆̿̈̆́̚͝ṛ̷̡̨̝͙̝͗̔͌̔̄̃̀̕͘͠͝h̶̥̏3̷̧̘͔̻͚̝̣̝̼͉̟̤̫̂̈̏̌͆͒̕ủ̸̪̦͈̼͔̲͓̪͎̀͑̈́̒̅̔̀̑̓̚̚͠: Perhaps. Perhaps not. I am not the spirit of Timelines Yet to Come, after all. I have only this day, one day, and you Gaster. I also have Art, in truth, and some other beings, but that’s neither here nor there.
(As the being speaks, its appearance shifts. Different faces appear out of its amorphous body, imitating those he speaks of. From the depths of its form, two sickly children appear, mirroring the two in the cell.)
Gaster: Are these the last spirits who are to come to me?
0̵̯̻̼̮͉̫͐͋̿͊̃̔9̸̰̠̗͋̅̽͋̈̕͠[̷̛̻̹̃̽́̒̋̃́́͝o̵̻͇̿̒́͛r̸͈̰̮͘͝b̵͙͔͉͝ă̴̠͉͜ͅ: They are no spirits. They are real. Despair. Desperation. They are real. They walk your halls, look to you for comfort. And you deny them. Deny them not too long, Gaster. They will grow and multiply and they will not remain children.
(The being spins him around to look through another doorway, and Gaster is struck with a vision of the demise Art so narrowly rescued him from: his subject, throwing his weight at him, tackling him into the CORE. The other, too frightened to save his maker. The vision clears, and Gaster is still in the lab, and voices come from down the hallway.)
(Alphys and Asgore come from the elevator, calling out for Gaster. Perhaps there was no hide-a-key, but Alphys did have access to Gaster’s magical signature.)
Gaster: *only panicking a little* Alphys? Asgore?
(They hear nothing, but stop short and gasp upon seeing the two skeleton children in the cell. The subjects regard them with the same amount of confusion. After some discussion, Alphys fumbles with the keypad, trying to key it into the same magical signature recording that she used to break into the lab.)
Gaster: … I have failed then. Even if I were to return to my timeline, I would not be allowed to continue my work. I would be marked a traitor. Executed, perhaps. And Asgore will fall.
(The sound of a door slamming. The world around him fades away, into inky darkness. A figure emerges, that of a small, human child. They regard him without expression.)
Gaster: I am in the presence of the Ghost of… “Handplates” Yet to Come?
(The spirit says nothing.)
Gaster: You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us. Is that so, Spirit?
(The spirit says nothing. The human points, and a bed of flowers is illuminated in the distance. Gaster walks towards it.)
Gaster: *looking around at the familiar purple walls of the Ruins* This is the Underground. Then monsterkind remains trapped forever?
(The spirit says nothing.)
(Gaster frowns at them, annoyed. He continues walking through the Underground. It seems the whole place is empty, and he continues forward past Snowdin and Waterfall and into Hotland with growing unease.)
Gaster: I see, then. Murdered, perhaps, by a rogue human who fell down here like that one the King and Queen brought in? Or freed, at the expense of Asgore’s self?
(The spirit says nothing.)
Gaster: Hmph. I suppose I should have expected this much from a human’s company. Not nearly as chatty as those two that were dragging me around all day, are you?
(The spirit says nothing.)
(Gaster continues on, through Hotland and into New Home. Like before, all is empty. He approaches the barrier, and is bombarded by lights and color, an explosion of power unlike any he’s ever seen.)
(Asriel, the long-dead monster prince, stands before a human child in a striped shirt, the last glow of whatever power he possessed fading away. The Barrier is broken. The human steps forward and hugs the monster prince.)
Gaster: The Barrier... And Asgore didn’t… My work, then. It was for nothing?
(He turns to the spirit. The spirit says nothing. As Asriel walks away, the world fades to a blinding white, and then Gaster is in the throne room, watching the monsters of the Underground attempt to rouse the unconscious human child in their midst. His growing sense of unease and dismay threatens to overwhelm him as he sees the love his friends and family have for this human.)
Gaster: Spirit! This is a fearful place. In leaving it, I shall not leave its lesson, trust me. Let us go! If there is a place for me in this series of events, show that to me, Spirit, I beseech you!
(The wordless human that is the Ghost of Handplates Yet To Come raises its hand, and the world fades away into darkness once more, a faint hint of static buzzing in the space around them.)
Gaster: … I understand. Is there a place for me anywhere, then?
(The spirit gestures into the inky blackness. Slowly, Gaster’s surroundings come into view. A planet of monsters, rebuilding their home on the glaciers of Pluto. A warm house filled with far too many children and a couch that jumpscares its residents from time to time. An underground abode where a brooding man stirs potions and a young woman sleeps as if she has not slept in a thousand years. A city street deep underground, full of colorful lights. A market square on a planet made of light. A thin shower curtain separates Gaster from the rest of this world.)
(Gaster grabs ahold of the shower curtain and opens it. The spirit says nothing, and disappears, along with the visions of Erscoga. Gaster is standing in Nalitie’s bathroom once more, an inch of water pooling around his feet in the bathtub. He steps out and goes to the door, opening it. He walks into the hallway, tracking puddles of water onto Nalitie’s carpet. It is mid-morning again. Christine has just left for work, and Willy Wonka to bring the kids to daycare. Gaster knows what he must do.)
(As he walks out into the hallway, the couch returns from space, blowing a pile of papers that Nalitie left carelessly on the coffee table without a paperweight into the hallway. He picks one up. It’s a citizenship and relocation form from Green Circle Labs, with a schedule for their interdimensional portal usage. He walks outside, and gets direction to the lab.)
(It’s a simple matter for one as well-versed in technology and subterfuge as Gaster to sneak down to the lower levels of Green Circle Labs and operate their portal. He sets it to the world he is from, reading the interdimensional signature from a piece of his coat to find the coordinates, and tinkers with the supposedly inalterable settings to send him to the past.)
(He arrives, back in his lab, a stolen Lunchbox Portal in his pocket, and two tubes full of blue fluid and two sleeping skeleton babies in front of him. He goes to drain and open the tubes, but hesitates with his hand over the controls, thinking once more of his king and the reasons why he began this project.)
;̸̢͍̲̼̮͖͉̫̫̙̤̏́̽̈́̒̋̀̅͗̚ą̵̥͚̫̠̖̗͙̳̌ō̶̩̙̮̘̱͔͙̣͎̇̎̎̄̅̍̋͐̂4̵̧̡̰̞͚̺̏̀̈́t̵̢̢̻̰͙͉̱͈͔͙̟̗̟̜͒̎͊̐̓q̷̡̧̨̫̥͈͕͍̹̠̫͍͚̬̫̇͒̿̓̂͆̂̓͝p̷̨̛͇̈͂̎̉̊̓̒̓̅͑̕3̵̧̛̞͖͙̲͎̒́̉̾̂͑́̒̎̒͋͐̃͘: *Is suddenly behind him* How now, Dr. Gaster! Tinkering with time, now, are we?
(Gaster whirls around to face the being.)
Gaster: I thought I had finished being visited by spirits.
4̷̢̨͓̯͇͇̤͇͕͓͇͍̦͎̹̒̆̏̆̓͂̊̀̈́͂̆͘v̸̨̡̺̠̩̺̖̤̹̗̯̙̪̈͛͛͠7̴̡̖̪̤̲͍̼͎̿͊͊̾̓̒͊̒̋͛̃̔̽͝0̴̢̯̻͔̭͈͈̩͈͈͙̱̘̀8̴̡̲̩͖̲̰͙̠͔̗́́͗̓͆͆̌̀̒̓͠͝3̵̥͙̤͚̬̾͋͜ͅͅe̶̱̎̈̏̌͂̓̄́̇͘̚͝: Why do you hesitate? Do you still believe you have the capability to save everyone on your own? *wet screeching laughter* How vain!
Gaster: … I suppose not. I am a scientist, after all, and you’ve more than given me the data to prove me otherwise, have you not? That was the purpose of your visit, was it not?
R̴̛̼̞̺̟̤̘̬̺̼͚͚̪̿̇̂̃̒̂̊̒̋̔̔͛͘͜͝ͅĵ̴̡̙̗͉͉͍̯̠̹̳̤8̴̢̢̡̫̦͕̖͓͈͖̜̤̽͑̏̓͆͆̍͗̿3̵͕̩̘͖̟̫̭͓͉̹̘̟̙̰̔̈́̏̓̈́̌̽̈́̒̐͘͝0̴̢̪̗͓̲̗͓͖̜̺͐̐̊̽̉̾̈́̒̿́̑̓̊̓q̸̖̭͍̩͎̙̖͚̘͚̦͚̅͌̍̒͑̑̄̏͂͗̕͝t̶͉̫̝̓ͅg̵̩̮̗̲͓̬̜͈̀: My visit? Ah, you still misunderstand. I may not be a spirit, but those who visited you last night were driven not by an external force such as myself, but rather by an internal force. This was all your doing, as is what’s happening right now.
Gaster: …
(Gaster sighs, and hits the button to drain and open the tubes. He catches his children in some nearby towels, and they gaze up at him sleepily. For a moment, he allows himself to feel the affection and pride he’d been suppressing for so long, before squashing it back down to get back to business.)
Gaster: Will you be continuing to follow me, then? Or shall I conduct my business in peace, now that you spirits have gotten what you wanted?
4̵̢̡̞̻͓̟̬̹̋͊ͅt̵̨̛̟̣̮͓̝̻̼͈̰̠͑͑͊͛͒͗̀ỵ̸̡͔̊͂͊͐n̴͙̺̈͌̿̎̋̒̋̊̚͜͠v̸̨̢̢͓͖͇̦̘̩̹̺͌͌̇͌̔̆0̷̺́̋̄̋̃͒̂̀͗̑̃̔̕͘3̸̢̬̺̮̉͗̈́́͌̐͆̉̓̏̏͘4̸̥͚͔̙͆̒̉͋͜͠: Perhaps. Perhaps not. We’re all always with you. *dissolves into a puddle and soaks through the floor, leaving Gaster alone in the lab.*
(Gaster sets the babies down on a surface, then goes about the lab collecting his belongings and anything he thinks he might want back in Erscoga, then sets the Lunchbox Portal back to Nalitie’s bathroom. He takes one more look around at his lab, at what would be his life’s work, then down at the sleeping infants in his box of stuff, and goes through the portal.)
(The moment he and the brothers leave, something in the timeline shifts. A cosmic force, it seems, has pushed this timeline to merge with its Canon, removing its Alternate Universe status. It seems that, despite his continued existence, those that would know Dr. Gaster have still slowly forgotten about them. As the timeline rights itself, a new Sans and Papyrus emerge to fill the gaps, playing their given roles in the Storyline.)
(Dr. Gaster emerges into Nalitie’s bathtub once more, and drains it of water. He fills it with his possessions, and settles down with his children again, taking them out of the box and holding them in his arms. It is the morning after he left.)
Nalitie: *banging on the bathroom door* Gaster open up I gotta pee, apparently I’ve been asleep for 48 hours straight. If you don’t open this door I will!!!
Gaster: *stands up in the tub, with Sans and Papyrus in his arms*
Nalitie: *kicks open the door* OK I WARN—uhhhhh. Dude what the heck???
(Gaster is standing in her bathtub holding two children who appear to have come out of nowhere. The bathtub is full of scarves, mugs, a coffee maker, and what appears to be a toaster. Nalitie pushes past him, runs to the tub, and takes the toaster out, throwing it up onto the bathroom counter.)
Nalitie: You’re not supposed to put toasters in the bathtub! You could electrocute yourself AND these strange children that you have for some reason! Wait why do you have children, where did you get those? Ugh, I’m going to have to build a whole new wing for the house, aren’t I? Whatever, get out of here I have to use this room, you know.
(She kicks him and his children out of the bathroom. Bee, whose mother has not yet left for work, stands in the hallway. They look up at Gaster and the babies in his arms excitedly.)
Bee: !!!
Gaster: Yes, yes, I suppose you think this means you have playmates.
(Finished with her business, Nalitie emerges from the bathroom. She looks at her roommates toddler, then at Gaster and his mysterious random children and sighs.)
Nalitie: Well, if all of your possessions being in my bathtub tells me anything, I guess it’s that you’re here for the long haul. That’s probably for the best. We’ll just make my house a big communal family house, I guess. We can call this the end of Arc 2. God bless Us, Every One!
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[1] This line stolen not from Charles Dickens, but from Paul Shapera's Dolls of New Albion
Most of this is adapted from Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, with some parts adapted from the stage version by Frederick Gaines.
Log Lady: Hellooooo and welcome to another installment of Ask Erik! I’m coming to you live from Erik’s hallway! He doesn’t know we have questions, I’m planning for this to be a sneak attack round! It’s been a hot minute, give or take…. 5 years since I locked myself out of my Wattpad account. Good to be back, folks! We are coming up on the music room door right now- ERIK!! QUESTIONS!!!!!! *pounds on door*
Erik: *pokes head out* Questions?? I thought you couldn’t access the book anymore?
Log Lady: These came to me from the void! I figured we could do a session and send it back to the void to see what happens.
Erik: The void……? How does one receive something from an abstract- ah, nevermind. I’ve learned better than to question your ways. Let’s sit down and proceed.
Log Lady: Alrighty! Our first few come from user Ghost_of_John. They ask “What’s your favorite kind of tea?”
Erik: I’ve always been rather fond of a strong, robust, Assam with a smidge of sugar and occasionally a splash of milk to compliment it.
Log Lady: Tasty! “What’s your favorite opera, other than your own?”
Erik: *lost in thought for several moments* Narrowing down just one opera, when I now have access to centuries’ worth of music and art is difficult, my friend. I suppose my present favorite is Turandot, by Giacomo Puccini. It may change within the week, however!
Log Lady: “The music library at my school is a mess, and I want to rearrange it but I want to do it in secret. Do you have any Phantoming tips for sneaking around and doing stuff in secret? Should I wear a mask too?”
Erik: To be frank, humans are by nature ignorant, and are unlikely to notice any actions you may take unless you make great effort to draw attention to yourself. Anyone who sees you moving things will likely assume you work there. However, if mystery and dramatics are your goal, I’d recommend a few things: Work by night, and leave only minuscule evidence of your presence. You’re welcome to use my method of leaving roses behind, or you can find your own unique marker. Most door handles are able to be removed with a simple screwdriver, bypassing the manual lock. Make sure to reassemble it after your work is done in order to keep your entry method a secret. A billowy cape and hat to hide your silhouette so you are unrecognizable. Finally, you must wear a signature mask, of course! Best of luck in your pursuits, my friend.
Log Lady: Maybe just don’t like… commit any crimes while you’re there please. Or if you do, you didn’t get your advice from us. *wink wink* Next up are some from UnderwaterButterfly797! “Do you like yarn crafts?”
Erik: I learned how to knit using rudimentary (cough, stolen, cough) supplies out of necessity when I did not have access to much clothing, but I do not find it enjoyable. I much prefer to ask Log Lady to make me things of the yarn variety when I desire them.
Log Lady: Wait, you’re telling me you could have made that really complicated sweater that you asked for last year??? I slaved over that thing for months!!!
Erik: Ah, but had I made it, it would not be imbued with the love of a friend! *sly grin*
Log Lady: *grumbles* You’re lucky I enjoy my crafts… Next up, “What’s your voice part?”
Erik: All of them! I am a natural baritone, however if necessary I can sing tenor and alto and put on a falsetto for soprano.
Log Lady: Seriously, you should hear his one-man Bohemian Rhapsody. I don’t really get this next one… “Have you seen the ghost of John? Wouldn’t it be chilly with no skin on?”
Erik: Does he have long white bones with the rest all gone?
Log Lady: Huh? Ok let’s continue. Next we have two from “LetTheRiverRun”. “whats ur favorite thing uve written?” And “do u like choir music?”
Erik: Choir music is lovely. I’ve written quite a few choral arrangements that I’m proud of, although the original score is long since lost, and I do not recall what I had titled them. It’s a shame how much music I lost in the great fire, looking back on it now…
Log Lady: Man, if only someone hadn’t set that fire.
Erik: :P
Log Lady: Next up is Edge_of_Infinity. “When did you learn English? Before or after you got here?” ”I feel like it’s been FOREVER since I’ve asked a question on here, haha! Erik, how is living with Raoul now and not Log_Lady?”
Erik: Good to hear from you again, mon ami! I learned English quite a long time ago. While I was traveling, it was a very useful skill to be able to pick up on languages as I needed them. Granted, the language is very different now to the version I learned, I like to think I’ve caught on to the changes fairly well. Also, I am quite enjoying our living arrangements. There are considerably fewer shenanigans around here. Raoul and I have both found benefits to living together and getting to know one another on a deeper level.
Log Lady: Aaaaand that ties in to our next question from xX_Phantom_Lover_Xx! “OMG i cant believe i havent seen this book before??? erik i luv u!!! why r u living with raul he stole ur girl???”
Erik: Technically speaking, it was I who stole Christine from her own innocence and agency. Raoul fought to allow her to make her own choice, while I manipulated her in an attempt to do my will. Raoul is a lovely person, and he always wanted what was best for her, something I am ashamed to say was never my goal. A human is not a possession to be “stolen”. She made her own choice, and I can now respect that.
As for why we are now residing as housemates: at first it was a matter of convenience. We enjoy it now, though. Had situations been different, we likely could have been friends from the start. His kind and gentle nature counterbalances my anger and impulsivity. He also seems to enjoy my companionship. Though I fail to see my merit to him, I must trust him when he assures me of our friendship. He says that we have helped one another to grow, and I would agree.
Log Lady: Next we have a few from AliOop284: What’s your favorite consonant cluster?
Erik: I am fascinated by words that have ‘tsch’ in them, such as kitsch.
Lady Lady: Oh, you can always tell when Erik is on a language kick, because he starts using words no one has ever heard of. “Do you know IPA? (not the beer)”
Erik: Ah yes, are you referring to the International Phonetic Alphabet? I’m quite familiar. I took an interest in language and its history due to how often music and language are inseparable in the context of the art. One cannot fully appreciate, say, an Irish lilt or an Italian aria without first understanding the language involved! Latin script was very heavily used in older religious texts and written music, which is where I picked up on the IPA……… *continues on for like 10 minutes, but Log Lady isn’t smart enough to transcribe it and spell it all properly*
Log Lady: Next, “Do you drink alcohol?”
Erik: In the past I’ve enjoyed it, but presently I am joining Raoul in his sobriety as way of being supportive and keeping him away from temptation. It is an unhealthy coping mechanism for the both of us.
Log Lady: I’ll fire off these next three from MerryMary2019 all at once; “What’s your favorite color? What’s your second favorite color? What’s your third favorite color?”
Erik: Black.
Log Lady: ….. and the other two?
Erik: Black. Black.
Log Lady: ah. I see. Next up from Green_Finch: “What’s your favorite sweeney todd song?”
Erik: Green Finch and Linnet Bird. I’m rather partial to light and airy Soprano pieces.
Log Lady: “Do you like bread?”
Erik: Of course! Bread is a staple for many dishes. I’m very fond of this new kitchen appliance I have called a “Panini Press”.
Raoul, from the other room: OH GOD ARE WE HAVING PANINIS FOR DINNER AGAIN??? I heard you say panini! I’m ordering takeout….
Erik: My housemate does not share the same fondness, it seems.
Log Lady: These final questions from LineInTheSans are pretty existential. “Do you know the Man Who Speaks in Hands?”
Erik: Do you refer to sign language? I do know the language and have made pleasant conversation with the Deaf man who makes my coffee. How do you know about that?
Log Lady: I feel like they’re referencing something we don’t get…. “Have you ever thought about a world where everything is exactly the same, except you don't exist?”
Erik: Yes, quite often. While I enjoy existence presently, there was a time when I’d have preferred not to exist. I daydreamed about it sometimes.
Log Lady: “Where do you suppose someone erased from existence would go?”
Erik: My answer depends on what exactly that question means…… If you’re referring to my spiritual beliefs about death, I have none. What happens to me after I perish is simply none of my business. Hopefully I will not be conscious to experience it. If the question is taken in a more literal sense, as in the very concept of the person ceases to exist, and is made to have never existed in the first place, then I don’t think they would go anywhere. How could someone who doesn’t exist go anywhere?
Log Lady: Aaaaand that’s all for today!! I didn’t really think about how to submit these back to the void…… any ideas?
Erik: How did you get them in the first place?
Log Lady: They came *unintelligible tv static* I mean- *more tv static* - ah shoot. I don’t think the universe will let me talk about it. Well, I’ll put it under my pillow before bed. If you guys are reading this then that means it worked! Great to speak to an audience again, and farewell!
Erik: Good bye everyone, thanks for the questions!
(Elsewhere in Ask Erik, a farmer named Old McDonald is still paying off his $100 fine for careless discharge of a firearm.)
Old McDonald: *grumbling about nosy governments* *sitting on his porch, waiting for intruders, despite the fact that none have ever showed up on his land*
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a famous singer lay dying, cradled in the arms of a masked man.)
Christine: Just love, just live…
Erik: I’ll give all that I have, and take what little I deserve…
Christine: Come closer, I beg you, closer still… Remember, love never dies… Kiss me one last time…
(The singer perishes, with no strange figure to spirit her away just before she dies to gunshots that were all too real.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a Narrator falls from the hand of a giant, dying immediately upon impact with the ground, with no meddling queens to save him.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a young British boy perishes at the hands of one of his peers, sent tumbling off of a cliff by a boulder.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse…)
Johnny: *throws away the loaf of bread he bought at the sub shop and goes about his day* Time for another day of 8th grade…
Sasha the Bread Wife: *subjugated to the passage of Earth-time and the consequences of existing in Reality, Sasha molds and eventually decays, disintegrating to nothing.*
(In the high school, a band teacher and his student teacher start up an entirely unremarkable rehearsal.)
Mr. T: Alright everyone, let’s look at measure 85. We’re gonna wanna put a nice crescendo and decrescendo there. Think of this piece as “The Barrel of the Swells”!
Mr. B: *continues writing down his observations*
(In another part of the school…)
Addy: *doing homework* Man this would be so much more fun if I had a dragon…
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a bitter wizard man prepares for his next class of the day.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, an equally bitter skeleton man stands on a catwalk above his society’s power source, contemplating nonexistence and the strange half-remembered dreams about humans he’s been having lately.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, the goat-footed balloonMan whistles far and wee.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a once famous confectioner sits in prison, having been convicted of child endangerment.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a woman faces a dragon atop one of New York city’s tall buildings.)
Narissa: *falls to her doom, turning into dust, yet feeling as if this is not the first time this has happened*
Giselle: Robert! Hold on! *catches him as he falls*
Giselle and Robert: *screaming, but manage not to fall off of the roof like Narissa*
Giselle: Is this a habit of yours? Falling off of stuff?
Robert: Only when you’re around to catch me.
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, the citizens of Shellmound go about their day, and never wonder what happened to the towns to the east that never existed.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a statue of a woman and her flying serpent sits in the middle of a grand music room in a castle made of diamonds.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a bard, sorcerer, cleric, and ranger approach the most prestigious university in their world.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, in Insedit, a grand battle is taking place between the current guardian, Leba, ruler of the Fall-Winter transition, and a cruel and powerful tyrant-to-be: a dapperly dressed four-inch tall man known only as the Pocket Magician™)
Leba: My people! Pay no heed to his theatrics! He grows more powerful with every clap, every cheer, every glance that comes his way!
Pocket Magician™: YOU FOOL! I’VE BEEN LEFT UNCHECKED FOR SO LONG, I NO LONGER NEED TO EARN YOUR PRAISE! I’LL TAKE IT FROM YOU BY FORCE! *pulls a full-size rabbit out of his tiny top hat*
(The crowd tries to look away, but it’s impossible. The Pocket Magician™ has become too strong. Against their will, they begin to cheer.)
Citizen of Insedit: *through a pained grin* If only someone had found him a pocket to reside in! This would have never happened!
(Elsewhere in Insedit, in a small kingdom called Fabrezia…)
Nameless street cleaner: Watch out for the holes.
Nameless citizen with vague job: Which hole?
Nameless street cleaner: All of them, plot-related or otherwise.
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a traveler and her floating companion continue their search for her brother, feeling as though there’s one place they’ve forgotten to check.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a man in an elf costume finds his father, and never wonders why it feels like they aren’t meeting for the first time.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a society of monsters starts another day trapped Underground. A human child makes their way through The Ruins.)
Toriel: *preparing a butterscotch-cinnamon pie*
Papyrus: *in his house, preparing a batch of spaghetti* HMM… THIS PERFECTLY-CRAFTED BATCH OF SPAGHETTI IS… MISSING SOMETHING. *digs through his refrigerator, looking for chocolate*
Sans: *lighting a candle in the living room*
Papyrus: … *stops his rummaging, smelling the candle* I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE DOING THIS WITH SOMEONE…
Sans: couldn’t be me, bro. you know im not nearly as good at spaghetti as you are.
Papyrus: YOU’RE RIGHT, I AM GREAT!
Asgore: *alone in his house, scrapping another botched pie*
Mettaton: *in Alphys’s lab, having modifications made to his body* I could have sworn we’ve already fixed this glitch, darling… Have you considered getting some robotic lab assistants to help you with this? Perhaps hexagon-shaped?
Alphys: M-mettaton, please, I already have enough work to do between this a-and… and my… and breaking the B-Barrier…
Undyne: *standing outside of her burning house* Man!!! I hope all of the kids got out of… Wait, why would there be children in my house????
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, four orange-clad employees come to the realization that they have failed to make quota, even though they don’t remember any time passing since they last visited the Company. The doors to their spaceship crank open, and they’re flung out into the far reaches of space.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, or perhaps everywhere in the multiverse at once, a girl and her mother realize they’ve jumped back to where they left off.)
Joy: *taking in her familiar surroundings* Well, that was weird. But I guess it was just another statistical anomaly. Now, are you coming with me or not? *gestures to The Bagel*
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, an isolated bean factory sits in an empty pocket of interdimensional space, continuing its operations in peace.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, a variety of trolls and humans continue their Storyline, oblivious to any changes or not-changes in their dimension’s location.)
(Elsewhere in the multiverse, the planet of light and the planet of darkness prepare for war. A shift in the balance between light and dark seems to have thrown the whole galaxy off.)
Queen Anora: *fussing over her daughter* *in Ruw Eyeah* I will not have you going off to fight in another war! It is enough of a hassle that you were on the front lines of the first one.
Princess Sage: Ugh! I don’t understand how you can expect me to sit here while our entire planet is in conflict with those… heathens on Dunkel! Let Adrianne be the good girl, to sit here and look pretty for morale.
Princess Adrianne: Sage, please… Mother, surely there’s a way we could resolve this without another battle…
Queen Anora: Adrianne, my dear, you know I don’t want to fight them. But with their planet shifting so close to ours, our entire way of life is at stake. We have no reason to believe they won’t attack us at their first convenience.
Princess Adrianne: If only we could form some sort of a treaty with them, an assurance that we don’t want to fight them…
(On Dunkel…)
The Cinmpaden, Etommt: *in Dunkelian* Elders, listen close. The Oracle has not spoken with us for months. We can only assume the worst. Lux draws nearer and nearer everyday…
Cuber: Yes, but are we positive that the Oracle’s silence and the decreasing proximity is because of the actions of the Lumoae, rather than… being bound by the physics of this dimension we’ve found ourselves in?
Deler: We can’t be too careful with those uptight barbarians…
Etommt: Correct, Deler. We must be prepared. Perhaps if some third party were to intervene, we could work this out, but we’re on our own. Contact all available generals at once. It’s time to get serious.
(Elsewhere, across the galaxy, the leader of a planet torn apart by its own wars laments the conditions her people find themselves in, as a friend of hers arrives to help her planet’s trade.)
Satine: Thank you for coming, Padme. I know our decision to stay neutral has caused distress in the Senate. But for many here, the fallout from your war has been too much.
Padme: If your government has trade concerns, we can talk. Many systems have been affected. I assure you not everyone in the Republic has neglected Mandalore, and there are those of us who would still vote, to give you any help you require.
Satine: The help we need now is opening trade routes so we may get supplies more freely…
(Elsewhere, outside the multiverse, Nalitie and Dukermin awaken.)
28: A Very Erscoga Christmas 5: Sharknado 7: The Seaboot (Ask Erik! and Erscoga Crossover)
Date: 1-9-2025 IDST; 12-28-2024 EST
[[This installment of the Erscoga storyline is best viewed as an interactive experience. A plain-text version is under the cut. It is best viewed on desktop, but will mostly work in mobile too.]]
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Featuring @jesuisloglady and @anm0chi, plus the ever-stolen Handplates!Gaster, who belongs to @zarla-s.
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(It’s another bright day on Termata. It’s been a few weeks since Nalitie and Dukermin returned from the Void, and they’ve been hard at work rebuilding Erscoga. Bean Co. has been given a bean factory out in space, orbiting Riewa, per the agreement Nalitie and Dukermin made with the Legumes Ltd. jerks. Lydia has been contained and put back on Riewa, and the glaciers on Pluto have been stabilized. For the most part, Erscoga has been put back together.)
(Inexplicably, though, it is still Christmas in Erscoga, despite the fact that Christmas usually goes away after a day or two. It seems that the RNG is still broken.)
(Naturally, Nalitie’s house is filled with screaming children. It is 7 in the morning.)
Bee: *has been repeating this exact phrase to Nalitie for the last 5 minutes, and is getting increasingly upset* 💧︎☜︎☜︎ ✌︎☼︎❄︎✏︎
Nalitie: *tries to read the dialogue on the page and translate it before a new line is written* *failing miserably* I don’t know what you want D:
Bee: *growing more frustrated* 💧︎☜︎☜︎ ✌︎☼︎❄︎✏︎
(Gaster comes walking down the hallway from the bathroom, carrying one screaming, crying skeleton baby by the foot. He holds it up to Nalitie and points at it.)
