#surrender to nothing

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 40

The moment is finally here, so I hope this last chapter does justice to what you were all thinking would happen! thank you story, for keeping me sane ! 

  Downtown LA whizzed by, her vision blurred by tears, she had been pushed into the car by Cedric who now steered the car through the nightly traffic, in the rearview mirror at her side she could see Tom who sat in the back, stare back at her. So many times she had looked into those eyes, so many times over the years she had found comfort in them when he told her everything was going to be fine, over and over again she had believed him to be her one and only true friend but now it seemed that exactly that friendship had only held him back for so long and now he was on a mission to take back what he thought he deserved. It seemed that what she considered was friendship was strictly business for him. A motorcycle overtook them and Cedric grinned putting his hand on her knee making her squirm in her seat to escape his touch “I bet you wish it was you on that bike right now, don’t you?” he glanced at her but she refused to look back, she kept her eyes firmly fixed on the bike’s red taillight “call me old-fashioned but girls on bikes give me the creeps, way too dangerous, all sorts of things can happen, like they crash so easily when chased by a car full of paparazzi for example” he even giggled a little at the end which made her blood boil even harder and to add to her surprise it was Tom who stood up for her “Cedric, please, is this really necessary?” he leaned between the two seats, squeezing Charlotte’s shoulder but she shrugged him off and aimed her question at Cedric “how did you know the car was full of paparazzi? The statement in the press never said anything about the papar..oh god no..” seeing his grin spread wider from ear to ear, it finally dawned on her what he had done. “I’m just surprised it took you this long to figure that out, see, word got to me that you had done a pregnancy test and that I was mentioned as the possible father of the baby” she could see all the frustration and the anger pour out with every word, so much so that for a second it almost made him human, but then to her shock he switched back to his devilish role when he kept one hand on the wheel while the other wrapped tightly around her throat and squeezed “I guess I just couldn’t live with the fact that you were going to abort what could’ve been my first baby just because that lover of yours made you! I couldn’t let you do that, so I decided you needed to be taught a lesson, you weren’t even supposed to get as far as you did with that bike”. Charlotte was hyperventilating by now, the entire puzzle clicked together and she started hitting and yanking his arm “You’re fucking crazy, you killed my baby, I hate you, I hate you!!” tears of hate and anger were streaming down her face “ssshh, you don’t mean that, you don’t hate me, can’t you see I’ve actually done you a favour making you lose the little bastard, where was Jared then and where is he now? Huh Charlotte? I’m all you’ve got left, I’m the only one who really cares for you and loves you” he whispered finally loosening his grip on her “the sooner you realize that the better, now come on, we’re here”. He released her to get out of the car after he had stopped in front of the hotel entrance and ran to her side of the car to open her door but when she didn’t move, he grabbed her arm and almost yanked her out “I said get out! I’m not going to tell you twice” He was too strong for her and all she could do was try and walk as fast as he did if she didn’t want to be dragged violently inside of the hotel.

  Shannon growled and got out of bed, all night he had been tossing and turning, something was seriously wrong he could feel it and not with his brother, but with Charlotte. Over time he had gotten such a connection with her that it sometimes scared him. It was a connection he never even had with a lover but with this French girl he had shared so much, verbally and mentally. Naked except for a pair of boxers he plodded towards the large windowdoor with his phone and his box of smokes in his hand, he needed a cigarette, just to calm his racing mind. He lit the cigarette and blew the smoke through his nose while his thumb slid across his phone, maybe just maybe there was a chance she would listen to him and if not..well..then he would cross that bridge when he came to it. Without as much as a second though he tapped on her name and held the phone to his ear, a few rings and then there was a lot of rustling noise and a whispered “Shannon? Is that you?” she sounded completely out of breath and so very depressed, there was no sparkle to her voice anymore, it was almost like she had given up.”Charlie, babe, are you ok?” he knew it was a stupid question, of course she wasn’t ok, he could clearly hear it but right now he was too excited to hear her voice again. “Help me, Shannon, please help me, Cedric is..” that’s as far as she got before he heard something that could only be described as a hand smacking her and a hushed angry, masculine growl. “Charlie? What’s going on? Where are you?” but before he could finish, the line went dead and his heart started racing at a million miles an hour, he knew she was in serious trouble when he heard her say Cedric’s name. Why was he with her? there were a million questions popping up but he didn’t have time, she had asked him for help and he would send help to her so he raised his phone to his ear again and called the Police.

  “Cedric, stop it..what the hell are you doing?” Tom rushed into the room when he heard her cries and saw Cedric stand over her with his hand raised ready for another series of blows. All he had wanted was to teach her a lesson but with Cedric back in the game this was rapidly turning into a living nightmare, it was clear that Cedric wasn’t at all interested in the label or her talent, all he was interested in was settling the score and he was going to stop at nothing to do so, not even if it killed her. “Stay out of this, Tom, I caught her calling one of her precious friends for help” Cedric looked over his shoulder casually before his hand and his foot connected with her body again. “No, enough, Cedric, enough, just stop,even if she was calling Jared or Shannon, then it doesn’t matter, they’re on the other side of the country” Tom’s words finally seemed to register and Cedric stopped, letting Tom crouch down next to Charlotte lying there half unconscious on the floor “for fuck’s sake Cedric, we still need her, you know! what’s it going to look like to the outside world if she can’t show up for the investors’ meeting because you’ve beaten her to a pulp?” he hissed and then turned his attention back to Charlotte “come on, sweetie, let’s get you cleaned up a bit”.

He put her down on the edge of the bathtub and turned open the taps, the clattering of the water in the tub making her cringe “ssshh, I’m just running you a nice, hot bath, it’ll make you feel better” he tried to comfort her but she pushed him away “Don’t touch me, I hate you, leave me alone, just leave me alone” it wasn’t as much her words but it was her voice that shocked him, there was something different about it, it was deeper and hoarser than he had ever heard, the lightness and the sparkle had gone, instead there was a heaviness to it that took his breath away. “I’m so sorry, Charlie, if I had known anything like this would happen I would never..” he tried to apologise but she wasn’t going to let him finish “get out, just get out”

She pushed him out of the bathroom and locked the door behind him, she didn’t need an audience for what she was about to do, she just needed it to be over. She quickly rummaged through her bag that Tom had brought in for her to change her clothes and let out a relieved sigh taking out her sowing bag that she always carried with her. Her long fingers wrapped around the cold blade of her custom-made scissors she always carried with her and stood up, walking calmly to the bath that had almost filled up by now. She didn’t bother taking her clothes off and stepped into the water, settling herself against the back of the bath, soon this nightmare would be over. The cut was deep and had her whimpering, this was the only way out, nobody could save her now and she didn’t want to be saved anymore. She just needed to get away from the hurt, the betrayal and the lies that had left her empty and severely depressed, she didn’t want to lead a life that had rapidly become meaningless and senseless without Jared in it. She calmly watched her blood starting to mingle with the hot water and closed her eyes while her lips whispered their last goodbye to the people that flashed through her mind, home she was finally going home...

  “Charlotte? Open the door! Are you ok? Charlie?” Tom banged his fists against the locked bathroomdoor, something was seriously wrong, he could feel it, she had been in there for over an hour. When there was no reply, he banged his shoulder against the door, hoping it would budge but it didn’t “Don’t just stand there, call reception, call the police, help me” he shouted at Cedric who stood there staring at him in shock. It was Tom’s panic that urged him to move and grab his phone while Tom kept banging into the door over and over again until the lock finally gave way and he tumbled into the room and let out a deafening scream that made the blood in Cedric’s veins turn to ice. Tom watched her lifeless body in the overflowing bath “Charlie, no, what have you done? Don’t leave me, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Stay with me please, no, no, no” he howled as he pulled her body out of the bloody water and cradled her in his arms on the wet floor, brushing wet strands of hair out of her dead face and rocking her gently like that would bring her back to life.

