I was reading Fervent Care of Dying Things for the absolutely fascinating story telling and characterization. I'm not much of a shipper in general and I just found the way you handled the characters regardless of shipping so fucking cool.
Aww thank you. Yeah I was a very seat-of-my-pants writer back then that discovered where the story took me as I went with minimal planning. Which meant I ended up with something really driven by the characters. I like my weird dark fiction to be heavy on the romance, but it was difficult to get there with those guys (I mean... Strade only loves things like a person can love a prized possession or a pet, Lawrence has a deep disregard for human life, and Ren is... well--used to being coveted being the only thing that makes him feel worth something at all). I was pleasantly surprised by how sweet the law/ren content ended up being since I wrote Law as having a general abhorrence for bullying that instantly made him super protective of Ren.
Yeah I dunno. I had fun with their poly dynamic a lot even though the fic kinda just started out as strade/law propaganda. There's just something about an extrovert that obsessively adopts a loser introvert that I love I guess.
Please plspls write sexed up abusive lesbians law x strade 🤞🤞
sorry lesbians, sorry dykes, this is a post for fucked up transfems and quasi-chasers now. sorry :(
4000+ words, cw for slurs, they are the worst grindr hookup in the world and i'm obsessed with themmmmm (this may have a part 2 if the people don't execute me)
also crossposted on ao3 give me attentionnnnnuh
"hey cutie, having a good night?"
Lawrence almost flinched after hearing the foreign notification ‘blllip’ on their phone.
It was late, they had just gotten home from work and they were sifting through their saved videos (car crashes, open-faced surgery, execution porn and the like) to get to sleep, their body heavy on the mattress, their head heavier with drugged intoxication from a short smoking circle at the warehouse before they left.
They blinked sleepy grey (dead) eyes as they opened the app with a slide of their thumb, the orange-and-black interface unfamiliar, they used it so little.
Right. They downloaded this to buy weed from the new guy at work, didn’t they?
Did they even have a profile set up? Apparently so, if someone nearby had found them.
They let out a short sigh through their nose, moving onto their back under the heavy, weighted blankets as they typed out a reply to ‘strade 36 verse’.
‘Verse’. What did that even mean?
"Hi."
Lawrence barely had time to rub their eyes before the orange bubble was typing again.
"hi!"
An instant reply. ‘Strade 36 verse’ must have been online then.
They sat up with another sigh and their lips pursed in a thoughtful pout, wondering if they should respond further, and what to say if they did.
They didn’t really know the etiquette of most social media, after all. The most exposure they’d had to it was a Tumblr account that was quickly taken down when they posted an especially gory work-in-progress photo of a new sculpture (for “violating community guidelines’ they said when they’d asked), and they’d left it at that, so this was new to them.
It wasn't like they’d been on something as casual as a dating app before, so they had no prior experience or point of reference on how these kinds of interactions generally played out.
So, in place of another message, they decided to wait for ‘Strade 36 verse’ to reply again, to send the dreaded ‘double text’ or lose interest in their flaky response, before they did anything on their own.
They wouldn’t have to wait long for that, though.
"nice pics, you’re very, very cute." He praised, sending through a winking-face emoji and a blonde angel emoji, referencing the badly taken, but well-cropped mirror selfies on their profile, just so the weed guy knew who they were when they messaged. "are you down for anything tonight?"
Lawrence frowned, idly worrying their bottom lip between their crooked teeth as they pushed a hand into their greasy hair. They’d shower before work tomorrow. Or not.
They weren't entirely sure what ‘down for anything’ meant and weren't sure if they necessarily wanted to know either.
"Thank you.” They typed, well-trained to be polite to compliments. “Down for anything like what, exactly?"
"lol, you're adorable"
"like hooking up? lol"
Lawrence nearly dropped their phone at that.
Their face burned a hot red as they sat upright quickly, pushing aside their weighted blankets and ruminating in silence for several long moments on how to respond to Strade’s outright forwardness.
Was everyone on this app like this?
"I don't know you.” They wrote with another deep frown. “I only really use this app to buy weed. What do you want from me?"
