I fed a computer Transformers bios, and it gave me metal madness.
There’s this website, called talktotransformer.com, which takes text as a prompt to complete a passage using a neural network. I decided to feed it different sized chunks of Transformers toy bios.
Starting with Frenzy (bold is the original prompt, the rest is what the computer generated::
If Frenzy needed to breathe, war would be his oxygen. He knows no cause, only craves to spread fear and destruction. It is this very same compulsion that drove him to the brink of another catastrophic conflict: why else would he fight all those years ago? And his example is everywhere; his assassin, to his nation's debt, rode into battle at the head of his Stormraggers. This man was the heart and soul of war – the embodiment of absolute, unadulterated rage, his shield protected by the charge of raw fury that claimed millions, drove his enemies back to the edge of annihilation and forever changed the course of history
I mean, damn, that’s some slightly meandering but hardcore package fodder there. Lets see what happens with the first two lines of Hound’s bio:
Hound loves the natural wonders of Earth, prefers it to Cybertron. Brave, fearless, loyal. Secretly desires to be human. Is told that he's as very human as possible and that Cybertronian is his body language. Loves pampering, repainting, and replicating other things, such as Rodeo. Packrat and Dogfight are in prison, unable to cause more harm. "He's decided to let himself be dragged away by the growing throes of his madness, and to let Nautica put an end to it."
At the Rogue Moon base, Bumblebee is confronted by a prison guard. However, after Bumblebee manages to defeat him, the guard is distracted by Rattrap, who asks the guard if they've been seen at the site. The guard finds them; Rattrap leads him to the prison.
Apparently, just a mention of Cybertron is enough to get the computer wiling away on fanfic. It originally stopped mid-sentence at “the guard is distracted by” but I had to see how it ended.
Now, lets see what happens with less, taking just the first line from Soundwave’s bio:
It is said Soundwave can hear a fly sneeze. During his battle with Icebreaker, Soundwave uses his bulk to get close and from this, he is able to hear everything Icebreaker's opponent does. This technique works better for him since, despite his size and his "boring" personality, he is incredibly powerful. In Transformers: Dark of the Moon, after he had his head chopped off by Icebreaker, Soundwave reattached it using a machine inside of his head and he has been able to function since. Soundwave is extremely brave and courageous, and enjoys very much giving verbal commands. In Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Soundwave dived into the sea to investigate evidence of corrupted technology that led to Unicron breaking free.
What appears to be a wiki article from a universe where Dark of the Moon was a very different movie. Lets see what happens with a quote. Like Optimus Prime’s:
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings." "I love life and I'm happy that humanity can achieve its highest potential. That's why I want to become a plant. I want to serve my life's purpose and that is to help others with a compassion beyond human comprehension." "The human body is the best tool to grow a plant. The plant can achieve its own evolution through the bodies of humans. This is the ultimate transformation that can happen." "Some people say the planet has been cleansed of pollution. This is a lie, there is still pollutants in the atmosphere."
Plant cult literature. Okay. That’s normal. Perhaps a year two staple... Kickback?
Charming, but cruelly clever... makes friends so he can influence them to do his bidding by digging up facts he can hold against them. Delicately attuned to their own conditions of existence, fables and fairytales are complex incantations which tap into ancient cycles of purpose that offer answers for the great questions of life and death. Friends and enemies alike will listen to the points they believe the characters will advance. But not for long - their instinct is to push them in a different direction, and everything's going to change again...
Okay, the back copy of a Grant Morrison young adult novel. One more... Grimlock’s, taken from the first line of his bio:
Most fearsome and powerful Dinobot. Seems he's the big, bad dinosaur from the missing film. In fact, it appears he was even implied to be the one who cut the baby Predacon in half with his hydro-pistol. The autobot's primary weapon seems to be his tusks, used to lash Predacon's rear end to a wall. 1.14 The Dinobots Brrrr... Another class of redeco kit we'd like to see is some death metal Dinobots. The movie Dinobots all seem to lean towards the brutal '80s style. There was a T-Rex that looked like he was trying to kick someone's ass.
Pure Poetry.
