I Need U
@juanichi said: 18 & 33 with Jimin ^^ Those are my only two. Thanks love, I hope you have fun writing them ❤
Prompt: 18.) jealousy and 33.) “I hate that I need you around to feel safe. Because what if one day, I lose you?”
Pairing: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Angst, Ace!Jimin, College AU
Word Count: 2.1k
Content/Warnings: Asexuality, jealousy, mentions of sex idk what else to put there’s no smut or anything
A/N: this came out a lot longer than I anticipated. I hope you don’t mind that I made it into a full post instead of just answering your ask.
It’s the middle of the night when your phone rings, startling you from your slumber.
“Hello?” You answer groggily, not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Y/N?” It’s Jimin.
“Hey, Chim. What’s up? What time is it?”
“It’s a little past 3. I can’t sleep. Do you think you could come over?”
“Jimin…”
“Or I can come to you.”
“No. No, my roommate’s here tonight.” You force yourself into a sitting position, still barely able to open your eyes. “I’ll be there in 10.”
“Thanks. The door’s open.”
You yawn. “Okay. See you soon.”
Fortunately Jimin’s place is only a couple of blocks away, and you both live on campus, so the walk is pretty safe, even at this hour.
You open the door to Jimin’s room. The lights are off, but you can vaguely make out his figure on the bed.
“Jimin,” you whisper.
He turns to face you. “Y/N. You came.”
“Mhm.” You walk over to the bed. “Do you wanna be big spoon or little spoon?”
“Little spoon.”
You crawl up behind him and wrap your arms around him. “Everything okay?” You ask softly, your lips right next to his ear.
“Yeah. Just can’t sleep.”
You hold him tighter and kiss his shoulder.
“Thank you for coming,” he says.
“Of course. Any time.”
The two of you walk to class together the next day. There’s a busy intersection in between the apartments and the school, and sometimes, people drive a little too fast for a school zone. While waiting to cross, Jimin unexpectedly laces his fingers with yours. You look up at him questioningly.
“What? I like holding your hand,” he tells you. But it wasn’t just that. He felt safer around you, but he didn’t want you to know how dependent on your presence he had become.
He asks you to stay over the proceeding nights. No sex, just sleeping. You two take turns being little spoon. He wonders how he was able to sleep before he met you.
He’s so reliant on you yet you’re so independent and he can’t help but be just a tiny bit jealous of it. You are everything to him, the very air he breathes, but he doesn’t think you could possibly feel the same way about him.
One night, he calls you to ask you to come over, but your phone goes to voicemail. He lies in bed awake, unable to relax without you by his side. A couple of hours later, you decide to return his calls.
“Hello?” Jimin answers.
“Hey, Chim! You called? What’s up?” Your voice is overly animated and you sound a tiny bit drunk as you sit on the couch in Hoseok's living room.
“Y/N? Where are you? I was going to ask if you could come over.”
“Oh, sorry! It’s Hoseok’s birthday today so we’re celebrating at his place.”
Jimin grimaces and hangs up, throwing his phone down on his bed.
“Who was that?” Hoseok asks, handing you another beer and resting his arm behind you on the back of the couch.
“That was just Jimin asking me if I was busy.” You frown, completely confused by his abrupt hanging up.
Jimin stares at the ceiling and sighs, feeling his insides twisting into a knot. He knows you and Hoseok are friends, and he knows that Hoseok has a huge crush on you. And he also knows that Hoseok is known as a fuckboy and would jump at the chance to sleep with you, like actually have sex with you. And he’s pretty sure you would too.
Because it’s not like you and Jimin are dating. He doesn’t know what the two of you are, but you never agreed on being monogamous, and had never done more than just kissing. He hasn’t even really kissed you. Not making out, only on the cheeks or the forehead, or soft pecks on the lips. It was all very affectionate, and never sexual.
He’s okay with that, but maybe you aren’t. Maybe you want more from a relationship. Maybe you want someone like Hoseok who could fuck you until you forgot your name. Jimin wouldn’t be able to do that.
He doesn’t know why sex just doesn’t appeal to him. That just comes with being asexual. He does love you, though. Might even be in love with you. And he lives in constant fear that he’d lose you because you’d want something that he can’t provide.
The more he thinks about it, the more he becomes bitterly jealous of Hoseok. Jealousy isn’t healthy, and he knows it, but he can’t control it. He can’t change who he is, but he’s also scared that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose you.
He doesn’t know what to do. Does he confront you, and tell you that he doesn’t want you to spend so much time with Hoseok? No, he can’t do that, because who is he to control your life? But what then? Give you some space? Ignore you for a little while? Maybe you’ll come crawling back to him. But no, he can’t do that either, because it’s him that needs you not the other way around.
"You know, if you'd rather be with Jimin, you can go. You don't have to stay for my sake," Hoseok tells you.
"No! That's alright! It's your birthday and I should be here with you! I was at his place like all last week anyway."
Hoseok nods. "So are you two a couple now or something?"