Gaster: ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 👎︎⚐︎ ✋︎ 💣︎✌︎😐︎☜︎ ✋︎❄︎ 💧︎❄︎⚐︎🏱︎✍︎
Nalitie: Gaster! That’s not how you hold a baby!!! *takes it from him*
Bee: *tugging at Nalitie’s shirt* 💧︎☜︎☜︎ ✌︎☼︎❄︎✏︎
(In the living room, Willy Wonka and Dave are attempting to soothe Lisa and Leonarda. Christine is trying to feed Erscoga Tobias.)
Dukermin: *Bursts in* NALITIE I JUST WOKE UP AND THERES A STRANGE CORPSE IN MY HOUSE AND MICKEY IS GLITCHED INTO THE WALLLLL *runs out*
Nalitie: *does not even notice her* *to Gaster* Gaster will you PLEASE tell me what Bee is saying???
Gaster: *translates into ASL*
Nalitie: *does not know ASL* That’s not helpful!!!
Dukermin: *runs back into Nalitie’s house* ALSO I KEEP MEANING TO GIVE THIS TO YOU BECAUSE I DON”T NEED IT AND YOU DOOO *throws the universal translator in Nalitie’s general direction* *runs back out*
Nalitie: *catches it* *suddenly understands what everyone’s saying* *looks down at Bee* See Art? You want to go see Art in the Vent Hole? … ugh, ok, we can go say hi, but then it’s nap time!
Bee: !!! *running to the Vent Hole*
Nalitie: *still holding Gaster’s child* *goes with them*
Gaster: Excuse me!!! *following*
(After approximately half an hour, all of the children have been fed, changed, put down for naps, and the house is quiet. Gaster has retreated to the bathroom with his children.)
Nalitie: *casually walks back out into the living room* … *to Christine* I feel like Dukermin was here. Any idea what she wanted?
Christine: *had been too busy dealing with the children* *shakes her head*
(In the caves beneath Dukermin’s warehouse, you see Mickey Mouse glitched 90 degrees into the cave wall. An unknown generic man is glitched into the floor, dead. Dukermin is inspecting the wall trying to figure out how to remove them. Snape is nowhere to be found.)
Dukermin: *c-es a hammer* Alright time to bust you out of the wall, I guess. *hammers away*
“Mickey”: Never should have come here.
Dukermin: What? What did you just say to me? We’ll talk about this later *hammer*
Nalitie: *up in the elevator, trying to remember how to open the secret hatch*
(Dukermin frees “Mickey” from the wall… but the mascot costume glitches out of existence! A blonde woman stands before Dukermin.)
Dukermin: Mjoll?? Mjoll the lioness?? You were the mascot?
Mjoll The Lioness: Exploring these caves feels like coming home. I missed this.
Dukermin: We are home?? Huh?? I need a beach vacation.
Nalitie: *has finally gotten into Dukermin’s house* DUKERMIN I THINK WE NEED TO GO ON A HOLIDAY. It’s still Christmas for some reason, we did all the exposition stuff, and I’m tired of coherent plot stuff. We need a filler episode to kick off Arc 3, the Void stuff was too heavy. I don’t think Handplates Christmas Carol should be our only Christmas Episode this year.
Mjoll: Guards! Trespasser!
Dukermin: Huh????
Nalitie: Uh… Who’s that? *gesturing to Mjoll* And also who’s that? *gestures to the dead guy*
Dukermin: That’s Mjoll, my wife? I guess? And that’s her weird brother I think. Or was at least. Don’t know why I know that. Let’s go on vacation.
Nalitie: I think we should do a beach episode. Gaster needs to see the sun. I think Sweeney Todd lives in Ask Erik!, we could go steal his bathing dresses.
(Somewhere in another universe, Sweeney Todd has a vague sense of dread come over him.)
(Nalitie and Dukermin head out to Green Circle Labs to leave for the Ask Erik! Universe.)
David Tennant: Erik is knocking loudly and impatiently on the door to Log Lady’s basement room.
Log Lady: HOLD ON I’M COMING!!!!!!! *opens the door*
Erik: *looking kind of sad* Have you been able to get into your account yet? We haven’t heard from Nalitie in a while…. I miss answering questions.
Log Lady: No, sorry bud. And I haven’t gotten anything else from the void, either.
Erik: Ah, that’s too bad. I hope our friends are doing well in their dimension.
David Tennant: Meanwhile, Nalitie is struggling into her Christmas Masquerade outfit from the very first Erscoga Christmas. It is still covered in fruit punch and frosting, and it also doesn’t fit her very well anymore. She’s standing with Dukermin in the bushes outside of Sweeney Todd’s house.
Dukermin: Are there beaches in Ask Erik?
Nalitie: *shrugs* No idea. Do you have your key?
Dukermin: of course *commits breaking and entering minus the breaking* Don’t you have a ton of friends here? maybe they know where the beach is.
Nalitie: Oh, I was thinking we were going to do our beach party back in, like, Mackinac or something.
Dukermin: *commiting larceny by stealing various bathing dresses* Oh yeah we should do that!
Nalitie: *rifling through Sweeney’s wardrobe*
Sweeney Todd: *pokes his head around the door, sneakily, holding a razor in front of him*
Dukermin: ACK *runs out the door*
Nalitie: *notices that Dukermin left, also notices Sweeney* *with armfuls of clothes* WHOOPS time to go!!! *jumps out the window*
Sweeney: Nalitie….? Oh you can have those. Now she can’t drag me out for another one of her “beachside picnics”. *tidies the room and goes back to what he was doing*
Nalitie: *lands in the yard, hopefully near Dukermin* DUKERMIN Where did you go? *taking off her masquerade outfit*
Dukermin: *pops out of a bush* oh good you survived.
Nalitie: *shrugs* It’s Ask Erik!, of course I survived. Oh! We should go invite people to our party now that the war is over! It’s been, like, a month since I last talked to them, I bet they’d love that. They can see our planets.
Dukermin: Sure! We stole a lot of bathing dresses for some reason so we could invite all sorts of people.
Nalitie: Cool, I think I remember where Erik and Log_Lady’s house is. *shoves the clothes into her pockets*
David Tennant: Nalitie and Dukermin head down the road to Erik and Log_Lady’s house, which is much closer to Sweeney’s house than Nalitie remembers.
(There’s a knock at the door.)
Erik, in a frilly apron, holding a feather duster: *opens the door* Apologies for the outfit, I accidentally agreed to let Log Lady make my cleaning apron. I don’t often get visitors while Raoul is at work… Can I help you?
(Standing on your front porch is Nalitie. She looks about fifteen years older than when you last saw her–she looks like she’s maybe 30 years old. Her dark hair is tied back in a braided bun, and she’s sporting a new outfit for Arc 3: cargo pants, a white button up shirt, a red jacket, and a crown made of what looks like hot glue painted gold. She still stands at about 5 feet tall. She looks tired.)
(Standing behind her awkwardly is Dukermin. She looks about 15 years old, has burgundy hair with side-swoop bangs. She’s wearing pleather pants and a red shirt and has put a gray and black pinstriped bathing suit over top of her clothes.)
Nalitie: !!! Erik!!! Man, so much has happened in Erscoga, it feels like it’s been forever, even though I just sent you a pigeon last August!
Erik: Nalitie?? *starts tearing up* Oh I’m so glad to see you!!! *grabs her in an awkward bony hug*
Nalitie: *a little confused by the reaction, but gives him a big hug back* Woah, it hasn’t been that long…
Erik: What do you mean? Nalitie, it’s been six years!! I didn’t even know if you were still out there!!
Nalitie: ??? Six years??? I just sent you stuff, like, a month ago. In August.
Erik: Did we answer it? Log Lady hasn’t been able to get into her Wattpad account since 2018. She deleted an email address and forgot that it was the one linked to the account.
Nalitie: ??? Uh, it is 2018?
Erik: No.... It’s 2025.
Nalitie: ??? *turns around to Dukermin* Uhh????? Dukermin???? We set that form to “present,” right???
Dukermin: Yes? But I guess we never checked to see what year it was. Also I guess I don’t know what kind of time frame the office people follow. Regardless! It’s beach weather! I don’t wanna miss the fish rain!
Nalitie: Oh yeah! *still standing there in a half-hug* We came to invite you to our beach party in Erscoga!
Erik: Oh! *trying to compose himself* That sounds lovely! Come on in, I’ll just need to prepare a few things first. *grabs a satchel and starts packing sunscreen, towels, etc.* Who else is attending?
Dukermin: Sure *heads in* I’m gonna email Papyrus and see if he wants to meet us at the beach. Maybe that’ll wake Candle Grandma up… *emails Papyrus*
Nalitie: We’re bringing whoever wants to come! It’s a fun filler episode! Oh, also, *points* that’s Dukermin. Not sure if you’ve met. She’s my co-queen.
Erik: Ah, I’m aware of your existence but I do not believe we have met. Pleasure. *slight bow while hands are full of various sand shovels and buckets*
Dukermin: *curtsies* Pleasure is all mine.
Gustave: *walks down the stairs* Do we have compan- NALITIE!!!!!!!!!! *runs down and almost tackles Nalitie in a hug*
Nalitie: Woah! Hi!!! Man, I should disappear from existence and spontaneously reappear more often!
Gustave: It’s good to see you!!! You always bring fun adventures with you! What are we doing this time???
Nalitie: *puts on a pair of those disposable sunglasses from the eye doctor behind her regular glasses like a cool person* Beach party! In Erscoga, of course.
Gustave: Oh boy!! I’ll go get ready! *runs back up to his room*
Nalitie: *to Dukermin* If I had been planning ahead, I would have made a batch of that Secret!!! soup. That sounds like a beach party food, right?
Dukermin: Yess hot cabbage water sounds very refreshing! Next time. *is making a big email list to invite lots of people to the beach*
David Tennant: Log Lady comes up the basement stairs and surveys the room, blinks a few times, and then nonchalantly waves to everyone.
Log Lady: Hi guys!! I hear we’re going to the beach? We’ll have to stop by the bank and kidnap Raoul from his job on the way there so he doesn’t feel left out.
Nalitie: Sounds good to me. Want some sunglasses? *tosses her a pair that she definitely didn’t steal from Raoul when she left Ask Erik!*
Log Lady: Heck yeah! *swaps out normal glasses for sunglasses and then runs into the table because she can’t see*
David Tennant: Harrow descends from the attic due to all the commotion, peeking down from the top of the stairs.
Harrow: Why is everyone so- *does a double take* NALITIE???
Nalitie: Hi! Are you ready to come to our beach party after your crushing defeat in the War of Ask Erik! and Erscoga and also that disastrous last Christmas Party we had???
Harrow: I- what??
Dukermin: It will be very normal! *thumbs up*
Harrow: You mean… the one from like over half a decade ago that I can barely remember? *comes down the stairs the rest of the way, standing at the base*
Nalitie: Dude that was like 5 months ago, what are you talking about?
Dukermin: There’s some time stuff happening! That’s why i think we should just all be on beach time right now! *jimmy buffett plays in the background*
Log Lady: It’s five o’clock somewhere!
Nalitie: Man, I should have brought the van. Dukermin, are you able to open the Erscoga hole from here or are we all gonna have to squeeze into a Lunchbox?
Dukermin: I think so I feel very powerful in Ask Erik! It’s weird.
Log Lady: Oh yeah, you can usually just do whatever here.
Nalitie: *looking a little nervous because of the Unlimited Powers in Ask Erik!* Yeah…
Harrow: You wanna see a magic trick?
Erik: NO NOT AGAIN *drops a pair of goggles in fear*
Dukermin: Ooh sure!
David Tennant: Unbeknownst to anyone except Harrow, there may or may not be tiny bone fragments scattered throughout various places in the house. Where did the bones come from? Don’t worry about it. They have a supplier. Suddenly, a full skeleton grows from a tiny fragment placed somewhere behind Erik, and taps him on the shoulder.
Erik: *jumps and drops his bag, spilling various beach supplies comically all over the floor*
Nalitie: Oh man, my new BFF who lives in my bathtub is gonna love you. *casually helping clean up**unfazed by the skeleton*
Dukermin: wow! *claps* hey let me try something we still need to find raoul right *opens a portal directly underneath wherever raoul is into the living room*
Raoul: *falls into the living room with a sound that’s a combination scream/yell* I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF WORK, WHAT DO YOU WANT-
Dukermin: POWERRRRR!
Nalitie: *waves*
Gustave: *coming back down the stairs in swim shorts and a shirt* Oh hi other dad, you’re home early! Are you coming with us to the beach?
Raoul: *staring at the unexpected guests currently in his living room* Beach- what- why are- Nalitie??
Nalitie: Yes, yes, I’m alive, there’s a weird time thing going on, but we will worry about that later in Arc 3! We are going to the beach to have a very normal time!
Dukermin: Did someone say the beach?? *opens a portal to Nalitie’s house.*
(You all tumble out into Nalitie’s living room. The house is quiet for once. Willy Wonka is sitting in the armchair in the living room, wearing ear defenders. It looks like the couch recently went on its trip up to the space station. Dave is somewhere, probably in his bedroom hiding from Gaster. Christine is in the kitchen, making a sandwich. Gaster is in the bathtub, napping.)
Nalitie: Welcome to my house, everyone! It’s kind of cramped lately, but I have to get some stuff for the kids, so they can come to the beach with us. Oh, also we could check on the guys in the basement, I guess.
Christine: *walking out of the kitchen, unsure who Nalitie is talking to* *sees the Pile of People From Ask Erik! standing around the living room* …?
Gustave: Hi mom!!!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!! *runs up for another tackle-hug*
Christine: ??? Gustave? What are…. *grabs him in a big hug* How did you get here?
Gustave: *points to Dukermin and shrugs* We’re going to the beach!
(A scream rings out from the bedroom down the hall, followed by a baby’s cry. Christine looks back towards the bedroom, but doesn’t really want to let go.)
Nalitie: I gotchu. *goes down to the bedroom*
(She comes back with a toddler in her arms. They have brown skin and dark, curly hair. Their face is buried in Nalitie’s shoulder. Steven follows her, an infant in his arms.)
Steven: *suddenly notices everyone* Oh! Er–hello, everyone. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m surprised you were able to get to Erscoga–I thought we had that barrier up?
Nalitie: We got rid of that after the war. Keep up, man. *to the toddler in her arms* Bee, would you like to meet my friends? They’re gonna come with us to the beach!
(Bee does not respond.)
Dukermin: *goes to the vent hole and fetches Rob and Art* *Art is imprisoned in a bubble* I thought we should bring Rob for fun and Art because we shouldn’t leave him unattended.
Log Lady: Hi everyone! I’m Log Lady, *gestures to everyone* that’s Gustave, Raoul, Harrow, and this *shoving a very reluctant Erik out from behind her* is Erik! I don’t remember if we’ve met all of you, so good to see you again and/or meet you!
Gustave: *transitions to holding Christine’s arm very tightly and waves!*
(Harrow and Raoul are arguing in the background over the bone construct that Raoul noticed before they went through the portal, something about how Harrow needs to stop scaring Erik with the skeletons.)
(Bee looks up at the sound of Log Lady’s voice, peeking out from behind a lock of hair. Bee looks at Erik, then over at Art in the bubble. They point.)
Nalitie: Yes, Art is coming with us too. *gestures at Erik* And that’s Erik. He’s your mama’s… friend, from a long time ago. He’s not the same as your void friend.
Erik: Ah.. hello new people... *waves timidly and then goes back to “hiding” behind Log Lady, which is kind of hilarious because he towers over her*
Dukermin:*runs to the bathroom and fetches Gaster and the skelebabies*
Christine: *holds out her free arm to take Bee* Ah, I don’t suppose we had Bee and ET before we left for Erscoga… *gestures Steven over* *to Gustave* Gustave, these are your half-brothers. They, er, both are named Tobias. Nalitie knows a little more about how that works than I do…
Gustave: *eyes light up* I’m a big brother??? Oh man, I would have brought happy-being-born presents if I knew!! I’ll have to get some to give you guys late instead! *pats both kids on the head*
Christine: *smiles and relaxes* *was worried this would go much differently*
Gaster: *has finally emerged from the bathroom with his children*
Nalitie: *runs off to grab Lisanarda, more sunglasses, and the diaper bag*
Dukermin: *starts setting up lunchbox portals to the beach* Don’t forget the sunscreen!
(After 10 pages of exposition, you all finally arrive on the beach on Bensel. It’s situated within viewing distance of Old McDonald’s farm and 7even’s house. Snape is here, and he looks very annoyed that you’ve all shown up. Mackinaw!Frisk is sitting on a blanket next to him.)
(Papyrus is here, wearing his cool beach clothes. He has been waiting for you for three whole pages, and he looks very excited when you arrive.)
Papyrus: AH! THERE YOU ARE! *sprinting across the beach* HELLO, DUKERMIN! IS CANDLE HERE???
Candle Grandma: *is here now but still refusing to talk to Dukermin* Papyrus, dear! It’s been so long! I was sidetracked by moronic behavior!
(To the outsiders, it looks like Dukermin has suddenly become an old lady with curly purple-gray hair, a blue cape, and a candle in her hand.)
Candle Grandma: Oh I see we’re having a beach day in spite of all the loose ends! That’s wonderful, has everybody put on sunscreen??
Papyrus: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SUNSCREEN IS, BUT I AM EXCITED TO FIND OUT! *also realizes there’s a lot of other people here* ALSO, I HAVE FAILED IN MY ROYAL ROY’L GUARD DUTIES TO WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE BEACH! *goes over to shake everyone’s hands* I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HEAD OF ERSCOGA’S ROYAL ROY’L GUARD!!! *to Harrow* AND YOU MUST BE OUR ENEMY WHO HAS COME BACK FOR SOME REASON! WELCOME BACK!
Harrow: *to Nalitie* I was the enemy…? When I say I don’t remember, I genuinely don’t.
Nalitie: Yeah, the whole reason we made Erscoga was because we were at war with you for some reason! *can’t quite remember the reason, but isn’t sure why*
Harrow: Of course I was. *turns back to Papyrus* Thank you for the welcome, I suppose?
Papyrus: OF COURSE, HUMAN! *going around introducing himself AGAIN to everyone individually* *to Erik* HELLO! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND I MUST SAY THAT YOU LOOK VERY SKELETAL AND THEREFORE VERY HANDSOME! PLATONICALLY.
Erik: *blushes a very VERY deep red* T-t-thank you, sir. *looks like he is about to pass out from meeting so many new people in one day*
Nalitie: *putting on her bathing suit directly over her clothes, just like Dukermin did earlier* *sunscreening her children*
Gaster: *just standing there*
Art: *in a bubble, very confused, has not met anyone yet*
Rob: *running his fingers through the sand, amazed at being able to interact with things again*
Nalitie: *jokingly* Hey, maybe your role in Erscoga could be “beach dude.”
Rob: *intrigued*
Candle Grandma: *following Papyrus around* * sees gaster with the babies* I don’t think I saw you put sunscreen on those babies, dearie! Best make sure they’re covered so they don’t burn their bones!
Nalitie: *squinting up at Lux* Wait, can we even get sunburned here? Does Lux give off UV?
Candle Grandma: Better to be safe than sorry! *grabs sunscreen from somewhere and hands it to Gaster*
Log Lady: You can’t be too careful! *pulls out so many bottles of sunscreen from Erik’s bag and tosses them around to everyone* Alright, swimsuit time! *snap’s fingers and does a twirl* *is still in her normal clothes* Wait.. that usually works... uh... do you have any extra bathing suits? I don’t usually have to actually pack any....
Nalitie: I do! *pulls out all of the stolen bathing dresses and lays them out on the ground* If it’s a magic thing, that might be the power cap. We, uh, don’t allow unlimited magic here. For safety. *starts forcing Gaster into one of Sweeney Todd’s bathing dresses against his will*
Log Lady: Magic? Oh I dunno. I don’t think I have magic. *shrugs and grabs a very tacky purple skirtsuit with spots* Is this Mrs. Lovett’s? I feel like I’ve seen these all before.
Nalitie: Uhhh I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations. *puts on a second pair of sunglasses (stolen from Raoul, of course) on top of her glasses and disposable sunglasses*
Raoul: Why do you have my sunglasses??
Nalitie: Uhhhh… I’m gonna go look for rocks! Anyone who wants to look for rocks can come with me! *speed-walks away from Raoul and into the ocean*
Gustave: *freshly sunscreened by Erik* I love cool rocks!!! Let’s go!
Harrow: *grabs a black swimsuit* Is there somewhere to change around here?
Erik: Good thing I came prepared! *pulls a collapsible tent out of his bag and pops it up* You can go first. I have to set up some things. *starts blowing up floaties and distributing castle building supplies*
Harrow: *enters the tent, and emerges changed into the swimsuit a couple minutes later* *proceeds to the water to just float on their back in silent contemplation*
Gustave, with his pockets now full of rocks: *jumps up from under the water and splashes Harrow before swimming away giggling*
Nalitie: *from the ocean, knee-deep in the water* By the way, obligatory Merry Christmas or something! It’s been Christmas here for weeks, for some reason, so that’s why we’re doing the beach party instead of our normal haunt at the Spectre, and definitely not for any other plot-related reason.
Christine: *making a sandcastle with Bee while Steven and Willy Wonka watch the infants*
(Erik and Log Lady change into swimsuits and join the castle building. Erik spends some time trying to get the sand to “the perfect consistency” before he is able to begin his elaborate structure. Log Lady makes a pile of sand and puts some shells on it.It keeps collapsing.)
Bee: *throwing handfuls of sand* ✏︎✏︎✏︎ 💧︎☜︎☜︎✏︎
Christine: *does not have the Universal Translator and has no idea what they’re saying*
(A deep rumble is heard from off in the distance. As you all look to the horizon over the sea, storm clouds have started to roll in. Warm rain and trout begin to fall from the sky.)
Dukermin: *takes over from Candle Grandma* Yay the fish rain!
Nalitie: Oh, I was wondering when we were finally going to have some. It’s been a while, it feels like. Our weather system must be messed up, too.
Harrow: *leaves the water so that they’re not as easy of a target for fish to hit them, and proceeds to join the castle building*
(The storm begins to ramp up. An older every-man type person has also been on the beach this whole time. He stands up and nervously watches the storm as it gets closer and closer.)
Nalitie: *still in the water, picking up rocks* *has an arm up to shield from the fish*
Gustave: Hey is it normal for fish to fall from the sky?
Nalitie: It’s sort of an intended weather feature? Haven’t seen it this strong in a while.
Gustave: Oh ok! *keeps stuffing rocks in his pockets*
(The opening credits begin to roll as The Ballad of Sharknado plays. The title card appears.)
Strange Man: Oh no, I can’t believe this, it’s a…
Sharknado 7:
The Seaboot
(The storm clouds begin to swirl as a hurricane forms. Shark-shaped shadows are picked up and join the whirl.)
Dukermin: My goodness. It’s some sort of…. Waternado. Everyone! M- EAAAUGHASCK
(A shark with a chunk missing from its left fin. flies out of the tornado, and seems to coincidentally run straight into Dukermin, who is swallowed whole. Perfectly inline with how physics works, it is sucked back into the Sharknado.)
Nalitie: Dukermin!!! *legitimately distraught* … And you thought I was going to die first and leave you to do the bread taxes… *sheds a single Candle Grandma-esque tear*
Gustave: I think we should go back to shore! *grab’s Nalitie’s hand and runs towards the others*
(Art’s bubble pops and he lands in the sand.)
(Four sharks fly out of the Sharknado and land right in front of your group, blocking your immediate path.)
(Back on shore, Christine, Willy Wonka, and Steven have gathered up the kids and are huddled together, unsure what to do.)
Nalitie: *yelling over the sharks* Christine! Take the kids back to the bunker! William knows how to get in. *throws a lunchbox portal to the nearest person*
Raoul: *jumps the shark, grabs Gustave, and joins in with the group making their exit* I did NOT sign up for this!
(A shark lunges at Gaster and Gaster is swallowed whole. The shark then, seemingly completely unbothered by not being in water, flops over to Harrow.)
Harrow: *dives out of the way, but proceeds to have Gaster shoot out of the shark, exploding the shark in the process*
Gaster: *attempts to leave with the other group, still holding both of his children*
Nalitie: *has finally made her way over to them* Oh no you don’t! *tosses his kids through the portal, but grabs him by the SOUL and keeps him there* You owe us still!
(A shark flies out of the storm, heading straight for Log Lady.)
Log Lady: *barely dodges and punches the shark, which is very very smooth*
(The smooth shark careens out of the way and is speared on an upright sand shovel.)
(Three sharks remain in front of you, but they’re dispatched quickly by a lawn chair wielded by the strange man.)
Strange Man: Everyone, follow me! *starts running to Old McDonald’s house*
Harrow: *follows, but first grabs and puts on their jacket so they have their various bone pieces*
Erik: Should we be following a strange man?? Is this safe?
Log Lady: I dunno but he just killed 3 sharks so I’m sticking with him!
Nalitie: *takes one look back at the Sharknado where she assumes Dukermin’s body is now* *follows the group, casually throwing on her nanofiber yarn armor* *yelling up ahead* y’all might want to watch out if we’re going on Old McDonald’s property! He may shoot at us! *sprinting up there anyway, dragging Art and Gaster with her*
Erik: Oh dear...
Strange man: *arrives at Old McDonald’s house and throws the door open*
Old McDonald: *was standing inside with his shotgun* *fires at the strange man immediately*
Strange Man: *ducks and throws his hands up* Whoa hold on there! Don’t you see we’re dealing with a Sharknado? If you want to live you’ll let us in! I have plot armor anyway so shooting at me won’t do anything!
Old McDonald: *suspicious, but does nothing more to stop them* *still pointing his gun at everyone, though* *doesn’t want to end up on the naughty list again, it is Christmas after all*
(Strange Man ushers everyone in and shuts the door.)
Strange Man: Alright we don't have much time before the Sharknado makes its way inland. What does this dimension have for anti-Sharknado defense?
Nalitie: We have literally never had anything like this happen before. Well, sort of, anyway, there was that thing where someone *glares at Art* kept using Aubrey to open portals and that caused big storms, but that only stopped because we got deleted and then came back. I mean, we have a lot of stuff to defend against people like TreeGrass, and the Royal Roy’l guard took care of Lydia and those laser-shooting unicorns… *continuing to ramble*
Erik: You speak as if this is a perfectly normal phenomenon! How is a tornado able to keep the sharks alive? How can a tornado even have malicious intent? Weather does not have sentience!! Also, Log Lady, your hand ought to be torn to shreds from the scales on that shark.
Harrow: Honestly, just what the hell is a Sharknado?
Strange Man: *pressing his fingers to his temples* We’re going to need bombs, weapons, multiple celebrity guests, and who knows how far they’ll take it with a reboot!
Nalitie: Oh, Mickey Mouse… er, Mjoll, I guess, probably has bombs, back in Dukermin’s house! Otherwise, we could swing by MTT Studios on Pluto, although that means leaving Bensel at the mercy of the Sharknado while we gather things. But that gets us bombs and celebrities.
(The house begins to shake and a shark comes flying through the window. Water begins to flood the room. The shark flies at Erik.)
Erik: *pulls out his noose, catches the shark in it, and attempts to strangle it* What do I do with this?? It isn’t even breathing, I can’t strangle it!
Gaster: *summons a blaster and destroys the shark* *under his breath* ✋︎ 👍︎✌︎☠︎🕯︎❄︎ 👌︎☜︎☹︎✋︎☜︎✞︎☜︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ✋︎💧︎ ☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 💣︎✡︎ ✌︎☞︎❄︎☜︎☼︎☹︎✋︎☞︎☜︎ ✋︎💧︎ ☝︎⚐︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ❄︎⚐︎ 👌︎☜︎ 💧︎🏱︎☜︎☠︎❄︎📬︎📬︎📬︎
Old McDonald: *firing into the air out the window*
Strange man: *to old mcdonald* Do you have any chainsaws? Or other farm equipment? We need to get armed with something totally ridiculous immediately!
Nalitie: *pulling things out of her pockets that have been in there for who knows how long* *pulls out what looks like a bunch of blender blades taped together, and also her cereal gun* I’m probably gonna need something stronger than this. *pulls of the Pocket Magician™* Oh! Pocket Magician™!
Pocket Magician™: HELLO ONE HELLO ALL! ARE YOU HERE TO SEE THE GREATEST SHOW ON BENSEL? *does a tap dance*
Nalitie: Can you magic us up some weapons? I could probably combine my blender blades and my gun. Or something chainsaw-related, if you’ve got it.
Pocket Magician™: WEAPONS? OOH HOW INTERESTING! *to Erik* ILL START WITH YOU SIR *jumps over and snatches his noose and swallows it whole* *pulls a pocket chainsaw that's somehow tied like noose out of his shirt pocket*
Erik: Hey- what?? *holding the pocket chainsaw with a bewildered expression*
Pocket Magician™: AS FOR EVERYONE ELSE, LOOK IN YOUR LEFT SHOE! *twirls*
(Inside all of your left shoes, you somehow pull out a gun, but the gun shoots chainsaws or whatever cuz these movies are the worst and there’s also just a small chainsaw taped to the front of it.)
Nalitie: *also shoving individual blender blades into her cereal gun* *dual wielding bladed gun weapons* *also re-adjusting because she’s wearing too many layers, stowing her jacket and bathing suit in her pockets and leaving on the nanofiber yarn armor*
Pocket Magician™: *Twirls back into Nalitie’s pocket*
Log Lady: Uh..... *pulls out the gun that is somehow in her sandal*
Man: This’ll work. So someone mentioned something about bombs?
Nalitie: Yeah, Dukermin’s husband… wife… usually has bombs. She lives on Termata, though, so we’d have to leave the planet. Do we need to worry about the Sharknado destroying Bensel while we’re gone?
(Sharks are slapping against the side of the house. The rain is pouring.)
