What to do when you are struggling at work...
I got let go in early 2013 from my 5th job since 2006. As a 31 one year old, it took me over a year to finally get my 6th job back at an investment bank. I started off my career in financial services for the first 4 jobs. At every job, I was probably hired because of my pedigree and I am thankful. But for the 5th job, I took a 180 turn and went to work at a startup. But still, I didn’t last long and was made redundant again in not even a year’s time.
Each time after losing a job, I reflect and try to figure out what went wrong. And I have identified the issues: me feeling entitled, me not detail oriented enough, me not building the credibility that i should be building, and not managing up adequately. After the reflection, I readjust my mentality and go on the hunt again.
The one year of being unemployed took me on a roller coaster ride emotionally but also made me realize what I can/cannot live without. I hid away from friends, did nothing but job hunt, and basically hibernated. During that year of search, I’ve come to realize that banks and big corporates are just hard to get in without the right pedigree, so why don’t I try to leverage off of my pedigree and try to get back to a bank whilst I still can? After 4 banks and 1 start up, I can still swing my answers in interviews that I’ve tried it but I still prefer the former. And finally after a year, I finally found one. Working as a contractor with a great team doing interesting work.
After a month of contracting, i won the support of a few managers and they raised the point that they will try to raise headcount (in this hiring freeze environment) to convert me to full time. But now in the third month, that seems to be on hold with the director of the team leaving to a different group and a new head joining. (story of my life...in 4 of my 5 jobs, i have had mgmt switch) I also just got feedback that the team knows i want to stay on as full time, but they need to make sure that i am capable first. (meaning - they don’t think i am. I had big shoes to fill and so far they don’t think I am cutting it.
Got into a few moments this week where it brought back deja vu moments of feedback from previous managers.
1) That my presentations/speech are not structured enough. (Even though I did plan out and write down my points...I can’t seem to grasp what i am missing? I was on debate team in school and structured great arguments....how do i translate this to the corporate setting?)
2) That I spill out answers about questions when I was not certain what was being asked. (people would ask me questions and I’d answer just to get them off my back, but the answers I give almost never helps...it’s always back down to let me check and get back to you...when I should have just say that to begin with) <-- I know I need to learn to stop respond so quickly. but still manage the balance, since i can’t always say let me check and get back to you every single time i am asked a question.
3) I don’t keep others in the loop and timing to manage expectations. (even though I thought I had, others don’t perceive it as such)
4) Get stuck on tiny details that prevent me from getting the big thing done (also missing the point of the assignment even)
How do I begin to even address these? Am I really not good enough? What am I doing wrong??? Sigh....was it wrong for me to leverage my pedigree? Am I really not cut out for this??? I just want to get in a job where I can be for the next 30 yrs so I have time to focus on actual life...family and community! =(