#thatsmytoy

[rrgirldomenica]

#scottiedogs #scottiesofinstagram #biancaandbella #scottieobsessed #thatsmytoy #scotties #blackandwheatonscotties

[thefreethinkingmama]

Sharing is Caring, Right?

Baby playdates are the best...But between 6 and 18 months, LO stands in a tricky stage of limbo. No longer just a cute lump that shakes a rattle while you chat with other Mamas, yet not ready to engage in meaningful interactions with other babes. Baby is engaging in “parallel play” with other tots (playing side by side but not really with one another), which can lead to disputes of ownership and questions about sharing LO’s prized possessions with other babies.

How’s a Mama to respond when baby’s toy becomes the object of interest for another tot? It can be a daunting task to handle all three parties (two babies and the other Mama) gracefully. Let’s say your precious tot is enjoying a favorite wiffle ball and another baby shows interest in the toy (read: pries it directly from baby’s little hands). If your LO loves wiffle balls as much as mine, there may be some hard feelings and loud protesting. For better and worse, here are a few options:

a. Tell LO that it’s important to share and let the other baby use the ball. This may be a tempting strategy. You can keep the other baby and Mama happy and are “teaching” your own little one a bit of altruism in the process, right? The truth is, before 18-24 months, the concept of sharing and prosocial behavior is beyond baby’s comprehension. Evolutionarily, it makes sense that a baby’s primary goal is to take what is wanted/needed for survival (if my LO could talk, he would tell you he might die without that wiffle ball). With that in mind, try to see this situation from your LO’s perspective. If a (knowingly slobbery) acquaintance asked to borrow your favorite Kate Spade tote, you might be less than willing to comply. Further, forcing baby to share before they are developmentally ready may wound a developing sense of self-worth by signifying that their needs are not as important as the needs of other babies.

b. Return the ball to your LO (the “rightful owner”). This may not be the most popular strategy, as it has the potential to irk other Mamas in the process. “Oh no you didn’t just take that ball from my sweet little Timmy and give it to your toothless rug rat.” No one wants to be the Mama that disregards the feelings of everyone else just to make their LO happy. And rightfully so. It would be imprudent to teach your baby that they are the only ones that matter in this world. Your tot’s needs are important, as are those of other babes. Although infants are yet incapable of understanding the desires of others, this state of egocentrism is no reason to model selfish behaviors yourself. Indeed, if you want your tot to learn that sharing is caring, the best way to do this is to model prosocial behaviors. For instance, share a bite of your favorite snack with baby and let them know that you love sharing with your favorite little sweetheart.

c. Find a replacement toy to distract your LO. This is a solid strategy. Diffuse the situation easily by offering up an equally nifty toy for your LO and hope they take the bait. Even better, if there are two of the same toy, this can often have a happy ending. Although this age does not come with the ability to understand other babies’ perspectives, it does have the advantage of being easily distracted. Don’t let it go to waste.

d. Look to the other Mama to talk some sense into their thieving tot *wink*. Another Mama’s intentions to get involved will vary depending on the situation and, of course, the Mama. Regardless of her response, it is important to show your baby that you are concerned about their well-being if they seem perturbed. Then again, there will be times when the babies may magically work through their troubles independently. In which case, neither Mama needs to trouble herself with getting involved. Whether baby found another toy to fill those empty hands or simply found something better to do, independent problem-solving is a laudable skill (and will leave more time for Mama to squeeze a little adult conversation into her day).

Just remember, your strategy for dealing with sharing snafus will depend on the temperament of your baby as well as that of the room. Regardless, in just a few short months, your baby will be teaching you the meaning of sharing. "Mama, I shared my crayon with little Timmy...and we both shared it with the wall. Ya proud?” Hope you are ready...I’m working on it myself!

Peace and love,

TheFreethinkingMama