Man: I’ll stay here with the old man *gesturing to Old McDonald.* You guys head out and get the bombs. We’ll also need a way to get up to the Sharknado. And don’t forget about celebrity guests!
Log Lady: Does Erik count as a celebrity? We might be able to get David Tennant out of his narration booth for a few hours...
Man: You’ll have to take that up with The Cameraman. *slices a shark as it careens through the broken window.*
Rob: *missing his role as “beach guy” already*
Art: *finally speaking up* *to Nalitie* Excuse me, human, but is it really necessary for all of us to come with you? Rob and I could stay behind and help this strange man defend against the sharks…
Nalitie: Oh, yeah we probably don’t need the whole party. PAPYRUS! I’m gonna say you should stay here in your Royal Roy’l guard duties, you can have Rob and Snape and Old Man Frisk as your troops. Art… nah, man, you’re still on parole. You’re coming with us. You know, since the last time you were able to do whatever you wanted you chose to erase us from existence and all. *ties herself to him using some of her nanofiber yarn* Just in case. *gets out a lunchbox portal, setting for Dukermin’s cave house* We ready to go?
Log Lady: Let’s do it! *jumps in the portal*
(Everyone goes through the lunchbox portal and appears at the doorstep of the warehouse. For some reason, you all feel as though you’re being watched, like something else came through the lunchbox with you.)
Nalitie: *searching for Mjoll* HELLO ARE YOU HERE WE NEED BOMBS
Mjoll: *code is activated at the mention of bombs* *sings a lovely tune about bombs and leads them to a chest against the wall of the cave*
Nalitie: *opens the chest warily, as if she expects it to be locked and/or booby trapped*
(The chest is not trapped. It’s filled to the brim with bombs.)
Nalitie: *stuffing her pockets with bombs* Anyone else want any?
(You hear a rumbling sound from outside.)
Erik: Oh god, now what is happening?? This is playing out like a bad movie....
(The fourth wall peels back a bit. You all catch a glimpse of metal out of the corner of your eye.)
Mysterious figure: psst! Over here!
(You all are able to focus and finally notice what could most certainly be described as a “Camera Man.” He’s a bipedal figure made out of various camera parts. He points at Harrow.)
Camera Man: You over there! Did I hear them call you Harrow??
Harrow: Yeah? That is my name…
Camera Man: As in… Harrowhark Nonagesimus?? tHE CELEBRITY? I saw you do bone magic too!
Harrow: Oh god.
Log Lady: *whispers* we need celebrities, play along!! *normal voice* Why yes, we just so happen to be friends with THE Harrowhark Nongismamnius!
Harrow: Nonagesimus.
Camera Man: Perfect! It’s been a minute since we had a celebrity scene! Just… step outside with me for a moment! *walks to the elevator*
Harrow: *looks at everyone else* Should I… follow?
Nalitie: *making shooing motions with one hand, and continuing to collect bombs with the other*
Harrow: *gives two thumbs up before following*
(The rain is coming down more now, and the clouds are beginning to swirl.)
Camera Man: *leads Harrow out and points at a spot* Just stand there for a quick moment!
Harrow: *hesitantly moves and stands in the spot*
(Three sharks fall out of the sky, all seeming to target Harrow!)
Harrow: *throws a small handful of bone fragments in the direction of the sharks, which turn into spears and skewer the sharks* *a shark kebob mayhaps*
Camera Man: Sigh… I was hoping to see a death scene but I guess that was fine.
Harrow: Yeah, that’s not happening with me. *wipes off blood running from their nose*
Nalitie: *has finished collecting all of the bombs* We should get moving! We can check the Town Board for more celebrities that might be on Termata, and also we gotta swing by Pluto at some point. We can take the van if we run back to my house!
Log Lady: Hey, is Willy Wonka a celebrity? Erik’s pretty famous too if you can get him to cooperate.
Camera Man: (suddenly is behind Log Lady) I already saw that guy *gesturing to Erik* fight a shark and wasn’t impressed. But THE Willy Wonka? Take me to him!
Log Lady: *jumps* AH! I don’t know where he is.
(Storms ramp up, and more shark silhouettes can be seen in the clouds above.)
Nalitie: *running up the secret stairs behind the elevator in Dukermin’s house, dragging Art along behind her* C’mon guys, my house is right across the street!
(Nalitie leads everyone into her house, and runs down through the Vent Hole. She knocks on the bunker door, trying to coax Willy Wonka out and hurriedly explaining their celebrity needs through the door.)
Willy Wonka: *hesitantly opens the bunker door, as if he expects sharks to fly in immediately*
Nalitie: Great! Uh, go talk to that guy *points over at the Camera Man* I gotta ask Christine for a favor. *goes over to her*
Camera Man: *To Willy Wonka* Big fan! Big fan! Have you ever fought a shark? *leading him outside*
Willy Wonka: *looking back at his wife helplessly* I have not…
Camera Man: *framing a shot* Okay, rolling.
(A wave of water blasts into Willy Wonka, sending him flying towards a deep puddle with a shark swimming in it.)
Willy Wonka: *attempts to turn into Gary the Bracelet out of self defense* *ends up turning himself AND the shark into chocolate somehow instead*
Sharcolatenado
(The shark and Willy’s chocolate mix in with the Sharknado. Buildings are getting splattered with sticky sweet candy as the Sharcolatenado rages on.)
Nalitie: *has not seen what happened yet* *finishes giving instructions to Christine* OK, everyone should get in the van now, we’re gonna make a pit stop at the opera house for more celebrities. *runs upstairs and grabs her car keys* Is everyone still accounted for? *doing a head count*
Log Lady: Yep!
Erik: Unfortunately, I’m still here too.
Harrow: Still here.
(Gaster is missing. Seems he’s gone back and locked himself in Nalitie’s bathroom.)
Art: *is still tied to Nalitie* Are you sure driving through this storm is the wisest move?
Nalitie: *shrugs* If things go south, I can use the portal functionality. I think. Now come on!
(Nalitie leads everyone outside, where she finally notices the Sharcolatenado. She grimaces, then hurries into the van, shoving Art through into the passenger seat. She waits until everyone is in and has their seatbelt buckled.)
Camera Man: *has strapped itself to the top of the van*
Nalitie: *driving down the streets of Verdanaville, pointing through the storm at various buildings* And that’s Green Circle Labs, which is how we got to Ask Erik! earlier, they do our portal technology. Down there is TreeGrass Institutes, which we will ignore! We are coming up on FoodSure Incorporated’s headquarters, which is right next to the Spectre Opera House and Concert Hall, which is our destination!
Erik: Wow, you guys get to have permanent structures here? It seems like our town is different every other week. I’ve missed consistency....
Nalitie: Yes, we have a map and everything! If it weren’t for the sharcolatenado, by the way, I’d give you a proper tour of the Spectre, because it is my pride and joy, but unfortunately we are going to have to settle for running in, hoping there’s no more beans flooding any of the rooms, and kidnap Carlotta and Mettaton to use as celebrity guests! *parks directly in front of the doors*
Camera Man: Two more celebrity guests will be satisfying! We have to get great celebrity shots to make up for the fact that none of our other characters were willing to return! *hops down from the roof*
(The facade of the Spectre Opera House and Concert Hall, though covered currently in chocolate rain, is made up of warm glass and stone pillars. It lights up the whole street. When you walk inside, the foyer–which is currently inexplicably filled with pinto beans–is large with marble floors, the finest chandeliers from the Mother Menards on Lux, and still has the Christmas banners up in the Erscoga schools’ colors.)
Nalitie: *ushering everyone inside, and pulling up her floor plans, trying to remember where the rehearsal spaces are*
Erik: Wow, this is gorgeous! Except.... Um.... are the beans meant to be a part of the decor?
Nalitie: Er, no, that’s a side effect from when we extracted the bean factory that had made its home underneath the opera house. We’re still cleaning up in here. Christine says it’s been a problem all week; some of the dressing rooms had to be shovelled out… Also, I am very glad you like it, it took me forever to design! I named it after you, kind of.
Erik: The architecture truly is stunning! It’s quite modern, but still evokes a lovely feel of the classics in its style-
Art: I hate to interrupt, but might I remind you of the overwhelming time pressure? We were here to collect celebrities, were we not?
Nalitie: Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re awful pushy for the guy who didn’t want to be involved in any of this, you know. *leading everyone towards where she assumes Mettaton and Carlotta are filming their next scenes*
(The wind strangely begins to pick up inside the opera house.)
Erik: Ugh, it’s been a while since I heard that voice. I could have waited longer, even. *scowls*
Nalitie: Yeah, well, Mettaton wanted an authentic cast. Oh btw, you may or may not want him to see you, because he might try to rope you into his production of your musical. Although he did put himself in the title role, so maybe not. But he’s bound to have a million questions. *bangs on the dressing room door* FBI, OPEN UP
(Carlotta stops singing with an angry exclamation. Mettaton throws open the door.)
Mettaton: Honestly, darling, what could possibly be so important that you interrupt what was finally a perfect take? *is oblivious to the storm outside*
(You all hear a rush of water from the lower floor as the wind picks up even more.)
Carlotta: *staring directly at Erik with only a vague sense of recognition*
Nalitie: Uhh long story short, there’s a big storm happening outside and we are here to collect celebrity guests or something! And we really need you two to, uh, defeat this storm in some way? We have a Camera Man here who wants to meet you!
Mettaton: *has not noticed Erik yet, still a little miffed at Nalitie* Celebrities, you say?
Carlotta: *continuing to stare at Erik, not quite sure who he is but knowing that she’s seen him somewhere* You…?
Erik: *scowls even more intensely, before he has an idea and smirks at her* Yes, me.
Nalitie: *to Mettaton* Yeah, uh, so we really need you two to come with us or something!
Camera Man: No I like this scenery! I’ll bring the storm to you, celebrities, please put on a good show for us!
Nalitie: Nevermind, we’re staying here??? Uh, you might want to watch out. You guys are gonna be in some sort of scene together!
Carlotta: What do you– *immediately shuts up, because her voice came out Wrong* *something about this feels familiar, and she turns to look at Erik again, tilting her head* *hasn’t quite connected the dots*
Erik: *snaps his fingers, making Carlotta croak like a toad*
Mettaton: *has finally noticed Erik* Oh my! Wait just one magnificent moment! Is that who I think it is??? *trying to push past Nalitie, who has done an admirable job keeping him inside the room and away from Erik*
Erik: *flustered* Hm, what? I- I don’t think so... *forgot he was supposed to be lying low*
(Water rushes into the room, and the wind blows everyone back. Beans are picked up in the gale and begin to whirl around the room. Sharks are here once again. Two of them fly at Mettaton, and one lands at Carlotta’s feet.)
Beannado
(Carlotta shrieks and takes a frying pan out of her inventory, using it to bat at the shark. Nalitie questions how water has reached the second floor of the opera house, and why this storm is in an inner room.)
Mettaton: *casually blows up the two sharks and pushes Nalitie out of the way, heading towards Erik* Aha! The star of the show himself, here in my very own opera house, just in time for our production!
Nalitie: Excuse me, your opera house??? Nuh uh, you have MTT Studios and MTT Studios ONLY! I put this one here! *wading through the water towards Mettaton*
Mettaton: *suddenly has a microphone in his hand* *throws an arm around Erik’s shoulder* Tell me, how would you feel about starring in our brand new production of your very own musical???
Erik: Oh, no, I’ve really worked so hard to move on from all of that...... *tries to slink away from Mettaton*
(Another shark barrels towards Mettaton and Erik.)
Mettaton: *sends some of his mini-selves to blast the shark away* Ah, but it’s such a fascinating tale! The drama! The romance! The bloodshed! You must take a look at the footage we have so far, at least, and tell us how accurate our vision has been!
(In the background, Carlotta is whaling on one of the sharks with her frying pan and cursing.)
Erik: Ah, but isn’t it the job of a director to take some liberties and apply their own vision? I’m sure a professional such as yourself has a much better eye for this sort of thing... *slowly stepping away*
(One of the sharks that the mini mettatons were fighting is blasted back into the doorway, jamming against another shark. The sharks pile up against the doorway, stuck. The Beannado in the room quiets down. Beans begin to drop back onto the floor.)
Mettaton: *wraps one of his very extendable arms completely around Erik to continue the conversation* *strikes a fabulous pose and kicks one of the shark carcasses away* Oh, don’t you worry about that–that natural MTT-brand flair is inevitable. But it has been quite some time since we’ve had an accurate representation of your tale, wouldn’t you say???
Erik: Ah, but you see, the accurate tale is much more.... Depressing. I’m not so sure I want that out in the open.... Besides, we’re in a bit of a situation right now, I believe now is not the time...
Harrow: *decides to make a few more shark kabobs while this entire conversation is happening*
(At the back of the room, Carlotta is continuing to take out her frustration on one of the shark carcasses.)
Mettaton: Oh, the strange weather is dying down. Besides, the show MUST go on, as they say! Now, about the first time–
Erik: *interrupts, shouting to Camera Man* You said anyone eaten comes back at the end right??
Camera Man: For the most part, yes. If they had a voice line they almost always do!
Mettaton: Rude! Anyway, my dear friend and I *gestures at Nalitie* were having a disagreement about the first time you interacted physically with Christine, so if you could just–
Erik: *grabs Mettaton and throws him in the nearest shark’s mouth*
(Most sharks were dead except for one flopping on the floor, kicking up pinto beans. Mettaton is gobbled up whole.)
Nalitie: That wasn’t very nice. *doesn’t actually do anything about it, and also is not really that offended by how that was handled*
Erik: Surprise, I’m not very nice sometimes! *sarcastic jazz hands*
Nalitie: Hey man, I’m on your side. It was just an observation. He’ll be fine, I’m sure.
Camera Man: That was brilliant! But I’m tired of this scenery, I think it's about time for the final Sharknado battle!
Nalitie: Is it back to Bensel, then, since this is where this all started?
Camera Man: *checking stuff off in his notepad* Hmm hmm, yes!
Nalitie: *sigh* Alright then, let’s get back to the van. *cocks her blender blade gun and chainsaw gun dramatically* Time to avenge Dukermin. *heading downstairs now that the water has receded*
(The Beannado has calmed down, but the Sharcolatenado can still be seen in the distance. It seems to be moving its way in Bensel’s general direction!)
(Nalitie leads everyone back to the van, then sets the portal to Bensel. She crosses her fingers and hopes that it actually sends them to Old McDonald’s front yard like she hopes.)
(The van lands in the corn fields right outside of Old McDonald’s house, pretty much where she wanted it to go for once. Nalitie breathes a sigh of relief.)
(The sharknado from before is still raging, but it has… changed. You can see the fabric of space warping its way into the tornado. Also, there are no longer only sharks flying around. You see all sorts of strange things: a regal pig, a chained taxidermied piranha, a shark with a mannequin head, just some guy, a borderline incomprehensible creature with many many eyes…)
Cosmic-Horror-Nado
(Nalitie feels a tug in her pocket as the Pocket Magician™ begins to gravitate toward this new type of -nado.)
Nalitie: Uh oh… *attempting to lock her pockets*
Pocket Magician™: WHEEEEEE! *is bouncing around inside the locked pocket*
Log Lady: *looking at chainsaw gun* Is this thing gonna work on.... That....?
Nalitie: *running back towards Old McDonald’s house* YO STRANGE GUY WHAT’S NEXT? We got the bombs and the celebrities!
Man: *is just outside. He lost the chainsaw gun five minutes after getting it and has now strapped two chainsaws to his knees and is battling the sharks that way.* *yelling over the storm* YOU NEED TO GET AS HIGH UP AS POSSIBLE AND DROP ALL THE BOMBS IN!
Nalitie: Oh right! Hopefully Christine did her part! *looking up into the sky, shooting at anything that flies towards her with her blender blade/chainsaw guns*
(Some generic guy falls out of the tornado, landing at Art’s feet.)
The Guy™: Hey! How’s it going??
Art: Oh dear… are you alright? It has been quite a while since we’ve had the opportunity to talk, what with my being in No-Thing…
(While those two are engrossed in conversation, the mannequin shark swoops down. It lands at Log Lady and Harrow’s feet. The mannequin head snaps over and looks between you two trying to make eye contact.)
Harrow: *makes a disgusted face* *pulls out their gun and shoots it*
Log Lady: Is she... dead? Are we safe? *fires a couple of chainsaws at her to be safe*
Harrow: She makes me uncomfortable.
(The shark body goes limp. Debra Manikin looks between you one last time and the head disconnects from the body and sinks into the ground. Surely that won’t cause problems later.)
Harrow: Oh that’s… I didn’t like that.
(Above the sounds of flying cosmic horrors, sharks, the wind, and the rain, you hear the gentle sound of jingle bells. Nalitie peers up into the sky. High above the storm, you can see the outline of a sleigh, pulled by nine flying reindeer.)
Nalitie: *pointing* Santa! We need to get into that sleigh, and then we can drop bombs!
Art: *arm is being tugged by Nalitie’s pointing* *ignoring her and still talking to The Guy™*
Erik: Santa? As in.. Claus?
Nalitie: Yeah, Erscoga!Santa, to be exact, but he shares the knowledge of all of the other Santas in the multiverse or something. Anyway, he’s real good friends with Christine, and he’s probably our best shot at getting high enough to drop bombs into the -nado now that Dukermin’s… Anyway, we gotta get up there. *trying to tug Art along*
Art: *ignoring her*
Erik: I can take him. Go end this, please. *offers his hand to take the string*
Nalitie: *ties Art to Erik* *takes a moment to admire how picturesque it is having the two very tall masked men in the dimension tied to each other* *salutes, then runs off* *actively scaling Old McDonald’s house, shouting for Santa, pulling bombs out of her pockets*
(At the point, the Cosmic-Horror-Nado and the Sharcolatenado have combined into one disgsting and bizarre nado monstrosity.)
Cosmic-Horror-Sharcolatenado
(Santa flies down and Nalitie jumps into his sleigh. The two soar up into the sky, and Nalitie lights and launches as many bombs as she can into the Cosmic-Horror-Sharcolatenado.)
(The bombs are sucked into the tornado, and it only takes a short amount of time for the bombs to explode. The wind knocks everyone back as the Cosmic-Horror-Sharcolatenado is disrupted, sending sparks and water and chocolate specks everywhere.)
(The blast causes the portion of space that had been sucked into the tornado to invert, and all the cosmic horrors are sent careening back into space. Some of the sharks are caught up in the space-inversion as well, but most fall to the ground, littering Old Mcdonald’s fields.)
(The strange man looks up as the sleigh flies away from the blast. He salutes you all and transforms into his true form: a well-worn Bass Pro Shops ballcap. The Camera Man yells “cut!”, picks up the hat, and jumps into the space-inversion. Bensel is calm once again. A shark with a chunk missing from its left fin lands close to the group.)
Santa: *lands back near the group*
Log Lady: So does this mean we’re in a movie now, somewhere out there in the multiverse? Are they gonna like send me a check, or.....something?
Harrow: I don’t miss doing this sort of stuff, and do I wish we’d get paid for it.
Nalitie: I mean… This all feels a little too real to be just a movie. *gestures to all of the dead sharks* And Dukermin got killed, so now I’m just supposed to deal with the bread taxes all on my own? AND run the school system? AND clean up the whole mess from the void stuff??? *starting to panic*
Log Lady: I wonder if we can take those guys to dimensional court over this...
(You hear muffled yelling and… squeaking? from inside the shark that landed in front of you.)
Nalitie: *turns to look at the shark, confused* Do you guys hear that? *digging in her pockets*
Erik: Here, this might work. *hands Nalitie a sleek, sharp pocket knife*
Nalitie: *takes it* I feel dangerous. *carefully starts cutting open the shark, unsure what’s in there*
(After a while, the shark is cut open enough for Dukermin’s cosmic bubble to fall out. Dukermin is hollering as a stork is flapping around in a panic inside the bubble. The bubble pops, Dukermin flops onto her back, and the stork picks up a small package and hops over to present it to Nalitie.)
Dukermin: EAAAAAAUGGGH THAT WAS GROSS.
Nalitie: Dukermin!!! *pauses as she realizes the stork is waiting for her attention* …? *cautiously holds her arms out to receive the package*
(In the background, the chocolate in the puddles starts to move and conglomerate back together.)
Stork: *drops the package into Nalitie’s hands, then flies away.*
Nalitie: *unbundles the package gingerly*
(Inside the package is a healthy little baby girl. She’s fast asleep, and bears a little nametag that says “Rosabelle.” Nalitie gasps in recognition.)
Nalitie: Oh my goodness! Wait, this is… She wasn’t supposed to be here yet, she wasn’t due until 2024…
Dukermin: *rolling in the grass* I told you there was weird time stuff happening! You know that baby?
Nalitie: This is Rosabelle. My no-longer theoretical child that I have with Willy Wonka… But we specifically were planning on having her in 2024, because by that time, the other kids would have been grown up a little bit, rather than having five infants in the house at the same time… I wonder why the stork brought her now, instead???
(Behind Nalitie, the chocolate puddles have slowly formed into a human shape. They solidify back into Willy Wonka.)
Log Lady: I’m not sure how time works here, but in our universe it’s January 2025.
Nalitie: *frowns* Last document, it was like August 2018 here. I thought we set our Retrieval to be whatever the present time was in Erscoga, but maybe that messed it up? I don’t think we tried to make it 2024 or 2025 when we came back…
Dukermin: I mean… what is “the present” anyway man… Does anyone really know? Says something about society I think.
Willy Wonka: *is now fully human again* *looking over Nalitie’s shoulder* What is that?
Nalitie: *turns around* Oh, you’re alive! This is our daughter, I guess!
(Willy Wonka promptly passes out.)
Erik: I hate to interrupt your touching reunion, but I cannot go on one more minute smelling like chocolate, seawater, and beans. Can we please take a portal back home so I can shower?
Dukermin: Everyone’s going home already? Man, I didn’t even get to enjoy my beach day!
Log Lady: We can have a beach day by my house next time! There’s a beach down the road usually!
Nalitie: That might be for the better. We can go pick up everyone else from the bunker, maybe send you home with some snacks? If you’re really desperate, I can kick Gaster out of his bathroom and you can take a shower there. I’ve got that sweet bathtub-shower combo.
Erik: I suppose I can wait for that.
(Suddenly, one of the nearby sharks explodes in a cloud of glitter. Mettaton steps out, remarkably unharmed.)
Nalitie: uhhh ok, let’s get going then! *hurrying everyone to the van*
(And then they went to Nalitie’s house.)
(Nalitie’s house is silent, save for the sounds of the couch crashing back through the roof from the space station. Seems like it’s mostly unharmed. Nalitie heads down to the vent hole to retrieve everyone else and bring Art back to his cell. She’s left Rob back on the beach on Bensel. She also takes a moment to kick Gaster out of the bathtub in case anyone wanted to use it. Erik immediately seizes the opportunity to get cleaned off.)
(Eventually, everyone gathers in the kitchen to say their goodbyes. Nalitie packs a little bag full of snacks–mostly applesauce and cheese crackers.)
Nalitie: *writing down her new contact information now that her interdimensional cell service is back up and running, no thanks to Art* And this is probably the best way to contact me from now on. I also put Christine’s number on here, because it seems like she’s been able to get ahold of people even when my stuff is on the fritz.
Log Lady: Great!! We’ll reschedule the beach day when the weather’s looking better.
Dukermin: Yes and next time someone else can get killed off right away!
Nalitie: I mean, hopefully no one gets killed off at all. I feel like Erscoga has become very dramatic lately. A lot of plot action carrying over instead of being contained in each chapter. We’ll have to bring you over for something so mundane that nothing could go wrong, like painting the new nursery I’m going to have to build.
Dukermin: I know, I feel like at the beginning all we ever did were chores and stuff! I haven’t done a chore in ages! My cave is very dusty…
Nalitie: And my house… *looks around at the gigantic mess of her very cramped household* uh, yeah. Anyway, we’ll have you over for chores or something next time instead.
Log Lady: Yeah! Surely the most chaotic that could turn out to be is just like.. Procrastinating the chores. It’s been real y’all, we’ll be in touch!
Dukermin: Yeah! I had a lot of fun before I got swallowed whole! Let’s do it again sometime! Not that last bit tho!
Nalitie: *has packed the Ask Erik! citizens a bunch of goodies for their trip* Yeah. Alright, here’s some stuff for the road. It’s mostly toddler snacks, sorry. *digs through her pockets* By the way, here’s your knife back *hands that to Erik*
Erik: Ah, thank you! And Log Lady’s diet is not varied much beyond toddler snacks anyway, so those will suffice.
Nalitie: Oh, sweet, that works then. Alright, that should be everything. *reluctant because it’s been SO long apparently since they’ve had contact and she is afraid that something weird will happen to Erscoga again* Hugs?
Log Lady: Group hug! *pulls Erik and Raoul in and forces them to group hug. Gustave participates enthusiastically.*
(Group hugs were had. Goodbyes were said. Portals were went through. “The Ballad of Sharknado” plays yet again as the end credits roll.)
Credits (in order of appearance)
Bee - Nalitie
Nalitie - Nalitie
Gaster - Nalitie
Willy Wonka - Nalitie
Dave - Nalitie
Lisa - Nalitie
Leonarda - Nalitie
Christine - Nalitie
Erscoga Tobias - Nalitie
Dukermin - Dukermin
Mickey Mouse/Mjoll - Dukermin
Unknown Generic Man (Aerin’s Corpse) - Dukermin
Sweeney Todd - Log_Lady
David Tennant - Log_Lady, anm0chi, Nalitie, Dukermin
(Your ragtag group of multiversal travelers spills out onto the Bean Co. factory floor. The Bean Co. workers continue their monotonous work, ignoring your presence. Some familiar-looking well-dressed fellows oversee the factory work, sharing glasses of some sort of beverage you’ve never seen in Erscoga before, pointing at the workers.)
Art: *attempting to escape from the vat of baked beans, slowly getting pulled under*
Dukermin: Ooh this is awkward * hides face from the Jerks* My teleportation calculation must have been off? Let’s just try to get out of Bean Co.
Nalitie: Oh man, you caught the bug that my van always seems to have. Yeah let’s go. *also walking quickly away from the Legume Ltd. Jerks*
Art: Excuse me… *has reached the edge of the vat* *attempting to not go under again (his mask is covered in beans)*
Rob: *awkwardly climbing a conveyor belt, knocking cans everywhere, trying to free Art*
Workers: *sigh*
Dukermin: *hustling to the hallway leading to the reception desk* *realizes party is lagging behind* *whispers* Let’s go let’s go let’s go!
GCL team and children: *are right behind Dukermin*
Aubrey: *has joined Rob*
Art: *climbing out of the beans* *slipping everywhere*
Workers: *sigh*
Nalitie: *waiting impatiently for them, not wanting Rob/Art to escape*
Dukermin: *runs back and starts pushing Rob and Art toward the reception area*
(As you all hurry to the reception area, you knock down a bunch of bean cans, spilling their contents on the floor. Art is leaving wet footprints because he was in the vat of baked beans. The floor is a mosaic of all types of beans: baked beans, red beans, black beans, beans you don’t recognize… The workers sigh and start mopping, weirdly blasé about the whole thing.)
Dukermin: I greatly dislike this place. *checks to see if the jerks noticed the hubbub*
Legumes Ltd. Jerks: *still up on the second floor of the factory, pointing down at the workers and laughing*
Dukermin: 👎 *sneaks out and heads to reception*
(The woman standing at the desk is the exact same receptionist you’ve seen here the other two times. She is wearing the exact same outfit, exact same hairstyle, and has the exact same placid smile on her face.)
Receptionist: *sees a group enter her field of vision* Hello, and welcome to Bean Co.! The annual bean convention will be happening in May. Until then, Bean Co.’s operations are private, and only Bean Co. employees or Legumes Ltd. Platinum members can enter the premises! I’m so sorry for any inconvenience. Have a nice day!
Dukermin: Cool. We’ll just leave then. *rushes down the hall to the door to the opera house (presumably)*
(The group follows you towards the Bean Co. exit. You open the double doors, and are greeted by the vast expanse of interdimensional space.)
Dukermin: Uh oh.
Nalitie: :( I can’t believe all of our problems weren’t solved when we left The Void :(
Dukermin: :( I guess we’re not leaving this place quite yet. I’m pretty sure we didn’t like… go back in time to before we created Erscoga so I wonder why it would be gone even when we came back to existence…?
Nalitie: *frowning at Art* did you mess this up when you opened that window? I guess we never checked when or where in Ask Erik! we were…
Art: *dripping beans on the floor* *holds up his hands in surrender* I assure you, I wanted to return to Erscoga just as much as you did…
Dukermin: I bet those Legumes Ltd. losers had something to do with it. Opportunistic jerks…
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: Well, well, well. I didn’t think you’d make it back here. Looks like you girls are hardier than you look.
Dukermin: Gross, don’t comment on our hardiness. What did you do with Erscoga?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: Ha! I didn’t do anything to Erscoga, doll. Winked out of existence all on its own. It’s like I told you, Bean Co. was and always will be here. Unlike you.
Nalitie: Yowch.
Dukermin: And it should have winked back into existence. It’s gotta be somewhere.
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: Psh. You might have saved yourself from nonexistence, and whatever little trinkets you brought back with you, but it ain’t that easy to rescue all the pieces. You might have restored some of the files, but the big folder? That’s still floating around in the recycle bin, and your 30 day window is expiring, love. *winks*
Dukermin: Is that so? Well then, unless something happens to restore Erscoga, I guess we’re all going to be your problem then. Forever. *puts him in a bubble*
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: Agh!
Legumes Ltd. Jerks 2 and 3: *reaching in their coat pockets*
Rest of the Party: !!!
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: *gesturing to Jerks 2 and 3* Now now, there’s no need for that. We’re still having a perfectly civil conversation. Tell you what: I’m a businessman, and you’re a fine young royal. I think we could make a deal.
Dukermin: *steeples fingers all business-like* Hmm, tell us more!
