So many times I have looked at this face and not liked what I've seen. More than once I have called myself "ugly", "fat", "disgusting", "dumb", "stupid". And I know why I have done it, I know why my self esteem is so low. But I do try to give myself a positive thought once a day. It's hard to do so when all I want to do is bash myself. I've learned that I can't focus on others putting me down because it puts me in a bad headspace. It isn't easy at all, but I'm working on it. More and more I am leaving others behind and just worrying about my health. The ones who check on me daily know that I won't get back to them right away, and they don't hold it against me. But for those who don't understand, please know that I don't ignore you because I am being an ass hole. It's more of me not being well enough to even lift a hand. On the outside I smile or smize, but on the inside I cringe. On the outside I put on a brave face, but on the inside I am scared of what is going to affect me next. #lupuswarrior #lupus #lupusawareness #stupidlupus #stupus #sle #dumblupus #dupus #fucklupus #invisibleillness #chronicillness #abitaboutme https://www.instagram.com/p/B1eUpkLg7Qb4oCCb16TL0Wa_w4vLFiEFykhZzs0/?igshid=k22nuod23xck