#tali testifies

[not-that-taliesin]

Maximum Ride (2016) walked so Morbius (2022) could run

[not-that-taliesin]

i love how many people identify with “butch werewolf” like i knew it wasn’t just me obviously but there are so many of y’all out here and it makes me feel so seen and understood

[not-that-taliesin]

cw for homophobia coming up

so i was reading through a really well-written post about kink positivity and acceptance, and some shitlick in the notes said something that absolutely made my heart drop into my stomach as i realized exactly what it sounded like:

“People can freely choose how they react to their desires, and can choose to neglect a desire whenever they want.” [emphasis theirs]

this is word for fucking word the same exact argument used by homophobes. i wouldn’t be surprised if the commenter was homophobic, too. healthy kink is not a sugar craving, or a video game addiction, which were the examples the commenter used. it’s an essential part of who we are, and pushing ourselves away from engaging with it in healthy ways only leads to worse outcomes. shame does not work. conversion therapy does not work.

kink is an integral part of my identity, part of who i am. it allows me to engage in my relationships with a deep level of trust, open communication, vulnerability, and intimacy that isn’t nearly as fulfilling in vanilla sex for me. when my partner places their trust in me and allows me to bring them down into subspace, or safely restrain them in ways they find hot, or even set up a scenario where we play with power dynamics and kiss that edge of what we think we’re capable of, it is utterly transformative.

there is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about being vanilla, and that’s not something you can change, either. you can’t force someone who’s truly vanilla to become kinky. (this is different than someone who wishes to experiment with kink to see if they enjoy it.) just the same, you can’t force someone who’s kinky to be vanilla. and there is fundamentally no difference between these facts and the fact that you can’t force someone who’s gay to be straight.

[not-that-taliesin]

so like, turing-tested made his legal name Dirk Strider, like on paper it’s Dirk Strider now, and not only do i think that’s one of the coolest things ever, naming yourself from a work of fiction that means a lot to you, but also i literally could have given myself a Homestuck name. like, i didn’t actively know i was trans until like, my sophomore year of college? which, as it happens, was when Homestuck ended. well, when Act [7] came out.

i think i decided against a Homestuck name because my really shitty boyfriend at the time had named himself Dave-as-in-Strider. so that was kind of an L

granted, i would’ve had a cool list of choices if i were transfem. just like the girl i almost dated that same year who named herself Rose-as-in-Lalonde. but like? Rose, Roxy, Jade, Jane? all S-tier, of course. but like, Aradia. what a cool-ass name. Kanaya already is a name that’s not crazy uncommon. not to be gender but like, i would’ve been transfem if i’d have come into this world with different circumstances

[not-that-taliesin]

idk like i understand how people are like “AI art is useful for getting a visual representation of this character i’m gonna roleplay with!” like yeah but all ethics aside, i’m gonna level with you, chief: it looks like shit

and the nsfw stuff is even worse!!! it’s just highly detailed anime girls with proportions that are not even slightly wonky, gigantic tits that neither obey real physics nor anime physics but live in a hell dimension of their own, and the baldest, dryest pussies you have ever laid eyes on

[not-that-taliesin]

no but like, finding other queer autistic people, and queer ND people in general, really did wonders for my ability to love and laugh and feel like a real person again. i go over to my friend Kai’s place, and they’ve got a whole dang box filled with stim toys for guests and themselves to use. the friends that i live with are never judgemental when i have issues with A texture™️ because they totally understand, they have the same problem!

as i’ve been expanding my friend group to be more trans and more autistic specifically, god, it’s like coming home. we speak the same language. it’s taken so long for us to find each other, but it feels like we’ve known each other since we were babies. there’s this incredible joy that it brings, this powerful sense of recognition, and it is kaleidoscopic in its beauty and its depth. the world is a scary place for us, and now is no exception, but trans joy and autistic joy and especially trans autistic joy is balm on a burn to me

[not-that-taliesin]

oh yeah also turns out we’re a system and i’m quickly blocking every anti-endo who’s actively engaging in The Syscourse™️ because i don’t want to be mindlessly reblogging their posts and making it seem like i support their ideas

also the cause(s) of my systemhood specifically are none of your damn business, so don’t ask. different systems will have different needs, and it’s perfectly fine to talk about that and even have separate communities for that within the broader community. what’s not okay is treating systemhood in general as something that must be based in trauma, because that’s just not the case. there is a great deal of overlap in the experiences of endogenic and traumagenic systems, and that overlap is the key to why both groups can use this vocabulary

[not-that-taliesin]

wow i need to update this blog lmao i’ve been 28 for over half a year and i don’t even identify as butch anymore 💀