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: *sitting down in the bubble* What if I told you there was a nice little office in the sky, so to speak, that could restore your little dimension? Now, again, it don’t really matter to us whether you exist, but I bet your world and our organization could have a lot of fun together. Just look at how happy that canonically homeless man of yours was when he found our little community. You let us continue our operations without that opera house in the way, maybe give us a little more of a role in your canon… and we’ll give you our last complimentary OIAFS voucher. You get your world, and we get to play a part in your story. Same thing you’re giving these two reprobates. *gestures to Art and Rob*
Nalitie: … OIAFS…?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: The Office of Interdimensional Affairs and Fictional Stability. Try to keep up, sweetie. I’m not doing my business with you, of course, but you can put it in your notes. *winks again*
Dukermin: Ugggh horrible. So you want an above ground… bean factory? And a role in the story - what role do you want, exactly?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: Heh. That’s none of your concern.
Dukermin: You’re not going to tell us what role you want in our canon? How are we supposed to make it happen then?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: You just put us on one of your little planets, and we’ll do the rest, hon. Oh, and none of that Riewa business. We can always rat you out to the ID-PD as Void escapees, you know. That’s a high crime without our pardon.
Dukermin: So, on one hand, I have no other idea as to how to get Erscoga out of nonexistence without going back into the void and combing through for every little piece of it. On the other hand I want to throw this guy into a volcano.
Nalitie: Ugh, yeah I really don’t want to have to recreate everything all over again… What do you think he meant by us returning from the Void being like a crime?
Dukermin: I’m not sure. I mean, we’re Authors, we should be allowed to bring things back into existence.
Nalitie: That’s true… Ugh. I do not want to have to deal with the ID-PD again; I can’t just bring back Erscoga like Sam did Ask Erik! Obviously, I guess, because that’s the problem we’re stuck with. Stupid rules we made up to make Erscoga more realistic.
Dukermin: Right. I understand that ID-PD may not love things returning from the Void but we’ve kind been doing that, right? And nothing happened last time we brought Art through. I think they’re filthy liars and we can bargain for a little more. Like a worker’s union.
Nalitie: Oh, that’s true, we did bring Art and most of my children back from the Void. Yeah, ok, let’s get back in there, then. *turns back around to face the Legumes Ltd. Jerks*
Dukermin: *Turns around* Alright, so we can give you a place on one of the planets. However, we choose which planet you’re on and where. You can have a role in the story, but we will be checking on you guys regularly. In return we’ll get the OIAFS voucher. Which you promise can be used to restore Erscoga, correct?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: On my word as a Legumes Ltd. Platinum member. Do we have a deal?
Dukermin: Wait, also, we know you’re lying about bringing things back from the Void being an ID-PD crime, because we’ve done that multiple times and nothing happened, so don’t think you can use that as leverage against us in the future. Finally, you’ll help the workers here establish a worker’s union. So they, too, can enjoy living in Erscoga. That’s the deal.
Legumes Ltd. Jerk: Psh. Wouldn’t be so sure of yourself that we’re bluffing, but I’m feeling generous. We’ll help those mindless drones rebel against their roles if that’s what you really want.
Dukermin: So we have a deal, then? *lets him out of the bubble*
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: *lands on his face, despite being in a sitting position*
Legumes Ltd. Jerks 2 and 3: *helping him up*
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: *holding out a hand* You got yourself a deal, sweetheart. I’ll have the boys get you that voucher. Our last one, too.
Dukermin: *shakes his hand quickly* Perfect!
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: *sends Legumes Ltd. Jerk 2 off to get the voucher*
Art: *has his mask off, and is wiping beans out of the inside* *looks at Dukermin with his not-perceptible face* After all that grief you gave us about trusting us, you’re going to let that man wander free on your planets? I don’t suppose you’d be willing to negotiate options with Rob and myself?
Dukermin: In my defense, the BeanCo guys have never knowingly shoved us into the CORE, deleting themselves and our entire dimension in the process.
Nalitie: Yeah, like… the last time we let you wander free, you tried to destroy the entire multiverse and then yourself. Not a great track record.
Dukermin: And as for Rob, uhh sorry. IDK.
Rob: *sighs* Yeah, that sounds about right. Don’t worry about it, my last nemeses couldn’t think of a role for me either, until they suggested we be enemies. And that didn’t work out too great…
Dukermin: We’ll think of something better than that. It’s just kinda hard when the dimension is still nonexistent.
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 2: *returns with the voucher*
(The voucher is a little rectangular piece of paper with a green heading. It looks like it came out of one of those coupon books you buy to support your local sports teams, or maybe veterans. It’s good for one Retrieval and Rewriting from the Chronicler’s Office, sponsored by Bean Co. and Legumes Ltd. It’s stamped with something that you think says “HAIL THE SPARK.”)
Dukermin: *takes the voucher* Thank you. So… now we’ve gotta find the Chronicler’s Office, I guess?
Legumes Ltd. Jerk 1: You know, in honor of such a great deal being made, why don’t you take our executive elevator. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you know. Not something us platinum members give out every day.
Dukermin: *mockingly* us platinum members oowhooo. Uh yeah that sounds nice, though, thankss.
(The Legumes Ltd. Jerks lead everyone through the factory floor, knocking down more bean cans on the way as they travel in a straight line up to their second-floor office. They scan a key card to let you into the executive elevator. Your whole group crams inside: Nalitie and Dukermin, Art, Aubrey, a very confused GCL team, Rob, Lisanarda—who are being carried by two of the GCL teens—and Tobias, who is asleep in Aubrey’s arms.)
(The elevator takes you up, and opens into a bright white space. It looks like the stock image of an office lobby. A receptionist stands behind the desk, looking like whatever your personal concept of a receptionist looks like. Behind them is a sign that says “Office of Interdimensional Affairs and Fictional Stability.”)
Receptionist: Hello, and welcome to the Office of Interdimensional Affairs and Fictional Stability. How may I help you today?
Dukermin: Hello! Wow, you have so many arms! We have this voucher *shows them the voucher*.
Nalitie: *counting the receptionist’s arms, because to her they have the normal amount of arms for a human*
Receptionist: *takes the voucher* Ah, I see. You’re going to want to visit the Chronicler’s office, then. If you go down this hallway, and then take a right, that will lead you to their reception and waiting area. *pointing*
Dukermin: Perfect, thank you! *Starts walking down the hall* *turns to Nalitie* I didn’t pay attention to the directions, you should lead.
Nalitie: Uh… *looking at the signs*
(The hallway branches into a T at the end. Ahead of you is a door labelled “Centrum.” A sign pointing to the left is labelled “ID-PD,” with a smaller sign underneath listing instructions for various types of inquiries and issues one might need to bring to the ID-PD and which lines to take. To the right, a sign points you to the Chronicler’s Office.)
Nalitie: *leads the group into the Chronicler’s Office area*
(The Chronicler’s Office reminds you of the DMV. There’s a waiting area with chairs, and ropes leading you up to some windows at the front. There is again only one receptionist, this one chewing gum. At the start of the lines is a number dispenser. Currently, they’re taking number 4,824,336. The waiting room is empty.)
Dukermin: *walks up and takes a number*
(You have taken number 5,648,769. The display at the front ticks up to number 4,824,337.)
Dukermin: *stares at the display* *waits*
(About 3.3 minutes later, the number ticks up to 4,824,338.)
Dukermin: UGGGGH *writes 4,824,338 on a small piece of paper and walks up to the receptionist* That’s my number!
(The receptionist stares at you as you approach, as if they weren’t expecting to see anyone today, despite the discrepancy between numbers.)
Receptionist: Ah… and how can I help you today, ma’am? If you’re here for a transcription or to access a Character Log, I’m afraid our archives are a little backed up. Lots of activity in the last few hours. Some Author has been busy, I guess, a bunch of new files just popped up out of nowhere.
Dukermin: Oh, uh that’s crazy. Anyway, we have this voucher for a Retrieval.
(The receptionist, looking bored, reaches a hand out and takes the voucher. They scan it over, and seem to stare in surprise at what’s written on it.)
Receptionist: Hm. Haven’t seen one of these in a long while. Alrighty, then, I’ll just have you fill out these forms… *hands Dukermin a stack of papers*
Dukermin: *flipping through the stack and filling it out.* Hey Nalitie, what is our SDL again?
Nalitie: Oh um… ES-MT01.
Dukermin: *writes that down* What time should we bring it back to? I can either write down a specific date and time or just check mark the “present” box…
Nalitie: *literally has no idea what the exact date and time was that they were erased* I guess just present?
Dukermin: Okie doke *checks “present”* It’s asking a lot of yes or no questions but I don’t know a lot of these words. I’m just gonna check “no” for everything I don’t understand. *rapidly checks everything*
Nalitie: *shrugs*
Dukermin: Good enough. *brings pile of papers to receptionist*
(While you were filling out the packet of papers, the rest of the group went to take naps in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. The receptionist, too, seems to have forgotten that you were filling out forms. The pile lands on their desk with a thump, and they startle.)
Receptionist: *scanning through the pages* Alright, then, I’ll bring these back to The Chronicler. Your dimension should be Retrieved in 3-5 business days.
Dukermin: Days??? Ugh. Legumes Ltd. is NOT gonna like that news.
Receptionist: *seems a little nervous at the mention of Legumes Ltd.* Oh, right, I forgot you were with them. In that case, then, I’ll make sure your request is expedited. Wouldn’t want to stir up trouble with our collaborators. You should see your dimension begin to be Retrieved and Rewritten in a few hours. You’re welcome to stay in our waiting room or tour the rest of the Office of Interdimensional Affairs and Fictional Stability until then. There may be bit of a wait on some portions of your dimension; it can be tricky to Retrieve some things.
Dukermin: Good to know. I think we’ll just wait? *settles into an uncomfortable metal chair*
(One terrible waiting room nap later…)
Dukermin: *wakes up and falls out of the chair* Ack, Nalitie, wake up! We should go see if Erscoga is back yet!
Nalitie: Oh! Yes, absolutely! *crunching from sleeping in a folding chair* Ugh, it’s been forever since the kids ate, too, they’re probably starving and my inventory doesn’t have baby food in it…
Dukermin: Mine neither, just floor beans. And my dog. Who probably ate all the floor beans.
Art: *the beans on him have dried into a thin crust all over his body*
Dukermin: And some people are in need of a shower. Let’s go! *opens a portal to where Termata should be and looks in.*
(This time, instead of a dreary bean factory, you see a quiet suburban street, with blue skies and what looks like an old motel just down the road.)
Dukermin: This looks correct! I think.
Nalitie: *peering through* I think that’s BOGOF Tacos…
Dukermin: Oh good, I’m starving. Hopefully I can order a taco without beans. *steps through*
Nalitie: *staying in the back to make sure everyone (including their prisoners) goes through*
Dukermin: *stomping the ground and poking walls to make sure nothing’s… voidy*
(After Art, Rob, Aubrey, and the GCL team goes through, Nalitie steps through the portal with her children and nibling. As she passes through into Erscoga, they all seem to shift in age again.)
Nalitie: *looking confused at Lisa and Leonard’s who, despite being twins, no longer appear to be the same age, and also Tobias who is drastically younger again* Uhhhh…. *has not noticed that she herself is much older now*
Dukermin: *turns around to check that everyone’s followed* *notices Nalitie and the kids* Whoa! What happened?
Nalitie: *talking only about the kids* I’m… not sure, I guess? Some sort of glitch from restoring the documents, I guess?
Dukermin: *looking at her own hands* Am I older, too? Why did you get older and not me?
Nalitie: WAIT I DID *attempting to look at herself and it’s not working*
Dukermin: LOOK *breaks into a motel room (easy because it’s not deadbolted) and runs out with a full length mirror* *holds it to Nalitie* See??
(Nalitie looks like she’s gotten another 6 years older on top of the five from earlier. She’s has to be, like, 30 at this point.)
Nalitie: huh… The first time…. Makes sense, I guess, because—uh. Because we entered time again, of course… But this time we shouldn’t have changed in time at all??? We marked “present” on that OIAFS form, right?
Dukermin: What if you keep getting older and you DIE and I’m left alone to rule Erscoga?? I can’t do that, I don’t know how bread taxes work!!!
Nalitie: I mean, we made up this economy so you can do whatever you want, really. But it’s not like I plan on dying any time soon.
Dukermin: Well, if you do, I’m getting rid of taxes. If we even have taxes. Cuz that seems like a lot of paperwork.
Nalitie: I think one of the Menards workers mentioned tax, once, but I’m not sure where our taxes go…
Dukermin: We should figure that out. But Not Right Now.
Nalitie: Right, we have… a bean factory to build, and prisoners to place, and, like… planets to check on.
Tobias: *motioning to Nalitie like they want to be picked up, looking a little tired and cranky*
Nalitie: *is carrying two babies already* Um…
Dukermin: *picks up Tobias* Yeah the kids are probably all hungry too. Uhh Tobias is younger now so like… what can they eat? When can kids eat regular food? Idk.
Nalitie: *attempting to discern how old anyone is; is bad at ages*
(Tobias appears to be maybe two years old. The twins are both pretty small, but Lisa is much smaller.)
Nalitie: We can just stop at my house, if we can find it. If my vent hole is there, we could keep Art and Rob there if we don’t feel like setting them up with their own place. Although I don’t know if we had anyone in there when we got Voided or whatever, so idk if it’s empty.
Dukermin: Wouldn’t hurt to check it out.
Nalitie: If it’s full, we could also keep them at one of the local hotels or something. Probably not back on Pluto this time, because that didn’t work so well for us last time. *shoots a nasty look in Art’s direction*
Dukermin: But first, I’m ordering tacos. Because I want to talk to Henry about all this. And because I want tacos. *goes into the motel and greets Henry at the BOGOF Tacos Desk*
Henry: *lights up as Dukermin walks in the door * Hello there, miss! Come for a taco? *is excitedly writing “TACO” on a pad of paper, prepared to hand her her order ticket*
Dukermin: Hi Henry, I do want a taco, two in fact. But also, did you notice anything strange like… just now? What have you been up to since the Christmas party at the Opera House?
Henry: I actually just got back from the party, miss! Ended a few minutes ago, since that nice lady who lives with her *jabs a thumb at Nalitie* told everyone to go home. And what lucky timing, too, since now I can be here to serve you :) Just got the kitchen up and running!
(Henry has turned on a gas-powered hotplate behind the desk.)
Dukermin: You didn’t notice any weird weather, or like strange behavior from other citizens, or like all of time slowing to a stop for a while because the document got deleted. I mean that would be crazy but… Nothing out of sorts?
Henry: Well, *is pouring some leftovers from the local school into a pan on top of the hotplate* there was that weird little earthquake thunderstorm before the party ended, but that’s stopped since I got back here. *stirs the Assorted Food* I am missing a few pages from my calendar, but I’m sure that’s just because I scrounged it out of the trash. *shrugs*
Dukermin: Cool. Just curious. *To Nalitie* Obviously we should still check other places, but it seems as though the Retrieval went well?
Nalitie: I guess so, yeah. I guess not much happened between us leaving the party and everything getting Voided…
Henry: *scooping what’s maybe taco meat onto some tortillas* Care for some beans, miss? I found some fresh cans under the… in the food storage place that I keep all of my ingredients, of course!
Dukermin: Oh, no thank you. Not today.
Art: *is standing in the back, still covered in a thin crust of refried beans*
Henry: *shrugs* suit yourself, then. Me, I find they help me feel closer to The Great One, although I will say that I’ve been feeling that way ever since I got back here. Must have been away from the mote…. from the restaurant for too long!
Dukermin: Yeesh. Um, well, thank you for the tacos! *takes the tacos and starts for the exit*
Tobias: *leaning as far away from the tacos as they can in Dukermin’s arms* *making a grumpy noise*
Dukermin: *offers one taco to Nalitie*
Nalitie: *takes it and inspects its contents* *the taco is definitely filled with a combination of chopped up Italian meatballs and orange chicken* Thanks…
Dukermin: Hey, you’re not supposed to look too closely, that’s not in the spirit of BOGOF Tacos *takes a bite* It’s very… yep. Anyway, should we go to yours?
Nalitie: Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. *quietly passes the taco to Rob*
Dukermin: *starts setting up a lunchbox to Nalitie’s.* *trying to offer the taco to Art “just to be polite” no other reason*
Art: *takes the taco* *has not eaten anything in an eternity; devours it* Thank you, human.
Dukermin: *lowkey impressed* You’re welcome! *gestures at everyone to go through the lunchbox*
Rob: *goes through the lunchbox, “accidentally” leaving the taco behind*
(You’ve all arrived in the yard outside of Nalitie’s house. It looks the same as ever–and thankfully it’s whole this time. There’s a light on at the far end of the house. The couch blasts into space.)
Dukermin: As if on cue! Excellent! *To Rob (and kinda Art)* so the vent hole is presumably in here, which you two could stay in for a while. Until we come up with a better option. *heads inside*
(The door is unlocked. Most of the lights are off, but the TV’s on at a low volume in the living room, and Willy Wonka is there, sitting in an armchair, wearing a pair of ear defenders. Down the hall, the light is on in Steven and Christine’s bedroom.)
Tobias: *actively trying to escape from Dukermin*
Dukermin: *sets Tobias down* *waves to Willy Wonka*
Willy Wonka: *still a little weirded out from their last encounter* *waves back awkwardly*
Tobias: *running down the hall to Christine* !!! *wraps their arms around her legs and sobs*
Christine: ??? *definitely had thought Tobias had just been at the Christmas Party with her, and maybe gone home with Nalitie or Dave or something*
Dukermin: *follows Tobias down the hall and sees Christine* Hey! Um, really long story. Tobias is probably pretty hungry. I would have gotten the kids some BOGOF tacos but I know you don’t really like them eating from there. For some reason.
Christine: I’m not sure we’ve ever been to BOGOF Tacos… But thank you. Er, did something happen on the walk home? *has picked Tobias up and is trying to soothe them*
Dukermin: Oh, nothing really. Heh, really nothing in a way. *trying to nonchalantly check in the crib to see if the other Tobias is there.”
Steven: *has literally just walked in the room with a (finally) sleeping Erscoga Tobias* *places him in his crib* Oh, hello Dukermin.
Ask Erik! Tobias: *has quieted down to hiccuping sobs* *refusing to loosen their grip on Christine at all*
Christine: If you say so… it’s just that they haven’t had an episode like this since the first time we asked Hope to babysit and left them at her house for the day… *walking towards the kitchen*
Dukermin: Yeah, well, maybe Nalitie can explain it all later in more detail. There were some voidy-nonsense things going on. We had to go fill out paperwork and that took forever.
Christine: Is that where you all went off to with that odd skeleton man? Steven and I had to close the party down since you never came back… We threw out that chip dip, by the way. *trying to offer Tobias a food she knows they like*
Dukermin: Aw man, really? Er, no big deal. Yeah I guess that’s kinda where we went off to? Actually, I have some questions for the skeleton man, but first, I’m gonna go check on the vent hole because we have some guests/prisoners who may stay there.
Christine: Alright…. *was not really listening; is trying to figure out why Tobias wants the applesauce packets that they haven’t wanted for like a whole year rather than the food they’ve been wanting for every meal recently*
Nalitie: *is sitting on the coffee table in the living room, in hushed conversation with Willy Wonka* *has made up two bottles and is feeding Lisa while he feeds Leonarda*
Art, Aubrey, Rob, and the GCL team: *standing awkwardly in the hallway*
Dukermin: GCL Team, you can probably go do whatever now. Actually, I’m glad we brought you back with us, because maybe the first hand experience will help GCL do whatever they need to do to like… catalogue what happened. If anything. Um Rob and Art, you can come with me!
Magnolia: *worried over all the paperwork she’s sure this whole ordeal is going to lead to*
Melody: *to Joshua* (I told you we could have left already!)
Joshua: *to Melody* (Hey man, I don’t know what planet you came from, but it’s rude to leave in the middle of a mission!)
Rob and Art: *following Dukermin into the VR room, towards the vent hole*
Dukermin: *looks around to see if everything seems in order* Hm, wait a second. Weren’t there some jerks in here before? Ack, that dastardly Bean Co.!
(The Vent Hole looks pretty normal. Two of the cells are open, and haven’t been occupied in a long time, it seems. One of them is shut and locked, but empty. Strange.)
Dukermin: Sigh. Oh well, I’m sure we would have had to release them anyway per our deal with Bean Co. But there are two already open cells for you guys! So… who wants the right and who wants the left?
Rob: Um….
Art: Excuse me, human. I realize that I am your prisoner, and therefore do not have much right to complain, but is there a way that I could clean these beans off before I am put back into captivity?
Dukermin: Oh! There is the bathroom cabinet. I can bring some stuff down. But maybe you want to actually hose off outside first. I don’t know if even a regular shower would do you much good at this point. *walks with the two prisoners back upstairs*
Nalitie: *is in the kitchen, cleaning bottles now that Lisanarda are FINALLY asleep in their cribs like normal*
Dukermin: *whispering* We’re gonna go outside quick, but could you like, stock the vent hole? I don’t know what you usually would leave down there for prisoners.
Nalitie: Hm, the vent hole hasn’t had any long-term prisoners in a while… *digging through her cabinets, pulling out snacks at random, filling her inventory*
Tobias: *has finally settled down with a snack, is looking sleepy in Christine’s lap (wouldn’t let her leave)*
(After hosing the beans off of Art and making sure the vent hole had basic necessities, the vent hole’s new prisoners are settled into their presumably temporary homes.)
(It is late, or perhaps very early. Steven, Christine, Willy Wonka, and the kids have finally all gone to bed, and all is quiet in Nalitie’s house. The first rays from Lux just peek over the horizon. Seems you’ve been up all night, if you can call it that. Not counting the terrible waiting room nap, of course.)
Nalitie: *in the living room with Dukermin* Ok, so… that’s settled. We should probably check on the other planets, or at least Pluto since they seemed the worst off when we left… Oh, and we have a bean factory to build somewhere above ground.
Dukermin: Pluto sounds like a good start *wanting to procrastinate building a bean factory as long as possible*
Nalitie: Yeah, it would be good to see how much of that stuff that was happening is, you know, still happening… *preparing a lunchbox portal*
(You head through the portal to Pluto. Pluto is… looking not quite as bad as it was when you left, but things are still pretty chaotic. The interdimensional portals in the sky have closed, at least, but the ones on the surface of the planet have left the glacier littered with holes. The part of the glacier with The Rock, Toriel’s house, and Alphys’s lab is still floating off the coast to the northeast, although it does not seem to be moving anymore.)
(There’s still laser-shooting unicorns flying in the sky. One of them starts Undyne’s house ablaze. You definitely hear Lydia and some of the heavy metal voices and what sounds like a choir sing commentary on this.)
Dukermin: Oooh. I mean. It’s been worse I guess.
Nalitie: I guess? At least no more portals are open…?
Dukermin: Capturing Lydia is probably a priority. But uh… *looks for Gaster*
(Undyne and that red-haired man in the large coat from earlier are using some of the melted glacier water to put out her house fire for once. Many of the monsters are milling about, trying to figure out what to do, especially since Toriel and Asgore are trapped on the piece of the glacier that floated away. The pink haired camera girl from earlier is alternating between attempting to freeze a bridge over to them and taking pictures of the scene.)
Dukermin: *Doesn’t immediately see Gaster milling about* Hm. *notices Toriel and Asgore’s situation and Undyne’s house* Say, Nalitie, do you wanna go see if you can help Undyne and I’ll go help those two?
Nalitie: Aye *salutes* *goes off towards Undyne’s house*
(Dukermin makes a bubble and bobs on over to where Toriel and Asgore have floated off to. She then sets up a lunchbox portal and teleports the trio back to stable land.)
(Undyne and the man–who introduces himself as Diluc–have put out a lot of the fire already. Nalitie uses her powers of flight which have been in her character sheet for who knows how long to dump a big bucket of water on the roof. Will this power be explored in Arc 3? Stay tuned to find out!)
Dukermin: Whoa! Since when could you fly??
Nalitie: I can fly???
Dukermin: Apparently!
Nalitie: That’s… odd. I guess I don’t really know why or since when? I’m coming up blank on the last time I would have flown without, like, a jetpack…
Dukermin: Void nonsense, maybe? Or you just haven’t checked your character sheet in a really long time. That seems silly, though.
Nalitie: Yeah, especially since we keep good track of that with the whole power cap business and writing down our magic points. Anyway, that fire’s out. How’s the, uh, broken off part of Pluto?
Dukermin: Oh, that’s long gone. I got Asgore and Toriel off of it, though! *Gestures emphatically to Asgore and Toriel*
(Asgore and Toriel are rallying the rest of the monsters to get Pluto back together–filling in some of the holes, and searching for Alphys and Asriel, who are still missing.)
Dukermin: *walks up to Gert* Hey, have you seen an unfamiliar skeleton man around here recently? We arrived with him earlier today.
Gert: OH WOW, IT’S YOU!!! I REMEMBER THAT!!! I THINK HE WENT INTO THAT HOUSE WHERE THE OTHER SKELETONS LIVE??? IT MUST BE A SKELETON HOUSE!
Gert’s Mom: *beleaguered sigh at Gert’s yelling*
Dukermin: Thanks, Gert. I suppose it is a skeleton house. *waves goodbye to Gert and Gert’s Mom and heads over to “the skeleton house”*
(You walk into Sans’n’Pap’s house. It smells like cigarette smoke. The light is on in the kitchen.)
Dukermin: *heads over to the kitchen* Hello..?
(A familiar skeleton man in a dark turtleneck is inspecting the contents of the fridge, confusedly perusing the spaghetti museum. He’s holding some leftover spaghetti chocolates in one hand. A white labcoat is folded neatly on the counter.)
Dukermin: Gaster, hello, we’ve just been through some very crazy stuff and hmmmm some things have come to light about your… background? Somewhat. However, I’m wondering if you remember what happened like. A couple hours ago.
Gaster: !! *turns around, looking even more confused* ☟︎🕆︎💣︎✌︎☠︎✍︎ ✋︎ ❄︎☟︎⚐︎🕆︎☝︎☟︎❄︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 🕈︎☜︎☼︎☜︎ ☝︎⚐︎☠︎☜︎📬︎📬︎📬︎
Dukermin: We were, but we’re back now. We are very powerful. *Doesn’t really have any background on what Gaster’s whole deal is but. Is trying to be intimidating just in case*
Nalitie: *confused and does not understand what Gaster is saying* Oh, is his voice broken like Art’s?
Gaster: *in Wingdings* Excuse you, human, that is incredibly rude. Wingdings is a legitimate font!
Dukermin: *translates* We need to get this thing to Alphys so we can manufacture more. *takes a second* OH MY GOODNESS ALPHYS’S LAB WAS ON THAT GLACIER WHY DID I JUST SKIM THAT PARAGRAPH! *runs out the door*
Nalitie: I guess her system is all messed up from all that prose earlier…
Gaster: ???????
(Nalitie stands around awkwardly in Sans and Papyrus’s kitchen, attempting to make small talk with Gaster despite the language barrier. She starts chanting preschool fingerplays to fill the silence.)
(Outside, Dukermin has been using the cosmic bubbles and copious amounts of rope to attach the floating glacier to land. She has gathered everyone to the edge and has handed everyone a rope.)
Dukermin: *also has a rope* Okay, pull on the count of three, 1! 2! 3!
(Some people pull on 3, and some confusedly start pulling right after 3)
Random monster: Wait, pull on 3 or after 3?
Dukermin: I literally said “ON 3”. Okay, 1! 2! 3!
(After many pulls, the floating glacier makes contact with the mainland. Dukermin commissions Diluc, the guy with fire powers to melt the ice at the fracture and Charlotte, the girl with ice powers, to refreeze the two masses back together. It takes a very long time. Asgore and Toriel reunite with Asriel and go check on their house which was apparently also on there but Dukermin can’t read.)
Nalitie: *in Sans’n’Pap’s house* *singing* And when they were up, they were up, and when they were down they were down, and when they were only halfway up they were neither up nor down! *claps once, on beat*
Gaster: *leaning against the counter with his hand on his forehead* ☟︎🕆︎💣︎✌︎☠︎ 🏱︎☹︎☜︎✌︎💧︎☜︎📬︎📬︎📬︎
Dukermin: *returns to the house*
Nalitie: *is holding up three fingers and making swimming motions* Three little fishies, swimming in the sea…. *sees Dukermin* Oh, good, you’re back!
Dukermin: The glacier is back now. *looks expectantly at Gaster, waiting for him to answer the question she asked like probably an hour ago.*
Gaster: *stares back, deadpan*
Dukermin: So..? Do you remember what all went down? Also like, what is your plan now?
Gaster: You’re going to have to be more specific, human. Do you mean the inane quest at that educational facility, or the fact that the information you gathered there had no effects on what was happening?
Dukermin: I stand by that cabbage soup recipe. No, I meant when Art, who is apparently another version of you, pushed us into the Void?
Gaster: What do you mean, another version of me?
Dukermin: It’s like, interdimensional voidy nonsense I think. There are a bunch of versions of you running about it seems. No big deal though. At least anymore. Since we survived your counterpart’s ridiculous plan. Meh actually, don’t worry about that right now. What are you planning to do now? Do you want to like… go back where you came from at all?
Gaster: … I do have work to be getting back to there. Although I suppose we’ve established that you don’t care much about it, seeing as though I’m still here. *definitely still believes a little that he’s dead and in Hell*
Dukermin: I have no idea what any of that means. And I also don’t know who you really are and what your overall intentions are. But, we’ve got some guests staying back at Nalitie’s house, that I think eventually you should chat with. Nalitie, do you think you have some space yet?
Nalitie: *thinking through the rooms in her house, and also thinking that the third cell in her vent hole still has Bean Co. guys in it* Um…. he could sleep in bathtub??? Or the armchair in the living room, but that might be kind of loud. I don’t really want to use my VR room as a bedroom because that sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Dukermin: Do either of those spaces sound appealing? Otherwise I’ve got a nice rock you could sleep on for the night.
