#textilityofmaking

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

Last PHOTOEX I had previously perceived the Church Office as a location only of socializing, praying, or singing. It was simply a physical space in which church activities were performed. If members needed to hold a meeting, a prayer night, or a game night, the Church Office was the go-to place. Caught in this community, however, I could not help but notice how many of the members, especially freshmen, would become more acquainted with the structure of the rooms. They would, without thinking about it, gravitate towards areas in which they felt comfortable. They would not even have to look for certain board games because they knew where exactly on the shelf it would be located. They would use the restroom without asking. I realized while I was there that the Church Office was not only a medium through which they could interact with other church members or with God, but also an integral and stabilizing part of their lives in the sense that it created familiarity. Interaction with the location itself transformed from conscious to subconscious through repetition. Stepping into the Church Office was stepping into a visually familiar space – the brown walls, the window with the old air conditioner, the cerulean couches – and this familiarity is what gave many of them a sense of comfort.

As for approaching difficulties in writing, I tend to simply spend some time beforehand in the actual site with a pen and notepad in hand, trying not to participate as an active member but a passive spectator of the room (although this is impossible since I am literally in the physical space). Jotting down inner thoughts or observations in my mind helps formulate my words and content. This notetaking aspect is especially effective because it forces my brain to become even more attentive to my surroundings. I’m constantly on the look-out for more things to include in my notes. Once all my information is compiled, it is much easier to organize it into prose.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

Body Transformation and the Art of Writing

When taking my photos in the Better Waverly and Penn Station neighborhoods, I knew I wanted to focus on the notions of “beauty” of these neighborhoods. Although I had anticipated this difficulty when writing my proposal, it became very real when I was at the project site: how could I define notions of “beauty”? Isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder? This became even more challenging when I was looking back at my photos, and became distracted by conditional, changing elements, such as the weather and whether a bright blue sky was featured in the photo. I knew I would have to visit my project sites more frequently, and take notes about how I felt when experiencing these neighborhoods and why I felt this way. Later, I parsed them for recurring experiences, and removed happenstance phrases such as “the warm air” – which could have applied to any of the other neighborhoods I was examining if I had visited them instead that day. It wasn’t until my collection of photos for Penn Station and Better Waverly was “complete” and I had planned out which photos to take for the Mount Vernon neighborhood, that I noticed a commonality with each of the neighborhoods: each of them had a monument that I had strongly felt I wanted to capture in a photograph. Even more significantly, as I began researching what people local to that area valued about their neighborhood – what exemplified its notions of “beauty” – I found that the individual, and very different, monuments, exemplified the notions of “beauty” for each of the neighborhoods. This realization helped me out of my dilemma of defining notions of “beauty”, and changed the trajectory of my paper, to include a discussion about monuments.

In terms of how I approach difficulties in writing, I don’t let the big picture scare me. I rarely begin my essay at the beginning – instead I think about everything I get to choose my essay topic, there is usually at least one argument that I plan to make in the essay that I am really excited by. So I write that paragraph first. I start far in advance, and pace myself – if I can write a couple hundred words every day, essays come together on their own very quickly. One of my greatest difficulties with writing is coming up with a thesis – and then it is easy to be discouraged by not having a thesis topic to start off the paper. To overcome this, I just start doing research and writing different arguments I would make based on the evidence I find – after all, the thesis should encompass and represent the issues presented in the paper, so by starting with writing about the issues, for me, coming up with a thesis then follows naturally. At times, this results in me creating some conflicting paragraphs – that could support opposite or very different theses. In those cases, after I have finished my research, I take a step back to assess which viewpoint is stronger, and which viewpoint can invalidated by counter arguments I am proposing. Such methods for approaching the writing process help me garner the force fields to help me write and avoid writer’s block.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