"haha that's hilarious!" Strade wrote back quickly with a series of laughing emojis, which just made Lawrence frown even more. What did he find so funny? "cute pics for a burner account tho. what's that for?~"
They felt their face burning hotter and hotter as they stared at Strade's response, dumbfounded at his capacity to play along with such unwilling prey, before setting the phone down in their lap and pressing the heels of both hands to their eyes, too tired and (frankly) too high to make sense of what this guy was trying to do to them.
‘...cute pics...?’
They took a breath and picked up their phone again, trying to respond as normally as they could without cussing the guy out.
"What do you mean cute? It's just my face."
"it’s a cute face," He sent with a virtual wink.
They took another short moment, trying to collect themself, long, trembling fingers hovering over the keyboard on their phone, before they typed out another response.
"I don't know about cute...but thanks, I think."
"you're so welcome~"
There was a pause as Strade typed another string of words, punctuated by an orange bubble and animated ellipses.
"if you're not here to hook up, maybe we could just exchange pics hm?"
"Pictures of...what exactly?"
"i'll show you mine if you show me yours," He wrote, punctuated by an eggplant emoji, a peach emoji and…a water spray emoji.
Lawrence didn’t need to be a genius in social media lingo to know exactly what that meant.
They tried to swallow the growing lump in their throat before reluctantly replying.
"What makes you think I'd send you a picture like that? I don't even know what you look like."
"i have a profile pic sweetheart," He wrote with another winking emoji, making Lawrence flush that they hadn’t even taken the time to look at Strade’s profile before they started talking to him. "but fair point! wanna make sure i’m not a catfish, huh?"
'Sweetheart...'
The nickname sent a little chill down Lawrence’s spine, but…not in a wholly unpleasant way.
It might have even been kind of nice to be called that, even if it was from a stranger on a dating app of all places.
There were a few moments of ‘silence’ before their phone ‘blllipped’ with a notification that Strade had sent them a picture, which they quickly opened.
He looked like...well, he looked like a totally normal guy in his thirties, relaxing on a couch as if he’d just gotten home from work after a hard day. Tan skin, dark stubble, a handsome smile, everything people liked in a man. He was shirtless, showing off a soft chest and the beginnings of a slightly softer stomach, but that was probably the nature of the app.
"You're...very good-looking. Nice muscles." Lawrence typed honestly, a little hesitantly, staring at the picture for a prolonged moment before swapping back to the chat.
"thanks cutie," He wrote with a beating heart emoji, making Lawrence’s own heart tighten in their chest. "how are you looking right now?"
They idly chewed the inside of their cheek and looked down at themself.
They weren’t anything special and never considered themself to be, wearing a pair of tattered pyjama pants and a loose-fitting top printed with the warehouse’s logo.
That probably wasn’t the vibe for this interaction, was it?
"I mean, not good like you. I'm wearing pyjamas right now."
"maybe i'll decide what looks good, hm?"
"send me something."
They felt their face flush hotter when the second message popped up, bringing the edge of their phone to their mouth with a shuddering little sigh that fogged up the cracked glass.
This was getting pretty embarrassing, but, at the same time, it was...kind of exciting.
They’d never done anything like this before, certainly not with a stranger, and…Strade had such an authoritative vibe about him without even being in the room.
They felt almost compelled to obey him, even if there was no side effect to not.
Lawrence shifted over the side of the bed and reluctantly lifted the phone for a selfie, reaching up with their other hand to cover their mouth and most of their jaw, keeping the focus on their messy hair, their sleepy eyes, their slender neck, their collar bone, the low collar of their shirt…things that they guessed Strade might like in a conversation partner.
Once they had taken the picture, they sent it over quickly before they could think too long and change their mind.
Strade responded almost immediately.
"awwww~" He wrote, with a heart eyes emoji and another angel emoji. "very cute!"
Oh God, they really weren’t used to being called cute this much.
Their heart was racing as they read the short string of messages, their pale cheeks flushing and their dead eyes fluttering a little as their thighs pressed together tightly.
"You...really think so?"
"i know so~" He complimented again. "you’re such a good girl for listening to me too <3"
'Good girl-!?'
Lawrence's heart was beating even faster now, just from that one little compliment, and they found themself sinking back against the bed and staring at the popcorn, mould-dotted ceiling, feeling all the heat in their body rush right down to their cock.
It seemed kind of...demeaning to be called a 'good girl' in this scenario, but at the same time, it felt...so amazing.
They just hoped that Strade wasn’t getting the wrong idea.