Gaster: I’m surprised you didn’t suggest that I just lie on the floor. I suppose you think I should be grateful.
Nalitie: *did not understand anything he just said* Actually, I need that armchair for when the couch is missing. Bathtub it is!
Dukermin: Bathtub it is! Aren’t you grateful? *starts to leave the house to make a portal*
Gaster: ….
(The trio walks outside. As Dukermin prepares a lunchbox portal to Nalitie’s house, a quartet of Monster Kids are jumping around, singing.)
Gert: *using his loud calling out voice and NOT his singing voice* OH, THE GRAND OLD DUKE OF YORK! HE HAD TEN THOUSAND MEN!
(The Monster Kids, full of energy as their parents are busying themselves with repairing the town, crash into Gaster.)
Monster Kid 2: Merry Christmas, skeleton!
Gaster: 👌︎✌︎☟︎✏︎ ☟︎🕆︎💣︎👌︎🕆︎☝︎✏︎
Dukermin: *out of habit, translates out loud*
Monster Kid 2: *to the other kids* What’s a “humbug”??
Nalitie: Don’t be cross, Gaster!
Gaster: What else can I be, when I live in such a world of fools as this?
(The trio go through the lunchbox and find themselves at Nalitie’s house. Lux is risen above the horizon by now. Christine is preparing for her day of work. Bee sits in a booster seat at the table, eating another applesauce packet.)
Dukermin: *knows there’s a lot more that should be done, but hasn’t slept in what feels like ages, aside from in a waiting room chair.* *Waves goodbye and starts to head to her own house*
Nalitie: *was definitely zoning out a little* *suddenly jerks awake* WAIT WE FORGOT LYDIA
Dukermin: *still walking away* Shhhhh sh shhhhs shhhhhshhhh bedtime. I’ll ask Candle Grandma to email Papyrus. If she’s willing to listen to me now.
Nalitie: *shrugs* Okie dokie. C’mon Gaster, the bathtub’s this way. *leads him to the bathroom, where Dave is brushing his teeth*
(Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about Nalitie’s bathroom, except that it was very small. It is also a fact, that Gaster had seen it, exactly once, during his and Dukermin’s tour of that place; also that Gaster had as little of what is called fancy about him as any man in the Underground, even including—which is a bold word—the CORE, monarchy, and Royal Guard. Let it also be borne in mind that Gaster had not bestowed one thought on Art, since his last mention of his interdimensional counterpart that afternoon. And then let any man explain to me, if he can, how it happened that Gaster, settling into the bathtub, saw in the faucet, without its undergoing any intermediate process of change—not a faucet, but Art’s face.)[1]
(As Gaster looked fixedly at this phenomenon, it was a faucet again.)
Gaster: … *assumes he must be hallucinating* *adjusts the singular blanket Nalitie gave him* *looks around, inspecting the bathroom before settling into “bed”*
(He heard the front door slam somewhere out in the entryway as Christine left for work. It was succeeded by a clanking noise, deep down below; as if some person were dragging a heavy chain over the caskets in Nalitie’s basement. Gaster then remembered to have heard that ghosts in haunted houses were described as dragging chains. The child gate over the vent hole flew open with a booming sound, and then he heard the noise much louder, on the floor below; then coming up the stairs; then coming straight towards the bathroom door.)
Gaster: It’s humbug still! I won’t believe it!
(The bathroom door creaks open. Gaster turns toward the door, and Art’s cracked mask, that of Gaster’s interdimensional counterpart, swims out of the darkness. Gaster watches, unable to speak.)[2]
* I believe it’s your line...
Gaster: What do you want with me?
* Much.
Gaster: Who are you?
* Ask who I was.
Gaster: Who were you?
* In existence, I was the Royal Scientist, though you know me now as S. G. Art.
Gaster: That’s my job.
* And so too you are.
Gaster: Why do you come here?
* I must. It is commanded me. I must wander the multiverse and see what I can no longer share, what I would not share when I walked where you do.
Gaster: And must go thus?
* The chain? Look at it, Gaster, study it. Locks and puzzles and EXP. I forged it, each link, each day when I sat in your lab, commanded those rooms. Sullenness, Gaster, violence. Feel them, know them. Yours was as heavy as this I wear, and you have labored to build it since.
Gaster: If you’re here to lecture, I have no time for it. It is late, this bathtub is cold. I want comfort now.
* I have none to give. I know not how you see me this night. I did not ask it. I have sat invisible beside you many and many a day. I am commanded to bring you a chance, Gaster. Heed it!
Gaster: Quickly then, quickly.
* You will be haunted by three spirits.
Gaster: *Scoffing* Is that the chance?
* Mark it.
Gaster: I do not choose to.
* Then you will walk where I do, burdened by your experiments, your wrath.
Gaster: Spirits mean nothing to me.
(Art, with his cracked mask, leaking face, and amorphous dark body, begins to fade away in the hazy light of the bathroom’s night light.)
* Look to see me no more. I must wander.
Gaster: Art… Don’t leave me! ... Art! Art!
* Goodbye, Gaster.
(Gaster pulls shut the shower curtains. Just as he begins to fall asleep, the couch can be heard crashing back down through the roof. He jerks awake, and the first spirit appears. It appears as a tall skeleton child clothed in a green hospital gown, his hands unmarred and his eyesockets still full of optimism.)
(To be continued…)
~•*•~
(Previous)
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(Table of Contents)
[1] Adapted from Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol from this point on.
[2] With some parts adapted from the stage version by Frederick Gaines.
(You all approach the nondescript white building that is TreeGrass Institutes. The sign out front has the logo and name on it, unassuming and uninformative. The air here in the Second Circle feels a little clearer, although you still feel the distinct pull of the Circles below you, trying to bring you back in.)
Dukermin: *Doesn’t want to bring the kids into TreeGrass, but also doesn’t want to make Nalitie go in by herself* *To Nalitie* Are these GCL people good at babysitting at all?
Nalitie: I mean… they’re all teenagers that we’ve declared responsible enough to serve as a team of guardians for the multiverse, and Lisa and Leonarda are babies who don’t do anything because we strangely don’t have hunger or tiredness here? So like it’d just be Bee they have to worry about, I guess.
Dukermin: Good enough. *To GCL team and Aubrey* Hey, we’re going to leave the kids with you six. *hands off Lisa to Melody* So you don’t have to go into TreeGrass, you’re welcome. Akeldama and Art, can you come with us?
Nalitie: *handing Leonarda to Lian*
Art: *awkwardly finding a place to put down Bee* If you think it will help.
“Fine, but it’s not my fault if these kids Fall further back into The Void,” Akeldama says. “And I doubt going in there is going to bring you any closer to leaving, but I suppose I’ve learned by now that you don’t see this as nearly as urgent as it is.”
Dukermin: Wow what a kind thing to say! I promise we won’t take too long. *heads into TreeGrass*
Nalitie: *following*
Bee: *whines* *in Wingdings* don’t go :(
(Art waves goodbye to them, then follows you in, Akeldama close behind. You enter into the main area of TreeGrass Institutes, a hallway leading down to countless other doors. To your left is what looks like an office. The lights, thankfully, are on all the way down the hallway. The plates on all of the doors are blacked out, as if they’ve been redacted, but they look like classrooms.)
Dukermin: *checks the office*
(The office has a desk in the center of it, with a blank nameplate sitting on it. It is covered in papers, but they’re all either blank or covered in gibberish. There is a stack of file folders on one end of the desk, in much the same condition. There are photos of people on the fronts of the folders, but you can’t make out their faces at all.)
Dukermin: So hard to tell if this is all weird void stuff or if TreeGrass is just like this. *pokes the paper pile*
Pile: *falls off the desk*
Nalitie: *is poking around through the papers and files* TreeGrass has been like this for a while, although this seems… somewhat worse?
Dukermin: So, lately the memories have seemed to be tied to the location they were from. So I’m guessing we’re gonna want to find someplace that maybe someone would have had you know… a strong memorable experience… unfortunately…
“Ugh, is that what this diversion is for? I thought I told you… ugh, nevermind. I’m going back outside. Find me when you’re ready to be serious about getting out of here.” Akeldama leaves.
Dukermin: Oh is she going to check the other rooms - oh she’s leaving. Okay then. Let’s go down… this hallway. *heads deeper into TreeGrass*
Nalitie and Art: *following close behind*
(At the end of this hallway, there are two doors marked with actual letters! But they’re about as incomprehensible as before: one door is marked with “K------T------” and the other with what looks like either a “C” or a “K,” “a,” and “y.”)
Dukermin: Gggh *peeks into the K-T- one*
Nalitie: These are probably Kaytee and Kathrine’s offices. I haven’t been back here much since they came to Erscoga.
(The “K–T–” room is, indeed, an office. The walls are painted a soft lavender color, and there’s a desk in the center of the room. A comfortable-looking (if dusty) armchair sits in the corner near an equally dusty coffee table. There are papers strewn about the room, as unreadable as the ones you found earlier. Otherwise, the office is empty.)
Dukermin: Nothing in there. *cracks open the door to the other office and peeks in*
(The other office looks more like a small laboratory, with a lot of machinery you can’t place strewn about. Three women—one with short blonde hair, gray eyes, and an imposing figure; a tall redhead in a smart blue halter dress; and one with dark brown hair and a crazed look in her eyes—stand around a workbench in the center of the room staring vacantly into space like Aubrey was before she was awakened by Art.)
Dukermin: *slowly closes the door and turns around* Nothing in there either. Let’s go somewhere else! *turns around and goes down the opposite hallway opening every door along the way*
(Most of them are plain-looking classrooms, with lots of chairs, projectors, and whiteboards. One “classroom,” though, has a very gross-looking corner with an operating table in it, in addition to the normal chairs, projectors, and whiteboards. A variety of scalpels, chisels, and clipboards is also in the corner.)
Nalitie: *looks in and immediately steps back out* Nope.
Art: ???
Dukermin: Very cool room, super normal. *Is suddenly reminded of their “bestie” Gaster for some reason hmm* Let’s go upstairs?
Nalitie: Let’s go literally anywhere else, yes. *absentmindedly rubbing her left forearm* *already leaving*
Dukermin: *leads everyone upstairs*
Nalitie: *stops outside of one of the doors upstairs* You said the memories might be in people’s like… notable locations, right? If so, maybe we should try this room.
Dukermin: *opens the door and checks the room*
(The room is small, maybe 10’ x 15’, with a rickety bunk bed, a wooden desk, and an empty chest of drawers that looks like it has been here forever. The walls are a plain white brick with peeling paint, and the carpet is a dingy gray color, faded in the middle from use and covered in suspicious-looking stains. The window is sealed shut.)
(At the top of the bunk bed is a cluster of pixels, wrapped in a bloody scrap of fabric.)
Nalitie: *gracelessly scales the bunk bed* *flicks the fabric away, not sure whose blood that is* *unjumbles the memory*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind.)
(She sits in the conference room, running the figures over and over again. This kind of population increase is unprecedented for Erscoga, and worse, she knows by the amount of Main Characters they have that it has to be compromising the other dimensions. She does the math in her head again, trying to discern the Chaos load Erscoga can take before it becomes a target. It doesn’t look good.)
(She sighs in frustration, and pulls up the folder of paperwork she stole off of the GCL computers. She can at least try to figure out where to put some of these people when they leave, she supposes.)
(You know immediately that the memory is yours, and the little fragment of your SOUL slots itself back into place.)
Nalitie: *suddenly remembers everything* *reeling a little* *stares intently at Art*
Art: *does not notice, is poking around the little room, opening all of the dresser drawers, wiping dust off of the desk*
Dukermin: *To Nalitie* So… how’s it going…?
Nalitie: … I think we’ve found all we need to find in here. Let’s go… *climbing down*
Dukermin: *leaves TreeGrass*
Nalitie: *pulls Dukermin aside as they all walk back outside*
Art: *goes on ahead towards the others, who are thankfully still there*
Nalitie: Hey uh… what’s the last thing you remember…?
Dukermin: I remember giving the cabbage soup recipe to Art.
Nalitie: Yyyeah. So you don’t remember what happened after that and how we got here?
Dukermin: No, I’ve been under the impression that we were too late and got got, but after hearing that one memory from Art I’ve been not-so-sure.
Nalitie: Right yeah, so… Um, the last thing I remember is him pushing us through… probably a portal or something, and it might have been something Undertale related because I think Alphys was there, and then we ended up here.
Dukermin: *gasp* Oh my goodness, I do remember falling now, and… it got all rainbow-y? I think?
Nalitie: *mutters* rainbow colors… *to Dukermin* That’s what I saw in that portal that I think our BFF Gaster came from.
Dukermin: Does it seem suspicious to you that, okay. Aubrey recognized Gaster as Mr. Face Man, and Gaster speaks Wingdings and seems to have some sort of void connection, and now we think that we were voided through Gaster’s dimension in some way. And also that S. G. Art is, like, weirdly similar sounding to Gaster OMG it’s almost literally an anagram like if somebody just, like, forgot the E.
Nalitie: Are you thinking Art is secretly our BFF Gaster? But they were in the same place at the same time and Art, like, has vocal cords which skeletons do not.
Dukermin: Yeah, no I don’t think they’re the same person. But they’re obviously connected in some way. I’m not sure if Gaster and Art were working together, but Art was sort-of-kind-of in control of the portals - indirectly.
Nalitie: Hm… So… what’s the game plan now? Like, if Art really did put us here then why is he helping us leave? Or maybe he’s not…? But he’s really going along with a lot of this if he doesn’t want us to leave…
Dukermin: He probably wants to leave too. And is just hoping he can tag along with us.
Nalitie: Probably, it sucks in here. But if we bring him back, is he gonna mess up Erscoga again?
Dukermin: I don’t feel good about leaving him here. Or anybody for that matter. I want to know what his goal was. Maybe we should just be straight up with him at this point, confront him and see if there’s any reason for us to bring him back with us. At the very least we could return that memory because there’s no reason for us to keep it, especially if we decide to leave him here. I don’t know why I care so much about that, but something feels weird about leaving someone in that position.
Nalitie: True, true. Ok. Yeah, we can do that, now that we have the full picture. But we should probably keep moving.
(Behind you, as if on cue, the TreeGrass sign crumbles into pixelated dust.)
Dukermin: Ooh. Alright then. *looks around for other platforms*
“Are we leaving, finally?” Akeldama asks, her mood more sour than ever. “It’s difficult to stay in these upper Circles, especially with all of this debris you picked up on the way.”
Dukermin: Oh I love brie. Yeah, we should probably move a little quicker from here on out.
(Around you, the platforms have become sparse again. There’s one ahead with a checkerboard floor, and another with a disco ball. A pair of jorts floats past.)
Dukermin: *floats toward the platform with the disco ball*
(As you approach the disco platform, lights turn on on the floor, and you hear music. Additionally, the air around you lightens, looking visibly like TV static instead of the neverending darkness you’ve grown accustomed to. The silence becomes noticeably louder.)
“Ugh, thank goodness. We’ve finally made it. There should be a weak spot somewhere in this Circle; it’s the closest to reality by far,” Akeldama says. She starts looking around.
Magnolia: *frowns* Why does this look familiar…?
Dukermin: Hmm, well it is the closest to reality, so maybe you’ve seen bits of it on your travels? We’ve definitely peered into the Void on occasion.
Magnolia: Maybe…
Dukermin: So what other roadblocks could we come across when trying to leave? Will there be like… monsters trying to keep us in?
Art: *holding Bee’s hand again* I suppose the biggest problem you’ll face is that it’s not possible to simply walk out of The Void. You may find a weak spot, but not an open door. Akeldama is simply optimistic, I suppose.
Dukermin: Well if a closed door is the problem, we shouldn’t have to worry about that cuz I’ve still got my Key of Everything Opens For It.
Art: *under breath* Key of Everything Opens For It… curious.
(Nalitie stands around on the disco floor with the GCL team and Aubrey while Akeldama floats around looking for a weak spot. She peers into the distance, looking around at the other platforms.)
Dukermin: So uhhh. We found another memory of yours, Art. Do you want it?
Art: *Oh… *putting a hand to his chest, over his SOUL* If you are able to, that would be much appreciated.
Dukermin: *motions Nalitie over and does the goop transfer*
(The fragment of memory removes itself from your skin, reforming into a large ball of white light. You return Art’s compassion. The fragment reabsorbs itself into Art’s SOUL, but nothing dramatic happens.)
Art: Ah… oh dear…
Dukermin: Yeah, so we should probably have a little conversation about all this.
Nalitie: *to Bee* Hey, Bee, let’s go play with the GCL team for a minute. Maybe Lian has her ribbon and can show you her dance. *takes their hand and starts leading them away*
Bee: *looking back at Art and Dukermin anxiously*
Dukermin: So obviously, we now know what actions were taken to result in all of us being here. We don’t understand what your and Akeldama’s goals were. Especially since you two are both trapped here with us as a result.
Art: Ah… oh, my dears… I must confess to you, it was never in our plan to be here with you. I will admit, this entire thing has been a selfish diversion, the actions of a man desperate to leave this cursed place, willing to sacrifice the multiverse and his poor child in order to do it, and… … Children, you do not deserve to be here. I’m afraid no one does.
Dukermin: But you were already free. You were living in Erscoga, why would you destroy the place that was willing to take you in? And the people that rescued you to begin with?
(Art looks away from you, gazing in the direction of Akeldama.)
Art: *turning back* I did not intend to destroy Erscoga, my dears. But bringing those refugees to your dimension, exploiting my dear Aubrey’s powers… This was the deal I made with Akeldama, that she would take advantage of your descent to trap Sans and Papyrus here for me, and I would attract the Apynteu to you for her. … Although now that I say it out loud, I am unsure why I thought those two skeletons were an issue in the first place. I apologize, my dears, I am afraid my memories are not what they used to be.
Dukermin: What is your connection to Gaster?
Art: In countless timelines across that particular universe, the character you know as W. D. Gaster has fallen into this place in one way or another, and I was one of them. … Incidentally, it was through Observing these fragments of myself that I was able to rescue the W. D. Gaster you consider your friend before he was to be erased, through our dear Aubrey. … I must caution you now, though, that this particular fragment of me is more dangerous than you know, my dears.
Dukermin: That’s becoming clear to me. Gaster seemed to recognize Sans and Papyrus from Erscoga, although they didn’t recognize him.
Art: No, I suppose they wouldn’t…
Nalitie: Ok, so assuming Erscoga is destroyed like we think it is… What do you mean you didn’t intend to destroy it? What did you think was going to happen when you deleted us?
Art: I will admit that I hadn’t been thinking as clearly as I ought to have. As you had been able to traverse here freely before, we had assumed that Erscoga would remain intact, and the only lasting consequence would be Sans and Papyrus’s absences, and that you would be able to return with Akeldama as if nothing happened. … And between us, I assumed that you would be able to handle the Apynteu’s presence upon your return. You have proven yourselves to be remarkably powerful Authors.
Dukermin: Akeldama wanted the Apynteu to come to Erscoga. And you went along with it thinking we would just magically reappear and save everyone. Do you know why Akeldama wanted the Apynteu to come to Erscoga, specifically?
Art: The Apynteu consumes dimensions to fuel itself. The locale you have created is unique, my dears, able to house a large population from diverse dimensions without having attracted its attention before our involvement. With the number of worlds associated with your dimension, the Apynteu would gain much power.
Dukermin: So you were taking a lot of chances and messing with a very dangerous force just to… get rid of Sans and Papyrus. And you don’t remember why that was soooo important.
Art: Not only to remove them from the picture, but to finally be free from this not-place. I suppose I feared that they might put me back here, although I cannot think of a specific incident that would have led me to that conclusion. It is difficult to recall my past before The Void.
Nalitie: *thinking* That’s what all that was in that memory about Sans and Papyrus. How you were related to them but not related to them, and they were your brothers and sons and mortal enemies all at once somehow.
Dukermin: It’s some sort of confusing dimension crossover. Like Santa, I think. How every Santa has all the memories of other Santas. Although, the Gaster that came to our dimension does not have that experience. As far as we know.
Art: No, I don’t suppose he does. Do you recall that strange duo who I brought to your world, Evelyn and Joy? The best I could explain it is more like that, where I have access to their minds and realities, but they do not have the same access in return.
Dukermin: So there are versions of Gaster that were deleted as a result of Sans and Papyrus’s actions.
Art: Somewhere out there, yes. Your “friend” included.
Dukermin: Right. But the Erscoga versions have no connection to Gaster and therefore have no reason to make that happen, unless, of course, some version of Gaster decides to do some silly crap like this. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nalitie: *staring off into the distance* Hey, not to interrupt, but does anyone else see that guy over there? *gestures to a house a few platforms away, with a tall, lanky, one-eyed guy on it*
Dukermin: *squinting* Oh yeah, I don’t recognize that person from Erscoga.
Nalitie: That might be… *also squinting* I think he might be from The Amazing World of Gumball? But that shouldn’t be here because of Erscoga, no.
Dukermin: Hm, a character that exists in a show but is in the Void? Let’s go say hi! *floats over*
Nalitie: *follows her, gesturing for Art and the GCL people and Aubrey to come too* *has no idea where Akeldama is at but frankly doesn’t care because she’s been rude the whole time*
Dukermin: *waving* Hey, over here!
(The person looks up at you. You can see now that he has a big, gray, polyhedral head. One of his arms is comprised of TV static. He has a few planes on his head that look like brown hair.)
???: … Hello?
Dukermin: My name is Dukermin, who are you?
???: My name is Rob. Um, you have a pretty big group here. Did you… come here on purpose?
Dukermin: Ehhhh not exactly. Although it was all perfectly avoidable. We’re looking for a weak spot. Know anything about what that would look like?
Rob: A weak spot…? I don’t think there’s really a way out of here, unless the way you came in is still open. That’s how the last people got out.
(Art is just staring at Rob, radiating an air of confusion.)
Dukermin: We entered way back in like… the 8th circle or something. So we’re not going back there. Where did the last people enter? Did they come here on purpose?
Rob: *bitterly* Yeah, they were looking for Molly. That closed right as we went through it, not that our world is still up anyway. I guess I could show you where it was, though, you seem confident that you have a way out.
Dukermin: That would be great.
(Rob shrugs and leads you off into The Void. You approach a big rock that looks like a ramp, leading up into nothing but TV static. The static here does feel a little lighter, buzzing with energy. The space around you looks... weird here. Like there's some sort of a weak spot in the fabric of The Void.)
Dukermin: Hey, look! A weak spot in the Void! Hey where’s Akeldama? I don’t really want to bring her back with us but you know it’s like when you know there’s a spider in your room and it disappears and that’s scarier somehow.
Nalitie: *looking around* I… don’t see her right now? I guess she’s dropped conveniently out of the plot for now, we took too long giving out exposition earlier.
Dukermin: Oh excellent! Well, Art, here’s the deal. You can come back with us. But! Things can’t just go back to the way they were. You messed up and you’ll suffer the consequences.
Nalitie: Yeah… we’re not doing this a third time.
Art: … *form seems a little shaky* After everything, you would still release me from The Void…?
Dukermin: “Release” is not the right word. We’re transferring you from one prison to another. If you’re really as dangerous as we all believe, we want to keep an eye on you. You’ll start off in a cell, and if you have good behavior we may find a different arrangement but that’s not for certain.
(He trembles and buries his face in his sleeves, where his hands would be. His face never changes, but you can see dark tears escape from his eyes, tracking down his face.)
Art: My dears, I’m afraid you don’t realize what a gift this still is. A prisoner in your world I may be, but having any role in a Storyline is far preferrable to nonexistence here.
Rob: *under his breath* I feel that. *to Art* I tried that whole villain thing back in my world after those guys brought me back, but it wasn’t really worth it. And I was pretty bad at it. It’s not as fun as it seems, weird shadow man.
Dukermin: Hey, maybe you want to come with us! We could put you in a cell, too. Since you just admitted to being prone to villainy.
Rob: I mean, that was just the role that Gumball suggested for me, everything else was taken in our world… I don’t have to be a villain.
Dukermin: Right, well until we find a better role for you, your role could be “guy in cell”.
Rob: … oh. I guess.
Dukermin: Or you can stay here. We’re a little wary of void strangers at the moment.
Rob: No, no, if you’re offering I’ll come with you. Shadow Man is right, pretty much anything is better than here. If you think you can get out of here somehow, I guess, it’s pretty much impossible to leave The Void unscathed… I’ll have to grab some things first, though.
Dukermin: Oh sure, yeah pack your bags! We’re getting out of here!
(Rob disappears into the house. Nalitie keeps an eye out for Akeldama. The GCL teens entertain the children.)
Aubrey: You think we’re going to be able to get out of here? I’ve been trying with my powers, but… They haven’t been working since all of that stuff in Erscoga. I must have exhausted them or something with all of the portals.
Dukermin: We’ll figure it out. We’ve been able to leave before.
(Rob returns, carrying a small wooden box. He trips over a stone, and a handful of oddly-shaped keys spill out.)
Dukermin: Whoops. *helps pick them up*
Rob: Oh, wait—
Nalitie: *also bending down to help*
(Dukermin and Rob pick up keys uneventfully. Nalitie picks up a brown, square key, turns to put it in the box, and it disappears.)
Nalitie: ????
)̸̨̢̧̖͇͖̙͍̥̰̫̠̪̞̫̾̿̈̑̕(̴̫̾̈́̊̚)̸̰͉̬͉̗̾̀͋̏͑͒̄͂͜͠@̴̧̞͚͔̥͖̪̯̇̐̋̅̽͑̓̋̔̿̀̄̚Ȏ̵̡̱̥̘̗̩̠̓̾K̷̡̩̞̗̫̗̣̤͓̱̥̩̜͍͋͋͌̂͑͋̓̉͗̄̔͜͝D̷̝͚̹̫̻̹͓̙͚̗͓̯̦̬̀̇̕1̶̧̮̰͕̫̯̫̤̏͛͐̄͆̈́̈̓̉̈́͋̚: Ah… how interesting.
(The platform beneath you shifts, removing itself from under your feet. The keys that weren’t in the box float in the aether along with you, and Rob hastily puts them back in the box. Bee clings to the closest person.)
Dukermin: Oh hey! Long time no see!
Rob: Oh… it’s you…?
Art: Dukermin, you are familiar with Our Friend, The Void Itself…?
Dukermin: Yeah, we’re friends on Cosmail. And we chatted a bit ago, he gave us the test tube of stuff for returning memories.
Art: I see…
9̸̜̣̱̱̉8̴̻̬̮͈̜̈́͊͐̒̏̑̊͒͝i̸̡̧̙̝̘̤̖̰͙͓̣̗̗̱͋͠ò̸̗͔̝̺̽ͅd̵̗̝̟̬̬̫͎͇͇̲́̍̀̚ͅć̴̱̗̤̞͙̣̯͎̩̺͉ġ̷̡͈̗̻̞̞͙̳̮̮͇̔̄̎̑̒̈͂͜͠]̸̘͙̩̟̲̻̫̬͇̘̟̺̀͋̂͆: Your journey has indeed been interesting, mortals… Amusing, certainly.
Dukermin: Yeah, and I think it’s coming to a close! I’d ask you if you wanted to leave with us but… This seems to kinda be your place.
į̷͕̫̻̽͗́j̷̢̡̲̘̼̝̰̆́͐͋̆̈́n̶̡̡̨̬̮̖̦̰͕͖̬̖̔̃̿̔͗̃̈́̎͆̎̀̍͜f̶̲͇͉̣̳̱̭̊͌̓̚ͅ;̸̧̢̛̛̯͙͎̺̹͓̒̉́̓̌̎̽̀̄͂͑h̴̨̧̢̛̜͚̻̰͇̩͑̓̓̐̋̃͌̈́́ų̵̹͉͈̪̳͚̦̞̝̯̾̊͑̿̍̈̓p̴̧̤͕̹̬̪̋̎̉̂́͛̑̆͘͝: *chuckles* I am certain your friend W. D. Gaster could tell you of the disastrous consequences of my last visit to reality…
Dukermin: Righttt… anyway. I think we’re going to go. Do you have any tips on leaving and not getting all… messed up and weird cuz it sounds like that can happen sometimes.
-̵̟̈́9̵̡͈̭̼̘͙͋̆̍̎̒͌͌̒̚0̴͒͊̐͌̍̇̓̌̅̈́͑͘͜͝i̷̠̬̱͑̒̎̆͋̉͛̔͗'̴̢̟͔͓͓̦̥͋̀̽͋̿̃́̽̅̀̚͘͝p̸̛͈̉̋̀̌̐̊̈́̋̕͘͝k̸̛̛̤̓̇̐͒͋̍͗"̶̡̭͕͚̫̹̣̘̳̙̱̥̓̓̈͜: I’m afraid I am more the expert on living in this place, not leaving it. Certainly I am not what’s keeping you here…
Dukermin: Oh good. Well, it’s been nice to chat in person, I’ll text and let you know how we fare on the outside.
\̶̡̡̢̢̛̫̖͇͇̪̝̂̂̀̊̌̎̃̃͒-̶̦͉͕̘̯͛͛͒̽͘ͅǒ̷̞̯̫̆͝â̸̱̮̬̜̻̏̔̔͌́̓̿̇͛̏͠p̴̢̞̤̖̝̞̥̦̜̜̘̟̳̞̫̏̍̇̓̈̈́̅̐̀̄̀̆̚͠f̶͔̞̝̜̦̹̬͚̻̠̩͐̈͂̐̌̈á̴̡̢̞̠͙̼͙͖͕́̈̾͜2̷̤͓̺̮̳̞̻͓͉͎̃́́̽͝: Either way, I am certain it will be… very, very interesting, particularly with the crew you have assembled: Dukermin, Scion of Limbo, Unfulfilled Promise of The Void; *turns to Art* W. D. Gaster, Scion of Wrath, Herald of The Void; *turns to Nalitie, who is inspecting the dark—familiar looking—key that has appeared around her neck* and Nalitie Wonka, Scion of Fraud and Treachery, Vagrant of the Multiverse. Yes, what an intriguing bunch. I am sure your futures will be… quite eventful…
Dukermin: Oh… okay. That was a lot. Seems like a problem for another arc. Let’s get out of here before Akeldama shows back up. Art, you’re able to peek through the void into Reality, could you open a window so we can see where we’ll be entering? *starts floating up to the weak spot*.
