#taleofheartache

[stvexsiri]

You can't change the past...

It's a fact of time you know? You cannot change the past So the man you're begging to be more open about those wounds The ones he's licked clean and hoped never opened again The bad memories that keep him up on nights like these You can't fix his head like an overnight success, Yet you both wish He won't magically trust you, His chest won't burst open You won't know all that sickens him, What he sees as harm Think of him like a dog, No master, Roaming the streets for love Shoved, Kicked, Swatted away, Sometimes even roughed up He built that shield from his teeth and bone, He knows not why he bites Maybe it's fear, Maybe it's assumption, Somethings are unknown No masters, No gods, Not even a bed for him to lay, He has no home So even if your hand seems friendly, Even if your scents polite He's been here before, Why should he assume you'll do right Teeth presented bare, At a moments notice, Ready to devour Yet he let you rest your hand against his head, Improvements here But you keep in mind all that I have said, Let it not escape your mind He's seen the world at it's most wicked, Deep hatreds and those unkind Wounds from the journey dawn him like scars, Yet none he has pride for So why is he to assume you aren't the same? He's trying to assume you are different. It's why you can touch him without fear. Yet you get upset when he doesn't let you hold him. Part of that is all of those little lingering fears The subtle idea that you may be no good. Something that in which he may despise He chooses not to look to deep, To hope your love is true Yet deep in that dogs bruised body and broken eyes He knows there's a small chance. That there's a monster in you too.. And while he may hope otherwise, If you are to prove him right... He's ready to do what he must do.

[stvexsiri]

And I noticed you opened them...

Every message you ignored, Every last one that I sent To see the read sign was a light to my eyes, yet a soon pain Something like fire to my skin, Warm then unbearable to my core For you opened them yet said no words, Spoke nothing to the wind You saw my life progress slowly with the times, Fade from black Wake to sunshine out of a window blocked by trees and the like Yet you said nothing, Just looked at them as if they meant nothing As if what I put on display was merely a nice picture for you You'll likely hype yourself up to speak to me again, Say sorry for going Tell me you'll stay this time and that you won't abandon me Words I've heard a plethora of times over, Only to yield out the same You know the last time we spoke, I asked if you still carried heart for me I asked if you could still imagine me somewhere down the road In a home with you, Warmed by the touch of each others hearts Wrapped in our own embrace, Sealed with a pet rested upon us And you ran, Maybe the idea scared you beyond vocalization So I try to take the parts of me I gave you, Return them to my chest Tell myself they were never yours to have anyway, A lie yet comforting I know I could have loved you, But maybe you couldn't do the same Now we play this odd dance back and forth, This crippling game Maybe they were right, Maybe you aren't meant to return to my arms You were my guiding light, Someone I trusted in my hours of dark Something that took a lot of this man, The one who cannot shed tears Yet with my trust you took all of me, Yet left that in which I fear That I would give my trust out once again And be left to spill blood in place of take refuge in another soul You proved the theory once more, That in the end it will always be just I Just a knight, And his shield gilded in violent thorns.

[stvexsiri]

You once gave me everything

Faith in the ideal that is love A future to look forward to A heart to have and a hand to hold Something to live for and not just the need to survive Then you waltzed with the wind once more The same way you rode in on it's wings so light Something akin to an angel yet you are no where near the same Am I a fool to think you'd stay the same To think you may always be mine To think you'd forever stay kind to this heart To think you'd not throw me to the ever-dark Was I a fool to lower my shield for you? To believe you'd never drive deep the blade Scar the chest in the same spot you once laid Making me think It must be I who made a mistake Cause I trusted you only for you to walk away Now I wait, Blood droplets left to keep me warm in your stead I wonder if you'll reopen our chapter on that date coming soon Or if you care for me as little as to not dare Leave me to leak onto leaves, My blood writing the story Will you damn what we had to the back of your mind Unwrite our history Cause you still consume the space in my mind Destroy me from the inside out Left my mind in a state of disarray Now my body, A horror story.