“Thank you…but I’m not a girl though.” They typed when their brain started working again, resting their phone on their chest, their legs trembling and bopping up and down, nervously.
"oh no? apologies for assuming but you do have trans stuff in your bio lol"
"you look pretty enough to be a girl. figuring stuff out?"
The instinct to cringe subsided quickly when they clicked on their profile, noticing the absence of the gender marker that Strade had (‘M’), and their pronouns (‘they/them, any/all’) listed along with their location, the only information they had provided the app, barring their picture.
"That was an accident...I didn't know what it was asking me." They typed out, explaining their mix-up.
‘Pretty enough to be a girl...’
They suddenly found themself feeling…warm all over as those words repeated in their head, feeling the sincerity behind them, the authenticity behind them.
Maybe they weren’t a girl, at least, not a girl they had ever been close to before, but there was the…well, the fact that Strade had assumed their gender incorrectly several times now, and they had done nothing to correct him.
"happy accidents, eh?" Strade replied quickly with another laughing emoji, though this one felt more fond and affectionate than the others had been. "do you like being a good girl, law?"
They swallowed tightly and managed to type out a response, their hands trembling with excitement.
"Yeah…I mean, yeah I think I do."
"thought so." Another virtual wink. This guy used a lot of emojis. "can i see something else now, angel?" He wrote, like no part of that conversation happened, and even though it was phrased like a question, Lawrence had that good sense that it was not to be taken as one.
They felt their face burning hotter than ever as they typed out a response.
"What do you want me to show you…?”
"show me your body.”
“do you have a mirror so i can see all of you?"
Lawrence had to stop and close their eyes, knees tightly pressed together as they tried to collect themself and slow the pounding of their racing heart.
They’d never felt like this before. It felt good.
It felt good.
Why weren’t they used to feeling good?
They took in a deep breath, trying to calm themself down, before they got to their feet and walked over to their bathroom, hesitantly taking a full-body (or, well, as close to full-body as they could manage) picture in the bathroom cabinet mirror, using the phone to cover their face and focus on their body.
They looked so…boring in the reflection, wearing that old, baggy top and those loose-fitting pants.
Strade can’t really be that interested in them, can he?
"aw, you're so little. like you wouldn't be able to fight me off if i pinned you down <3"
Those immediate words set butterflies fluttering around in their stomach.
They were definitely not tiny by any metric, standing at almost six foot and easily taller than most of the guys in the warehouse, but the idea of being...pinned down by a stranger of all people, was making their brain short circuit.
And fine, they weren’t sure if Strade meant it in an affectionate way or…a creepy way, talking about their body like it was a piece of meat and he was an animal feeding on them, but Lawrence couldn’t think of a reason to be scared of the obvious red flags coming out of their conversation.
They swallowed past the ever-growing lump in their throat as they paced back to their bed, sitting down and trying their best to keep their responses coherent as they typed out another anxious reply.
"Oh yeah..? Think so?"
"i know so..."
God, he was quick.
"mind pulling those pants down?"
They chewed the inside of their cheek again, hesitating for maybe a moment before they began to slowly pull their pyjama bottoms down their skinny hips, exposing their boxer briefs and the bulge of their cock.
They felt so exposed, like someone could just walk in and see them right now, and yet...
They took another picture and sent it to Strade without a word, feeling the flush spread across their face as they did so.
"those look pretty tight, baby," He wrote after a pause. "like that cute girlcock is desperate for something its not gonna get. too cute <3"
What the fuck, girlcock-?!
Every word of the message made them shiver more and more, making the aching feeling in their chest that much more intense and tight, so tight it was almost painful.
God, they couldn’t even begin to describe how this fucking stranger was making them feel.
They were starting to feel desperate, like he said they were, their girlcock stirring and pressing even tighter against the taut fabric of their briefs, denying them anything close to relief.
They swallowed again, their tongue poking out to wet their dry lips as they typed a needy response.
"Please…just keep talking to me like that…”
"you're such a good girl," Strade continued to praise with another beating heart emoji. "spread your legs, make those panties nice and tight for me so i can see your girlcock press up there…"
They had to close their eyes momentarily and take in a deep, shaky breath to calm themself before they even attempted a response.