Shannon was out of his head with worry waiting for the LAPD to call him back, they had told him they were trying to locate Charlotte but that was over 2 hours ago, he needed to do something, he needed to talk to Jared, they could fly out to LA together and sort this once and for all. He almost ran to Jared’s room only to find Emma standing in the doorway, her face pale as a sheet of paper, tears trickling down her cheek “Emma, what’s going on?” he touched her arm and looked inside of his brother’s room where Jared stood in front of the television staring at the screen,shaking his head in disbelief. He walked straight towards his brother but stopped in his tracks when he heard the anchorman say on television “Charlotte De Bettancourt was found dead in a Los Angeles hotelroom this morning, the young designer who just recently broke up with her partner Jared Leto, appears to have commited suicide according to police reports, the LAPD spokesperson says they’re still investigating and the people who were with her are being questioned” Shannon’s heart almost stopped when he heard the deafening scream of his brother who sank to his knees and howled like a wounded animal, repeating Charlotte’s name over and over again. In the corner of his eye Shannon saw Emma walk over to Jared but he stopped her and shook his head. If there was anyone that Jared needed right now, it was his brother. Shannon legs were shaking as he sat down next to his brother and wrapped his arms around him as he too let the tears fall and kissed and caressed his brother’s hair. There was an eery silence that was only broken by sobs and howls coming from the two brothers who mourned the death of his best friend and Jared’s love of his life on a similar hotelroomfloor as the one miles away where the zipper of the body bag was being pulled up to cover her lifeless body to bring her back home to Paris, the big city of lights where there was going to be one bright light missing from now on for the rest of times. 

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 39

  Charlotte walked into the restaurant with a splitting headache, all she had wanted to do was crawl straight into bed and hide away from her problems and her heartache but Tom had been really insistant that she’d come to meet some new financers that he had found, he told her that the proposals they had would be mindblowing and it would take her mind off things, but all she could do was think about Jared and the vicious words that he had said to her. She straightened her dress one last time and checked her make-up in the glass wall that separated the reception area from the restaurant, she had to put on an extra layer to sufficiently hide the tracks of her tears. “your party has already arrived, if you’d like to follow me” the waiter looked up from his list with a professional smile. Tom acted all peculiar all of a sudden, walking in front of her, constantly looking over his shoulder to check if she was still there following him over the short distance to their table. A few men in perfect suits rose from their seats as they approached, she only recognized Rob who greeted her with a warm hug and kiss “Charlotte, always so picture perfect! Glad you could come” She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she would rather be anywhere else but here, but this was business after all and right now it was all she had left to hold on to, so she just nodded and smiled and then he introduced her to the rest of the men which only added to her confusion as only names were used and not their job titles nor their intentions. They were the perfect gentlemen, waiting to sit down until she was seated and a waiter immediately brought over a bottle of champagne “a touch of home seemed appropriate” the oldest man smiled at her as the waiter filled their glasses, he looked familiar somehow but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “I’m sorry, this may sound a bit strange, but I have a feeling we’ve met before and I think I heard a bit of a french accent, what is it that you do?” she asked, suddenly nervous about the fact that the man’s smile disappeared from his face with her question “oh we’ve met, Charlotte, many times..anyway, I think a toast to the new deal is in order” he smirked, raising his glass followed by the others, he looked straight at her “To Charlotte, who’s going to make us a lot of money, the only thing in life worth having” Charlotte felt a chill run down her spine, what the hell was this? Her eyes flew to Tom who swallowed hard and bit his lip, his face deprived from any kind of warmth, it was almost like looking at a stranger. Her glass didn’t make it to her lips because she put it down quickly “excuse me? is this some kind of sick joke? What deal? I’m not making money for anyone else but myself and I refuse to negotiate or compromise my art, so if you’re here to sweet talk me into selling or something, you can save your breath, this is my label and my creativity and I own it” her eyes flashed from the guy to Tom who just sat there, shaking his head at her, that gesture shocked her, whose side was he on anyway?

  “see darling, that’s where you’re wrong! You don’t own anything, not anymore anyway” the familiar dark voice beamed behind her and she froze, all the eyes at the table looked up in his direction, she didn’t dare to move, this was a nightmare, this couldn’t be true but then he continued “Charlotte, my sweet Charlotte, looking lovelier than ever” he stepped to her side so she had to raise her head “Ced-ric..what the fuck are you doing here? What is this?” she stumbled over her words, her heart was racing, her sworn enemy, the abusing son of a bitch was standing here next to her again after she and Jared had left him half dead in Paris months ago. “tsssk, Charlotte, language please!! you really have been living too long with that savage, white trash rockstar of yours” he said triumphantly and sat down next to her. Charlotte was too shocked to say anything, she just stared at him nodding his hellos to the guys gathered around the table, this was clearly a set-up and they were all in the scheme as well. In a panic she got up “I’m sorry, but I haven’t got time for this..” but before she could make another move, his hand locked around her wrist “sit down, I wasn’t finished yet, and I don’t recall giving you any choice in the matter” forcing her down again but she didn’t give up without a struggle, at this point she didn’t care anymore whether she drew attention to them or not “let me go, you sick bastard, you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my boss” but he burst out into an evil laugh “ah, that’s where you’re so wrong, I am your boss, I own the label, always have and always will, oh Charlotte, you are so deliciously naïve, you don’t even realise that Rob here..” he pointed at Rob who cocked his head a bit and gave her a sarcastic wave “..has been working for me all along, where did you think all the money came from? See, a lawsuit didn’t work to get you back at my side, so I tried something else and you fell for it, hook, line and sinker, you won’t get away from me ever again” the oldest man who ordered the champagne handed Cedric a file with papers and that’s when she remembered him, he was one of Cedric’s lawyers back in Paris “here, if you don’t believe me, I’ll show you, those are your signatures aren’t they?” he shoved them in front of her, her eyes frantically scanned the papers, she didn’t even remember signing them but it was her handwriting, back in the days when Rob had become one of her sponsors and financers she had to sign so much stuff, she had trusted him because of his relationship with Tom and now this was all blowing up in her face, the friend she had for so long, in fact her only real friend, proved to be nothing more than an ordinary traitor. “Tom..why..you said..I trusted you..” she breathed, the ache in her heart so strong that it became near impossible to get air to her lungs. Tom averted his eyes, studying his glass intently instead.

