When you arrive at KT Entertainment, one of your trainers immediately directs you to Katie Lee’s office. As expected, CEO Lee is seated behind her desk. She directs you to the empty chair across from her, and when you take the seat you recognize the man next to you as the lawyer who was present on the day you auditioned for the company.
“It’s been two years now, right, Sooyoung-ssi?” Ms. Lee says, glancing down at her paperwork as if to make sure it was true. “From where you started to where you are now- well, the fact you’re preparing for debut should say enough.” She closes the beige folder and sets it to one side, revealing a different set of paperwork underneath. “We have another contract for you to sign today and I hope you won’t back out now that we’re so close to your dreams. You know what to do.” She pushes the paperwork toward you, turning it to face you; it’s just as you remember, even down to the colored Post-It flags sticking out from between the pages, showing you exactly where to sign.
may 30th, the day that she’s unintentionally been counting down to from the moment she signed her first contract, still surrounded by a whirlwind of emotions from the mgas and more than overwhelmed by a future ahead of her. there have been ups and downs, that’s for sure- and quite a few moments where sooyoung was pretty sure she wouldn’t even make it to this point.
yet here she is, sitting in front of katie lee, with another two years being offered, and a debut practically guaranteed.
and she chokes.
“thank you, sajangnim. i’m honored to be offered two more years here.”
she’s thankful that they’re allowed time to think on resigning, though she’s not sure that anyone in the room appreciates when she quietly thanks them and leaves without signing right away. (truth be told, she’s not sure why she wouldn’t.) but she goes about her day as if nothing happened, all the while holding the thought in the back of her head that in a roundabout way, katie lee must be proud of her somehow- she wouldn’t be in the lineup for debut if she weren’t, right?
but still, she takes the time to reflect on two years spent, with the better part being unsure of just where she stood in the company. part of her wants to leave now, while the contract terms are filled and there won’t be any debt to worry about; to go back to living live more freely, and doing what she wanted. the other half thinks of tiffany, of yeri, of taeyeon and sunyoung and even taemin and the other boys. she couldn’t let them down so easily, right? yet hyeri comes to mind, who so soon after being put into debut let go of her dreams, and the hurt that she left in her wake was only just starting to go away.
would she even have that impact?
tied up in her own thoughts and makeshift wants and pros and cons of leaving or staying with kt, she goes through the motions of training, observing everyone else more intensely than she would on a normal day. would they stay again too?
even the lightened schedule of the weekend does little to turn her thoughts from renewal. it should be an obvious answer- and the fact that it feels like it isn’t worries her and she’s not sure why. she’s always been quick to make decisions, and why shouldn’t this one be an easy yes?
if she didn’t renew, there would be no debut, and the rest of the girls would either have to downsize the group or have no group at all, and sooyoung would be responsible for tanking everyones’ dreams just because she wanted a break. if she did sign on for another two years, who was to say it wouldn’t still take months to move ahead in the debut plans? or that things wouldn’t change and the little freedom she had would be taken away?
she feels guilty for something that should be such an obvious and simple answer not being that. if her heart were with kt, and in training, wouldn’t she have signed the moment she sat down?
monday morning, with only two days left before they’ll consider her terminated, she requests to be seen, although it seems like everyone expects it already. she sits down in the seat across from the ceo, and with (still, because she can never not be a nervous wreck in front of katie lee) shaking hands she signs her name on the dotted line once again, praying that things go right.
“thank you, sajangnim. i’m sorry for having taken so long to decide. please know that my heart is with kt, it just took reflecting to realize that.” she stands carefully and bows deeply, before making her way out of the room and back to training- like always.