“Weave” of the Field Site

For the duration of my project, I have tried to explore the liminality of zones outside of the “Hopkins bubble.”  In order to keep my work manageable, I have particularly focused on the Waverly community as well as parts of Greenmount Avenue.  Going into this project, all I could anticipate was the hesitation.  In the beginning, I felt as though I had bit off more than I could chew.  Despite my spurring curiosity, I found a latent thread of emotion plaguing my thoughts: fear.  I was afraid of the unknown, of failure, of impending danger.  Before I had begun to physically explore my field site, I had been made aware that I too had imposed an unwelcoming connotation on spaces with sparse surveillance.  I had projected liminality on spaces lacking in a pronounced presence of security, of “Hopkins.”  For what reason?  At the time, I was not sure, but now, I have understood it to be because I too had used “Hopkins” as a safe haven, as a security blanket.  Of what danger, I did not know.  With my underlying trepidation, my photographic work of my field site got off to a slow start.  I was hyper-aware of everything. I would glance around every other second to make sure that no one was watching me, while for the remaining amount of time, I tried to remain cognizant of people walking through my shots.  I did not want to make them uncomfortable (because I had assumed that no one wanted their picture taken), so I would over exaggerate my behavior so that they would move outside of my camera’s focus.  In order to adjust to the role of the photographer as well as to the field site, I stayed in spaces semi-familiar.  I tended to take photographs of zones that were on the boarder of frequent foot surveillance.  I was not yet comfortable moving into territories that may have been considered more liminal due to their increasing distance from the “physical” (authoritative) presence of Hopkins.  

A few weeks into my project, my phone broke.  Granted, since it was my primary and only means of a photographic tool to document my “research”, I had to opt for using a digital camera for the time being.  That is when more bouts of fear and anxiety arose.  It was easier to carry a phone, a small personal possession, but a big bulky camera that did not belong to me, I found myself to be more of a liability.  I feared that I would not be able to gaze from the sidelines and remain at a distance.  I was uneasy by the possibility of “standing out,” for with a big camera, I became distressed by potentially being on the receiving end of hostility.  It was during this period where I spent a majority of my time in surveilled and semi-surveilled zones.  It was here when I also (was forced to) began to move past my fears and my expectations.  I began to respond to what was given to me in terms of the environment. I began to follow my interests, what struck out and where it led.  I began to take photos of mundane things, things that were not necessarily applicable to my photo essay, but things that I found aesthetically pleasing, and where they were, I tended to move little by little outside of the immediate border between the areas under foot patrol surveillance and non-surveillanced areas and into spaces that may have expressed more liminal features.

When it comes to writing, I am going to have to be honest and say that I find most writing to be stressful.  Ever since growing up, I have found writing to be a means of creating work that is subjectively digested.  My fear of misunderstanding unfortunately became negatively associated with writing as a tool.  That being said, when I do write, I find it easier to write from an emotional perspective.  Journaling is therapeutic for me, whereas more artistic and creative pieces stem from emotional centers and past experiences.  These writing styles are easier (less stressful) for me compared to academic writings, for they require personal inspiration.  It is almost as if there is no background information besides that which comes from my mind.  There is less processing and integration, for the words tend to just flow.  When it comes to academic writings, I find myself having to get [be] motivated.  Depending on the situation, I draw upon many “force-fields” to gain the energy to do: to write.  Most often I relax and ease my anxiety away by doing things unrelated.  In an attempt to “clear my palate” I sleep, read pieces of writing that interest me, or work on other assignments.  This tends to create a “time constraint,” for spending time “relaxing” per say decreases the total amount of time that I have to finish writing.  This time pressure is one of the various aspects that help facilitate my writing.  Once ready to begin, I figure out what exactly the theme of my writing is going to be (i.e. what am I asking; what am I answering; what am I arguing; what am I trying to say).  Once I have established a draft of that, I usually feel inclined to do research.  I need my sources, for what I write is usually built upon an already existing piece of knowledge.  In order to make a coherent paper, it is essential that I have the knowledge at hand.  If the knowledge helps foster and support my main objective of the paper, then I usually start to craft my outline of what I am going to say, and how I am going to organize and say it.  If what I find does not support my objective, then I may just change my objective to fit with the primary resources, then move towards constructing an outline.  Once the itinerary has been made, I start to write.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

When I first began my trips to my field site (primarily the Contemporary Art wing of the Baltimore Museum of Art), I was uncertain how I was allowed to or expected to move throughout the space.  It was not exceedingly apparent to me that certain pieces of art were intended for interaction – not necessarily through touch, but through other senses.  A few black granite slabs were embedded in the otherwise wooden flooring, which in other circumstances in another setting, would signal to me that they were intended to be walked upon.  In the museum space, however, I found myself tiptoeing around the pieces, and looking to the museum guards for their silent approval or disapproval of my proximity to the piece.  Even when encouraged to walk on the stones, I felt uncomfortable and in violation of the norms of museumgoer behavior. It took a few good trips to the same wing in the museum to feel comfortable touching or walking on the designated pieces.  The reaction was almost visceral; I have the same reaction when a parent brings their curious young child to an art museum and is looking the other way for just a moment and the little one’s grimy hands get too close to the art for my personal comfort.  It is a norm so strong that I have the same visceral reaction to someone else violating the norms as I would for myself.  I find these kinds of reactions fascinating for my research, and I plan to use them to further explore my site.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