  “She can go to hell, Shannon..I..I’m kicking her..out..of my house for good! I hate the stupid bitch” Jared was so drunk he had to be supported by his brother who had difficulties steering him across the hallway over to his room. “no you don’t! you’re just hurting and you’ve had too much to drink so you’re in no state to be taking decisions like those, come on, let’s get you to bed” Shannon mumbled, feeling his brother lean his weight into him as he tried to open Jared’s door. He had hardly seen him so drunk, a few glasses of whisky was all it took to make Jared lose all his precious control. “I don’t want to go to sleep, where’s my phone..what time is it? maybe I can still call some chick who’s up for a good fucking” he babbled, falling against the wall as Shannon pushed him through the door “I don’t think you’re ready for a rebound yet, all you need now is a good night’s sleep, because you sure as hell going to regret this in the morning”. He dragged Jared to the bed and let him fall on the mattress bouncing back a bit before he landed on his back, arms open wide looking like Jesus on the cross while he let his shoes be pulled off. “I miss her, Shan, I miss her so much it’s tearing me apart” gone was his former drunken cockiness, now that he realised that he would spend his first night without her, he felt vulnerable all over again. “I know you do, bro! just try and get some sleep, tomorrow is a new day, give it some time, tempers cool, you’ll see!” Shannon tried to sound as convincing as he possibly could, he had to for his brother’s sake, even though he wasn’t so sure all Jared’s problems were going to get solved soon, he knew Charlotte a little too well for that, she was strong but too much was too much even for her. Jared mumbled something incomprehensable and closed his eyes, he was slowly passing out from his little binge.  As soon as Jared’s soft snoring was the only sound in the room, Shannon tiptoed to the door, closing it gently behind him while on the bedside table Jared’s phone kept vibrating and blinking Charlotte’s name across the screen.

  Of course he didn’t pick up, what did she expect? They had officially split up, he made that pretty clear when he left her this afternoon, but she was at the end of her rope right now as she tried to escape from the restaurant after leaving the men with the excuse she needed to use the bathroom. She tucked the phone back into her bag and almost ran out of the restaurant feeling completely lost  Where was she going to go? one minute of hesitation and doubt was enough for Cedric to grab her arm “where the fuck do you think you’re going? If you really think I’d let you go so easily after all the trouble I went through to hunt you down, then you’re even more stupid than I thought, now be a good girl and come with me” he whispered in her hair, pressing his body against hers, the physical contact making her sick “get your hands off me, I’m not going anywhere with you, I’ll scream if you don’t let go” she hissed, trying to hide the panic in her voice but her resistance was only met by a vicious chuckle “scream all you like, nobody’s gonna care, everyone has their price, the waiters, the valets, the doormen, all you have to do is wave some money at them and you can get anything you want here in LA” Charlotte looked around her, this couldn’t be true, surely he couldn’t bribe everyone but the second her eyes met with one of the staff standing outside of the restaurant, they looked away, confirming that he had done exactly that and she knew she was trapped. “now come along, I got us a suite at the Ritz-Carlton, we can mix some business with pleasure” She was too shocked to react and she could feel herself being pulled in the direction of the restaurant entrance, where Tom seemed to be waiting for them. “Charlotte, you ok?” he whispered when Cedric handed the valet his ticket for the car. “what do you care? how could you do this? how could you betray me like this? I thought you were my friend” she snapped while she tried to wriggle free from Cedric’s iron grip on her but to no avail, she could kick and scream all she liked but she already knew that there was no escaping this conspiracy against her. Tom just shook his head at her “I AM your friend, that’s something you refuse to understand, I invested a lot of time and work in you, Charlotte, but look where that got me, huh? Always standing in your shadow, hoping the fashion world would pick up on me and see my talent, but you would never let that happen, would you? Everything always had to be about you..you even sold some of my designs as yours..well, this deal will prevent that ever happening again..from now on it’s going to be me and you working for Cedric and we’ll take America and the rest of the world by storm, you’ll see” 

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 37

  “Charlie, you’ve got it all wrong! She’s lying..come on, don’t do this!” he half cried when he watched her frantically gather the bags she had packed the night before. He grabbed her arm roughly which made her push back against him instantly “let me go, Jared..I said let me go” she cried back but it only made his grip on her arm tighten. “No I won’t! not until you let me explain” he growled which only fuelled her anger “oh now you’re going to explain? Now that you had a couple of minutes to come up with another pathetic excuse? Don’t waste your breath, Jared cause she’s said it all for you” she tried to jerk her arm free again but was met by his resistance, instead he pushed her against the wall of her dressing room so hard that her head bumped against it with such a heavy bang that it had her seeing stars. Blinking her eyes a few times to suppress the pain, she tried to get her vision back into focus. She had never seen him so angry and even though he had never hurt her in the past, now she wasn’t so sure anymore that he wouldn’t lash out and hit her. With every single one of her ragged breaths she grew more frightened of him as he towered over her, keeping her pressed against the wall, just when he wanted to speak, Amanda appeared in the doorway and startled him causing him to loosen his grip and that’s when Charlotte grabbed the opportunity and broke free, grabbing her stuff without hesitation this time and bounced down the stairs, running out of the house as fast as she could.

  Her fists drummed on the door, her heart pounding in her chest she looked over her shoulder hoping he would not follow her here “please be home, please” she mumbled to herself, letting her forehead connect with the door while her fists kept banging on the wood. Finally the door opened and Tom stood there staring at her blankly “Charlotte? What the hell?” he asked sounding all annoyed. “Tom, please, can I come in? “ He must have heard the urgency in her voice because he quickly stepped aside to let her through. Just when he closed the door behind her she started rambling “Thanks! Look, I just need a moment to call a cab and then I’ll be out of your hair, promise” all the while digging through her purse in search of her phone. The distress on her face was shocking, tears were streaming down her face and by now she was turning her purse upside down, the content clattering all over the floor. He couldn’t watch it any longer and grabbed her by the shoulders “Charlotte, stop it, what happened? Why do you need a cab? If you need to be somewhere, why not take one of Jared’s cars?” With the mention of Jared’s name, her head shot up and she hissed “No, I don’t want anything to do with him, could you call me a cab? I can’t find my phone, I just need to find myself a hotel that’s all..I..” he watched her choke up and shook his head at her “No, I’m not going to call you a cab cause you’re staying right here..” he said in a soft voice “..just calm down and tell me what happened, ok?” Charlotte meekly followed him into the spacious living room and couldn’t help but cringe at the irony of it all, here she was again in the same house, the same room as she had been all this time ago and sadly enough it was once again because of serious man trouble, back then she had managed to put an ocean between Cedric and her but this time things were different in the sense that Jared was only next door and she knew that this would be the first place he would come looking for her.

  “Here, you look like you need it” Tom said handing her a glass of pure scotch “now, wanna tell me what happened?” She took the glass, put it on her lips and downed it in one go, feeling the alcohol burn her throat, if she ever needed numbness it was right now. “Jared got some chick pregnant” she blurted out but despite her bluntness Tom didn’t seem at all shocked “I left, we’re done and that’s all there is to it” Charlotte put the glass down and leaned back in her seat covering her eyes like that would erase the images of Jared and Amanda that kept haunting her and once again she broke down. “hey, come on, let it out, don’t worry! You’re safe here, I’ll make sure that bastard won’t hurt you ever again” Tom sat down next to her, pulling her into his chest. “What am I going to do, Tom?” she sobbed uncontrollably and she hated herself for not being able to control her own emotions any longer; the last few days had been hell and she had never felt so alone. “shhh, all you can do is focus on something else..like work for example..forget about Jared, he doesn’t deserve you..”