It was almost hard to type with how worked up they were, how much their fucking girlcock was stirring, how much their hands were shaking. They felt so submissive and helpless, like they wouldn’t even be able to think without Strade telling them to.
They just wanted to do whatever he told them to do.
Their legs parted as far as they could (while still framed nicely in the camera) and they jutted their hips slightly, making the thick bulge of their cock the focus of the picture. Light blonde hair covered their tummy and thighs, and they almost felt self-conscious about it, for the first time in their life.
A girl shouldn’t have that there…at least, not a good girl.
"fuck, you're killing me," He wrote with that angel emoji again. "you little tease. what i wouldn't give to have you here now."
Lawrence closed their eyes with a soft moan as they held the pose, trying to imagine what it would be like if he was here instead of just ordering them around over the phone.
They were still trembling but they couldn’t help but smile coyly to themself as they thought out another response.
"What would you do to me if I was there right now?"
"you really want to know, sweetheart?"
They swallowed hard, their grey eyes wide and unnervingly alive, and replied, almost without a thought.
"Yes. Tell me please…I want to know."
…
…
…
"i wouldn't let anyone else even get the chance to look at you, let alone touch you, before i’m through with you, lawrence"
"i'd take you down in my basement and make you scream. hurt you. cut you. fuck you even if you fought me back. ruin that cute little body and torture your girlcock until you begged me to stop."
"and i wouldn't stop <3 even if you screamed and cried and behaved like suuuuch a good girl for me, angel <3"
…
…
…
"You’d do that to me…?"
…
…
…
"yeah. i like ruining pretty things." He wrote. "and you're the prettiest thing i've seen in weeks."
Lawrence could feel themself almost trembling as they stared at their phone, their hands shaking.
They managed to type out a response, each letter in their reply feeling like a tremendous amount of effort when their fingers were shaking like jelly, just holding onto the phone.
"You really think I’m…pretty…?"
Their heart was pounding as they waited for a reply, waited for those tell-tale orange dots to move again, their once-dead eyes wide and alive and ready for more as their head spun behind them.
It was like they were experiencing an entirely new high, one more dangerous and more pleasurable than any drug could give them.
They could see themself getting quickly addicted to it, and knew that this addiction was sure to kill them faster than any other vice would.
“haha you're kind of a freak law," Strade seemed to tease when his reply finally popped up, though it was lacking the emojis that typically gave his teasing nature away. "i like that a lot. pretty girls are never usually as filthy as you~"
Their head canted slightly as they read the message, wetting their lips again as they reached down and idly palmed their cock, feeling the hard flesh between their long fingers and wishing that Strade was the one doing the touching instead.
Freak. Filth. Words growing on them like mould grew on spoiled food.
They were gradually getting infected by whatever disease Strade must have had to enjoy this, and they couldn’t have been happier
They flopped back heavily on the bed with a shaky exhale, that same feeling of twisted pride they got when he called them a “good girl” washing over them.
They managed to respond with one hand occupied (still squeezing their rotten cock that was enjoying every moment of this), their fingers still trembling.
"Yeah, I’m kind of a freak I guess…”
A pretty freak…a pretty girl…
Their cock pulsed hotter.
"yeah.”
“even the most poorly-adjusted tranny has the self-respect not to put up with all of this. what's the matter, law, you don't have any of that?"
They whimpered softly and bit their lip hard (so hard, they could practically taste blood), before rolling onto their side and bringing their knees up to their heaving chest as their cock twitched incessantly between their trembling legs, their slack body shivering all over as they squeezed their thighs tightly together.
Fuck, this was so awful. So, so fucking awful.
Then why was their head pounding, their chest heaving, their cock throbbing harder and harder (and harder and harder), the worse it got?
They swallowed hard, the lump in their throat almost painful to gulp past, as they read the message again, and despite themself, they reached down and started tugging on their cock as they typed, their heart continuing to race at an impossible pace from the mix of excitement and dread at feeling so vulnerable and exposed to this man.
"Why would I want self-respect if it means I can’t talk to you…?”
"good answer <3"
They couldn’t help but smile upon reading the new text, cradling the phone to their shuddering chest with one hand, as the other tightened the hold on their cock, the veins in their wrist pulsating as it jerked up and down their length.
God, they were just completely hooked on this fucking stranger, addicted to his praise, his threats, his dirty talk (if it could even be called that).