The first time I entered Wyman Park I thought that I had a very good understanding of how to approach my project. I was going to photograph objects that people have left behind and use those objects to analyze how the space of the park was used. For the first couple of visits I did just that. But as I photographed more and more objects in the park I detected a different and unexpected presence in the park – that of homelessness. This realization was made possible through the sheer number of photos that I took of the park. As I was perusing through my collection of pictures of the park, I couldn’t help but notice items such as shopping carts and tattered clothing, things that are commonly associated with the homeless. This realization helped me create a focus on my project that involves the interaction of the homeless with the park. It’s because of the dense and intricate weave of Wyman Park that I was able to develop this exciting aspect of my project.

One of the things that I struggle with the most during the writing process is being able to put my entire focus into the writing. My mind likes to rapidly flit from one subject to another so I find it difficult to completely focus on my writing. That being said, I usually combat this easy distraction by isolating myself from anything that has a distracting atmosphere, whether it by a book or my phone. Once I am in such an environment, I’m able to direct all my focus to writing. Furthermore, I struggle to properly structure my writing in terms of paragraph placement. With that in mind, I always create an outline of my paragraph outline and run through how the paper would read if the paragraphs were placed in that order. I find that this strategy not only helps me with making my paragraphs flow better, but also helps me find missing content in my individual paragraphs.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

There is certainly a change in my body and my overall thoughts when I enter the library. Those transformations and thoughts also change somewhat depending on which part of the library I’m in. The lower the level, surprisingly, relaxes my body as I allow myself to mold into the library chairs. The lower levels are hidden underground and without the availability of windows, its easier to ignore the passing of time and the thought of wasting a whole day away in front of one laptop in one position. In the lower levels, I become more sprawled out and tune into myself more. Without the presence of constant human movement and chatter, there’s a greater sense of being connected with just yourself and your work. On the other hand, when entering the atrium, my sight is constantly filled with friends, acquaintances, and strangers talking and studying. My body and mind are more aware of the social aspect of the library and more vigilant to comparison. Who’s studying what? Has he been here for as long as me? I wonder what they are working on. In the lower levels, whether its separated by the physical walls of the cubed-desks or just by the general silence of the air, my body and mind both understand that everyone is focused individually, staring ahead at their laptops without the disruption of others.

In order to resolve a writing block or ease the difficulties in writing, there are many pre-writing steps that must be take and ensured. Writing requires a real table for me, I can’t be sitting on a comfy chair and write something seriously. Similarly, just as Narayan states, the workspace must be cleared of any residual papers or work from other subjects. The only sources that should be laid out or in sight are the ones that relate to the writing piece itself. One of the big things to help push the writing process forwards it the set up of a detailed, but not overwhelming outline. Throughout writing long papers, it’s often easy to loose track of what the real point is or of what information is actually important to include. The outline helps centralize details and focus the purpose of the paper. There isn’t a certain atmosphere that must be present for writing a successful paper, but I can’t be surrounded by friends that divert my attention from writing. A coffee shop or Brody atrium are personally the best atmospheres to write because there is constant movement and things to look at when your brain needs a break from the writing itself. The constant, slight buzz of a coffee shop or Brody atrium is what stimulates and renews my brain to keep on writing.

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

The Textility of Making 

I’ll admit I was a bit naive when starting my project. I knew the area around Red Emma’s very recently began the process of gentrification and the conditions given pervious research in the J-Van Story Public Housing apartment just around the corner from my field site. However, I was somehow kept those thoughts about the surrounding area separate from how I viewed Red Emma’s, and saw Red Emma’s as unattached to its neighborhood. Perhaps I had this view because I knew a bunch of students who would go there to study, or because they have a lot of trendy food options, or because I always felt safe when in the café. However, through this project and making observations while walking to Red Emma’s from the JHMI or while sitting in the café has forced me to see the role Red Emma’s plays in the community. Red Emma’s isn’t an isolated “safe space” amidst a poor community, but rather it is the community, and a space that every type of person in the community frequents. I’ve witnessed drug trades at Red Emma’s doorstep and have received catcalls on my walk to the café. However, I have also received compliments from cross-dressers and have watched strangers run after a leaving customer to tell him that he had left his hat at the table. Red Emma’s is just as much a part of the Station North Avenue community as heroin, poverty, students, and art studios. It is Red Emma’s role in the community that makes it so special.