  Jared was beside himself with anger and everything that even stood remotely in his way he either trashed or made it fly through the room until he was left with the rubble of a bedroom and he let himself sink down on the floor, a photo of both of them together in a loving embrace in a broken frame at his feet. Jared shook the glass splinters off the picture and looked at it through his tears of frustration “what the fuck did I do?” he whispered as he studied her smiling face in the picture, he knew he had lost her, he had always managed to win her back after each fight, but this time he wasn’t so sure, and he couldn’t even blame her, he didn’t deserve a woman like her, not with everything he had done to her even if it was never his intention to hurt her, the repercussions of his past actions had finally caught up with him and it was time to pay, everything that was coming to him now he deserved. “Jared, hon?” Amanda’s irritating voice interrupted his thoughts, everything about her was wrong and he wanted to ignore her but she just walked into the room handing him his phone “it’s been ringing non-stop, guess it’s urgent” there was a flicker of hope when he snatched the phone from her hands, hoping it was Charlotte, but instead he saw his brother’s name flash across the screen. “Jay ! about time, where the hell are you man? Really hope you’re on your way to the airport right now, we’re about to leave for soundcheck! Everything ok over there? How did it go?” Shannon was clearly on the move, the hussle and bussle of San Francisco honking away in the background. “She’s gone..everything’s fucked up..” was all he managed to say letting his back connect with the cold floor, the glass splinters painfully digging in his skin.

  The doorbell rang, making Charlotte jump up “if that’s him, I’m not here, I don’t want to talk to him” she said completely out of breath with shock, her eyes flashed from the door to Tom and back again, like a deer caught in headlights. “leave it to me, I’ll get rid of him” Tom straightened his back and headed for the door. “Tom, I haven’t got much time, is Charlotte here?” Jared stood there, looking a mess. Tom stepped outside, pulling the door ajar as much as possible “Jared, just go, we don’t want any trouble” he tried to negotiate with Jared who grew more nervous with every second “I need to see her, Tom, please ! I just need to talk to her and then I’ll go, promise!, just let me see her, I knew she’s here..” Jared stepped up to Tom trying to push past him but Tom blocked the way “I said, leave it Jared, leave her be, you’ve done more than enough damage already” The sound of Jared’s voice drew her closer towards the door, she couldn’t help it somehow, soon things would be getting out of hand with them two as well, she could already see the aggressive shoving and pushing start and she knew things would soon escalate into a lot more if she didn’t step up. “Jared stop it ! leave Tom out of this! If you want to pick a fight with me, fine, here I am but leave him alone” she tried to act all brave but inside she was dying, getting over him was going to be the hardest thing she was ever going to do so the sooner he would leave her alone the sooner she could at least start doing just that. As soon as he spotted her, he launched forward “Charlotte, thank god, you’re here! don’t do this, come home..” he pleaded but she immediately cut him off “that would be so convenient, wouldn’t it? what do you take me for Jared? cause if it’s some cheap piece of ass you want, then you’ve already got one living with you right now, I can’t keep doing this, it’s over, why won’t you accept that?”

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 36

“damn bro, I don’t know what to say..want me to call and talk to her?” Shannon’s voice sounded a little deeper than usual, a clear indication that he was pretty upset by all this as well. “I don’t think she’ll listen, she hardly talks to me..I’m losing her Shan..and it’s all my fault” he hung his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers trying to think of ways to stop her from leaving, which was something she was planning on doing as he heard her nervous footsteps upstairs and her slamming of doors combined with things dropping on the floor indicating that she was filling up bags and suitcases. “you can’t let her leave man, you’ve gotta talk to her again, beg if you have to..” Shannon was right, but how? What could he possibly say now she had thrown the abortion question back in his face, it was something he couldn’t answer, maybe he hadn’t demanded Amanda to have one because he was too busy covering it up for Charlotte at a time where he too was still mourning the loss of his first baby. Suddenly the noise above his head stopped “you’re right, I’m not giving up so soon, see you tonight” he ended the call and stood up with a sigh wiping at the tears of frustration that stained his cheeks.

  It was already starting to get light outside but she was exhausted from being up all night, yelling at Jared, packing up her stuff and generally going through hell, she would say goodbye to the house and look for other accommodation after she had gotten a few hours of sleep or at least make an attempt to rest which wouldn’t be easy knowing what she knew now. Just when she wanted to crawl underneath the covers, the bedroomdoor opened and Jared walked in, with the saddest look in his eyes she had ever seen. He didn’t say anything, her eyes followed him as he walked to his side of the bed and to her surprise he crawled in beside her which made her want to slide out again straight away, she just couldn’t be with him now after all his lies and his cheating. But she was immediately stopped by the forceful grip around her arm “Stay here, Charlotte, please, give me a chance to explain, I’m begging you” he breathed a little more forceful than he probably intended but it sure made her stay put “Babe, I know you’re angry at me and you have every right to be, what I did was inconsiderate and dumb but you have to believe me that I never meant to hurt you, on the contrary, I wanted to protect you..everything at the time was so hectic, the press, you’d just lost..our baby..” he emphasized the words intentionally “it was just too much..” his voice sounded so raspy and so destroyed with emotion somehow. His words cut right through her, because of all this she was forced to relive the nightmare of her miscarriage over and over again and she hated him for it “Too much, for whom? You or me?” she hissed between her teeth but her snappy reply only made him crawl closer towards her, cupping her face with his hands making her close her eyes in disgust “look at me, Charlotte..just look at me..” he begged but she couldn’t bring herself to open them, the times she had loved to drown in his arctic pools seemed a distant memory somehow, now all she saw were the eyes of a cheater and a traitor “for both of us, don’t think for a second that I didn’t go through the same hell as you did when you lost the baby, cause I did, I was right there with you” he was pushing the words out, in a desperate attempt to make her see clear in this tightly woven web.

  He was trying, she had to give him that but that didn’t change the fact that he was going to have a child with another woman “how can you say that? you really want to know what hurts the most in all this, Jared?” she was trying to keep calm but it was no use, she was in way too much pain for that “that you actually talked me into believing that you wanted us to try for another baby, you made me feel like I was the only girl in the world for you, you made me feel so special, but looking back on that now knowing what you knew then, that you already had another baby on the way with someone else, that’s just..you’re a very, very cruel man, Leto” her voice broke once again and sobbing she curled up into a little ball. Instinctively he scooted closer, wanting to hold her and comfort her but she pulled back immediately, this was so wrong he could feel it, nothing he did or said was ever going to make this huge mistake of his bearable for her. So he just kept still, their bodies only inches removed from touching and whispered “don’t leave me, Charlotte, I’m begging you, give me another chance, it’s you I want, only you ! I can stop touring, end my career, whatever it is that you want, I’ll do it, we can grow old here and have a truckload of our own babies..together..or we could go and live in Paris, I’d give it all up just to be with you, just don’t leave me” his urgent plea made her blink a few times before she looked into his eyes again “I don’t want you to give up anything, that would be so wrong and it would only backfire..I don’t want to live that kind of life where the evidence of what you did is going to haunt us forever, ours wasn’t meant to be, so you need to be there for that child you’re having with her, it will need its’ father..I spent half of my life so far without mine so I know what I’m talking about and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone” She was ending things right here in the same house where it all began, where she had shown up on his doorstep to complain about the music all that time ago, she had looked so jetlagged and miserable back then and now she was lying here in his bed, having that same kind of look on her face but this time it was him instead of Cedric who was causing her to look this devastated. “If I’m having another child, it will be with you and you alone, Charlotte, why can’t you just believe that? I’m not letting you go, babe, even if you make me chase you to the moon and back but I refuse to give up on us”

