#tc diary

[tc-of-my-life]

i miss him.

[barelyreality]

So my friends are I skipped this

"free day" thing for our grade to hang out with R and it was really fun at times. R talked to me the way he talks when we are alone and though two of my friends (and this one girl who was also in there but not for long) know how I feel about R, I could tell they felt very awkward with how he was addressing really only me when some of my friends there are also in his class. And my best friend (we'll call Air) that I've havent been trusting much was there, and I don't really want her knowing how I feel about R. Idk why but I feel like that would go horribly and she'd judge me too much.

Anywho, R knows that I don't trust her much and he was saying things that weren't shade but out of character to her in front of her. Like he said how I'm smarter than him (not true) and E (probably true lol) and then even said I'm smarter than Air and I was super shocked he said that! Like it's a little bit of an unspoken thing with Air and me because our grades are usually tied or I'm a little higher (or vise versa) and I felt so bad that he flat out said I'm smarter. Luckily Air didn't 100% hear him.

He also said that I'm the best (in general) and that Air's the worst (it's part of an inside joke that she's the devil and that she never takes R or E's side in anything) and she kept asking "Wait why am I the worst?" But R never answered lol.

Then I took R's phone because I was gonna ask to play games or something lol idk I just never hold iPhones but it looked so cool so I wanted to play on it. But Air took it and was looking at his home screen of his dog, which is adorable.

To cut this day's story shorter I asked for R's password, and he actually told me and I have a big thing about trust, I hate when people think they can't trust me especially if an adult loses trust in me, my heart is crushed. If I lost his trust I would be so out of it. Therefore, I wasn't trying to snoop through his phone at all, I'm proud of my integrity. I was gonna play some games.

But Air took the phone and went straight to gallery which is like something you never do. And she said she wanted to look at dog photos but I was kinda irritated because 1.) You have a phone, an iPhone to be exact so get back on yours 2.) You took the phone from me when I was the person that wanted to use it 3.) He said I could get on his phone 4.) Don't go through his photos that's disrespectfullllll

But like I'm nice so I didn't say anything except "Awwww" at the dog pictures (which was true). Then my friend (that I tell most stuff about R to, I think she even follows this page. She's Meow) was scrolling through looking at photos we took on his phone throughout the year but it was the "all photos" section and there were pictures of a girl (I'm pretty sure his gf) and Meow's like "Who's that???" And I'm like "His gf???" And R was playing a card game with E a few feet away and he looked over and said "Don't go through my photos." And I said "okay I won't" and I took the phone and went out and Meow was confusedddd so I showed her my post about him living with his gf and how he'll break up with her when he moves lol

Okay so I'm about to play some games and then Air grabs the phone again, remembers the password R told me and unlocks it and looks through photos again and I didn't want her to do what R literally just said not to do so I took the photo and ended up (idk what led to this but) asking if I could put my finger print in and he actually let me (😍) but then after I put mine Air took the phone again and put her fingerprint in and I was getting mad but i think it's low-key because of the fact that I love my personal relationship with R and I know that no other student and barely even any people are close to him like that, so when people try to act as close as we are or do things with him that we do together, I don't get jealous, I just get irritated. Cuz I'm just like "No this is how we are. We're close enough to do these things." And it's also a thing where I'm like there are levels to a relationship (romantic or not) and we are on two completely different levels so how do you think you can jump up and do some of the things I do with him?

Does that makes sense? Then again I only think these things because obviously people like Air mean no harm and don't know at all how close R and I are.

Well then I ended up putting on a game and played on his phone for a while, he even joined me once before going back to the card games and I was just so happy he trusts me with his phone because he has like everything there.

I built the courage to ask him if he'd stay after school with me and wait until my mom and sister came (I wanted him to meet my sister plus she was bringing artwork R and E are willing to buy from her) and he said yes

So I was with him, E and this senior and E and R got into an "argument" (lol they always do but they still love each other) and R would ask me to back him up and E kept saying "Of course she's agreeing with you!" And I'm like okay, yes I do but maybe it's because R tends to be right/I agree with his views??? Like not many of my political or religious or any other controversial opinions have changed from before I met R. But he always says "She likes you more so of course she'll agree!" Which isn't typically the case lol. But then again it is fun seeing E mad at me teaming up with R.

When my sister came (19, in college) R said we look and sound so much alike, which is a compliment because all the boys at my school obsessssss over my sister (people already say I'm prettier in the face but I just don't look older like she does, I can't wait til I glow up😭😭😂)

She showed all of her art (it's beautiful stuff I wish I could show you all but she's famous with art so you'll easily be able to find me lol) and then, remember this is stuff they are trying to buy for their houses, R says, "Do you have any art with Gi in it." He wanted to buy art with me😍😍😍😍sadly, she doesn't have any of the things with me in it anymore

And R and E know I really dislike my mom and whenever she would talk I would look at her and have a "stfu" look but not purposefully and then I looked at R and he was laughing at me (more like laughing with me) and I laughed and it was just an inside thing and I loved that moment.

And another little thing that happened, R made a really funny comeback joke to E and like E was sitting between us and I said, "That was actually great R." And I tried giving him a high-five but E kept blocking it and this was happening while my sister was on her website talking about her other art. And everytime we tried highfiving she'd stop and be like "...ok" (my sister's sense of humor sucks lol) and we stopped but like glanced at each other and quickly high-fived and it was so fun acting silly with him.

I wonder if my sister knows, or how she'll react if she knew I liked R.

*Sigh* lol

I know this is very long and random, but thanks for reading 💕💕