#tfln meme

[lucifersresources]

stupid shit said in discord servers part five meme. ft special guests from my dnd party!

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

am I stale cheese

relating to him kinda makes you a partial bottom at least

i've accepted my partial bottom status, i've grown

while i love you all, my nipples are for imagination only

im a grown up. i can make my own bad decisions

AITA for being so dyslexic that my dad tried kill me?

land lighthouse (help??)

dick rocks or not

i have been colonised

when ur domsona is miss trunchbull,,, weird vibes tbh

the ghosts need their peace too

i've never known someone to get so passionate about a chocolate bar

my short body is stout and full of chivalrous strength like a hobbit

dONT MAKE ME EMOTIONAL IM RRYING TO USE MT BRAIN

can voice to text understand you are not a hot beverage

it's ok, I can be a hot beverage

i feel like you just gave me an std

Omg *name* I have something you should look into further. Yeah it’s called a therapist

i graduated from therapy, i'm fine

it's icing... icing? .....rain with ice..... HAIL! HAILING! all of you shut the fuck up.

you're adopted and you get your period every two weeks

you enjoy pathetic men and say "wot red flag"

also you go "EW" when people say they love you

i don't know the anatomy of a seal

I don't think *name* is physically capable of being anyone's rival or frenemy, unless he's put under extreme duress

nah spread em go for it

also, if this is yet another psychosexual freak fight between you and *name*, I do not want to get involved

that's true, combining you two does yield one singular idiot, yes

yes, that's right, I'm running away from home to become a pilot

she has socially inconvenient rabies

if there's another god that can rival the dice gods it's the dyslexia gods

you’re already homophobic and bisexual pick a struggle

i’m not homophobic, I love you and you’re gay

it’s not gay if it’s teeth though

but i will say im a terribly programmed bot

my spine has been a bad girl and needs to be Whipped into shape

LEAVE THE AMISH OUT OF THIS

spongebob quack noise of realisation

wait, not you you twink

i am not accepting emotional terrorism today.

what you have is beyond friendship and bordering on domestic altercation but in a good way

look at that pillow princess, he can take it but hes not carrying that baby, thats way too much for his highness

oh no, my only weakness: affection

omg the two of you being dramatic…what a surprise (said no one ever)

I mean, what is a squirrel if not a vampire lunchable

i will nail you to the door rose used in the titanic and send you facing the water so you drown

technically i guess vampires could soak

I’m a faggot I can’t count

i don’t want to be an emoji

[ancnymous]

More Texts From Last Night!

[text] What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.

[text] They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.

[text] It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.

[text] It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards

[text] Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!

[text] That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies

[text] He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.

[text] You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And (name) was dressed as a Goth for some reason

[text] I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.

[text] I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of (name)” written on my chest in frosting.

[text] You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

[text] I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy

[text] Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?

[text] OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP

[text] The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him

[text] I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”

[text] Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.

[text] Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!

[text] At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.

[text] I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.

[text] I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.

[mintyisms]

📱 TFLN Starters – 18/?? 📱

[text]: She has my name on her bucket list. I'm either getting laid or killed.

[text]: God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.

[text]: It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.

[text]: I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers

[text]: death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life

[text]: Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.

[text]: I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties

[text]: Ahh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.

[text]: I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".

[text]: I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.

[text]: Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.

[text]: Cancel your plans for the weekend someone is streaming iron chef on twitch

[text]: it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance

[text]: Can I use your boat? Also, what's the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?

[text]: When have you ever know me to go too far?

[text]: Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos, and a bag of nachos

[text]: If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.

[text]: I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.

[text]: Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.

[text]: Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.

[text]: Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.

[text]: How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do nto know

[text]: It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?

[text]: Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?

[text]: OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!

[museswithinx]

[text] woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night (Alice for Claire, when they weren’t responsible adults)

TFLN Sentence Starters

( txt ; Alice ) : Yep. ( txt ; Alice ) : You know how some people talk to their pets in that weird baby voice and they'll get all excited? We basically had to talk to you like that and bribe you with treats so you'd get in the damn bed. You were so far gone.

[ofpretenserp]

another TFLN meme (3/?)

