ok i think i have a plan to not kill myself but i need fucking help and i need consistent support. im tagging my mutuals in this post. you do not have to help me but id be greatly appreciative if you did.
firstly, i'll put all my vices on the table. i am disabled. i am severely mentally ill. i am neurodivergent/possibly autistic. i am queer and recently got out of a toxic (straight passing) relationship where i stayed with my ex's parents at their house. i think a lot of people in their 20s stay at their parent's houses in this day and age, even with "ok" jobs. i do not have that luxury. i was severely mentally, emotionally, and somewhat physically abused as a child. i have been able to cut off contact from my incubators, thank god.
for the last six months i have been job hunting. my bpd and the fact that i stay in a shelter makes it very hard for me to be normal when things go or don't go my way job wise. ive known this for a while, but i've kept trucking on because i assumed, eventually, i'd get one. full disclosure, i do not have much guidance. getting a job in this market is also statstically borderlining on impossible. i am mostly powered by dopamine hits, and when i get an interview or do well, while i logically understand it's not an immediate shoo-in that i'll get that job, it feels as if it makes it exceedingly close.
realistically i'm beginning to realize the numbers couldn't be farther apart, and while i despise that i even have to, so many people have suggested i either flat out lie on my resume or use ai in some way.
which, feels insane.
i genuinely don't think it matters how skilled or important or fit you are for the position- either employers are flagrantly using ai or straight up tuning out the milisecond an applicant doesn't have a specific requirement they need or possibly simply doesn't enjoy the visual aspect of their resume.
i'm also starting to realize the people i'm being hired for, even temporarily, are mostly awful people. they either don't care about having a genuinely sanitized work environment or straight up do not care about your contributions unless you are boosting their ego.
and i think that's apart of it. as a neurodivergent woman, i assume i am speaking to someone who is, at the very least considerably reasonable. nine times out of ten they are not. this generation's employers are pro-ai, flagrantly neurotypical, and passionately shitty assholes who happen to run or manage companies. and i have to pander to that stupidity.
slight rant aside, i currently live in a shelter. i've lived here for the last 6 months. while it hasn't been the perfect place, i've appreciated the home i've had, aswell as the opportunity not to pay rent or feel like i should be doing something unspoken/untold for because i am not paying rent. i deal with shitty staff, and know i can't be kicked out for their own pettiness. it can be annoying, but it's much more secure then i've had before.
i've enjoyed it despite the looks i get everytime i mention i stay in one.
however, DC'S DHS centers seem to think differently. instead of attempting to better the economy, or wait out what feels like a industry wide hiring slowdown, they make small attempts to force people onto the streets.
currently, every monday, wednesday and friday, i leave my dormitory from the hours of either 8:45 am - 11am, or 8:45am to 2pm on wednesdays. I didn't have to deal with as hard time constraints when I lived on a higher floor, but because the shelter's cleaning crew goes floor by floor to clean every other day, and I now reside on a lower one, we wake up earlier.
in about two weeks, DHS will be beginning a new rule that says all clients, regardless of floor, have to leave their dorms from the hours of 10am - 5pm every single weekday.
Obviously, this is marketed as a attempt to "push" our population into work or schooling they might either already be trying to maintain or fail to be able to get to because of the lack of support on this shitty shelter's side. Instead of increasing that support, or rushing housing vouchers, or anything productive, the best solution they've come up with is to simply throw everyone outside, again.
I, very temporarily, had a job. I wasn't as concerned because I had something to do, not to mention a way out of here. That is gone now, revealed to be a scam. this, and many other reasons, is why i've been scrambling ever since.
i'm somewhat malnutritioned at the moment but i want to get this out, so while i do have more to say, i'll make this shorter. I am afraid of this new rule. I also struggle with the fact that the temperature in my room has been dreadfully cold. I need to find ways to think up and apply for an accomodation, but I am struggling and I am tired. I need help searching for jobs and tailoring my resume to fit these corporate demons. I need the motivation and support to keep living, to fight back against this, to be able to picture a life beautiful for myself.
i'll also be getting my dc ID this week, which should open me up to a lot more possibilities and support to apply for. if you know anything about DC especially, please dm me. It'd be nice to get a group together. I just need support.
//
mutual tags may come later bc tumblr likes to make people play a search guessing game instead of just fucking giving up the name