You take a sip of your beer. "No, I don't think so. I mean, we've never really talked about it."
"You two should talk about it. I've seen you two together, and you seem to really like each other."
You fiddle with the cup in your hand. "I just... I don't know if he likes me all that much?"
Hoseok shrugs. "It wouldn't hurt to ask. And if things don't work out, I'm here for you, baby. I'm totally willing to give you the best rebound sex you'll ever have."
You push that cocky grin off of his face. "Shut up, you're drunk."
"I may be drunk, but I'm also serious. I would love to fuck you, but I also respect you and would never try anything that could jeopardize any current relationships."
"That's... Almost sweet."
Jimin lies awake. He doesn't know why, but ever since he met you he hasn't been able to sleep without your body pressed against his. He feels warmer when you're with him, not just from your body heat, but more like a warm glow radiating from his heart and filling his entire body. You make him feel secure. You make him feel safe.
And without you he feels alone.
So he lies awake all night until his morning alarm goes off, signaling that it's time for him to get up for class. When he gets to the lecture hall, you're not there. You don't walk in during the lecture either. You probably had too much fun with Hoseok last night – something he doesn't want to think about – and are too tired to come to class.
Is it technically cheating if you've never defined your relationship? He certainly felt cheated on. And that's all he thinks about, all day and all night. He should confront you about it, tell you how he feels. Communication is important in any kind of relationship, right? Not just romantic ones, but all kinds of relationships. But for some reason he just can't bring himself to talk to you about it.
Maybe it's best if he gives you some space instead.
A few days later, Jimin still hasn't called, and you notice he's been avoiding you in class. He's always glancing away when you look in his direction, or sitting on the other side of the room even when there's an empty seat next to you. When the lecture is over, he leaves right away and you lose him in the crowd of people leaving the lecture hall.
After nearly a week, you find yourself in front of his door, hoping that he's home. He answers after the fourth knock and when his door swings open, revealing a tired, puffy haired Jimin in his pajamas on the other side of it, you push past him, striding into his apartment and whirling around to face him.
His hair is a mess, most likely because he's constantly running his fingers through it. His skin is dull and lacks its usual dewiness. And his eyes look sunken, with darkness pooling beneath them. "Jimin, are you alright?" You ask him. "You haven't called in a while and it looks like you haven't slept in days."
That's because he hasn't slept in days, not when you're not next to him. And these last few days, he's only been thinking about you. And also you with Hoseok. And you with him. He has so many questions, but there's one that's been nagging at him ever since last week. One that echoes louder in his mind than any of the other ones. So much so, that he can't help but blurt it out the second you finish talking. "Did you have sex with Hoseok that night?"
His bluntness of his question startles you. "What? You mean his birthday? No! How could you ask me that? Do you not trust me?"
Jimin shoves his hand through his already messy hair. "Why not? It's not you that I don't trust. He's attracted to you, you're probably attracted to him, too – pretty much every girl is – and you were both drunk..." Jimin lets out a huff. "And it's not like we're together or anything, you can do whatever you want. I just– I don't know I just don't like you spending so much time with Hoseok, but it's not my place to tell you who you can or cannot see."
"What do you mean we're not together? Jimin, why are you being like this? Why don't you want me to be friends with Hoseok?"
"Because! I hate how I feel when I know you're with him. I know it's really dumb and I have no reason to feel that way but I just get really scared. I can't sleep without you and I need you. I hate that I need you around to feel safe. Because what if one day, I lose you? He can give you everything you'd ever want, everything that I can't!"
"Jimin, what are you talking about? I want you!" You couldn't understand why you actually had to explain this to him. Why else would you come over to his apartment at 3am just because he called and told you he couldn't sleep?
"Really? You do?" For some reason, Jimin didn't believe you. "Why? It's not like I'd ever be able to have sex with you or anything."
"Jesus! Do you really think that's all I care about? I don't care that you're asexual, Jimin. I mean, I do care, as in, that's your sexuality and I respect that, but it doesn't change how I feel about you."
Jimin's jaw dropped. "How– how did you know...?" He'd never told you. The two of you never even discussed your relationship let alone his sexuality before.
"Of course I know! I know you, and I pay attention to you because I love you. Not Hoseok, not anyone else."
"Wait, you love me? You've never said anything..."
You give him a small nod. "Of course I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't come here in the middle of the night just because you called." You step forward and place a hand on his cheek.
Jimin closes his eyes, leaning his face into your touch. "I love you, too," he said softly when he opened his eyes again. "I just wasn't sure if I should tell you."
"Aw, Chim." You step closer and wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly.
Jimin folds his arms around you and places a kiss on the crown of your head. "I'm so glad we talked about this," he murmurs into your hair.
"Me too," you reply, your face buried in his chest. "Can we go to your room and cuddle?"
He strokes your hair with his hand and rocks you back and forth. "Do I get to be little spoon?"
"Mhm." You nod against him.
Pulling back and grabbing you by the shoulders, he says, "Okay, but I might fall asleep since you're finally next to me again."