[stvexsiri]

I wish I could fade with the wind

Some place where they could never find me again So that you could have never loved me before I could have never grown attached to your kindness We could have walked a separate path instead of joining on one It would have made your disappearance feel like nothing I would have never thought you'd left me for dead I could have kept going instead of sitting up wondering why you ran Wondering if I was your problem in the end Yet you care not for how my heart aches to be by you How my walls rise from the sea to block all those who dare come near Thinking they'll all do as you've done when it is their time If only I could drain the poisoning you did from my mind You said you loved me on a cold winters day Now you leave me wondering to myself if you meant anything at all You were once the light of my life, the sun to my moon Now just like the wind You are nothing at all. I wish you stayed that way... Stayed away.....

[stvexsiri]

Find me at the in-between...

That place where we used to always write dreams Where you told me we'd make it out this place devoid of light Where my jacket laid as a blanket upon the grass for us to lay Oh where did the days and nights run off to that late spring A heart steadfast to his ideals yet fighting a war he never asked to Blood dawns his clothes like a hug he'd been longing for ages ago No blade in hand just a shield maybe too large guarding his frail heart Gilded in thorn, Once meant for protection, Now another brutal weapon You'd be wise to wonder why that man lost at war could not cry For his tears were lost on a dream made long ago with another soul Something so beautiful promised to him in what was once another life That fairy tale once upon a time where he'd dance in the midnight A giant, What they called him, He'd never wanted to hurt another soul In the grass he used to dance with another, once friend, once lover Making promises to never use his strength to harm, Oh what a life Then he was forced to be made a weapon Sleepless nights while he protects what now became his brethren A cross upon his neck yet he knows little of what he prays for Not to a god, Not to a man, But to that in which he broke his words to Hoping on the other side they could forgive him for what he must do Hoping that he could be buried besides them on that hill they laid in Where his jacket stays to this day next to their headstone "My sweet ******** I'm sorry with all of my heart but I'll be home soon" "Find me at the in between of heaven and where we made our home" Signed sweetly on the bottom of his tombstone.

[stvexsiri]

And when I hit the ground...

I kept sprinting along that Californian ground, fear be my guiding star Hoping you were chasing the same lightning out in the distance Don't make me do that in which I never wanted I wasn't made for adventuring on my own, But if I must I'll go For when the sun rises upon the north side, I will wake alone Wondering when the lightning will settle me at my new home Giving prayers to a god who I know cannot help me there Oh god find me a plan that isn't just speaking empty to the air For my feet are aching, My mind is breaking, I need answers soon Is this by design or a cruel fate of mine show me whats coming soon Cause I'll go the distance, But this is bordering on cruelty for the sake I am a man made for adventure but a road alone is too cruel a fate I just hope I find you in the end of this long drawn road My heart beats for the thrill, Yet I cannot keep fighting alone Take my all and take me whole or release my heart back to its soil Querida flor, por favor muéstrame el camino a casa...

[stvexsiri]

And do you want to know the worst part?

I have to move on without you, regardless of what I want. Regardless of if you said you'd always stay. Regardless of the promises once made on a phone so distant. Even if without you parts of me stay missing, I gotta go on. Time don't stop for even those who influence the earth So I gotta run with her, Cause she's going on without me No matter what I want, No matter the case, I must go Even if I lose tears to the fading memories we made Months turn to years and I soon forget your face Yet remember a voice once comforting to the ear It's like you're gone yet your ghost lingers here Echos of when I once called you "my dear "My Dear" Yet the part that shreds my soul deeper than any knife could Is I can see you're still here, Through photos taken by hands not mine It makes me wonder, pondering why you'd do what you did Yet all is the same as once was before, I must keep on pace While I lose our memories of us Whilst I let time do it's ugly job And proceed to erase.

[stvexsiri]

And one day you will...

You will forget me, All that I was to you All that we had done, Every space where we made our place Every step, Every Dance, Every Drunken song sung Every grand declaration of love, Every gift that reminded me of you It will fade with the progression of your mind so pure, once sweet So many things I wanted to open up about to you The feeling of love I held so tightly for your heart once mine All will go with the fading passage of time Somewhere across that dessert blue sky, You may ask why Or be upset that things had to be the way they ended up And so will I, Upon my an ocean blue night, Oh what a sight One I wanted to bring you to see once upon a time But life had other plans somewhere down the road So I suppose we'll just have to look into it some other time On the other side.