Har mahine,being a girl ka rr karna is such a ''I'm just a girl'' thing.
Like babe, I didn’t sign up for monthly breakdowns.

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Har mahine,being a girl ka rr karna is such a ''I'm just a girl'' thing.
Like babe, I didn’t sign up for monthly breakdowns.
I will hopefully be back to posting daily soon?? Shit has just been messy
TLDR: stress and burnout with a sprinkle of imposter syndrome
I kind of stopped posting because life got busy but then I just started feeling kind of shitty about it all. My ACT score came back and it was a few points below what I wanted so between that and absolutely tanking a math test I just felt so inadequate. I’m trying so hard to do my best but there are people much better than me getting waitlisted and I am absolutely terrified of ending up stuck in my state. It feels like no matter what I do it won’t be enough to make people (myself included) happy.
Anyway I also started a club but the cofounder is already destroying it which is just peachy. Hoping that I can fix it and pull shit together to finish our one goal before the semester ends because if we don’t we’re done for.
I’m genuinely very afraid of not passing in the olympiads. It’s just one of those things I really desire and it’s hard to let go of. Whatever ends up happening I know I’ll be able to deal with it, but will inevitably hurt if it isn’t what I was looking for.
If you’re going through something similar know that it’s completely normal to want, and to be scared of falling short on your expectations. I’m here if you want to reach out 🤍
On you MARK...get set go
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Confessions of a History Minor:
This week was rough as you can tell by my lateness (I normally post on Fridays) and my header meme.
I am about to start my Spring Break and while I’d like to blame my recent burnout on that, it is just so much more.
This week for my internship research I was asked to look up the major events of the past and I even ran into a website that inspired this week’s post. I took this challenge on like any other, with much enthusiasm and curiosity but after a strong start to my week (and finally feeling like I was achieving balance again) I woke up on Wednesday lacking motivation.
Reading, researching, learning, and writing are things I normally love to do for hours, following rabbit holes. Even this week, my original topic was something too ambitious to follow through with and in fact, contributed to my burnout. On top of this, my personal research involves a large degree of studies on oppression, discrimination, and prejudice. It also involves self-reflection since I make up part of the demographic I am studying.
All this combined has started to take a toll on my productivity and that is what I want to talk about today.
While we have all experienced the global decimation over the past decade – many to much a much higher degree than the rest of us – reading about it in succession has felt distressing, alarming, and at times, hopeless.
“Major events” seem to be the theme of everyday life since the start of COVID. A more pressing question might be “has anything mundane or unmoving occurred since March of 2020?”; “has there been an uneventful day since?”.
Going year by year on websites like Onthisday.com - reading about the growing climate change concerns, global political tensions, and the perpetual disdain between groups of people – I relived every shocking headline, watching it play in my head like a violent montage leading to last week.
We seem in the middle of a global assault and conspiracy against democracy, and I feel as though everything the US American public school system taught me about the constitutional promise of upholding human rights over all things has been torn away.
My state is moving bills that strip women’s and LGBTQ+ rights while endangering their well-being.
As someone living with disabilities, I must also keep up with a world that isn’t made to wait up for me as they are not considered severe enough to qualify for assistance – and I hope to never be that sick again.
While I have the privilege of expressing my frustrations from the comfort of my air-conditioned home in the US, highly unaffected by most of the major happenings, like many others in the “developed world”:
I am constantly filled with an undertone of anxiety, and I am exhausted.
The reason I am sharing this is that, as an aspiring historian and college professor, I think it’s important to be transparent and remind readers that those who curate museums, write and edit textbooks, publish weekly columns on current or past events; these are real people who dedicate themselves to delving into these difficult subjects, profoundly digesting them, and it affects them like any person.
My heart, thoughts, and prayers got out to those who stand at the frontlines today throughout the Middle East and in Ukraine both making and recording history in real-time.
My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to those who commit every day to follow and report on some of
My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to those living the wort of what we only talk about from the comfort of our air-conditioned homes.
I will be back after a 2-week hiatus with something more grappling and exciting.
Thank you for following along.
AP Burnout Survey
Hi everyone, I am doing a research project on the burnout that AP/honors students often experience and I've made a survey to help gather data.
If you are a former gifted student and would like to contribute, please check out my survey below
Please be warned, some of the questions have to do with mental illness, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation. If any of these topics are triggering for you, please do not take the survey.
Take the Survey Here
All this energy and nothing to do, nowhere to go. I wanna go to sleep.