  Him reassuring and convincing her to not do anything rash, that’s how they both fell asleep completely exhausted and by the time Charlotte opened her eyes it was well past noon.  At first, the weight of his arm around her had something comforting but then her mind slolwly started functioning again and the harsh reality of what had happened last night and why he was here hit her straight in the stomach. Downstairs the door opened and her heart did a little jump, Tom!!! He was back after all. Without giving it a second thought she sat up waking up Jared in the process “where are you going?” his voice sounded so panicky all of a sudden. “Tom’s back” she said giving it no further explanation as she quickly straightened her clothes and almost ran out of the room. She almost broke her neck racing down the stairs on her bare feet “Tom? Sweetie? You’re back..I..” she cried, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw who was standing there smiling back at her. “I don’t know who you were expecting but it’s great to see you’re moving on already..or should I say moving out?” Amanda sarcastically huffed putting down her handbag on top of the suitcase next to her. “Amanda!!! What the fuck..I told you that..!” Jared’s voice behind her snapped her heart in two and she couldn’t help but feel sick when he looked at her with panic in his eyes “you told her what, Jared? what’s going on here?” Charlotte’s head snapped from side to side, trying to get some kind of answer, her heart didn’t hold much hope anymore that it was going to be a positive one. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence it was Amanda who took the lead “oh will you just get it through that thick skull of yours, Jared won’t be needing you anymore, Jared and I are going to have a baby!! You’re only making a bloody fool of yourself Charlotte in hanging around! I don’t want you, Jared doesn’t want you so why don’t you do yourself a favour and get the fuck out” she barked at Charlotte, her vicious bluntness left her gasping for air, her mind went completely blank, all that danced through her head was getting out of here as quickly as possible, she couldn’t even face Jared anymore, she could only realize that he had played her all this time and she had let him, so it was true what they said: love really was blind..and deaf..in her case it was even on the verge of finishing her off altogether.

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 35

  “Please pick up, pick up, come on princess,  I need to talk to you, I know you’re upset with me but I can explain if you let me, we can work this out..call me back, please?” after countless attempts to reach her on her mobile phone and not getting any response, he had now switched to calling her on his home phone but the answering machine picked up every time, to say he was getting desperate was the understatement of the year “She’s not answering?” Shannon asked stepping up to his brother who just shook his head, still looking frightfully pale “Look, we can’t keep on delaying, we really need to go on stage, Jared”. He knew his brother was right but how would he be able to go out there and play to a extatic crowd while he had no energy and his heart was lying on the floor in a gazillion pieces “I can’t do this, Shannon, I need to see her and explain, it’s just too much right now, I can’t, I just can’t go on without her” he breathed, the tears that rolled down his cheeks broke Shannon’s heart, beneath all that grown man armour he could still catch a glimpse of his little brother who came to him for help after he had yet again gotten himself in another fight when they were 5 and today was no different, this was the person he had known and loved for 40 odd years and there was no way he was going to let him down “you don’t have to, Jay, you go out there right now and you knock their socks off and I’ll tell Emma to get you on the first plane to LA after the show..talk to her, sort out what you need to sort out between the two of you and you can catch up with us in San Fran tomorrow night.. but right now, we can’t delay this show any longer, bro..so get on that stage and I’ll be right behind you to catch you if you fall” Jared stared at his older brother, swallowing hard, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what he would do without him, he was so fortunate to have his brother here with him supporting and helping him, the contrast couldn’t possibly be bigger between him and Charlotte who unlike him had no-one, no brother, no sister, no mother or father to come and comfort her and pick her back up after he had unvoluntarily ripped her heart to shreds. He wanted to be that family for her, that family she had to miss for so long in her life but right now he didn’t know if she would ever let him inside of her heart again but all he could do was try and mend the pieces, that was the least he could do. “ok, but that car better be ready and waiting for me”.

  Day turned to evening and evening turned to night, honestly she had no idea how long she had been lying there, sobbing and heartbroken , when the phone rang again after it had stopped for an hour or two. By now her mind was so blank that she reached In her pocket for the phone to end the call but instead she pressed the connect button and immediately Jared’s voice drifted out to her “Charlotte? Babe? Are you there?” She looked at the device in her hand, her thumb hovering over the disconnect button, she didn’t want to listen to anything he had to say, it would be all lies anyway, just like their entire relationship had proved to be a lie. But her hand had a mind of its’ own and within a second she found herself holding the phone to her ear without saying a word, she just couldn’t bring herself to speak, she simply didn’t have the energy for it, what was there left to say anyway? But her silence didn’t stop Jared “we can work this out, Charlie, I promise..” when again there was no response from her side he continued “I’m on my way home, just promise you’ll be there..” he was still talking when her thumb hit the disconnect button, she didn’t want to hear his apologies anymore, at this point they only disgusted her. She just wanted to wake up from this living nightmare that had become her life, she dragged herself up from the floor and stumbled upstairs to her studio, it was the only place in the house where her life or better the lie she had lived with Jared didn’t chase after her, in that room only her professional life counted and that was something she knew she was going to have to hold onto if she ever wanted to get out of this personal mess alive.

  The house was eerily quiet when Jared walked in “Charlotte,honey?? “ his voice echoed around the empty and scarcely lit living room. His heart was thumping in his chest, was he too late? It had been so frightening to hear her disconnect the call earlier without even talking to him and he had rushed home once they plane touched down at LAX, hoping she wouldn’t have left already. But then his eye fell on one of her scarves and a handbag on the couch, at least she was still here, he turned and ran up the stairs taking two steps at a time. Light was creeping from underneath the door of her studio at the end of the hallway and he did a little prayer as he half-ran towards it, praying she would understand, at least she was still here that was the main thing, where in the past she would have disappeared at the first sight of trouble, now she seemed to want to give him the chance to at least explain. When he pushed open the door, she was sitting near the window, looking out over the million lights of LA, her legs pulled up to her chest, her head resting on her knees. “Charlie?” he softly said but there was no reaction so he walked over to her, she seemed completely lost in her own world as he approached her, her eyes didn’t even blink but when he put his hand on her shoulder she immediately flinched and growled “don’t touch me!”, leaping off her chair as if it was on fire. His heart plummethed when he looked at her, her eyes red-rimmed and swollen, refusing to look at him, she was breathing so hard like she had just run a marathon. “princess, I..” he stepped in front of her, but once again she jumped back, hissing at him “don’t you dare touch me, leave me alone”. He had never seen her this way, she looked like a caged animal, her eyes scanning the room for possible exits, it was pretty clear that she was going through a severe panic attack and it broke his heart all over again knowing that he was the cause of it. “Just let me explain, please..” he took another step forward but this time he came into contact with her hand that slapped across his cheek. “you filthy liar, how could you? how could you betray me like that? Fucking that little slut behind my back” At this point he didn’t know which hit him harder, her accusation or the slap across his face but right now that wasn’t important, he ignored it all and just wrapped his arms around her despite her struggle to break free. “Stop it Charlie, just listen to me please? I can explain all this” but she seemed completely deaf to his pleas, she struggled like a wild cat wanting to break loose so eventually he had to loosen his grip on her because he knew she was going to get physically hurt if he squeezed any tighter.