[text]: Tequila is no one's friend. [text]: It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working. [text]: I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after [text]: I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home. [text]: Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. [text]: The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you. [text]: Heading there now. Already have a boner. [text]: I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.  [text]: I'm craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.  [text]: We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown    [text]: If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit [text]: i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions.   [text]: I'm such a fucking super-fan [text]: Just ate a whole pizza by myself [text]: Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. [text]: Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children... [text]: I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.   [text]: Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard  [text]: No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.   [text]: My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me   [text]: I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.   [text]: Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.   [text]: Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.   [text]: Every time I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.   [text]: I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings   [text]: The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a drug addict's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.    [text]: So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?

[lucifersresources]

i made you cum, don't ignore me.

you're the only person i don't get tired of.

i hate you for looking so pretty today.

we look fucking cute together.

i just punched shit, let's call it therapy.

in case there's any confusion, you're fucking mine.

you're fucking adorable and adorably fuckable.

nothing feels better than having you in my arms. well, being inside you maybe, but that's not really romantic.

teasing you is what i'm best at.

oh shut up, you love to disagree with me more than anything, it's your favourite thing in the world.

don't say 'fight me' unless you wanna have sex with me or you're actually tryna catch a right hook.

the best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one.

if you can't handle me at my worst than we already have something in common.

bitch, wake the fuck up.

i'd say we're enemies with benefits.

will there be food at your funeral?

i love the little moans you make when i'm teasing you.

i think i'm falling in love with you and it scares the shit out of me.

netflix and rest your head on my thigh while i run my fingers through your hair?

please take care of yourself, i wanna keep you for a long time.

your face triggers me.

stop saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

oh my god stop being a brat i'm on my way.

me loving you doesn't make you any less annoying.

stop making me think about you.

i just wanna cuddle and have intellectual conversations.

i'll seduce you with interesting scientific facts.

hold on i'm watching porn.

i'm high, bi and ready to cry.

the lengths you would go to in order to both get and avoid attention astound me.

'what are you into' is such a fucking broad question. what do i say to that? a tv show or choking?

never mind, i already did the stupid thing.

fall in love? bitch, i can't even fall asleep.

i just ended a five year relationship but don't worry, it wasn't mine.

if rubbing alcohol fixes outside boo boo, then drinking alcohol fixes inside boo boo.

not to sound really gay and bitter but...

netflix and choke me though.

first of all, no. second of all, no.

i don't know how to hit on him so he has to die.

i'm bored, give me attention.

i haven't jacked off in like 2 days, call me fucking mother theresa.

he's like twice my age but holy fucking shit he is so hot help me.

he's turning me into a bottom. gross.

oh never mind i'm done being dramatic, i just got dicked down.

good morning i have already made 1 (one) bad decision and i show no signs of stopping.

go to bed. stop singing disney songs.

if i die i want you to have all my books.

stab him, i promise i'll bail you out.

i feel like you're trying to tell me what to do so i'm gonna do the opposite.

okie dokie artichoke me.

there's so much wrong with us, but at least we're beautiful.

[ancnymous]

Even more Texts FLN

[text] The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me

[text] I hope she gives him gonorhea

[text] How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?

[text] (number) year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?

[text] thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon

[text] For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers (name)

[text] If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.

[text] hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?

[text] I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him

[text] Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science

[text] I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.

[text] (Divorce/Breakups) can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)

[text] Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.

[text] Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.

[text] I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it

[text] I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.

[text] dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore

[text] Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire

[text] I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.

[text] I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.

[text] That man makes my giblets tingle

[text] I'm so gassy and it's your fault.

[text] At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.

[text] I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.

[text] the raccoons are back...

[text] Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport. And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.

[mintyisms]

📱 TFLN Starters – 17/?? 📱

[text]: Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience

[text]: The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.

[text]: Why does my mask smell like doritoes?

[text]: be the chaos you wish to see in the world...

[text]: can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe

[text]: Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing

[text]: and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot

[text]: At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.

[text]: If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up

[text]: I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas

[text]: the raccoons are back...

[text]: I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.

[text]: I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!

[text]: I did not marry a roomba.

[text]: I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.

[text]: Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.

[text]: The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"

[text]: Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.

[text]: If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors had grounds to sue?

[text]: I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs

[text]: We're hate flirting, dammit.

[text]: Mimosas make me so tired.

[text]: Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.

[text]: Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.

[text]: FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.