Virgin Diary
I spent most of my life being told two things when it came to finding a boyfriend—set the bar high and don’t be too picky. I set the bar high in what characteristics I’m looking for my partner in crime to have. Then, I’m told that my characteristics are too specific. Come on now, how am I supposed to have this “happy medium” when I’m not taught what to sacrifice and how to prioritize these characteristics? So, I did what I always do and I try to figure it out on my own. I branched out and tried new relationships that I might not have considered before. Why not, right? “You never know,” as people say. And my response is—I choose not to because it never works out.
Diary of a virgin:
Although I am just as at fault for trying to start a relationship from a dating app, he and I both could have made something out of nothing. He had his quirks that I was trying to convince myself I could get past, and I’m sure there are qualities about me that he did not find to be the most attractive either, which is ok. (Not the best way to begin a relationship, I know.) I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect you to be either. But when we start getting to know one another better, and have been on a couple dates, it’s rude to just shut me out when you hear something you don’t like. At least be cordial about it and say, “That’s a deal breaker for me… It’s been great getting to know you, but I don’t think we will work out... etc.” Being a virgin is hard enough work as it is, I don’t need near strangers reminding me that I’m often seen as an outcast.
I made the decision years ago to wait until marriage to have sex. That is a decision that was wished by my parents and made by me. While it is increasingly unusual to come across a virgin these days, especially one that is 22, I do not regret my decision. We are becoming a rare breed that seeks value out of sex greater than physical pleasure. And I’m sure many other people look for more than just that too, but come on; I’m abstaining from it altogether as outlined by my faith (which also seems to be interpreted in many different ways these days, but that’s for another time). So when I made the decision to wait until marriage, I did so at a time when that was more common. Now, as I have gotten older, that standard has dropped significantly and can affect relationships that I have or attempt to have. So non-virgins, when looking to potentially date someone, determine whether or not their being a virgin is a big deal to you and make it known early. If not, time can be wasted by both parties, and no one wants an unhappy ending if it can be avoided.
To those deciding whether to remain a virgin, to experiment sexually, or to reconsider a previous action, take your time with the decision. It is not something to be considered lightly because it involves giving a piece of you to someone else. I chose to only share that intimacy with the person I marry. Some of you may feel that it is not important, and that is your decision. Consider your feelings and what actions you may take in the future. Consider the consequences of all (yes there are consequences to all options), but know that whatever decision you make is ultimately yours, and that if you feel strongly enough to change your mind you can do that as well. Abstinence is a hard-kept decision, but it can be done. If you choose after having sex that you want to abstain, then that is possible too. With diligence and perseverance, you can uphold whichever decision you make and be successful at it.