  “I hate you, I hate you” she stumbled forward out of his grip and turned around with tears streaming down her face, pointing at him “I fucking hate you!!” Jared stood there with a pain in his chest that was so raw that he could barely breathe, watching her turn around to head out the door. He didn’t waste time and chased after her, ending up with her in their bedroom where she started randomly grabbing her stuff together “You don’t mean that, Charlotte, you don’t hate me, you’re just upset right now, if you’d let me explain then..” he tried to soothe her but his words only seemed to fuel her anger “just upset?? What is there to explain? Are you going to tell me that you made that baby right here in this bed?? If that’s what you’re going to explain to me, then save your breath cause I don’t need to hear it, in fact I don’t want to hear any of it” she yelled through her tears and just continued picking up clothes like she was in a mad rush to go somewhere. Jared’s breath came out in spurts now “for your information, we didn’t..you and I weren’t even together at the time..I don’t even remember half of it, Charlotte, she is nothing to me..but you are the world to me, you’ve got to believe that” Suddenly she stopped in her tracks and her eyes locked with his “and you not remembering anything makes this allright? it all makes sense now, you got both of us pregnant at the same time, if you were going to fuck around, you could have at least had the decency to use a condom, ever heard of those, Jared? I thought you’d gotten used to them considering the amount of groupies you have when you’re on the road“ Every single accusation hit him like a ton of bricks and he bit his lip to try and stay calm “All I remember is her showing up in my hotelroom after a drunken night out, I was so fucked up after you left me and..” but she quickly interrupted him “oh don’t give me that! Answer me one thing, Jared..did you ask her to do an abortion as well? just like you’ve asked me?” The blood in his veins turned icecold and all he could do was stare back at her in shock. She hung her head in defeat when he didn’t answer and gave him a sarcastic laugh as she walked over to the door, her arms stacked with clothes “doesn’t sound logical if I’m really the woman you want to be with, like you say, does it Jared? you force me to have an abortion but your so called one night stand gets to keep her baby? Well at least now I know where I stand on your list of priorities! So quit lying to me and go and get happy with your new woman and your new baby, I won’t stand in your way”

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 34

  Another two days had gone by filled with craziness and mayhem on every social media she checked, there simply was no escaping the pictures and even though Jared had called her that night, it had done nothing to soothe her troubled mind, she refused to let it show but she had a gut feeling that this was worse than he pretended it to be. Something was up, she could feel it and not just in her private life but in her professional life as well, it was the second day in a row that she hadn’t talked to or even seen Tom, despite of her many attempts to call him and even go next door but she had returned empty-handed each time and she was getting desperate, she couldn’t do this without him, well actually she could but she didn’t want to. He had been her rock all these years and not having a soundboard these last couple of days was hard on her, she wasn’t making any progress at all, most of the day she just sat behind her drawing table, toying with some fabric samples and looking out over LA’s skyline, it was times like these that she missed her old apartment that looked out over Paris and its’ rooftops. She was alone there too but when the loneliness started bugging her there she would only have to walk out of the door and she would get inspired by the hum and drum of the city, but here there wasn’t much inspiration to be found in the quiet, green hills littered with majestic mansions. The silence of the house was suddenly broken by the ringing of the doorbell, jerking her out of her contemplation. Charlotte quickly got up and made her way downstairs, hoping it was Tom who would finally have calmed down by now, but wait he had a key, didn’t he? She pulled the door open and there was a blonde woman standing there, casually dressed and a couple of years older than her, nervously looking around before her eyes covered by sunglasses fell on her. “Hi, can I help you?” Charlotte frowned with a careful smile, there was something about this woman she had seen before but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. The woman turned and that’s when she saw the little pregnant bump on her that immediately made her own stomach ache reminding her of what she had lost. “I’m looking for Charlotte De Bettancourt? Jared Leto’s girlfriend?” the woman nearly gagged on the ‘girlfriend’ part, her face and her voice cold as ice. “that’s me, I’m Charlotte” she hesitated a bit and looked at the envelope in the woman’s hands. “fine, we need to talk, there’s something I need to show you” the blonde hissed and pushed past Charlotte, catching her off guard, was she crazy? “I’m sorry, but do I know you? who are you?” Charlotte hurried after the woman who was now casually walking into the hallway looking around like she owned the place.

  The woman just turned, taking off her sunglasses and said “I’m Amanda, I take it Jared hasn’t told you about me, then? I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way..Here..” she handed Charlotte the envelope “this should clear things up a bit”. This was so wrong, she could feel her heart sink when she finally realized where she had seen this woman before, this was the woman in all the pictures and footage at the hospital with Jared a couple of days ago, it had to be, the blonde hair, the same sunglasses. “What is this?” Charlotte took the envelope that was handed to her, with trembling hands, staring at the woman in shock “just open it” was the only cold explanation she got making her swallow hard as she opened the envelope and pulled out a document that she immediately recognized, this was a DNA-test just like the one Jared had forced her to do when she was pregnant. Her heart froze and she had trouble breathing when she read what was obviously the woman’s name and then the name of her lover with a little description that there was a 99% match between both DNA samples, her eyes flew from the paper to the woman’s pregnant bump. “No, no, no..what kind of sick joke is this?” Charlotte stammered, her knees were barely able to hold her up anymore and her hands frantically grabbed for something to hold on to. Amanda flashed her an evil grin and rubbed the bump “no sweetheart, this is not a joke, I’m pregnant with Jared’s baby..he made me take the test” Charlotte’s heart was racing and her head refused to register anything this woman was saying to her “No, you’re lying..Jared would never do this to me..” her breath was coming out in spurts, she was about to go into a panic attack any second now. Amanda just stuck out her chin, that evil smirk became even wider “why don’t we call Jared right now and see what he has to say if you don’t believe me?” she dug through her handbag to fetch her phone and started scrolling through it searching for his name.

  Jared’s phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart did a little somersault thinking it was Charlotte calling him but when he looked at the screen and saw Amanda’s name, his heart dropped right back into his stomach “What do you want?” he barked, this was the last person he needed to hear right now. “Jared, darling, you’re such a naughty man..not telling Charlotte about our little bundle of joy..so I decided to tell her myself, I’m at your house right now” Jared could feel all the blood drain from his face and he felt sick to his stomach, in a split second his whole world came crumbling down “you did what? fuck..where’s Charlotte?” was all he managed to stammer, this was not happening, completely bewildered he heard the muffled angry conversation between the two women on the other side of the line, or better he clearly heard Amanda hand the phone to Charlotte who only replied with a “no” that made his heart sink. He could clearly picture what she was feeling right now, the devastation, the feeling of betrayal and immense hurt, and the knowledge that he had done that to her was so overpowering he nearly lost it.

Shannon who was talking to a member of the crew turned around when he heard the commotion, he heard Charlotte’s name fall and was instantly alarmed when he looked at his brother standing there shaking like a leaf and his face ashen. “what is it? what happened?” he asked in shock about his brother’s appearance, but all he got as reply was a string of curses “I’m going to kill the bitch, I’m going to fucking rip her apart” Jared was shaking so hard his phone nearly dropped from his hand. Shannon put his hands on Jared’s shoulders and tried to calm him down “Jay, what’s going on? Is Charlotte ok?”. When he heard his lover’s name mentioned, Jared looked straight into Shannon’s hazel eyes and whispered “Amanda went to the house and told her about the baby..” Shannon felt sick to his stomach, no matter how many times he had told Jared off about withholding the truth from Charlotte, this was a situation he didn’t even wish upon his worst enemy. “Fuck!! call her, Jay, just call her right now and talk to her”

  Amanda was still taken aback from the harsh disconnection of the call when Charlotte’s phone started ringing. Her head was spinning and she was going through a major panic attack, she didn’t want to talk to him now, in fact she didn’t want to talk to anyone, she only wanted to get rid of this little bitch, lock herself up and hopefully she was going to wake up from this horrible nightmare any time soon. With her last bit of strength she grabbed Amanda’s arm and started dragging her towards the door “get out, right now! I don’t ever want to see your face again” Amanda knew not to push any more of her buttons if she didn’t want to leave here in an ambulance so she jerked her arm free from Charlotte’s iron grip when they reached the door “Fine, I’ll leave, but next time I’m here, you’ll be the one moving out sweetheart, Jared and I are going to have this baby, and we’re not going to let you stop us from being happy for the rest of our lives” If there had ever been a moment when she simply just wanted to punch somebody’s lights out, then it was right now but Amanda just spun on her heels and walked out of the house without giving her another look and Charlotte slammed the front door behind her, letting herself sink to the floor against it where she curled up into a little ball of heartbreak and pain, sobbing uncontrollably. All the life and the energy had been knocked out of her, her whole life had been ripped to shreds in a split second and here she was on the floor gasping for air without any reason to go on living.

