"The Fear Is Eating You Alive."
I had a project in mind but I always scrapped it, because I couldn't find the right music. Finally I have found it. My project was to make a short video on how I live with my demons, with my nightmares and with depression. This is not a vent video but I just wanted to show what I live everyday in my life, just because my father has betrayed my trust and I tried to show it with the CCS Characters.
Living with my demons is an hell on earth, I feel useless and I feel always empty on the inside. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not for my body because I accepted long ago my body but there’s one thing that I don’t accept and it is the depression.
Depression is not only feeling sad and heartbroken, it’s not only that. I’ve been bullied for my body and for my dreamy personality, let’s add that I’m also Bisexual and I came out in 2011 or 2012, I can’t remember well honestly.
My father doesn’t accept that I’m bisexual, My mother accepted it without a problem and so my sister.
My parents are no longer together and I started to suffer depression since then. I thought that this experience would make me stronger, instead it isn’t wasn’t like that. I was weak, sad, almost crying everyday. The police was also involved to stop the violent fights between my mother and my father.
I won’t forget a thing though: After one of the fights he said “My daughters are dead” on Facebook and since then I’m mentally and emotionally broken.
I prayed and prayed that everything would end ASAP but It didn’t. I felt like my prayers weren’t heard...
Then I rewatched CCS and I felt so much better somehow, it’s my favorite anime and It’ll always be my favorite for it’s sweetness and story. But I always try to show a darker side with my AMV’s. This time I showed a thing more personal: My depression, nightmares and demons.
I’m an artist, an actress, a voiceactress and a singer (Even that my father doesn’t accept it but it’s another story) and I know how emotions get over.
Don’t be afraid to show what you really are, don’t be ashamed if you suffer depression...
Don’t be ashamed of what you are...