My greatest difficulty in writing has always been taking too broad of an approach to both my topic and to what I want to write about. I think the best thing for me to do is to write a clear outline of what I want to cover before writing and then stick to it, or change it but make sure it is still consistent with the other things I plan on covering. I usually write best in a reading room or a café with light music, something I can drown out. So, basically, I will be spending a ton of time at Charmingtons in the near future! But, I’m really excited because the more I think about my project the more conclusions I am reaching and it’s really cool to watch my thoughts form and evolve over the past few months, and it will be a fabulous feeling to have everything written out on paper, complete with photographs. J

[craftinganthropologicaltext]

Final photo ex/thoughts

I began working on this project to build on a fascination I have carried with me for quite some time. While I was doing a semester abroad in London, I took a British Contemporary Theatre class for which I did I final essay on “performance.” I ultimately wrote the paper on how fake eyelashes were a form of performance art, similar to the work of artist Rebecca Horn, and went into great depth about how makeup could be used to subvert gender norms and suggest a shifting cultural appreciation for the false or affected. I began my paper with a bit of fiction writing, a small paragraph in which I pictured a woman leaning forward over her table, widening her eyes as she pinched a fake eyelash in tweezers, carefully laying it along the lash line. While that assignment called for a narrative to illustrate a larger analysis, I believe my project for this class calls for analysis to support a true narrative, illustrated by my photographs.

In my personal life, I have always loved makeup and clothes, and have hopes of one-day writing for a feature magazine. My personal interests, professional pursuits, and academic endeavors have often melded before, intended or otherwise. This project presented itself to me as a way of considering the world directly around me, and capturing details of it that I could otherwise not have bothered to consider- then, most importantly, juxtaposing that with the research, writing, and visual evidence of societies both historical and across the world. As globalization continues to become our reality, how could I step back and consider a field site in relation to what I thought I knew about my environment, what others knew, and what was unknown?

I became transformed during both parts of the process, research and taking photographs. During research, I was forced to let go of arguments and biases I held with me from past classes and projects- I needed to start fresh and instead of forming an argument as one would for an essay, I had to be open to any truths about my field site and project. When photographing, it was very clear I was already deeply enmeshed with my subject matter and site, which posed a great difficulty in making sure my photographs captured reality and not just what I wanted them to. I found myself constantly bringing my own feelings about the transformative power of the “getting ready” process to my field site, and I had to disentangle my own experiences from what I saw from others. As I went to photograph my friend Vania, I waited for her to get to the parts of her nightly routine that I would have also done, i.e. applying eyeliner close to her mirror, holding a hair curler to her head again and again. I soon realized I was only capturing a confirmation of my own actions, missing out on other behaviors and details that were unfamiliar. This is one of the dangers of being already familiarized with the field site, and I hope to overcome it by the time the project ends. I shifted my efforts to capturing the interactions taking place in the field site, ones that excluded me and offered something undeniably new and unfamiliar.

During my research and prewriting, I have become more aware of my surroundings, constantly checking on how others are timing their early evenings, considering the faces of my subjects, many of whom I know very well, as they sit in the fluorescent lighting of the library, wondering what they see when they look in a mirror, what they see when they are finished doing their hair and makeup. Perhaps the most challenging part of this project has been that I can’t interview the subjects like I want to. I have always started with a piece of a quote or important take-away from an interview to write my journalism articles, but with this project and the slight restrictions we have in terms of consent and need to focus the project on outside information and references, I need to focus my writing elsewhere. I would say the challenges in my writing process have been trying to crystalize exactly what it is I want to cover, especially with past work being done on femininity and products, how can I now shift my thinking and make a web of ideas related to transformation, human interaction, and physical environment within field sites? In an effort to narrow things down, I have taken to making list of key words, and I try to keep my writing space tidy and begin to connect with the “mood” of magic, embracing organization of thought and fluidity of form at the same time! A strong cup of tea, low music, and all my printed resources laid out in front of me are my essential tools!