Art: I suppose it depends on where you would like to go. I can Observe nearly anywhere from here, child, but I’m afraid those viewpoints only function as—as you said—windows.
Dukermin: Well, let’s look at Erscoga.
(Nothing happens.)
Dukermin: Oh right, it’s deleted. Uhh, how about Ask Erik!?
(Art obliges, opening a window peering into Ask Erik!. You’re viewing a quiet suburban street, lined with houses. The Void Itself watches in interest.)
Dukermin: Ok, everybody hold hands. I hope this works. *grabs Nalitie’s hand and pulls out her Key of Everything Opens For It*
From a distance, you hear Akeldama’s voice call out: “Oh, finally, you found it! Ugh, and that thing is here again, too.”
/̶͕̐̓͆;̶̨̫̩̞̪͇̩̫̟̠̟̇̓̉̿́̓͜͝Ĺ̸̤̥͖͚͔͚̼̗͓͉͙̿̎̇̏̏͝'̶̡͔̬̠̭͔͓͔͒͋̔̾͒̍͘͜p̷̢͇͉͚̖̝͇̲̣̀͌̇́̊̄͌͌̃͆͘͠i̶̛̯͉̠̲̰̼͎͍͗͆̑̿̉͑́͝[̷̧̨̡̛̝̫͈̘̞̤̼̫͇͔̿̓̐̇̊̉̄́͑̋́͑̽ͅͅą̴̰͙̟̱̰̗̣̱͕͖͝: How rude…
Dukermin: Oh this is awkward!
Art: *quietly, to Dukermin* Child, I am afraid not all of us can leave here. The Void must always have a host, and if Akeldama comes with us, as far as I know it will be empty…
Dukermin: That seems problematic, but we’ll worry about that later! *uses the key to unlock the window*
Akeldama is quickly approaching you.
Dukermin: Hey G00pgas1, you should give Akeldama a piece of your mind about her rude behavior to you! *turns the key*
(The film between you and reality dissolves, and you can sense an overwhelming amount of things through the now-open door: a light breeze, the sounds of nature, the warmth of the sun.)
-̷̢̛̤̠̺̯͔̻̤̬͙͍̟̠̠̗̈́̈́̆͊̈̎̕̕͝[̵̟͔͇̖̣̻̣͔͎̯̬̝̯̎̈́̚͠ͅ9̷̟̐̍̓̊̚[̷̱̱͆̽̏̊͋͠p̷̛̝̟̱̯̘͊̓̒͆̂̒̂̉̀͐̂̕"̵̬̟̫̰̙̹̺̺͋̊́̓́̉̊̄̂̂̃̈́̀̄ͅw̵̗̠̳͚̹͖̤͍̞̃̆̏ȩ̴̨͍̰̹͈̲͍̘̼͙͓͙̯̤͋̍̒̌͊̐̃̅̆̎: I do not answer to you, human, friends though we may be. *is also a little salty that she didn’t take its dog advice*
Dukermin: It was just a suggestion! *turns to Nalitie* I’ll make sure she doesn’t go through. *moves to the side and starts pushing each person through the window*
(Akeldama pushes past The Void Itself, closing in on Dukermin. She reaches out as if to hold on to some part of her.)
Dukermin: *C’s a spear at an angle to block Akeldama’s grasp* *slips through the window*
(You go through the window, and you briefly see Akeldama press up against it, as if running into glass, just before it closes with a pop. Your surroundings are almost blindingly bright in comparison to The Void, and almost too loud. Bee covers their ears and cries in protest. The twins wake up, also crying. Nalitie pulls her children and her nephew close, sighing in relief. Art takes in his surroundings, holding his arms out wide.)
(Within Dukermin, Candle Grandma breathes a sigh of relief, and promptly falls asleep.)
Dukermin: *flops on the ground* Ahh… grass… Hey, that was a close one… *looks over to Nalitie* Wait a minute! What the heck!
(Nalitie, it seems, has aged at least 5 years in the span of an instant. She doesn’t look especially different, but you can tell that she’s far from teenhood, certainly a young adult now. Her children, too, seem different: Lisa and Leonarda are not quite as identical as before; Lisa seems a little older, and Leonarda seems significantly younger than before. Bee, too, seems older by almost a year.)
Nalitie: What?
Dukermin: Uhh, come look. *Pulls Nalitie and the kids over to a dark window to look at their reflections*
Nalitie: … oh dang… *inspecting the children* Ok. Well, that’s weird, but… nothing we can’t handle, I guess.
Dukermin: *Checks her reflection and sighs in relief to see she’s still the age she was when she entered the void.* Right. No big. I guess we can go back to Erscoga now? *goes back to the group* Y'all ready to go?
Magnolia: Yes, please.
Art: *sitting in someone’s yard, running his hands through the grass* *was not listening at all*
Bee: *clinging to Nalitie*
Aubrey: I can’t believe we made it out, frankly…
Dukermin: Alright then. *to Nalitie* This’ll be funny. *opens a portal directly underneath Art, intending to send him to the trampoline at her neighbor’s house.*
(Art falls into the portal, directly into a vat of baked beans. He curses.)
Dukermin: *peers into the portal* Uhhh… minor problem. *carefully drops in, avoiding the beans.*
(You stand in the middle of the BeanCo. factory floor. Conveyor belts full of beans weave their way around the room, and thousands of workers silently and solemnly place lids and labels on cans. This is definitely not your neighbor’s yard.)
Dukermin: *helps everyone down out of the portal*
Nalitie: Well. This is… strange.
(To be continued…)
~•*•~
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Featuring @zarla-s's goopmonster as The Void Itself (also references to Handplates!Gaster).
“Ah, there you are,” Akeldama says. “Lucky for you that I was able to keep us from Falling any further into oblivion. Shall we continue, then, or are you going to waste more of our not-time trying to communicate with The Void Itself?”
Dukermin: Is that what its whole thing is? Its the void itself? I asked what its job is and it just sent me a ⚫ emoji… Thats pretty cool.
“Hmph. Well, at least your reading comprehension has improved.” Akeldama continues ahead to the next platform.
(This platform seems even more solid than the last, yet the Void still feels heavy around you. The platform itself has been meticulously cleared of detritus, and you can see a variety of stones, computer parts, and trash floating in the not-space around it. A staticky structure sits in the center of the platform.)
(Akeldama examines the space around the platform, probing for weak spots.)
Dukermin: *examines the staticky structure*
(At first glance, it appears to just be one solid wall. When you peer behind it, though, you find yourself in what could ostensibly be called a room. A shadowy figure is in here, along with a red-haired woman who appears to be frozen in time, unmoving.)
Dukermin: *waves hand in front of the woman’s face* Hello?? *to Nalitie/Tahlia* Do you recognize this person at all?
Tahlia(?): *shakes her head slowly*
AE! Tobias: *yanking on Dukermin’s hand, pointing at the shadowy figure in the corner (who is currently facing away from you)* Is friend!!!
Dukermin: Oh… is it? Um, excuse me? Shadow-guy?
(The figure turns around. It has a face, a smiling white blob atop an amorphous black body. Tucked close to its body are two sleeping infants, identical human baby girls with light skin and a small amount of blonde-brown hair on their heads. The figure cradles them carefully in what appear to be two white hands, though they look more like mittens with large black circles on the back, which may or may not be holes.)
Dukermin: Hi! Say do you know a guy named Mr. Face Man? You bear a striking similarity. Also hey, Nalitie, those are your kids kind of!
Nalitie: *responding to the name “Nalitie” for the first time in a while* I have kids??? I mean, other than Rosabelle, who’s theoretical???
Dukermin: Rosabelle? Anyway, this is Lisa and Leonarda. Fantastically named. They’re not like, biological, you took them out of… well, here.
(The shadowy figure holding the two infants regards you carefully, black goop leaking from its ever-present smile.)
AE! Tobias: *pulling Dukermin closer* Want say hi. *reaching with their other hand towards the figure*
Nalitie: *can’t understand Tobias because only Dukermin had the translator when they entered The Void*
Dukermin: Uhh *taps on translator* is this thing on..? Hello?
* 📬︎📬︎📬︎ ☟︎☜︎☹︎☹︎⚐︎📬︎📬︎📬︎
Dukermin: Oh hey Art, it’s you! So you ended up in here as well? Wild. We’re trying to find our way out.
Nalitie: Do you know this guy?
Dukermin: Yeah! He was trying to help us fix our dimension. Weird portal stuff was happening. He figured out this teacher guy had the info we needed. And uh… that’s the last thing we remembered. Oh! I wonder if that teacher did all this!
Nalitie: *nervously* *almost to herself* Weird portal stuff…
* I see… That is an interesting theory.
(Art continues to stare at you, unmoving except to bounce the children in his not-arms.)
Dukermin: Well, what do you think happened, then?
* I… am unsure. I suppose it is of little consequence now.
(Akeldama finally enters the room.)
“Ah, there you…” She trails off upon seeing Art. The two stare at each other for a long time.
Nalitie: *is uncomfortable with all of the tension*
Tobias: *still reaching with his one hand towards Art*
Dukermin: Wow. Get a room, you two.
“Excuse me???”
* Humans…
Dukermin: Anyway… Should we… continue on trying to find the weak spot?
(Art tilts his head at you, as if in confusion.)
* For what reason would you do that, child?
Dukermin: To… leave? To go home? Don’t you want to do that as well?
* Ah, my dear… Who told you that you would be able to leave a place such as this?
Dukermin: Umm… she did *points at Akeldama* At least I’m pretty sure she did. Prose…
* I fear you may have been led astray, dear human. It is not quite that simple to leave this not-place, certainly not with how far you must have Fallen and with how much you must have lost of yourselves. Although it seems that you, Dukermin, are not nearly as Fragmented as your companion… How odd.
(Akeldama stares intently at Art, nearly glaring. Tobias stops pulling at your hand, looking up at you quizzically.)
Tobias: We go home?
Dukermin: *to Tobias* yep, soon. Say, Art, how did you know we fell down here? It’s not like it’s our first time coming to the void.
* Ah… I suppose not. “Fallen” is… simply a term we use to describe those who have come to The Void. You mentioned your suspicions that someone was at fault for your coming here, so I merely assumed that your journey to this not-place was not of your own volition. And your dear friend’s SOUL being so damaged—it is a sign that your Fall must have been a great one.
Dukermin: Okay, that’s fair. Definitely over-explained that one a bit, but no big. Well, whether you think we can leave or not, we’re going to keep looking for an escape, so do you want to tag along or what?
(The air around you seems to buzz with a tense energy as Art regards you with an unplaceable smile.)
* I… suppose I am interested to see where this venture takes you. You are still quite far from anywhere that a “weak spot,” as you called it, would be found, I’m afraid.
“You were always fond of the 5th Circle,” Akeldama says, tersely. “You and your… the others.”
Dukermin: Oh, do you hang out here a lot, Art?
(Art ignores your question, moving towards the door.)
Dukermin: Also, are you good holding the twins? We could take them if your… arms? are getting tired.
(You get the distinct feeling of an unimpressed look from him, although his face never changes. Art’s hands—still holding one twin in each—float very far away from his body. He doesn’t have arms.)
Nalitie: Hey, what about her? *points at the red-haired lady*
* … ah. I had nearly forgotten.
(He phases over the woman, and she blinks awake.)
Woman: Oh… *looks around* Here again?
Dukermin: Oh! Aubrey! I didn’t recognize you all frozen! Man, the whole squad is here, huh?
Aubrey: … Dukermin? You’re here too, then? *frowns* I suppose it didn’t work, then. We must have all been consumed…
Dukermin: Consumed by the portals, you mean? That doesn’t totally make sense, though, because as far as we remember, we were not in Erscoga when everything got voided.
Aubrey: *frowns* Consumed by the Apynteu is more what I meant…
Nalitie: *giving them both a weird look, also a little nervous*
Dukermin: By the whaaaat? Never heard of the ah-peen-too before.
Nalitie: *biting at a hangnail*
Aubrey: You… haven’t? … I guess you wouldn’t have had a reason to. *turns to Akeldama and Art* Would you like to explain, or should I?
Akeldama just turns to Art. “It’s your turn to explain things.”
(Art hesitates.)
* Ah, The Apynteu… such a terrible cosmic force. Given the circumstances, I am also quite surprised that its name has not crossed your path yet… It is a being which traverses our Multiverse, destroying worlds in hunger for its missing Spark. Truly a great and powerful being, the very thing we aimed to protect your world from…
Dukermin: Oh, this does sound slightly familiar… Wasn’t that one officer trying to tell us about it? I thought GCL had that under control… Nalitie, do you know anything about it?
Nalitie: *changing the subject* Hold on, did you say something about an “Erscoga”? That’s what we were going to name our new dimension, right? Was that already taken?
Dukermin: Ugggggh. Just hurry up and get your memories back already. See what I have to deal with? We need to get out of here…
“I agree,” Akeldama says, her voice tense. “No sense in sitting here having a theological discussion when we could be looking for a way out. This room may save us from Falling any further but it’s not productive, either.”
Dukermin: How dare you say I’m not productive?? I created an entire dimension! …I think something got lost in translation again. Art, I think Akeldama said we were in the fifth circle. Does that mean if we get through this area, we have four more to go through before we can exit the void?
* … in a… metaphorical sense, I suppose. Certainly it won’t be as easy as you seem to think it is.
Dukermin: Meh. We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.
Tobias: *reaches out to grab a bit of Art’s… cloak? body? as he walks by, so they’re kind of sandwiched between Art and Dukermin* friend!
(Art looks down at Tobias. The air around him seems to soften a bit as he looks at the toddler.)
* Hello, dear child. Despite everything, it is nice to see you again. I only wish the circumstances were anything but what they are.
Akeldama is already way outside of the little “room,” waiting for the rest of you impatiently.
Dukermin: *leaves with Tobias and Art (and by extension Lisanarda) in tow*
(Nalitie and Aubrey follow you out. The Void extends infinitely in every direction. There are a handful of platforms scattered around, some more solid than others.)
Dukermin: Hey, that looks like my warehouse! *goes to a platform with a nondescript gray box perched on top*
(The air here seems a little lighter, buzzing around you like static rather than weighing on your body. The platform is deep, and as you get closer, you can see that the gray box is made out of actual metal, rather than a gray developer texture. There are a few scattered piles of debris on the platform outside of the warehouse, and a few sad-looking bushes. A cluster of pixels glitters in the least-sad looking one of them.)
Dukermin: *reaches for the pixels*
(The cluster of pixels settles itself in your hand. It’s warm in your palm, and you can sense the memory contained within it. It’s all jumbled up.)
Dukermin: *unjumbles it*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(He sees many pass through The Void. They cry out for friends, family, caretakers that are no longer there; or rather, that are still in the Storylines these exiled have been erased from. He takes on the role of Void Herald, and greets these transients after they awaken.)
(He takes care to assure them that they will be alright, that The Void is really not that frightening once you get used to it (quashing the existential fear that still resides in his own soul), and does his best to prevent them from being frightened at the sight of his distorted face. He speaks assurances until his proper voice is lost to The Void, and learns to communicate through The Void Itself.)
(He does what he can to cobble together shelter for those who pass through The Void, carving out a space that he hopes feels like home. He watches as an infinite number of deleted Characters come in and out of the Void.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, settling into a dark ring on your index finger.)
Dukermin: Ohhhh the Herald! Not Harold. Everything’s coming together… And I have two rings now. Double fashion!
Akeldama sighs wearily. “Are you still insistent on collecting those? Well, at the very least, you’re catching up on your knowledge of this place…”
Dukermin: *Gasp* *covers Tobias’s ears* Akeldama you can’t say things like that in front of the children!! Anyway, shall we go inside? *enters the warehouse*
(Inside… it still looks like an old warehouse except… what?... There is a fully functioning elevator! everything seems normal… But… a secret hatch in the back of the elevator opens up, revealing a rocky, spiral staircase. The staircase leads to a SECRET floor,)
(The staircase drops off into the nothingness of The Void. Seems whatever was here before is gone now. On the main floor, a very small shadow of a dog is sitting politely in the corner.)
Dukermin: Oh my goodness everyone shut up it’s my dog. *approaches slowly intending to scoop it up and put it in her pocket as its very tiny right now and very prone to running away*
Shadow Dog: *acts very polite right until she’s within grabbing distance then tries to dart off*
Dukermin: *manages to snag it just in time* Haha! Oh hey we can give my dog his memory back!
Nalitie: Oh… *touching the collar around her neck* You said this was his, right?
Dukermin: Running away through the electric fence? Yeah that’s his. *cradling the tiny dog in her palm* *holds him out to Nalitie*
Nalitie: *takes the dog and then stands there awkwardly* *does not know how to remove the collar because it’s like a tattoo*
Dukermin: *Smears the void goop onto Nalitie’s neck*
Nalitie: *shudders violently*
(The fragment of memory removes itself from your skin, reforming into a tiny spot of white light. It reabsorbs itself into the dog’s SOUL.)
Shadow Dog: *shows no obvious change*
Dukermin: It’s done! I can see that mischievous glimmer in his eyes turn ever so slightly more mischievous.
(Art watches on in interest. His face does not change, but his surprise is palpable.)
* Interesting... It seems that you are able to release these poor fragments of The Void... I almost envy you.
Dukermin: Yeah… Now I just gotta find the Void Herald, because I think these two are theirs *holds up the hand with tattooed rings*
Akeldama snorts. “‘Find the Void Herald.’ Very funny.”
Dukermin: I didn’t make a joke, though…?
* The Void Herald’s memories, you say…?
Aubrey: Oh! *to Art* That’s you, isn’t it?
Dukermin: Oh! *looks at Art* Is it? That makes sense, I guess, since Tobias seems to know you and it is where we originally met you. *Uses the goop to give Art back his memories.*
(The repaired fragments of Art’s SOUL slot into place the moment he comes in contact with them. For a brief moment, you can see the faint glow of his SOUL in his chest: an upside-down heart shape made of shattered fragments of white light, missing large chunks all across its surface.)
(You watch as his amorphous body settles into something more humanoid, a black silhouette with a stark white drama mask for a face, with white-gloved hands connected to arms connected to a solid body. He quickly brings the twins closer to his body, shifting them around so they sit in his arms proper. He gives a cry of surprise, and for the first time since you met him, his voice sounds like it's coming from his body, and lacks the usual chorus of digital noises you’ve come to expect from his voice.)
Dukermin: Whoaaa…
Art: Ah… My dear, what a wonderful gift you've given me. Thank you. It has been quite some time since I was able to speak in this way without pain…
Nalitie: WOAh he talks! *has not been able to understand Art up until now because he had been speaking in Wingdings*
Dukermin: I didn’t know the memories could do something like that..? So did you just like… forget how to talk?
Art: Ah… your understanding of these fragments is a bit oversimplified, it seems. It is true that these pieces of The Void’s denizens contain their memories, but being parts of their SOUL, they also contain parts of them as a whole. These pieces you’ve brought back to me are ones I have been missing for a long time, it seems.
Dukermin: So… when we get out of the void, will the missing pieces come back to us or will they be lost forever? Nalitie’s still missing some memories, and I haven’t found any fragments for myself, so who knows what will be lost when we leave if that’s the case…
Art: I don’t believe you will encounter any difficulties once you leave this place, if you can manage such a feat in the first place. … Although if what I have just seen is true, it seems you have The Void Itself on your side, and perhaps we do not need to worry about that particular hurdle. *shifting the twins around awkwardly in his arms*
Dukermin: Okay… Are you still good holding them? I could take one at least. *is once again holding Tobias’s hand*
Art: That would… be much appreciated, my dear. *offers Lisa*
Dukermin: *cradles Lisa* *To Nalitie* Maybe you could take Leonarda for a bit? I can take this back *grabs the dog and puts it into her pocket, buttoning it shut before the dog can try to jump out*
Nalitie: Leonarda is… the other baby, right? Um, sure, I can take her… *takes Leonarda from Art*
Tobias: *sees an opportunity and lets go of Dukermin’s hand, walking over to Art* *reaching up* Uppies!
Art: *suddenly distressed, realizing the implications of Tobias speaking in Wingdings, but says nothing* *picks up Tobias, resting them on his hip*
Dukermin: Well, we tried to ease your burden. Anyway. Should we continue?
Akeldama is already quite a bit ahead of you, and looks like she’s exerting a significant amount of effort despite the fact that she’s hovering in place. “Yes, we should. I already told you that you might as well ignore those fragments.”
Dukermin: *follows*
(The platforms seem denser in this part of The Void. There’s one to your left with another building on it, this one a white, multi-story building with lots of windows. To your right, there’s a fish-shaped building with a patchy-looking parking lot. Up ahead of you is a platform with a big rectangular prism on it, surrounded by a few trees that look marginally less glitchy than the ones you’ve seen on platforms in the other circles.)
Dukermin: Hey are you guys hungry?
(Nalitie shakes her head, and Akeldama rolls her eyes. Art hesitates.)
Art: I… don’t believe it is possible to feel true, physical hunger in here, human… Although I certainly can tell you that it is more than possible to hunger for other things.
(Tobias shifts in Art’s arms, settling their head on his chest. Art seems to relax at the physical sensation.)
Dukermin: What a weird thing to say. Anyway, let’s go to GCL instead. *goes to the laboratory platform*
Nalitie: *muttering* king of the inadvertently creepy…
(You approach the multi-story building. It’s vaguely c-shaped, and sleek and modern. A few of the windows are missing, but it otherwise looks pretty intact.)
Dukermin: *looks to see if there’s anyone here and also for any pixel clusters*
(The security doors into the main part of the building are wide open, and there’s no receptionist present. The lights inside the building flicker eerily, and the building is empty save for yourselves. The tiled floors reflect your faces, only dropping off in a few spots.)
Dukermin: *goes down one of the spiral staircases*
(The rest of the group follows. Unlike most of the other buildings you’ve been in in the other circles, the lower floors of the building are at least 70% intact. There’s a bit of a tension built up in the space around you as you descend.)
Dukermin: Hey we were able to get downstairs in this one, unlike in my warehouse. That seems like a good sign!
Nalitie: Oh it’s Green Circle Labs. I’ve never seen it this empty…
Dukermin: Hey you remember GCL, that’s nice! Are your memories coming back or…?
Nalitie: Not sure what else I’d be missing…? I mean, I remember that the folks here helped me with Christine, and then there was all of that stuff with Sam… You know, the whole reason we’re planning on leaving Ask Erik!...?
Dukermin: Yeah that all happened already. You’ve lost a lot of stuff. Hm. Anyway. *continues looking around*
(You are standing in a large room, near the spiral escalators and the elevator. You can see some bathrooms nearby, what appears to be more bathrooms or locker rooms, and a few hallways. The buzzing in the air seems to be coming from below you.)
Dukermin: Let’s see how far down we can get here. *descends the spiral staircase*
(The lowest floor of the building is about 50% intact. You can see the eternal darkness of The Void through large holes in the floor, with the wooden planks spiralling off into the distance. Where there would usually be walls and security doors around the stairs and elevator and escalator, there is nothing but open space. You can see the room that would usually hold the portal, as well as a few identical hospital rooms with beds in various stages of rendering. Behind you, most of this floor is gone. The air buzzes with an even greater tension.)
Dukermin: *checks the portal room*
(You all walk into the portal room. The portal generator, a giant, geometric construction, sits in the middle of the room. The computer that controls its destination is glitching out wildly. The portal itself looks… odd. It almost looks like it’s active, swirling with rainbow colors, but it also looks vastly different than it usually does. The tension is heaviest here.)
Dukermin: Hm. I’m sure the portal being functional is… too good to be true. *To Akeldama and Art* There’s no way we would be able to just portal our way out of here, right?
Akeldama stares into the swirling colors, a pensive look on her face. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before, where an interdimensional portal is open in The Void. Most of the time malfunctioning interdimensional portals just send you here.”
Nalitie: *looking supremely uncomfortable at the thought*
Art: I do agree that simply walking out of The Void seems impossible. Although you have seemed determined to prove me wrong up until this point either way.
Dukermin: *takes out a piece of Pocket Lint™ and flicks it into the portal*
(The Pocket Lint™ disrupts the surface of the portal as if it’s a pool of water, disappearing into the swirling colors.)
Dukermin: … Cool, that told me nothing. Art, do you know where someone would typically end up if they go through a malfunctioning portal? Like what circle of The Void roughly? Or is it totally random…?
Art: … I see you have taken on our dear Akeldama’s Theory of The Void. There are a lot of variables in play, such as the speed at which one exits a malfunctioning portal, or whether the portal deteriorated around them… or if they removed themselves from the portal purposefully.
(Nalitie looks away, thinking about something.)
Art: All of these things will affect how far one Falls, I’m afraid.
Dukermin: So since we and this portal are already in The Void, chances are that we would probably just Fall further? Nalitie, what do you think?
Nalitie: *startles, looking over at Dukermin* Um… Well, whatever we do, we should be careful about it. Lots of bad things can happen with um… improper use of a portal.
Dukermin: I’m gonna touch it. *sticks hand into the portal*
(Your hand disrupts the surface of the colors. It’s like sticking your hand into a thick, warm broth. You can sense a memory swirling under the surface.)
Dukermin: *pulls out the memory and unjumbles it*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(She stands in the space station, looking down at the brave new world she and her friend have created. The planets orbit around each other gently, and she sighs, feeling the most at ease that she has in a long time. She pulls up the chart on her computer, tracking the magical energies and Chaos in the dimension, happy to see that the numbers are low—as they should be.)
(She knows that this moment won’t last forever, especially considering everything that happened over their last Christmas—especially the Lost Timeline—but for now she relishes in the peace in their dimension. She pointedly ignores what looks like a puddle of water in the corner of the room.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, settling into a little cluster of stars on your left forearm.)
Dukermin: Oh, this is definitely yours, Nalitie. Here you go. *does the smeary goop memory transfer*
(The repaired fragment of Nalitie’s SOUL slots itself into place the moment it comes in contact with her. For a brief moment, you can see the faint glow of her desaturated blue SOUL in her chest, missing only two small chunks along its edge.)
Nalitie: Woah ok. *looking around, taking inventory* *to Dukermin* Ok, so… something happened to Erscoga and now we are… here for some reason? Did. Did our dimension get destroyed…? *incredibly tense*
Dukermin: There was a portal situation… As far as I know Erscoga wasn’t destroyed. But yeah we’re here. We were… trying to find something at school. Oh wait! We did find it! Art, didn’t we find the cabbage soup recipe? Were we able to deliver it to you or did things go haywire before we got the chance to meet back up?
Art: … … Ah… I am afraid I do not know what force brought us all back here. I suppose that if you do manage to return to reality, you’ll find the answers you seek.
Dukermin: I mean, you’d think whatever force brought us here would be related to whatever you were trying to save the dimension from but whatever. I don’t think we should go through the portal. We should just continue on, keep looking for more real-looking platforms.
Nalitie: *visibly relaxes* That seems smart, yeah. What do you guys mean by something bringing us “back” here though?
Dukermin: We came here once, just on a little excursion. It’s where we met Art.
Nalitie: Oh, ok… is… is that how we know all of them, too? *gesturing at Akeldama and Aubrey and Bee and the twins* *shifts Leonarda to the other arm* And whose babies are these??
Dukermin: Uhh. It gets complicated after that. We’ll just keep an eye out for more memories.
Nalitie: *frowning* OK, that makes sense I guess, let’s do it.
Dukermin: *starts ascending the spiral staircase, talking to Nalitie as they all go* We should go up to the roof so we can look around. Also, maybe you should take all the memories we find from now on, because I feel like I’m invading your privacy, so either I haven’t lost any memories here and it makes no sense for me to keep taking them, or if there are some of mine here, and you take them, then we’d be even on the privacy-invading front… Hey look, it's the roof.
Nalitie: I can do that, I think.
(From GCL’s rooftop seating area—which is looking remarkably intact—you can see out into The Void. On a nearby platform, you can see a group of five teenagers in gray tank tops, looking around confusedly and clinging to each other as they call out. Further in the distance, you can see more buildings: a big, plain white building with no other identifying features; what appears to be a park shelter; and an old, dilapidated motel.)
Dukermin: *waving* Hey, over here!
(The teens look around wildly, as if they can’t tell where your voice is coming from.)
Dukermin: Oh you can’t see! Stay there! *To Akeldama* Do you think you could… do that thing you did before that helped us to see?
Akeldama takes a measured breath, practically radiating impatience. “Look, now that we’re getting close to the First Circle, this place is going to do everything in its power to keep us here and bring us further into Unreality. Do we have to pick up every little thing we find on our way out?”
Dukermin: Great! You’re the best! *drags Akeldama over to the teens* Alright team, hold your hands out. *gestures for Akeldama to shake their hands*
You get the sense that Akeldama really doesn’t want to help these people, for whatever reason. She reluctantly passes Sight to the teens, but glares at you the whole time.
Dukermin: *thumbs up* Alright, so basically we’re trying to find our way out of here by going from platform to platform. We know we’re on the right track if the platforms become more real… like more solid and less glitchy basically.
(The teens look at you in confusion. The shortest one looks at Akeldama with a thoughtful look on her face.)
Tall girl: Um… not to be rude, but who are you?
Dukermin: We’re… hm… Well Nalitie *gestures to Nalitie* and I are the queens of Erscoga. My name is Dukermin.
Nalitie: I Authored GCL. Also, Steven is my… brother. Yeah. Let’s go with that.
(At least one of those sentences sparks recognition in their eyes. The five of them introduce themselves: the tall girl as Magnolia, the shortest as Lian, the third girl as Melody, and the two boys as Joshua and Jonathan. They tell you that they’re Rosetta’s team, and they have no idea where she went, but they’ve been tumbling around in the dark for who knows how long.)