They lay there for a moment, just jerking themself off with wet gasps and shifting skin on skin, trying to even think of what to do next.
Their mind was so fuzzy and filled with thoughts of Strade, Strade, Strade that they could hardly concentrate, even without the initial fuzz the weed had given them.
It was a perfect sensation.
"what are you doing now, law?"
“I’m…touching myself.”
“show me.”
Like everything else with Strade, it was phrased like a question but Lawrence knew that they didn’t have the luxury of disagreeing with him.
Like they even wanted that luxury to begin with.
They obediently moved backwards, up their bed, lying flat on their back (belly up, like a prey animal offering itself to a rightful predator) and parting their trembling thighs again, wrenching their briefs all the down their legs and taking an awkward picture of their cock in hand, the flushed head and firm length framed by the thin, milky white pillars of their scarred thighs.
They were just glad that this app didn’t have access to their storage and that any pictures exchanged in the chat wouldn’t be saved.
That would have been incredibly fucking embarrassing.
"haha wtf you're fucking huge," Strade quickly wrote back in response, making fun of them, though, again, the message was lacking his usual emojis (as had many of the previous messages, actually). "talk about wasted potential, eh, law?"
“What do you mean, wasted potential…”
“it means when i fuck you,” When, not if, when, NOT IF. “i'm not letting you top for a single day of the rest of your wretched, little life”
They licked their lips hungrily, eyes wide with anticipation.
“Is…is that a threat…or a promise…?”
"both <3"
God.
GOD.
They felt like they were going insane.
They just wanted more and more of his words, wanted to take everything this man was saying to them and amplify it, make it worse, make it despicable, diabolical, disgusting, more, more, more-
“God, I hope so…” They typed, the jerking of their wrist faster as heat coiled up, hot and tight, in their belly. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind…”
"won't need a mind for what i'm planning for you, sweetheart"
“Fuck…” They stammered softly to themself, words falling past their parted lips in a helpless whimper, as they squeezed their cock harder, a thick bead of pre-cum drooling over their bony knuckles. They didn’t touch themself that often, all of their saved videos were no longer able to scratch the itch of their deadened arousal, but now, they were feeling it, so close, so desperate-
“i want you to stop touching yourself now, law”
Their hand stilled instantly, their pale brows knitting together as another typing bubble popped up.
“you don’t work weekends, do you?”
They swallowed hard, typing out a reply while anticipating the next message.
“No, not usually…why?”
“you know the braying mule in town? just next to that new whole foods?” Donkey emoji, beer glass emoji, wilting leaf emoji.
Lawrence took a moment to think about the spot Strade was describing.
It wasn’t too far from the warehouse, now that they were thinking about it, in a slightly sketchier place in town that was facing a wave of gentrification (hence the Whole Foods that they, unfortunately, did frequent for tea ingredients and discount granola).
“Yeah…?”
“are you gonna meet me there next saturday?”
Once again, phrased like a question but Lawrence knew there was no option to say no.
Like they would have said no.
“I guess I am.”
“good girl.” Angel emoji, beating heart emoji. “and are you going to give yourself anyyyy relief before then?”
He was teasing again, and the praise and indirect order was enough to send another pulse of heat to their cock, making it that much more painful and unsatisfying when they let go of it and lay back on the bed.
“I…guess I’m not.”
“she’s smart for a poorly-adjusted faggot, isn’t she?”
God, he was just so demeaning, and they were absolutely obsessed with it.
That warm, fluttery feeling in the pit of their stomach was back, and it felt even stronger than before.
They almost had to resist the urge to bite their bottom lip and start jerking off again…and they could only muster the shakiest of responses.
“Yeah…she is.”
“such a good girl, law.” He wrote, and Lawrence could practically see the shit-eating grin on his handsome face. “i’m looking forward to meeting you <3”
Anonymous said: Hi hi hi !! Could I possibly get some matching backgrounds for a Ren and Lawrence who were both with Strade? 1668x2224px (I think? I haven’t checked the screen sizes for a while I’m going off a canvas size ^w^;) the Lawrence one with vulture culture/bone themes, sunflowers and starry/space-y themes in yellow, and the ren with soft/fluffy blankets, bleeding heart flowers and collars in blue? With matching themes of Strade and red/pink hints? Sorry if that’s a lot to ask !! (^v^;)