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 33

 With the warm morning sun on her back she crawled out of the pool and sat down on the lounge seat to dry herself off and recover from her quite extensive work out the doctor had prescribed after her surgery, she needed to get back in shape after the trauma her body had gone through and now she was all alone in the house she no longer had an excuse with all the gym equipment and a pool at her disposal. She stretched out wanting to soak up some sun as her phone rang, she quickly glanced at the screen and picked it up with a smile, if anything he was a man of his word, after last night’s interrupted conversation and some troubled sleep because of it, there he was “Morning stranger, managed to finally escape Emma’s claws?” she tried to sound as normal as possible even though the strange phone call from last night had kept her out of her sleep but as soon as morning came she realized that he would never do anything to hurt her intentionally. “Darling..hey, uhmm look I’m so sorry about last night, I just..” he sounded so out of breath like he was running. “it’s ok, I know you’re busy, and from the sounds of it, you’re already running late for another appointment” she raised her voice hearing herself almost being drowned out by the wailing of several ambulance sirens at once, where the hell was he? his reply came fast “what,so now you have x-ray vision?” he laughed a little and then got all serious again “I am actually..look, babe, I know this is probably a crazy question to ask but I need to know..do you trust me?” She frowned at his question, she had expected him to be all apologetic and take time to talk to her but instead his behavior just became weirder by the minute “What? of course I trust you, why would you ask me that? Is everything ok, Jared?” by now the noise of the sirens was unbearable like he was standing next to it and she held her ear from the phone until it died down again, and his reply did nothing to ease her mind “No..I mean yes”  he hesitated as if he wasn’t sure, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat “Jared, what’s going on? You’re starting to scare me” she breathed; clutching the phone tighter to her ear like she didn’t want to miss a single breath. “Nothing, Charlie, it’s nothing,..I think I’m going mental without you, that’s all”  he sighed and she instantly felt her heart break “don’t do this to yourself, Jared, I’m here, right here and I’m not going anywhere” she smiled hoping to boost his moral. “promise? Promise me you won’t leave Charlotte, I need to hear you say it” if she didn’t knew him any better she would say it almost sounded more like a threat than a question, this conversation was just getting weirder and weirder and she immediately confimed what he wanted to hear from her so desperately “I promise..now calm down and talk to me, did something happen?” she could hear him hesitate, like he was contemplating telling her whatever it was that had him freaked out “..no, it’s ok, everything’s allright, this just isn’t my day that’s all..” she knew he was holding back and she didn’t really know how to feel, hurt because he wouldn’t tell her? or sad because of the way he was feeling? “Just take some time out, call Emma and tell her you won’t be available for an hour, Shannon will cover for you and go and do something for yourself just to clear your head..” when her answer was met by a soft huff, she couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt by his dismissiveness “I’m serious Jay, you need to look after yourself, I worry about you..a lot” a little silence fell until he said “I don’t want you to worry..I’m sorry babe, but I really need to go again..I swear I’ll call you straight after this..meeting, ok?” these calls were becoming highly upsetting to say the least, nothing real was said, it was only about checking in and then hanging up again and the frustration in her voice could no longer be hidden “whatever Jared..take care!” and with that short snap she hung up, throwing the phone on the sunbed.

  “So, you ready?” Amanda startled him as she appeared in front of him when he reached the hospital entrance, somehow he hadn’t expected her to show up after he kicked her out last night, but here she was and this was the moment of truth and if she wanted to suffer the humiliation of this baby’s DNA not matching with his then that was her problem. “discretion isn’t exactly your strong point, is it? just get in before anyone recognizes me” he hissed trying to pretend they didn’t know each other and quickly walked inside of the hospital.

  Charlotte looked at her watch when Tom casually sauntered into the studio where she had been working for hours already “ah! I was beginning to think you bailed out on me” she quipped pushing her chair back to stand up and stretch the kinks out of her neck from sitting in the same position for far too long. She walked up to him to give him a kiss which he hardly returned “what’s the matter? You feeling ok? you look a little pale” she frowned staring at his face. Somehow he refused to look at her “have you checked Twitter at all today? Jared’s more specifically?” Tom asked matter-of-factly, throwing his bag on the couch while he switched on the television. Something wasn’t right, this kind of stand-offish behavior was so not like him “no..didn’t have time yet, why? What’s going on?” she stopped when the television screen switched to an entertainment channel and there he was, Jared walking out of what seemed like a hospital, closely followed by a woman with big, dark sunglasses hiding behind his back and jumping into a waiting cab with him while the voice-over rang in her ears “Jared Leto has been spotted with a mistery woman walking out of hospital this morning, neither Jared or his girlfriend Charlotte De Bettancourt were available for any comment, Leto who’s considered as quite the ladiesman never..” Charlotte grabbed the remote and switched the television off in disgust, earning herself a surprised look from Tom “hey, I was watching that..” he muttered, clearly laying it out for her that somehow he was on the warpath with her “I don’t care, if you wanna watch this kind of trash then go watch it somewhere else, for fuck’s sake! I don’t understand why you watch this in the first place” she snapped back but Tom just hung his head “because this is about my best friend whose lover is just fucking around and she’s too blind to see, instead she just likes to put her head in the sand and pretend it never happened, he’s a fucking cheat Charlotte, and it’s high time you realized that, he’s turning you into a laughing stock, bet he didn’t even call you about this” his nasty outburst contrasted so sharply with his poised posture, she walked up to him, her blood boiling “for your information, he did call me and ask me if I trusted him and I do Tom, everyone knows how these vultures will make up stories just to sell some more newspapers, they don’t care what the truth is, they’ll make up their own and they’ll make you believe it”

  Charlotte was livid, how could he believe such crap? Her best friend? Everything from this morning just fell into place with Jared calling her to ask her if she trusted him? but why couldn’t he just say he was out with a friend? But why had she never seen this girl? And why were they at a hospital? She hated the secrets, why couldn’t he just be open with her? a million questions raced through her head and she didn’t know what to address first, her anger at Tom or her doubt about Jared’s whereabouts? She needed to calm down or she would find herself in a blazing row with her best friend and that was the last thing she wanted “Look, Tom, you’re obviously angry at me and I don’t want to fight! So why don’t you take the day off to give us both some time to cool down and I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” Tom didn’t say anything, he just gave her an icy stare, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the studio slamming the door behind him. With her heart beating out of control and adrenalin pumping through her veins she let herself fall on the couch, she needed answers and she needed them right now! Grabbing her phone off the coffee table, she pressed the buttons but the screen remained dark telling her her battery was flat. Cursing, she got up to get her charger and plugged it in, the phone trembling in her hands as the screen lit up immediately, filled with notifications of Jared’s missed calls and texts. She clicked on the first text that simply read “I love you” but as she scrolled further he was getting more explicit about how the images on tv were not what they seemed, that the girl he was seen with was barely a friend, how he missed her. With every single text she got a bit calmer, she wanted to call him, maybe she just needed to hear his voice but looking at the time, she knew she would probably end up on his voicemail knowing the hectic schedule he had and she quickly typed a text back “battery was flat, just saw the news, call me when you get a chance, love you too”. It was all she could come up with at the moment to put his mind a little at ease which was more than she could say about her own mind, would this madness ever stop? Living with a famous person wasn’t easy but this was just getting crazier and crazier by the minute.