Magnolia: Where are we exactly? This doesn’t look like Erscoga.
Dukermin: We’re in The Void. We’re getting closer and closer to the exit though.
Melody: The… Void? Like the theoretical concept of nothing?
Joshua: What else do you think they could be talking about? Seemed plain enough to me.
Melody: *getting fired up* We work in interdimensional travel, dummy. For all you know this could be some actual place that people just call The Void. You know, like how alternate versions of Reality are still fiction.
Joshua: *about to retort*
Dukermin: Naw. It’s just nonexistence.
(The two arguing teenagers turn to look at you, clearly surprised.)
Melody: This place looks pretty full for being a representation of “nothing.”
Dukermin: A lot of things can be nothing. Anyway. Those platforms all look real enough to me. I suppose its going to get harder from here on out to tell how real something is just from the outside. I imagine TreeGrass would possibly have a memory or two we could find… lots of stuff seems to go down there.
Nalitie: … TreeGrass? Do we have to? *looking off toward the building*
Dukermin: We don’t have to. We could go to the park instead. Um, but eventually we may have no choice… *starts heading to the park*
(The group travels to the platform with the park shelter on it. The trees here look remarkably better than the ones you saw several platforms ago. Underneath the shelter, about 80% of the picnic tables are intact. A cluster of pixels shines in the rafters.)
Dukermin: *points the cluster out to Nalitie*
Nalitie: Oh, yeah. *gently puts Leonarda down on a picnic table* *floats up into the rafters and grabs the memory* *pieces it back together*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(He sits in the room, debating the costs and benefits of the plan. He so desperately wants to leave this not-place, to find a role in a Storyline. He is already cobbling together a plot for his own life, from those of the beings he Observes. He sees countless versions of himself all at once, sees the variety of relationships he has with the brothers, a wonderful menu he is free to choose from.)
(He agrees to help Akeldama lure the queens here, he agrees to saddle one of his poor children with powers he knows she will not be able to control as a sort of test run, he even agrees to collect Characters of Interest in their world to attract The Destroyer. He is so, SO tired of not existing. His dear Aubrey, the child he brought into his care an eternity ago, cries as he gives her the power she’ll need to leave The Void, and he pretends very hard not to care.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, settling as a dark ring on your ring finger.)
Nalitie: … um.
Dukermin: Man, it was definitely more fun being the one to see the memories. What was it? It’s a ring like the other ones from Art.
(Nalitie regards Akeldama, Aubrey, and Art carefully, rubbing a finger along the newly acquired ring.)
Nalitie: … Hey Dukermin. Sidebar? *gestures over to a less-crowded corner of the picnic shelter*
Dukermin: Ooh sure, secret meeting. *goes to the corner*
Akeldama watches the two of you leave, staring after you.
Nalitie: Ok, so… That lady. Akeldama. I don’t know exactly what I saw, but she was in it, and it sounds like maybe she had been… plotting with someone in the memory. I was looking through their eyes, so I don’t know exactly who it was, but they were thinking a lot about Sans and Papyrus, and also maybe about… us???
Dukermin: Hmm. Was Art in it at all? Or Aubrey? They all seem to be kind of connected.
Nalitie: Aubrey was in it, yeah, but she was like… a kid? I didn’t see Art…
Dukermin: And what do you mean by plotting? Do you know what the memory-holder’s goal was?
Nalitie: It was really confusing. Like… The whole memory was this person deciding whether to go along with some plan, and then agreeing to help lure some queens to The Void, and they like… gave Aubrey powers of some sort? But also like… I was seeing a bunch of stuff happening all at the same time, like whoever it was really wanted to leave The Void… but also was thinking about how they were like. Related to Sans and Papyrus but NOT related to Sans and Papyrus, and was like. Their father AND their brother AND their mortal enemy all at once? It was very confusing…
Dukermin: Okay wait. The person who the memory belongs to gave Aubrey the power to leave The Void? Because Aubrey definitely said that Art did that. So we have to really think about this, because it sounds like Art had something to do with us getting here, as well as Akeldama. But if that’s the case, why are they here too? Did something go wrong? And why did they want us here?
Nalitie: Yeah, the person gave Aubrey powers of some sort. I… they felt kind of bad about it, but also not really? I don’t know about the rest of that stuff, though. Like. I know Art has been weird about not believing we can leave, but if Akeldama had to do with us being here then why is she trying to get us to leave so fast?
Dukermin: I don’t know. But since our goal is to leave and Akeldama and Art seem to want to support that for the most part, I don’t think we should confront them until we’re at least closer to reality. We don’t need two people who know the Void really well to be against us until we have a way out.
Nalitie: True, yeah, I guess. … You said we were here before. How did we get out last time?
Dukermin: Oh we just walked out. But we also willingly went in the first time. I don’t really know how that all works, but it may impact our ability to leave - at least that’s what those two seem to think.
Nalitie: Okie dokie then… I guess we just keep trying to make our way out of here, then? *looking back towards Leonarda, suddenly not really wanting Art to be alone with her children*
Dukermin: So I know that TreeGrass is not really a fun place, but that platform did look promising. So we’ll definitely need to go there soon. But there’s also BOGOF tacos if we want to delay that more…
Nalitie: *extremely reluctant to go to TreeGrass* Do you think there would be anything of value in BOGOF tacos?
Dukermin: Probably not, and their tacos are mediocre at best.
Nalitie: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Henry gets his supplies from the schools… Whatever they don’t use, anyway. *dramatic sigh* I guess TreeGrass it is, then. ANyway lets go rescue my kids from the creeps.
Dukermin: *under breath* Ah that’s why they had italian dunker tacos as their special last week… *heads over to Art and Akeldama*
(Akeldama has a look of intense concentration on her face. Art is unreadable as ever, but is saying something to Bee that’s too quiet for you to hear. The GCL team is looking around, wary of their surroundings. Leonarda is lying on the picnic table, being a baby.)
Dukermin: *picks up Leonarda and hands her to Nalitie* *Walks closer to Bee and Art* Whatcha talking about over here?
Art: Ah, nothing important. I was simply musing about how I could sing now that my voice has been returned to me. A poor substitute for their mother’s lullabies, I’m sure, but a marked improvement on my previous abilities, should you all be stuck here.
Dukermin: Ok. We were thinking of going to TreeGrass.
“As long as we keep moving, I’m happy,” Akeldama says. She’s already turning to go.
Magnolia: TreeGrass? You mean that creepy building across the street from us, where none of us know what they do?
Dukermin: You got it! *grabs Bee’s hand (who is being held by Art) And heads toward TreeGrass with Lisa, Bee, and Art in tow*
Nalitie: *carrying one baby like a normal person* *following reluctantly*
~•*•~
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Much of Art's dialogue was stolen from my Aria Twine game.
(The air tastes like TV static, and your head is fuzzy. There's a slight buzzing in your ears, and a heaviness in your chest like you just had the wind knocked out of you. Your skin tingles with the sensation of a thousand pins and needles. You can't tell if you're standing or laying down or are fully in your body at all, and time and gravity feel like they have no meaning here. Feels like you’ve fallen inside a hole you couldn’t see.)
Dukermin: *tumbling in circles(?)* AAAAAAAAAAHHHH
Nalitie: *was definitely unconscious(???) but hears Dukermin screaming* *is slowly becoming more grounded in her body due to the sound* Dukermin?????
Dukermin: NALITIIIIIIIIIIE AAAAAAAH ITS LIKE WERE IN SPACE BUT WERE NOT IN SPACE BECAUSE WE CAN BREATHE?????
Nalitie: Are we breathing???? *feeling slowly returns to her limbs, she notices she is in fact in her human body*
Dukermin: *tries to not breathe* *passes out* *comes back* Yeah we’re breathing.
Nalitie: Where are we??? *mind is filled with not-disco funk and she cannot think* Where are you???? *attempting to orient herself but there is no such thing as direction here*
Dukermin: I think we’re dead.
Nalitie: Are we in The Mind Electric again??? I don’t remember what happened, how did we get here???
Dukermin: Well we were at… school? Maybe we’re still at school. Maybe my brain got fried from calculus.
(The more you talk, the more your surroundings come into focus. The two of you are right across from each other, you think, floating in the eternal darkness. Your bodies appear to be human, and fully functional.)
Nalitie: I thought we graduated…? Wait, or maybe I’m just imagining that???
Dukermin: Oh no I think I forgot to put some of my citations in APA!!! Wait, is Candle Grandma here?? *tries to summon Candle Grandma*
Dukermin: *after a minute* She doesn’t want to talk to us… She says she’s too old for this crap.
(You hear a voice call out a name you don’t recognize, somewhere in the distance.)
Dukermin: Hello?? Is someone there?
“Hello?” you hear the voice call again.
(Like before, the sound orients you in the not-space, and you find yourself moving closer to it. You see a tall woman in a dark red dress, with dark hair and dark eyes. She regards you with an unreadable expression.)
“Hello…” she says again. “Who are you?”
Dukermin: Ugh why do people keep breaking the dialogue.
Nalitie: Something’s up with this document. Where are we???
Dukermin: *to the voice* We’re the queens of Erscoga, Dukermin says, *to nalitie* uhh is that how I do it?
Nalitie: *squinting at the words on the page* Nah, that didn’t work. Maybe we’re just not meant to speak in prose. *to the lady* Anyway, who are you???
“My name is Akeldama,” the woman says. She reaches out to shake your hands. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Dukermin: *is upside down compared to her* *shakes her hand and ends up 90 degrees turned*
Nalitie: *also shakes Akeldama’s hand*
(The moment you touch Akeldama’s hand, something changes and suddenly you can see. Scattered throughout your surroundings, you see places where the darkness looks more solid, a faint staticky film covering them. You're standing on one such platform right now—standing, now—and Akeldama is looking down at you.)
Dukermin: *has fallen onto the platform* *poses gracefully* I meant to do that obviously I knew there was a platform here.
Nalitie: *looking around* Uhh… what just happened???
“Oh,” Akeldama says. “Right. Those of us who have been here for a long time are able to pass Sight through The Void Itself to newcomers… Something the old Herald of The Void used to do.”
Dukermin: What happened to Harold?
“The Herald,” Akeldama corrects. “He managed to leave this place. It doesn’t really matter. I’ve been hoping to follow him, but it has been difficult to trace his path.”
Dukermin: Oh we also would like to leave this place very much so. How do we do that?
Nalitie: Also where are we???
“Ah, I forget how uninformed you always are,” Akeldama says, sighing. “This is The Void of Unwanted Characters and Deleted Timelines. I’m afraid your Author had decided you were a mistake.”
Dukermin: Excuse me, unwanted??? I have a loving husband or mascot or something. A spouse! I am so wanted!
Nalitie: “Unwanted Characters”? That… can’t be right. I’m not a Character. I think. I make characters.
Dukermin: Oh yeah wait same. I’m an author. I could see like, if Candle Grandma were to get deleted I could accidentally end up here since we’re bound but like… I would never delete Candle Grandma. *trying to suck up to Candle grandma because she’s a little disappointed in Dukermin for some reason right now*
(Akeldama has an immediate visceral reaction to the name “Candle Grandma” which she does a bad job of hiding.)
“I see…” she says, tamping down what looks like fear or anger. “In any case, you’ve managed to slip out of your realities somehow. Perhaps we could help each other.”
Dukermin: Wait, are you mad at us? Sorry I’m bad at prose anyway. Yes, let’s help each other!
“The old Void Herald used to be able to open windows into reality, but now that he’s gone, we’ll have to find a natural weak spot,” Akeldama says. “We’re far too deep in The Void right now to find one of those. Follow me.”
(Akeldama starts moving upwards diagonally off of the platform.)
Dukermin: Oh, we’re going! *follows*
Nalitie: *also*
(You float through the not-space, passing platforms and various debris. A test tube and a spoon floats past you. A cluster of pixels sparkles somewhere to your left. You can see a few pairs of pants in the distance.)
Dukermin: My favorite test tube! I can’t believe I forgot about you! *starts to go after it but immediately gets scared of being lost and turns back*
Nalitie: *pointing at the pixels* What’s that? *unafraid, swims towards it*
“Oh…” Akeldama says, stopping. “I wouldn’t bother with that. They’re fragments of those who pass through here. I doubt you’ll be able to do anything with it.”
Dukermin: *is already poking it*
(The cluster of pixels settles itself in your hand. It’s warm in your palm, and you can sense the memory contained within it. It’s all jumbled up.)
Dukermin: Nalitie are you… seeing? Feeling? This thing?
Nalitie: Yeah… *poking at it, shuffling it around like one of those sliding image puzzles*
(As Nalitie shifts it around, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(He awakens in The Void, and it's as if he has always been here, but also just arrived. He tries to remember his previous life, but it's like chasing the last remnants of a dream after being awoken too soon. It is as if he was made specifically for the purpose of being in the Void.)
(And he is so, so scared, alone and surrounded by this expanse of infinite nothingness.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, settling into a dark ring on your middle finger.)
Dukermin: Ooh fashion. *vogues*
Nalitie: *did not see the memory since she wasn’t the one holding it* What happened?
Dukermin: *explains the memory to nalitie* And then I got a cool accessory!
Nalitie: Interesting… Akeldama says that they’re memories of people who have been here, right? I wonder if we have any in here… Might help us remember how we got here.
(Akeldama stares at you two intently.)
“Come on,” she says. “We should keep moving.”
Dukermin: *follows again*
(Eventually, you arrive on another platform. There’s a small alcove here, a skybox covered in developer textures. The platform itself is covered in debris: scrap metal, the letters from someone's mailbox, tires. There are a few toys strewn about in front of the entrance to the alcove.)
“From this point up, we’re going to have to look carefully for a weak spot. It’s going to be our ticket out of here.”
Dukermin: Tickets for what? Oh wait nevermind. Sounds good, weak spot, yes. *tapping on the platform and listening for something*
Nalitie: *looking for the entrance to the skybox thing*
Dukermin: *inspecting toys and tires very carefully*
Nalitie: *finds her way inside*
(The little alcove is filled with little trinkets and toys: a pregnant red-haired doll, some sort of device that is sporadically giving off sparks, a toy oven, some sort of toy missile launcher, a uterus-shaped plush toy… And a thousand little photographs of drawings of various quality, framed in teal and spilling little heart shapes on the floor.)
Dukermin: Oh these toys look fun, you should bring some back for your kids!
Nalitie: I have kids??? Aren’t I a little young to have kids??? *looking down, trying to figure out how old she is*
Dukermin: I think you kidnapped most of them. Oh no the void is seeping into your brain! *shaking nalitie* Remember your family?
Nalitie: *frowning, looking at all of the art* I don’t… have family. *touches one of the drawings, which is signed with her name* I haven’t since I lost Kristin and Cassidy.
(The drawing absorbs itself into Nalitie’s hand, settling into the number 8 on her left forearm.)
Dukermin: *baffled* Maybe the void is seeping into my brain… I don’t remember your kids being named Kristin and Cassidy or your power to absorb papers into your skin…
Nalitie: *going around, collecting all of the drawings*
(As you collect each of the pieces of art, the numbers “8776” carve themselves into your left arm. You look around, more confused than before.)
Nalitie?: This is… weird. *to Dukermin* So sorry—when did we meet again? I… don’t remember now.
Dukermin: You dragged me to your VR room?
Nalitie?: “VR room”...? What are you talking about, VR headsets just came out, I don’t have the money for that. It’s literally 2013.
Dukermin: Nalitie… it’s 2016…
Nalitie?: *looking around* “Nalitie”?
Dukermin: You’re Nalitie… and I’m Dukermin…
Nalitie?: *shakes her head slowly* My name is Tahlia…
Dukermin: No… that’s your fake name for when we do sneaky stuff.
Tahlia: ???? Ugh, whatever. We should focus on getting out of here, I guess. We can figure out the rest later.
Dukermin: Oookay… Uhh Akeldama? Can we leave please?
(Akeldama is outside of the little room, poking around in the garbage piles, waiting for you to finish exploring.)
Dukermin: *drags… whoever… out*
(From here, the Void expands infinitely in every direction. You can see more platforms; a small one to your left, a bigger one beyond it with a staticky box on it, a large one with a half-collapsed house to your right, and several above you.)
Dukermin: Let’s just go… away *heads toward the house*
(You're standing in the entryway of a house. The walls, where they still exist, are painted a light blue. You can see The Void through holes where the walls have glitched out. You hear a quiet sound coming from the far end of the house.)
Tahlia: *frowning, looking around* This looks… hm.
“I’ve already explored in here,” Akeldama says. “There isn’t going to be an exit in here. I’ll wait outside for you.”
Dukermin: Hey does this place look familiar to you *venturing into the house*
Tahlia: Kind of, but. Not really?
Dukermin: I wonder why you seem to be losing memories and I’m not? Guess I’m just a true gamer. *trying to find the sound*
Tahlia: *in the living room, poking at the old CRT TV sitting there* *keeps glancing over her shoulder at the couch, as if she expects it to do something startling*
(Past the living room, a hallway extends. There’s a giant hole in the floor, with one or two steps that drop off into nothingness, and a bunch of doors. The one at the end of the hallway is ajar.)
Dukermin: *nervous about the house being in here and all the criminals in the vent hole* *veers into the VR room to check it out*
(The VR room has at least three of its walls, outlined in their usual blue and white grid. The vent hole area is frayed along the edges, pixels dropping off into the distance. Deep down inside of the hole, you can see a bright hallway.)
Dukermin: *floats into the hole cautiously* Hello? Any bad guys down here?
(The vent hole is empty; all of the glass doors of the cells are open and the power on the keypads is off. You feel an odd prickling sensation in the air towards the end of the hallway, like there's a static charge built up there.)
Dukermin: *goes to the end of the hallway*
(The computer in the vent hole’s conference room is on, its screen glitched out in rainbow colors. It seems like it's the source of the weird feeling in the air.)
Dukermin: Hmm *pokes the computer screen*
(Your hand passes through the glass. The colors within are warm on your skin, a memory swirling under the surface.)
Dukermin: *starts putting the memory back together*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(She is so, so frightened, and is doing her best to keep everyone else from seeing. She sits in the corner of the vent hole conference room, ignoring her housemates calling her name upstairs and focusing on breathing.)
(She doesn’t know what she’s going to do, with them let loose on the greater Ask Erik! Universe. She can’t believe Marek would do this, and is even more baffled that Sam fell for it. None of them know how dangerous they are. And none of them know how vital it was to keep them close, to have them secure in the vent hole until their SOULs could be returned. She tucks her knees up to her chest and cries.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, settling around your neck as a heart shaped locket tattooed to your skin.)
Dukermin: Well that felt like an invasion of privacy. Once again glad I wasn’t a part of that whole thing. How do I… give these back to people *pokes tattoo* *goes back up*
Tahlia: *in the kitchen, poking around the cabinets*
Dukermin: Hey whoever you are, come with me to check out the ominous noise at the end of the hallway.
Tahlia: *comes back into the hallway* I do have a name, you know.
Dukermin: Meh. *heads to the end of the hallway*
(The door at the end of the hallway leads to a big bedroom. This bedroom is tilted at a slight angle into the ground. The bed looks like it's melting away into its base polygons, but was probably comfortable at one point. There's a smaller bed on the ground here—like the kind a small child would sleep in. A toddler is curled up on it, huddled under a blanket, sobbing uncontrollably.)
Dukermin: *oh no child and tears* Heyyyy friend? What’s going on?
Tahlia: *awkwardly standing in the doorway, doesn’t know how to interact with children*
(The toddler looks up, teary eyed. They look familiar, with brown skin and dark hair in soft curls. They say something incomprehensible.)
Dukermin: Ah, I don’t know where your mom is… Um Nalitie, Tobias doesn’t know how he got here, we should take him with us, right?
Tahlia: *is still hovering awkwardly in the doorway; did not respond to the name “Nalitie” and is staring off into space*
Dukermin: Great. Okay Tobias, let’s go look for your mama and also for anything… normal at all. *takes his hand*
AE! Tobias: *stands up, does a very gross, snotty snort* *points at Tahlia* *still in Wingdings* Auntie…?
Dukermin: Uh Auntie is feeling a little sicky today. She can’t play right now. *very proud of talking to a toddler like how toddlers should be talked to* Let’s continue on. *also grabs Tahlia/Nalitie’s hand* *heads out to meet up with Akeldama*
(Akeldama is waiting for you outside of the house. The Void expands infinitely in every direction, and it seems like the not-space has changed. You see a few different platforms in the distance, and none of them look familiar. One is covered in what looks like trees, but they’re so distorted that it’s hard to tell. Another small one close to you is bare, but gives you the impression that some poor lost SOULs had been there once.)
“Ugh, finally,” Akeldama says with a scowl. “I know that—theoretically—there is no such thing as time here, but while you were in there we dropped back into the 7th Circle. There’s no weak spots down here.”
Dukermin: 7 circles?? In this economy??? Wait, what do you mean by that? Where are we now?
“Things don’t stay whole in here for long,” Akeldama says. “Unless you continually fight it, eventually you’ll become one with The Void Itself. Your little diversion had us sitting here long enough that we’ve become 2 degrees more separated from reality.”
(As if on cue, the house behind you drops and disintegrates into the nothingness.)
Dukermin: Oh wow… Fight everything and everyone we come across or we’ll get sucked into the void, got it.
“That’s not…” Akeldama lets out a frustrated sigh. “Let’s just keep moving. Staying here will only delay the inevitable.”
Dukermin: *follows with Tobias and Nalitie/Tahlia in tow* *heads to the tree platform*
(This platform is large and dark, interspersed with what look like trees at various states of visual coherency. Some look almost normal, and others are nothing but bright orange outlines. Still others glitch out at the top. A cluster of pixels hangs just underneath one of the branches, almost like an ornament.)
Dukermin: *lets go of Tahlia/Nalitie’s hand to touch the pixels*
(The cluster of pixels settles itself in your hand. It’s warm in your palm, and you can sense the memory contained within it. It’s all jumbled up.)
Tahlia: *peering over Dukermin’s shoulder* What’s that?
Tobias: *gazing up(?) at Dukermin*
Dukermin: I think they’re the memories of people who… show up here? Pass through? Like how you seem to be losing your memories. *starts working on unjumbling them*
Tahlia: *trying to help, sliding the pieces around*
(As you rearrange the memory, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(She’s bleeding. She was so close to getting out of this dimension, to starting over with her friend at her side, and now she’s trapped in here with fresh numbers carved into her forearm and nothing to bandage them with.)
(She paces around the room they’ve put her in, and tries to rip off a piece of her undershirt. She doesn’t understand how this could have happened, how they suddenly have the power to overthrow her control, and how The Order even got in contact with them to warn them of her plans. She scales the rickety bunk bed and stares at the ceiling for a long, long time before they come for her.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, becoming a dark spot sitting on your chest, right over your SOUL.)
Dukermin: *to Nalitie/Tahlia* There, did you see that? I think it was some TreeGrass nonsense so that’s all you…
Tahlia: *looking at Dukermin, thinking she’s completely lost her marbles* See what???
Dukermin: Shoot, I guess whoever grabs it is the only person who gets to see the memory. I’ll let you grab the next one.
Akeldama drops down from one of the trees. “No weak spots up there, either. We should keep moving, try to get to the 6th Circle.”
Dukermin: Sure. So do we go, up or down or… in? To get to the next circle?
“It’s not a direction, there are none in here. We need to work our way closer to what is Real.”
Dukermin: Righttt… uh… *looks for something real?*
(You can see a few different platforms nearby. One of them has a sad, decaying treehouse on it, glitching out into static. One of them is empty, aside from the garbage floating around it. One of them looks decidedly more solid than the rest, with a strange looking machine on it.)
Dukermin: That strange looking machine looks decidedly solid. Seems real to me! *heads to the machine platform*
(This platform is moderately sized, but you can feel it underneath your feet a little bit more than the last few. The machine is in disrepair, completely unusable and leaking a tarry substance everywhere, but it appears to have been some sort of computer. Now that you’re closer, you can also see that there are a bunch of bones embedded into the platform here—though they’re blurry and out of focus, as if you were looking at them at a low resolution. The test tube and spoon you saw earlier float across your field of vision.)
Dukermin: My favorite test tube! *snags it*
(The inside of the test tube glints as if catching the non-existent light. Seems like there’s something inside it.)
Dukermin: Ooh I think this might be a memory. Maybe mine since it’s my test tube! Here you take it, it’s only fair since I’ve taken so many of yours whoops. *hands the test tube to Nalitie/Tahlia*
Tahlia: *takes the test tube and dumps its contents into her hand carefully*
(The memory swirls around like liquid in your palm. You gently rearrange its pieces.)
(As you shift it around, something suddenly clicks and the memory contained within the fragment plays in your mind, clear as if it was your own.)
(He hears a voice calling his name. There, silhouetted in the daylight, is The Provider. She calls his name.)
(He takes a long look at her, then runs in the opposite direction, feeling the tell-tale shock at the base of his neck that informs him that he’s far from where he is supposed to be. Nothing can contain him.)
(You know immediately that the memory isn’t yours, but it attaches itself to you anyway, forming a dark ring like a collar around your neck.)
Tahlia: *very, very confused* *to Dukermin* Who were you running away from?
Dukermin: Me? Running? I would never run.
Tahlia: Maybe it was when you were very young, because I was… you were looking up at someone. Did your parents… put a shock collar on you…?
Dukermin: Please, I was never young. A shock collar? OMG did you just take my dog’s memories??
Tahlia: Oh, a dog… that… makes more sense, I suppose.
Dukermin: Huh, so my dog is somewhere around here too? Why are people/creatures we know all ending up in this place?
Tahlia: *shrugs*
Tobias: *still holding Dukermin’s hand* *turning around to look at all the bones and growing anxious for some reason* Want go.
Dukermin: Alright, Tobias, we’ll get going. It is a little creepy. *walking around on the platform trying to scope out a new place to go*
(As you look around, a weird feeling starts to gather in the non-existent air, a building pressure. The tarry substance leaking from the machine spreads across the platform, and the bones embedded in it shift around.)
“Ugh, no…” Akeldama says, backing away.
Dukermin: *holds Tobias closer and backs away*
(The whole platform shifts, and as you all back away from it, you can see that it’s some sort of large being. It looks at you with an indescribable face, its body shifting and changing. Under the surface of the black substance, you can see things that almost look familiar surfacing and disappearing again.)
8̷̖͔̫̿̈́͆̈́̈́͊̊̇̄̀̀̈͒̔̈9̸̢̖̞̟̗̘̙̦̤̗̀̌͗̀̈́̄̾̇̒̓̚f̵̳̖͙̺̀̓͛̈́̿̐͐̉̃̈̽́̀̚͠a̷̢͕͇̐͂̇̔͐͊̇̑̅̾̈́y̶̛̰͕̯͌̍̾̂͑̋͝a̷̝͔̮̭̮̾̀̒̆̌̂̐̒̓̅͜͠͝8̵̣͖̩̘̍͊3̴̫̤̭͛̍͗̈́: Yes… Have you taken my advice yet, for your dog?
Dukermin: So… number one I don’t have a 🏹 and two, I don’t know if your idea is going to be all that beneficial. Just in general for me or the dog.
[̷͜͠3̸̛͕̲̞͈̈́̅̇̀̾̅́̿̆͋ȩ̵̛̰̣̬̬̘̠̈̿̐̽͛͊̊͠w̵̬̥̅͘0̸̢̫̭̥͎̰̲̠̟̭̗̫̿̏̎͒͗̆̔̀͑̿̀̔͝-̶̛͖̝͉̰̠͕̤̖̗̂̈́̆̾̕g̸̟̫̞͓̘̼͚̤͙͖̻͐́̿̀̉͐̈́̃͗̓̑̕͘͜a̵̧̢͕̳̖̱̲̻͙̟͕͒͗̈́͝: Mmm, a pity.
Akeldama has been looking back and forth between you and the eldritch horror, and finally turns to talk to Dukermin. “Are you… friends with this thing…?”
Dukermin: Sort of, like, we are on the cosmic web. The Many-Eyed Horror gave me its phone number to help set it up with an account and we just… got to talking I guess. I get bored.
Akeldama stares at you for a long, long time. “Well. I’ll leave you to your… conversation. I will… wait for you a little ways ahead.”
(She floats away, still within your line of sight but far enough away from the being you’re talking to to lessen her discomfort.)
0̸̯͓̪̦͋̀̐͑͑̾͐̑̎̚̚̕͜͝͠͝-̸̢̡͓̮̹̺͍̣̤̭͙͉͓̯͓̓̈́̎͌̓̓̂8̶͙̲̥͖͈̞̪̼̟͕̟̂̏́̔ͅ9̸̻͇̘̥͌̓̀͛͘ͅu̵̧̝͍̳̪̥͎̺̤̱̇́͗͛̽3̸̰͔͖̺͚̳̂̏̀̋͌ͅ[̷̘̥͋g̷̰̮̩̱͉͔͕̥͖͈͂͋͒̇̃͋̉́̉͑̋̋͜: Have you come to fill your given role, then?
Dukermin: My what?
9̷̧̢͇̰̫̫̻̠̫̪̩̟̯̈́͌̈͗̕͘0̷̡̧͎̦̼͙͒̋̆̾͑̋̈͛i̵͇̗̲̪̪̺̫̦͔͚̜̮̋̀͑͒̂̆̄͘o̵̢̞͈̱̪̤̠̳̟̪͉̠̊̀̐̍̂̀̋̍͝[̶͙̱̎͒̽̽̅̑P̶̡̊̊̌̕͜͝]̸͇̻͈̲̻͎͉̘̤̩̳͂̇̆̍̀͜A̸̛͇͔̲̓͋́̂͐͋̕: I suppose not. Yet here you are. Why have you come?
Dukermin: It wasn’t intentional. We’re all trying to get out. *gestures to Tahlia and Tobias*
(As you speak, you get the distinct feeling that it’s looking you over, despite its lack of distinct eyes.)
