Kiss Your Scars
Pairing: c!Technoblade x Reader
Warnings: cursing, mentions of violence, SOFT SHIT :D
Word Count: 2.3k
Summary: in which you wish to show your lover that you love him; all of him.
request from @haematicsugar! not sure if you wanted headcanons, but i saw a oneshot opportunity and ran with it. hope you like it! thank you for the ask <3
♡♡♡
Technoblade was never really the most forward of people; that fact was quite obvious. Always keeping how he felt to himself, he was never one to speak up when he needed or wanted affection. If he were honest with himself, the reason for this was because of his anxieties that he would be mocked or called soft -- that you would mock him or call him soft.
You would never mock him — and the sensible part of him knew this — but even just being perceived as soft… what exactly was so wrong with that? You never saw any issue. In fact, if you were to call him soft you’d mean it as the world’s biggest compliment. If you were to show him love and think of him as soft -- soft enough to cuddle or soft enough to trust that he won’t crush you when you embrace -- you would think nothing of it but positive thoughts.
Technoblade, on the other hand, would only feel like an imposter; like he is undeserving of your love and affection, undeserving of anything besides violence and anger.
Either way, this man was touch-starved and in desperate need of affection and reassurance. Whether or not he would ever admit it to himself, he was in need of these ‘soft’ attentions almost constantly. As much as he liked to act like you were clingy for wanting any cuddles or any love, he would gladly give you whatever love you request. Sure, he’d tease you for it, but he’d give in to the affection every time. Whether he would admit or not, your love was something he needed.
And today… he certainly needed the love today.
Technoblade sat out in the cold night air, atop a hill with a nice view of the moon. He sat in the grass, and despite the beautiful moon in front of him, his gaze was glued at his calloused and war-worn hands. His hands caked in the dried blood of his victims; his hands that were littered in scars that trailed up his arms and all the way across his body.
Just the thought of the scarring made him shudder with disgust.
He had quite the distaste towards his scars, the lines and jagged marks that were littered across his skin like some macabre painting. Lines and jagged marks that were a permanent tag, a permanent reminder of the atrocities and horrors he’s inflicted upon others. Many warriors flaunted their scars with pride; just another story to tell, another tale of battle to spread like wildfire in desperate reaches of heroic recognition.
But to him? They were just another reminder of the gruesome title placed upon his soldiers. A sick reminder, along with the screams that stayed and haunted him during every waking moment; the screams of the voices. The voices, when they weren’t bullshiting, screamed for blood and violence. They screamed for blood, for massacres and pain. These screaming voices clung to his consciousness like a disgusting parasite.
A parasite he felt he deserved.
Every scar had its story to tell; but his stories? He wanted nothing more than for them to remain untold.
Or was there something else he wanted entirely?
“Techno? What’re you doing out here? It’s fucking freezing, you’re going to catch a cold or something!”
You were right — it was freezing outside — and he certainly was likely to catch a cold with this kind of weather. Although, upon hearing your voice and footsteps approaching, the piglin hybrid couldn’t help but feel a little warmer.
“If anything, the cold’s going to catch me,” he said jokingly with a chuckle, and you rolled your eyes as you sat beside him in the grass.
“Suuuure it is, Techno,” you replied with a small chuckle of your own, gently nudging him with your shoulder. “Y’know, as invincible as you like to think you are, even big bad Blood Gods like yourself can catch the common cold.”
“Well, it is why it’s common, I suppose.”
“Exactly, dumbass.” The two of you shared looks, and you grinned; Technoblade couldn’t help but give you a smile in return. After things settled into a silence, you nudged him with your shoulder yet again. “So, are you gonna answer my question?”
Technoblade paused for a moment, not really sure exactly how to answer; why was he sitting out here? “Uhhhhhh… the view?” he responded, giving you a side glance to gauge your reaction and see if you’d buy it.
The look you gave him told him you did not, in fact, buy it.
“Very funny, big guy,” you said with an eye-roll, and Technoblade laughed.
“Yes I am quite hilarious.”
“Yes, hah hah, I’m laughing so hard right now,” you said sarcastically, nudging him with your shoulder yet another time; but this time, you stopped to lean on him. Technoblade tensed for a moment -- definitely not going unnoticed by you -- but he took a deep breath and relaxed. You rested your head upon his shoulder, and he leaned to kiss the top of your head briefly before looking out over the horizon. His gaze got lost in the moon, mind spiralling back down through insecurities.
After a few minutes of just sitting there in silence, you reached over and gently grabbed his hand that was closest to you. He looked down at you curiously, watching you turn his hand over in your smaller ones. He chuckled quietly with a smile as you toyed with his fingers and fumbled around with his hand; you were just so adorable and heart-warming. However, once you ran your fingers along a particularly large scar on the back of his hand, he flinched. Curiously, you looked up at him.
“Techno, dear?” you questioned, eyes wide and full of concern. “What’s been on your mind?” He opened his mouth, but then closed it, not sure what to say. His gaze shifted nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with the hand that wasn’t being held by yours. He opened his mouth again to speak, but you cut him off. “And honesty would be much appreciated, please.”
He sighed, closing his eyes, and you reached over to grab his other hand. “I… I don’t really understand how you appreciate me so much.”
“Well that’s an easy question to answer, I-”
“No, wait, let me finish,” he said with a dry chuckle as he cut you off. You huffed, but nodded, indicating the fact that you were willing to listen. “I don’t understand how you can appreciate me when I’m so… flawed.”
You blinked, taken aback a little. “Techno, we all have flaws, and I love every single one of yours.”