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 32

  Just when she wanted to crawl into bed after a long and tiring day of work and endless phonecalls with suppliers, her phone rang and the screen lit up the dimly lit room but her heart jumped with joy when she looked at the beautiful face of her man on the screen, this was the call she had been waiting for all day. “Hey darling! been waiting for you to call all day, you arrived ok?” her mood switched instantly from tired to genuinely extatic while she tucked the cool sheets around her, having him in her ear made it feel like he was lying next to her. “hey babe, so sorry I didn’t call earlier, but you know how things go around here, been crazy busy..anyway, I miss you so much.. are you ok?” he sounded so tired somehow and it made her heart break “I’m ok-ish, got a lot of work done today and I was just about to crawl into bed because I’m tired and it has been a long, stressful day and maybe I’ll get into the swing of not missing you so much tomorrow..so what about you? any plans still for tonight?” at this point, she didn’t even know if he heard her at all because of the noise in the background followed by his muffled angry growl “what’s going on there? everything ok? Jared?” she questioned, trying to listen to the female voice in the background, she couldn’t recognize it but it sure didn’t sound like Emma. There was a loud rustling and then his agitated voice “what?..look princess, I’m really sorry but I’m going to have to go..a few..things have come up that I need to sort out, why don’t I call you tomorrow morning? I love you!” there was a dry click and then nothing anymore, Charlotte just sat there staring at her phone in disbelief, could he have gotten off the phone any quicker? What the hell was going on? Only a couple of words said between them and yet she already had a million of questions brewing and bubbling in her head, she threw the phone on the nightstand in frustration, suddenly there was the urge to send him a text and give him a piece of her mind on brushing her off like that, but she resisted her sudden fury, this time she was going to keep her self-respect besides she was too tired to argue. There would probably be a perfectly logical explanation to all this sudden misteriousness, she knew what it was like on the road, everyone wanted something from him and he had so little time to himself, let alone for anyone else. She shuffled deeper under the covers, sighing as she looked at the empty pillow next to her and memories started bouncing through her head, memories on the countless times she fell asleep with him when he would just look at her without saying a word but she just knew she was loved by the way he stared at her and when she woke up in the morning that familiar pair of blue admiring eyes would be the first thing she saw as well. Her anger at his abrupt ending of their telephone conversation already started to fade and it made her realize how much being around him had changed her, where in the past she would have just thrown a tantrum, all caused by her own insecurity about herself, she was now able to believe that she was good enough, his love made her feel so tall or at least a lot taller than she had felt her entire life. He had saved her from herself, just by showing her that despite all the difficulties they had gone through, mostly caused by both of their surroundings, all they really needed was each other, it wasn’t about careers or money or fame, this was about two people who were so drawn together, two people who were meant to be together and could trust each other.

  “Are you fucking crazy? Who the fuck let you up here? I’m going to call security” Jared growled at Amanda, there had been a knock on the door just when he was busy calling Charlotte and he had expected it to be Emma but he got a nasty shock when instead of Emma, she had stepped into the room, what the hell was she doing here? And how did she find him? “Don’t bother Jared, the man who owns this hotel is an old friend of mine, he still owed me one! What’s the matter? Are you not happy to see me? My, my, Jared, you’ve changed your tune, first you can’t get enough me and now you want to kick me out? Maybe you need a little reminder of all the fun we had when we made this baby, I’ll be more than happy to refresh your memory” Amanda raised her hand and let her index finger trail across his jaw line, but all he could do was jerk his head away in disgust and take a few steps back “get your hands off me, what do you want Amanda? More money? We had a deal, remember?” he sighed feeling his heart sink with every second, he was in some serious trouble that was on the verge of escalating into pure disaster. She stepped up to him again and put her hand on his chest “I’m not here for your money, Jay..” she stopped and looked up at him with a scorching fire in her eyes “I just want us to really get to know each other, you know, spend some time together, just the three of us” her hand rubbed her little bump, something Charlotte used to do all the time when she was pregnant, even thinking about Charlotte now was like ripping his heart out. He couldn’t stand it anymore and pushed her back roughly “You’re deluded, there’s never going to be an ‘us,’ Amanda, you keep saying that this is my child, I need to see the DNA-test first, that test you conveniently forgot to do so far?? So I suggest you get your ass out of here and you go to the hospital in the morning so we can get this sorted once and for all” he grabbed her arm, yanked her towards the door and opened it “so next time you come waltzing in here, thinking you can blackmail me, I suggest you watch your back, because I’ve got people who are digging up the dirt on you and knowing your groupie lifestyle, I bet they can come up with some serious compromising stuff that’ll only confirm what a golddigging little whore you are” he hissed at her, pushing her out of his room so roughly that she stumbled against the opposite wall, looking at him with big, shocked eyes “so just to get this shit with you over and done with, I’ll arrange an appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning for the both of us and I swear if that test comes up negative you’re going to pay, missy, so I suggest you have a long, hard think if you really want to go through with this or save yourself the humiliation of looking like a cheap slut who doesn’t even remember who knocked her up, it’s your call but I want to make one thing clear, you leave me and my family alone, is that understood?” he was so beside himself with anger that he didn’t even wait for her reply and threw the door shut with an almighty bang.

  Tom paced up and down his kitchen, his phone glued to his ear while he watched the clock on the wall, it was early evening in Europe so why wasn’t he picking up? Surely these meetings would be over by now “Tom? What is it?” just when he thought the call would switch to voicemail, the hastened voice of his lover drifted out to him. “Rob, hey, we need to talk” he sat down on one of the kitchenstools, nervously picking at his untouched breakfast while he listened to Rob’s deep sigh “I haven’t got much time, Tom, I..” it was clear Rob was trying to brush him off but he quickly interrupted him “Look, I know we talked about this, but I’m begging you not to do this, there has got to be a way to get out of this, she’s my friend, I can’t betray her..I want out” he let the fork he was holding clatter onto the plate, he meant it, with every day that passed he got more and more upset knowing that he was helping to destroy his best friend’s career and lifelong dream. “you can’t ! it’s too late now, Tom, we’re both into deep already..you know this business as well as I do, if you bail out now, there’s going to be some serious consequences..Look, it won’t be long now, I promise, we’re coming back to the States in a couple of days..all you have to do is make sure that she doesn’t suspect anything, ok? that’s all I ask..the reward will be worth it, I promise! Look, I’ve got to go, dinner with the boys, and Tom..” he paused for effect “..I love you so much” Tom tried to swallow back his tears hearing Rob confess his love for him, he knew exactly which buttons to push and right now he was in so much distress it was working. “I love you too, that’s the only reason I’m doing this, I just don’t want her to get hurt and I know you don’t either..” but before he could go on, Rob stopped him again “nothing’s going to happen to her, that’s why I’ve asked you to control everything over there..sweets I’ve got to go now, talk to you tomorrow ok?” and with that he was gone, causing Tom to drop the phone to the kitchen counter and rub his hands over his face, it was all going to work out, he just needed to keep his cool about this, the most difficult thing about this would be to push this feeling of being a traitor away, Charlotte would understand, she just had to.