=̷̰͔̼͊̄̅̐́̌̀̂̎̀̽̃̆̔̓-̴̺̻̙̎̈̏͑̂́̓̓̐̚p̷̛̱̹͇̝͈͈͕͖̺͇̭̽́̓̏̑͊̃̈́̕͜͝a̸̖͔̥͊̇̓͑͛̈́̉̀͗̚ǫ̸͖͖̝̜̒̈́̃̏͑͋̉̔̚̚͠w̶͔̽͌̄̈́̎͌̐̈́͘͝͠͝s̵̳̜̼͉̞̻̦̺̣̱̟̠̣̐̓̇̚͜g̴̨̡̞̣̠̿́̒̈̅́̈́̄̿͝: Mmm. I don’t suppose you need me to inform you of the futility of such an endeavor. Although perhaps with the cosmic entity harboring you on your side, it won’t be so futile after all. … Those pieces of other lost SOULs you carry on your skin… how did you come to acquire those?
Dukermin: Oh! These marks that showed up after we looked at those weird pixel things? I think they’re memories or something.
-̴̡̛͍̞̎͌͗̄̊͌͠]̸̡̥͉͕̝̝̺̿̎\̴̀̃̈́̌͋̚͜͝]̵͕͇́̓̉̒̈́͜ơ̵̛̲̰͑̍̄͐̈̒̾̎̄͋͋͝l̶̖͓͇͇̹͖̾̿̌̀̀́̑̕̕͝ą̵̉k̵̙̝̭͍̆̈̑͌̉̎̔̀͑͝: That is one way to see it, I suppose. The truth is much larger than that…
(As it speaks, the being reaches out a tendril of its being towards you. It touches the dark spot over your SOUL, and a shock of cold blooms on your skin.)
Dukermin: Brr…
(The fragment that had embedded itself in your skin lifts up, glowing gently with the being’s touch. It reforms into a small bit of desaturated blue light, hovering in the space just in front of you. Tahlia looks on in awe.)
Dukermin: Ooh, can I touch it? *reaches out then stops* Wait, actually Nalitie er Tahlia you should see what happens if you touch it.
Tahlia: … Alright…? *carefully reaches towards it*
(The fragment of Nalitie’s SOUL slots back into place the moment she touches it. You can see her slightly desaturated blue SOUL glow in her chest for a moment. Its typical perfect heart shape is marred, with bits and pieces missing along the outer edge.)
Dukermin: How do you feel? Less confused?
Tahlia(?): I… feel like I’m missing some context. *looking around at everyone* Why is Tobias here? I thought that was a VR bit… He shouldn’t exist.
Tobias: *grabs Dukermin’s hand tighter*
Dukermin: *squeezes his hand reassuringly* Well, that’s sort of the conundrum we’re in, actually. But this is good! Progress! Definitely not completely up-to-date on some things but we’ll get there. Hey… pal.. Can you take the other pieces off of me?
Q̷̛͖̖͉̅̅̇̒͌͘9̴̰̰̯̜̮̘͇͍̅̈̊̑̽̀͘̚͜r̸̨̲̖̱̬̫͊̆̀̔̋̉̔̊̏8̶͈͎̣͇͈̼͖̈́̈́̎̏̀͆͆̂̓͐͆͗͝ȩ̶̨̯̹͈̬͎̳̮̩̻͚̋͝g̵̡̲̬̼͕͍͙̮̱̮̻͈̼͗͆̈́͜ͅ0̴͔̘̹̖͔̤͕̺̠͇͚̝̙̬͋͐̍̊̒͋͐͊́̅̿̕͘͜͠͝-̶̗̥͙̩̰̭͓͇̻̰̗̀͊̇͗̊̈́͂̈́͗͐͐̊̈͜͝: I suppose that could be amusing.
(It reaches out another tendril, this time towards the shadowy locket around your neck. That same chill works its way across your skin as the fragment reforms into another piece of Nalitie’s SOUL.)
Tahlia(?): Is… is that mine too…?
Dukermin: Yeah, this one isn’t very fun either, but you should probably have it.
Tahlia(?): *takes the SOUL fragment* *reeling a little at everything she’s remembered now*
Dukermin: Yeah, sorry about that. This last one isn’t yours, though. But um, G00pgas1? Is there a way that I can remove these myself if I figure out who they belong to?
0̶̡̺͖̠̪̤͉͉̖̟̹͖̆̓̕̕9̷̡̢͈̗̘̣͔̪͚̎͒͂͆͗̿ͅ8̴̧͉͓͈̮̳̮̝͖̳̜̲͉̆̈́̉̇̇̅̄̐̒̏̚͝p̵̨̧̟̦̭̪͖̣̺̒͐̈́̃̀͝ỉ̶̡̲̱̃[̷̧̨̜͎̖̰̮̝͍͎̹̻͚͔͝p̵̛̯̰̊̒͋̆͑̽͛̕a̷̛̘͙̬̐̿̏̌̃́̓̏̆͋̌͘͝: *was busy watching Tahlia(?) try to absorb the new information* What fragile minds you mortals have… *to Dukermin* I should almost be insulted that you wish to take away so many of my things… But I shall humor you. That vessel you found earlier, bring it here.
(It reaches itself towards you, waiting.)
Dukermin: Uhh… this? My favorite test tube?? *reluctantly gives up the test tube*
(The being put a part of itself into the test tube. The test tube reappears in your inventory.)
Dukermin: Thanks! What do I do with it? Just like… smear it on the mark?
0̶̧̨̳͔̺̬̹̠̗͍̞̭̍̓̽͛̍̑̀̀͋̿̽̚͜ͅ8̵̧̛̩͙͉̤̻̘͖̪͚̹͍̭̅̐́͑̎̈́͑́̀̉̕͘͝ͅͅṗ̵̖͈̳̗̳̮̯̼̼̾͂̚9̴̡̩̬̙͈̺̚ȕ̵̘̺͍̰̔̎̒̉̿̀̔͐͆͗̚̚͝i̵̡̜̱̦͖̭̪̯͙̻̼͔̣̓̊̋͗̈́̑̃́̑͌̚̚̚͠ͅh̵͕͎̝̥̖͇̹̞̟͚̲͙̎̇̍̇͑͛̎̉̚g̶̨͉̩̃̈́̅̀̒͋̄́͋͝: In essence. I am interested to see where this venture takes you.
(The being begins to back away, shrinking back into the platform.)
8̶̡̧̛͔̮i̸̲͇̫̬̹̜͈̥̻̼͉̽̏̄͗͝p̵̺͕͚̻̩̩̻̘̖̬̪͉̝̫̈́̃̽ư̵̧̞͎̦̮̭̦̮̮͙̎̀̑̅̓̈̀̎̿̌͠ǫ̴̨̺͎̻͈̬̙͝p̷̢̡̻̹̦̦̜͕͉̰̰͇̯̮͖̾̑̌̃̈́̔̄͝͠'̶̬̠͖͑̈́̂̽̽̂̀̈̕p̸̧̛̩̝͉̱̬̹̹͍̦͖̰͓̝̳͗̋̀̾̔̇̐̅[̵̞̣̟̣̳̦̑̽̎̏: And if you do manage to return to reality… do send me that gumbo recipe you gave to Feracles. It sounds… deliciously relevant.
Dukermin: I will do that! Thanks again! Oh and good luck with that rash!! *waves goodbye*
(Tahlia(?) watches the exchange in confusion. Akeldama floats further up ahead, near another platform.)
Dukermin: *follows, pulling Tahlia and Bee along*
~•*•~
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Featuring @zarla-s's goopmonster as The Void Itself.
(It’s another rainy day in the sleepy town of Woodwin, Minnesconsin. It’s 7:45 in the morning, and students are filtering into the town’s high school. Teachers stand in the hall, drinking their coffee with various states of alertness, greeting students as they walk by. A man in gray business-casual clothing sits at his desk, organizing the last of his papers for the morning before his first class comes in, sipping at a tepid mug of black coffee.)
(Nalitie, Dukermin, and Dr. Gaster have lunchbox portalled their way onto the roof of the school—thankfully out of view of the windows this time—after a not-insignificant amount of sifting through Green Circle Labs’s Interdimensional Database.)
Gaster: *savoring the rain*
Nalitie: *squinting, looking around, trying not to get water in her eyes* This… is probably it, right?
Dukermin: Yeah, I’d know this roof from anywhere. Lets rappel into the windows!
Nalitie: We gotta make sure we don’t start another lockdown this time tho… Plus they’ve probably fixed your bomb hole by now, right?
Gaster: *dutifully ignoring them, though concerned about the whole “bomb hole” idea*
Dukermin: We can always make another. Or I guess we could go through the door but where’s the drama in that?
Nalitie: The drama could lie in our… *puts on a pair of sunglasses, even though it’s literally overcast and raining* intense interrogation.
Dukermin: *puts on a pair of those glasses that have fake eyeballs in them and then strings a piece of her hair across her nose to make a mustache* *draws a smiley face on a paper bag and puts it on gaster’s head*
Nalitie: *sticks googly eyes to the smiley face*
Gaster: *sighs*
(The paper bag is getting soaked because of the rain. He looks like someone’s incredibly soggy lunch.)
Nalitie: That’s perfect, let’s go! *grabs his hand because he’s effectively blind now* *jumps off the roof, using her now freely-accessibly magical powers to Not Die*
Gaster: !!!
Dukermin: *rappels*
(You join the throng of students entering the building. A teacher greets you at the door. He is wearing a badge with the name “Dwayne Nuitsean.”)
Mr. Nuitsean: Good morning! Interesting hat day today?
Dukermin: *with lips pursed to keep the hair mustache in place* Everyday is interesting hat day when you’re a cool kid like we are *finger guns*
Mr. Nuitsean: *nods* Just make sure you take it off before going to class.
Nalitie: We will do that yes. *walking faster, Gaster in tow*
Gaster: *to Nalitie, who literally cannot understand him because Dukermin has the universal translator* What was that about hats? *can’t hear very well because his head is inside of a bag*
Nalitie: Don’t worry, we know where we’re going, this is the school we went to. Sort of. *just guessing at what he said*
Nalitie: Also maybe don’t talk, only Dukermin can understand what you’re saying… To me and everyone else it sounds like garbled electronic sounds and I feel like that might get us in trouble. Teachers are gonna think it’s our phones!
Gaster: *grumbling about it anyway*
Dukermin: *double checks that phone is on silent but its been broken and dead since document 19*
Nalitie: *checking phone* *has like 123 missed calls and her voicemail is full* Oh that’s new… *also putting her phone on silent* *to Gaster* You should silence your phone, too.
Gaster: I have a bag over my head. How do you expect me to do that?
Dukermin: *reaches into his pockets* *pulls out a drill* Uh *puts it back* *checks other pocket* *pulls out a square ruler* Why *pulls out a blue flip phone at long last* *turns it off*
Gaster: *trying to swat her hands away, but only has one that’s not being held and also can’t see* That’s very rude, human!
Dukermin: *high fives Gaster*
Nalitie: Do we even want to know why you have a drill in your pocket?
Gaster: … *wrenches his hand out of Nalitie’s and starts walking away* *runs into a wall*
Students: *pointing and snickering*
Dukermin: *pointing and snickering as well*
Nalitie: *goes and retrieves him* Ok anyway, we need to go to class before the bell rings!!! *trying to find a staircase*
Dukermin: *runs to The Stairwell™*
(You head up a big staircase. At the top landing, a group of students is sitting using their computers and chatting with each other. Closest to the door is someone who looks a lot like Nalitie, sitting next to someone who looks suspiciously like Sam. A Dukermin lookalike is typing away in an interactive fiction making program. A teen in all black wearing a geometric hoodie is tucked into the corner. Next to her is a girl in a bohemian skirt wearing a ripped band t-shirt and duct taped shoes. A tall boy stands in the doorframe next to the Nalitie lookalike.)
(As you come up to the landing, you are startled by another teen in a short sleeved magenta hoodie. Gaster almost falls back down the stairs, taking Nalitie with him.)
Dukermin: *narrows her eyes because this all seems very familiar for some reason* … Hello fellow teens…
Nalitie: How do you do… *walking quickly, avoiding eye contact with her doppelganger* *surreptitiously hiding her face with her hair*
Nalitie Lookalike: *confused by the very tall person in a lab coat wearing a soggy paper bag over their head, who appears to have no blood because their hands are very pale and might also have giant holes in them???*
Dukermi: *does the “im watching you” gesture at the Dukermin doppelganger and walks away*
Dukermin Doppelganger: *did not notice or care*
Nalitie: *already halfway down the hall, near the school’s library* *turning around* Dukermin, do you remember where Mr. Napce’s room was?
Dukermin: uhhhh no I have no directional awareness its like my thing. Its why the teleportation magic is like a necessity for me.
Gaster: *didn’t realize Nalitie stopped, trips over her a little* *the paper bag on his head is looking pretty droopy*
Nalitie: Then we will continue walking down these halls until we find it I guess, I’m not asking for directions. *continues, turns down a brown-tiled hallway* *reading the name plates on all of the doors* Mr. Crinkle, Ms. Fleece, Mr. Silentium… Oh, here! *pointing at a classroom*
Dukermin: *heads on in* Hello Teacher, we’re ready for another exciting day of… mmmmath..?
Mr. Napce: *looks up from his papers, eyebrow raised* You’re not in my first period class. Who are you?
Dukermin: uhhh *unpurses lips and mustache falls away* My cover is blown!
Nalitie: We’re new students! We were homeschooled for a really long time but our mom said we’re weird and should be socialized or something. IDK she seemed really upset at us because we were burying… *looks up at Gaster, then back at Mr. Napce* … Gerard in the backyard.
Mr. Napce: ….
Dukermin: Yes! We’re unsocialized like feral cats! But we’re eager to learn *sits on top of a desk*
Mr. Napce: I… see… *pulling up his roster* What did you say your names were again?
Nalitie: *is forcing Gaster to sit in a desk chair* I’m Tahlia!
Dukermin: My mom didn’t give me a name.
Nalitie: Our mom, and she named you Dahlia, you just don’t like it. *points at Gaster, who is refusing to sit* And this is Gerard! He’s really shy about his face so he’s wearing his Interesting Hat to school today. Mom says that it makes it easier to look at him.
Dukermin: She is a cruel woman.
Nalitie: But she gave us two pancakes this morning!
Dukermin: Usually we get none! Please teach us, teacher! We’re so pitiful!
Mr. Napce: *looking back and forth between them and his Advanced Human Anatomy and Medical Terminology roster* I can’t seem to find you on my roster… Are you sure you’re not in my 4th hour class?
Dukermin: Oh we may be. We’ll just wait then.
Mr. Napce: *pulling up his 4th hour Remedial Science roster*
Dukermin: Hey teach, mind if I read you a line from my favorite poem??
Mr. Napce: *does mind quite a lot, actually, but has been warned that he needs to put more effort into creating a welcoming classroom environment* … go on.
Dukermin: “beware of the man who came from the other world.” … *stares intently through eyeball glasses so it has no effect*
Mr. Napce: … That’s… nice. *goes back to trying to find them in the school’s system to figure out where they’re supposed to be*
Dukermin: *rolls an insight check* *got an 11* HMM *to Nalitie* He’s acting suspiciously…
Nalitie: Hmm… *louder* Mr. Napce, do you know anything about The Oracle? I’m REALLY interested and I don’t have class with… uh… I don’t have history until 8th period!
Mr. Napce: ??? “The Oracle”? You mean from Greek mythology? You’re going to have to ask Mr. Borax about that. He teaches all of our history classes.
Dukermin: A little more distant than Greece. I’m sure you know something, Mr, Napce, you just gotta dig deep into your subconscious whooowhoo. *swinging a pencil like a pendulum*
(The bell signalling the five minute warning before first period rings. Students start to shuffle into the classroom.)
Mr. Napce: *bats the pencil out of the way* What was your last name? I’m having trouble finding you in Earthward.
Dukermin: What’s it to ya.
Mr. Napce: *takes a deep breath, doesn’t want to get in trouble for yelling at students* I am trying to look up your class schedule, since you clearly don’t know where you’re supposed to be.
Dukermin: What are you a cop? I know exactly where i’m supposed to be *standing on top of the desk now* RIGHT HERE!
Mr. Napce: Miss… Dahlia, was it? If you do not get down off of that desk and help me find your proper schedule this instant, I will have no choice but to send you to the principal’s office on your first day of school. I don’t suppose your mother would be very pleased, would she?
Dukermin: What I need is not a schedule, I need ANSWERS! TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ORACLE!
Dukermin Doppelganger: *has made her way into the classroom* DID SOMEONE ASK ABOUT THE ORACLE?? LIKE THE ORACLE AT DELPHI? AT LONG LAST MY GREEK HYPERFIXATION IS USEFUL SO BASICALLY DELPHI WAS KNOWN FOR ITS ORACLE AKA PYTHIA (ORIGINALLY PYTHO WHICH WAS THR ORIINGAL NAMME OF G…
Nalitie: *shining a flashlight at Mr. Napce while Dukermin Doppelganger rambles about Greek mythology*
Gaster: *has finally sat down in a desk, awkwardly scrunched up because he’s really tall* *the paper bag has disintegrated on the top a little, and if you were looking you would see his skull poking through* *one of the googly eyes has fallen off*
Dukermin: *has jumped off the table and is now by the pencil sharpener brandishing a metal ruler* Tell us what you know of the multiverse or the pencil sharpener gets it!!
Mr. Napce: *standing up, scowling* Alright, Miss Dahlia, Miss Tahlia, you two are going to the principal’s office until you have learned to behave yourselves.
Gaster: *under his breath* I like this guy…
Mr. Napce: *turning to look at “Gerard”* And I will remind my class that their phones should be silenced in my classroom, lest they want them to be taken away. *has run out of patience, goes to escort Nalitie and Dukermin to the principal’s office*
Dukermin: You can’t govern us! We will find the answer and save the multiverse whether you’re willing to comply or not! Students rise up against this TYRANT! He can’t silence you anymore than he can silence your phones!
Students: *uncomfortable silence*
Mr. Napce: *fed up, grabs their hands and starts walking down the hallway with Nalitie and Dukermin in tow*
Dukermin: *laying on the ground kicking while being dragged away* FIGHT THE SYSTEM
Nalitie: *has to walk fast to keep up* We just need to know The Thing You Know!!! That’s all!!!!
(As you approach the staircase at the end of the hall, you hear screaming. The students in Mr. Napce’s class run out into the hallway pointing and screaming. Gaster stumbles out behind them, the paper bag having finally dissolved off of his face because it was wet.)
Mr. Napce: What on Earth???
Nalitie: *takes the opportunity to tackle him with all of her 93 pounds* Tell us what you knooooowwww!
Dukermin: That’s right the skeleton is with us and if you don’t tell us what we need to know he’s gonna… rip off your skin so he can wear it like a coat! he’s a chilly guy!!
Nalitie: He’s the Ghost of John[1] and he’s gonna get you if you don’t TELL US!!!
Mr. Napce: … *squinting suspiciously at them* You’re not students, are you?
Dukermin: No. We’re your worst nightmare. *still laying on the ground*
Mr. Napce: I’ll never tell you anything. The secrets of Delphi will die with me.
Gaster: *down the hall, still wiping paper bag remnants off of his face* *cleaning his glasses*
Students: *have fled the scene*
Teachers in other classrooms: *ignoring, probably assuming there’s some Intense Review Game going on…*
Dukermin: Then you’ve made your choice *to Nalitie* Activate Operation Elephant Comet Swamp Delta 4-0-1 Version Grey Goose *grabs his wallet out of pocket and books it back towards the library*
Nalitie: *gets pushed off of Mr. Napce as he gets up and sprints after Dukermin* *runs back to the classroom, which is now empty* *thumbs up at Gaster* Thanks for distracting all the students! *flings herself into Mr. Napce’s empty chair and starts digging through his computer*
Gaster: *follows her back into the classroom; poor Gerard has done nothing and is still getting into trouble* *irritated by this whole endeavor* What are you doing now?
Nalitie: *can’t understand him* Hmmm… If you were hiding a secret where would you put it? *digging through file explorer, looking for anything related to The Oracle or Delphi or anything suspicious* *currently in a folder of students’ graded assignments*
(Meanwhile…)
Mr. Napce: *digging in his pockets for his phone, going to call maybe the principal, or maybe the other people working for Delphi*
Dukermin: *has very inelegantly spider climbed up to the attic entrance ledge opposite the library* *thumbing through his wallet* *pulls out a picture of a family* Ohhh are these your kids? Would be a shame if something happened… to this picture of them *puts the picture in her mouth*
Mr. Napce: *overshot her, turns around just in time to hear “would be a shame”* You’ll never learn our secrets if I have anything to say about it! *trying to figure out how to get up there*
(Meanwhile…)
Nalitie: *has found a folder simply labelled “Delphi” on Mr. Napce’s computer* Aha! *digging around in her pockets for a flash drive* *can’t find one, starts digging through Mr. Napce’s desk drawers* *to Gaster* I don’t suppose you have a flash drive in your pockets with your drill and your ruler?
Gaster: *gives her a deadpan look*
(Meanwhille…)
Mr. Napce: *leaping up, trying to grab ahold of the ledge* Even if you do find our secrets, you’ll never be able to use them!
Dukermin: Don’t underestimate our power!! *flicks a penny at his head*
Mr. Napce: *got hit in the eye, lets go* Ow! You little—
(Meanwhile…)
Nalitie: *has finally located a flash drive* *drags the entire folder onto it, then shoves the drive into her pocket* We got it! *grabs Gaster by the hand and starts sprinting down the hall towards Dukermin*
Dukermin: *making paper planes out of dollar bills* *sees Nalitie* You got it??
Nalitie: Yeah! Let’s go! *running past, booking it down the stairs, dragging Gaster behind her*
Gaster: *tripping on pretty much every step*
Dukermin: *throws the wallet down the hall and jumps down to follow them*
Mr. Napce: *ignores the wallet for now, runs after them*
Dukermin: *catches up with them and throws a portal to some random room in the elementary school* go go go!
Nalitie and Gaster: *trip into the portal*
Dukermin: *dives through and closes it behind her*
Mr. Napce: *screams in frustration*
Other HS teachers and students: *looking into the halls* ???
(You have arrived in a small classroom. There’s a table with four chairs at it, and a desk in the corner. The walls are covered with cheerful phonics posters and reminders to have safe bodies. It looks like the teacher is out right now. The plate on her desk reads “Mrs. Tessara Chapman.”)
Dukermin: Okay we should be good now. We should see if we can find a student computer to look through the files.
Nalitie: Do we have another disguise for Gaster? I don’t want to freak out the elementary kids…
Dukermin: Uhh… *finds some construction paper and starts folding it and gluing it until it looks vaguely like a crumpled head. Draws a smiley face on it*
Nalitie: *puts it over Gaster’s face* *sticks another pair of googly eyes on him*
Dukermin: Hmm it still needs something… *notices the glitter* *puts elber’s glue™ on the top and pours glitter over the top* Yes.
Nalitie: Perfect! *grabs his hand and starts walking* Let’s go! *is getting covered in glitter from stuff falling off of Gaster’s head*
(Eventually, you find the computer lab. A class of 3rd graders stares at you as you enter the room.)
Teacher: Hello…?
Dukermin: Hello, class! *has made a moustache out of construction paper and taped it on* We’re… with cybersecurity. We need to check the… security of your …. softdrive.
Nalitie: And it can’t wait. Very important, time-sensitive work we’re doing. *heads to an empty computer, turns it on*
Gaster: *standing awkwardly next to a third grader*
Kid: Why are you wearing paper?
Dukermin: This is our intern. Interns aren’t allowed to show their faces until they’ve proved themselves in this business.
Nalitie: They’re not allowed to talk, either. *jabs Gaster with her elbow so he knows she’s talking about him* *plugs the flash drive into the computer and opens up file explorer*
Kid: *peering over, distracted from their typing work* What are you doing?
Dukermin: We’re… tapping into the … scrumfile to access the database of… cyberstakes.
Nalitie: You’ll understand when you’re older.
(The “Delphi” file is filled with restaurant menus, floor plans, and a folder labelled “trade secrets.” It looks like Delphi is Nicholas Napce’s family’s restaurant.)
Dukermin: So… the secrets of the universe lie in… pita breads and avgolemono soup?
Nalitie: *clicking into the “trade secrets” folder* I guess??? Maybe it’s code for something??? *elbows Gaster, then points at the screen as if he can see through the paper taped to his face* You’re good at puzzles, what do you think this means?
Gaster: *rolls his eyes underneath the construction paper* I have a piece of paper taped to my face.
Nalitie: *did not understand* Yeah, I don’t get it either…
Dukermin: Excuse me, interns are to remain silent.
(“Trade Secrets” is a folder full of recipes. There’s recipes for avgolemono, kreatosoupa, gyros… and one Word file named “SECRET!!!!”)
Dukermin: *points excitedly at SECRET!!!!*
Nalitie: *opens up “SECRET!!!!”*
(It’s a recipe for cabbage soup. Bad-sounding cabbage soup, at that, since it’s literally just water and cabbage.)
Dukermin: Welp! There it is! The secret of the multiverse! We did it!
Nalitie: *memorizing the recipe, which is 4 cups of water and a head of cabbage, uncut, simmered for 24 hours* Perfect, let’s bring this back to Art. I don’t know how this will help him remove Aubrey’s powers but I’m sure he’ll be able to figure it out!
Kid: *pointing at the picture of the soup-in-progress in the recipe* What’s that?
Nalitie: The key to understanding infinity!
Dukermin: Forget everything you saw here today, kid. *backs out of the classroom*
Nalitie: *follows her*
Gaster: *still standing there, unaware that they left because his face is covered in paper*
Kid: *pokes him* Are you a statue?
Nalitie: *pokes her head back in* You too, Gaster! Come on! *goes back in and drags him out of the computer lab*
Dukermin: Alright, squad, are we ready to save all of the universe and beyond?
Nalitie: Heck yeah, let’s go back to Pluto!
Gaster: *taking the construction paper off of his face*
Dukermin: *opens up a portal* *jumps in*
Nalitie: *pushes Gaster through, then jumps in after him*
(You arrive on Pluto. Pluto is… looking a lot worse than when you left, actually. A large portion of the main glacier—the one with The Rock, Alphys’s lab, and Toriel’s house on it—has broken off and is floating away in the ocean. There are even bigger holes scattered throughout all of Monster Town. Portals are open in the sky above you, into dimensions that you don’t even recognize. The citizens of Pluto are running around in a panic, trying to figure out how to get the people on the escaping portion of the glacier back. Aubrey Foresman is curled into a ball at Art’s feet, panicking as chaos reigns.)
Dukermin: Ahhhhhahaha this is… Worse than I expected it to be…
(A laser-shooting unicorn flies through the air above you. You can hear a jarring mix of voices singing: some in a heavy metal style, some operatically, and at least one sounds alarmingly like Lydia, who is supposed to be on Riewa.)
Nalitie: Yeesh… Guess we better get this recipe to Art as quickly as possible.
Dukermin: Yeah its a good thing we found the dimension saving secret that will return all this to happy normal times! *to Art*
(S. G. Art is standing in the middle of the chaos, one disembodied hand rubbing soothing circles on Aubrey’s back. He regards you with the same uninterpretable smile as always as you approach. When he speaks, his voice sounds… different, as if it’s echoing in the air around you rather than coming from his mouth.)
* Ah… hello, children. I see you have returned. Did you find the information that will at last soothe our dear Aubrey’s SOUL?
Dukermin: Oh hey, do you have a cold or something? Sound a little … odd. Your dialogue is a little broken.
* Oh, there is no need to worry about me. It is simply less painful for me to speak in this way rather than through my poor, distorted vocal cords.
Gaster: *has been assuming Art was a skeleton like him* Do you… have vocal cords, then? *is confused because as far as he knows only skeletons can speak Wingdings*
* Ah ha ha… I am afraid there is little left to them now. But come now, this is not the conversation we need to be having, not while our poor Aubrey is in such pain.
Nalitie: *has not understood a word of this conversation except Dukermin mentioning Art has broken the dialogue*
Dukermin: Er right let’s get back on track *to Nalitie* it doesn’t matter. Um Aubrey, hope you like cabbages!
(Aubrey doesn’t seem to register what you just said. The hand that was on her back has disappeared, and she seems all the more miserable for the lack of comfort. There’s a cracking noise behind you, but it blends into the general cacophony surrounding you at the moment. Another portal opens in the sky in front of you with a clap of thunder.)
Dukermin: Ahh Nalitie, give Art the recipe.
Nalitie: Oh, right. Ok, so Mr. Napce’s secret: to make Secret Cabbage Soup, you need to add 4 cups of water and a whole, uncut head of cabbage to a pot, then simmer that for 24 hours. And you need to watch it carefully but DON’T STIR IT!
Gaster: *rolls his eyes, starts looking around* *notices a hole in the ice behind them* *stares into the rainbow colors it contains with concern because they look… familiar*
* Ah, very good. Yes, this is precisely the information we need to save our dear friend. I am certain her salvation is at hand. There’s just one thing left for us to do.
(As he speaks, Art’s disembodied hands float themselves just in front of Nalitie and Dukermin’s chests, appearing out of thin air.)
* Goodbye, my dear queens.
(The hands shove you in the chest, hard. You tumble backwards into the open portal behind you and it closes immediately. Above you, you see three figures on a catwalk, and you think you hear Alphys’s voice, but you scarcely have time to register any of it before you plunge into the blindingly hot, multicolored lava of the Underground’s CORE.)
(In Erscoga, Gaster stares in shock at the melted hole in the ice you just disappeared into, then gapes at Art. Art smiles back at him va♍︎₳☠t̴̨̠̝͚͓͓̭̅͊̔l̶̨̛̳̟#͚̒̊̕y̸͔̗̓̌̃̎͆͐.̵͓̝̠̳̰̗̗͒̈́͗͛̚͜)̶̜̊̈́̈̌
