#swcatchup

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Okay here we go, last Star Wars movie before I go see The Force Awakens tomorrow. Gotta give them credit, at least this Anakin is more attractive than the last one. Stupid intro title card though. War! Evil is everywhere! Thank you Captain Obvious!

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I feel like there are better ways to deal with your daddy issues than surrendering to the Clearly (Though Its Not Explained Why) Evil Government, to directly confront your Also Clearly Evil dad and try to pull a conversion move. How often do the Mormons sucessfully do it door to door?

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Things to Keep Jedi Away From:

-Ledges! -Secret missions where you bring along a *nine year old* - really attractive unattainable women, while a teenager and alone and obligated to be celibate - whoever looked at Anakin's eyebrows in Episode II and decided those were okay -Whoever fight choreographed episodes I and II holy shit

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I was gonna say that the most heartwrenching part of the movie was the lil ewok nudging his dead lil ewok buddy trying to get him up, but then Not Evil Anakin Ghost appeared and welp there goes feelings. ‪

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Oh, THAT'S the trap! ‪#‎swcatchup‬

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Also, until I saw the actual scene, I didn't really *how creepy* the Princess Leia Bikini fetish thing is.

You guys. He's a slave trader. There are untold abuses going on in there. Oh my god the mass cultural focus on Carrie Fisher's outfit is so goddamn disturbing.

[literarysins]

George Lucas, we gotta talk about Anakin (currently up to Episode II).

First, this character is probably the genesis for a generation of whiny pissbaby nerd boys who think that obsessing over a girl is going to make her love them; meeting a girl twice or so when you're nine does not a romance make. Nor does telling her you dream about her: this is actually really creepy! Continuing to ogle and be inappropriately close? Creepy. His really intense eyebrows don't help. Props for showing a scene where they actually get to know each other except the following:

The writing. I dunno who you hired to write (EDIT: OH GOD YOU WROTE THIS??!) but they write dialogue like the characters are made of wood. That might be an insult to trees. The original trilogy trio always talked a little weird; but it made sense because the entire universe spoke a little weird. Stylistic choice, I can get behind that. I wouldn't say the highlight of the OT was the dialogue anyways, it was the dialogue in the action that made it interesting. But you go from Padme and Anakin robot-ing at each other to Dex and Obi Wan having a 21st century cadenced conversation, and that's confusing. So shit overall dialogue in all arenas, inconsistent decision making, and your two droid characters have the smoothest interactions? C'mon. The franchise deserves better. Maybe some of this can be chalked up to acting choices, but your job as a director is to prevent disasterous ones. Admitedly you probably should've not cast this guy as Anakin in the first place, but at least make your crappily constructed bed.

Third, the galling part is that the potential for a compelling character was absolutely there.

If Anakin responded like a vaguely rational human being to pretty much EVERYTHING you could keep most of your (still kinda stupid) plot. There are genuine concerns with the Jedi Order, the Senate, etc. The ones Anakin has expressed so far in a vague way, and the ones I know because spoilers and the OT, don't make a ton of sense. There are things that could lead to Anakins fall that involve being a realistic human being. In fact, it's more likely to happen that way; people are capable of awful and wonderful things. If someone is a character you can relate to, who you root for and sympathize with, a bit like episode I Anakin, that makes his fall that much more horrific.

That would've made the still kinda bizarre plot, Padmes fate, and ultimately the reveal in the original trilogy a more compelling point, in the end. And you failed me, George Lucas. You failed. Almost as hard as Jar Jar Binks. Who I actually don't mind that much, but admittedly his life is kind of a disaster zone. Like these movies.

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First thoughts of A New Hope: "The StormTroopers can't shoot trope is the only way this movie works" Last thought: "Lukes award jacket ceremony is so eighties it's awful"