“But why?” You frowned, looking at the hurt in his eyes and hearing the pain in his voice. “Why do you choose to waste your affections on me? The things I’ve done, the horrible things I’ve done…” His voice trailed off, and his eyes drifted to that large scar across the back of his hand. Your eyes followed his, and you managed to connect some dots. Clearly, his scars and whatever he was reminiscing about was hurting him.
And you decided to do something about it.
Slowly, you raised his hand closer and closer to your face. Technoblade looked at you in curiosity, tilting his head. Before he could get a chance to question, you held his hand by your lips and softly placed a kiss upon his scar. He cocked a brow as he chuckled, your lips tickling his skin slightly.
“Whaaaat’re you doin?” he questioned through his chuckle, and you looked up at him with a light smile, simply placing another kiss to his scar.
“Reminding you that I love you; that I love all of you,” you replied, kissing that scar once more before moving on and finding a small one on his finger. You placed a kiss onto that one as well before using one hand to hold his hand still and the other hand to roll up his sleeve. You kissed every scar littered across his forearm, and Technoblade smiled and rolled his eyes. Sure, it was a little unorthodox, but he let it happen.
“You’re such a weirdo,” he muttered, looking to his lap as a pink hue dusted his cheeks. You giggled, placing one last kiss to his forearm before moving on.
“But I’m your weirdo,” you said with a smile, and you grabbed his cheeks gently. You turned his head to face you, and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips. His cheeks burned red along with yours, and he nervously averted his gaze. You giggled at his flustered state, only causing his face to burn up more.
“Don’t mock me,” he muttered, embarrassed.
“Oh, of course; my bad, Mr. Blood God,” you retorted, pinching his cheeks while he pouted. “You’re not soft, riiiight, you’re cold as stone with no emotions and you would never get flustered when a mere mortal gives you kissies and lovies~”
“Yes, that’s right, I will never cave to the mortal taunts of kissies and lovies,” Technoblade responded with a straight face. It was incredibly hard for him to keep his composure using words like ‘kissies’ and ‘lovies’ but he managed to do it for the sake of the joke.
You grinned widely at the piglin man beside you, getting an idea, and you pulled back from the embrace. Technoblade frowned, immediately missing your warmth, but he needn’t worry; he would be feeling your warmth again in a matter of seconds.
“ATTACK!”
“What’re yo- OH MY GOD!”
With no warning, you pounced upon your lover, tackling him down into the grass. He wheezed a little as he was slammed into the ground; if it were anyone else it probably would’ve knocked the wind out of them, but Technoblade was built different physically stronger than most. Now that you were laying on top of him, you went back to your previous task: showing Technoblade that his scars weren’t such a negative thing.
You pressed a soft kiss to a scar that trailed from his eye to his cheek, and he flushed. “I-I don’t see why you feel the need to pay attention to these,” he muttered, referring to the scars. You simply ignored him, continuing to pay special attention to the lines and markings from his old wounds. You pressed another soft kiss to a scar on his cheek, then to a scar on his neck; you continued making your way across his exposed skin, kissing every scar in sight.
With every kiss, every scar shown attention, Technoblade felt his emotions swell. Why? Why were you being so sweet to him? So kind and loving? What did he do to deserve this? You eventually returned to his face, and frowned upon seeing how distraught he looked. You sighed, reaching to hold his face in your hands.
“Technoblade?” you began softly, getting the man to look at you. “I need you to listen to me, okay?” He opened his mouth to reply, but you continued before he got the chance. “And I mean really listen to me; don’t just hear what I’m saying, absorb and understand it.” He nodded lightly to show his understanding.
You climbed off him, pulled him up so he was sitting beside you once more, and you gently grabbed his arm -- the arm that had the rolled-up sleeve. You held up the arm between the two of you, and you traced a particularly large scar with your finger. “These scars you have, Techno, they’re not what defines who you are,” you said, looking at him as he watched you trace his scarred arm. You pushed his arm so that his palm was pressed against his chest; right above where his heart would be.
“This is what defines who you are.” You looked him in the eyes as you covered his hand with your two, and you chuckled at his slightly shocked expression. “Listen, love; you may think of yourself as some violent monster, but that is not the Technoblade that I know and love.” You moved your hands to cup his cheeks yet again. “The Technoblade that I know and love is the one willing to lay down his life to protect those he cares about; the Technoblade that I know and love is the passionate potato farmer who spends hours upon hours in those damn fields; the Technoblade that I know and love knows me and loves me too.”
At this point, a few tears had managed to escape Technoblade’s eyes. You smiled sweetly, swiping the salty drops away with your thumbs. “And the Technoblade that I know and love cries whenever I start to get sappy,” you finished with a giggle. He huffed with an eye-roll, bringing his hands up to have them rest over yours.
“God, I…” he began before chuckling awkwardly. “I don’t know what to say, Y/n, you… you always have a way with words that manages to make me feel like I’m not the biggest piece of shit on this godforsaken planet.” You smiled widely at this statement, and you leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips.
“Good, because you’re certainly not the biggest piece of shit on this planet,” you added, and Technoblade chuckled at that.
“Yeahh I think that title would have to the politicians out there; those corrupt idiots and their ‘governments;” he joked, adding air-quotes when he said the word ‘governments’. You giggled yet again, and leaned back to lay in the grass. Technoblade laid down beside you.
“I… I love you, Y/n.” You smiled widely, reaching for his hand. Once you had found what you were looking for, you intertwined your fingers with his, grasping his hand and holding on tight.
“I love you too, Technoblade; scars and all.”
