REQUEST: their crush crying in front of them for the first time because of her depression they didn’t know about? please!
REQUESTED BY: anonymous
WARNINGS: references to depression/symptoms of depression.
NOTES: each one of these is long and as detailed as possible, because this is a subject i hold very close to my heart, so i’ve split them up and am going to make them all with their own individual post. as someone with major depression, i know how it feels to try your hardest to hide it, and how awful it feels when you finally begin to crack. please know that there is always someone for you to talk to on this blog, as my messages are open to anyone and everyone and my notifications are always on. it doesn’t matter if it is four in the morning or two in the afternoon, whether you want to talk or just have a distraction, i am here. always remember: you never walk alone.
it’s been a long week, an even longer month, and a year that’s felt like it’s lasted decades, all of which have bled into the rest of your life — after dealing with this for so long, you’d think you’d get better at handling it, but it seems time only makes things harder. still, you tried. you tried to deal with it, tried to handle it, and eventually when you couldn’t do either of those you decided to try and ignore it. the only way you found you could do that is by surrounding yourself with others, filling your head with other’s voices and concentrating on one thing at a time and drowning everything else out with this or that or anything at all. and, if there is anyone who proves to be the greatest distraction, it is hoseok.
hoseok, who brightens your day with his sunny smiles and chiming laughter and all of his good intentions. hoseok, who pulled you out of the darkest places in your mind without even realizing it, picking up the shattered pieces of your soul and mending them back together with just a laugh. hoseok, who doesn’t even realize how truly wonderful he is. hoseok, who always seems to show up at your door when you need him the most.
today, though, when you open the door and find him standing there with that dimpled grin and open arms and you hear his playful ‘ honey, i’m home! ’ the relief that hits you is so immediate and so intense that you very nearly break — and, then, you do.
the tears well in your eyes and hoseok becomes a mess of bright red hair and the yellow of his sweater and the tan of his skin all melded together by hot tears and you know he’s looking at you strangely, like he doesn’t understand, and how could he? you choke on any excuse of ‘ i just haven’t had a good day, that’s all ’ and ‘ i’m fine, i promise, ’ both lodging themselves in your throat and closing it off completely. despite your assumptions, though, his reaction is smooth and just as fast, closing the distance between you in a matter of moments with his hands hovering just outside of touching your trembling form for fear of startling you further. he’s terrified, but he doesn’t show it, because you’re more important — you’ve always been more important.
❝ y/n, what’s wrong? ❞ he asks, so softly that you can barely hear him over your labored breathing and choked cries.
when you don’t answer and instead cover your face with your hands out of shame, muffling the weak sobs and whimpers he takes the opportunity to move farther into your home and shut the door behind him, taking to you almost immediately afterward. the fear fades from his body and it’s place grows purpose, his mouth setting into a hard line and brows furrowing so tight that he can feel an ache in the middle. he moves gently, coaxing you into his embrace and fitting your head in the curve of his throat and shoulder, hiding you away from the rest of the world — ‘ it’s okay, ’ he coos. ‘ i’m here. ’
and, when your legs become too weak to stand and your body can’t stand anymore he goes right with you, both of you ending up on your knees right next to the front door.
hoseok never even made it entirely into your home and he’s already picking up your pieces, and gluing you back together with his tightly wound embrace and soft words.
he doesn’t need to understand what’s got you so upset — even if the curiosity eats away at him, the desire to know what caused this so he could put a stop to it with his own two hands — only that tears are tracking down your face and soaking into his sweater and he can feel every breath you take rattle through you with the sheer effort it takes. he doesn’t need to understand to want to be your anchor, and you let him.
❝ you can talk to me, you know, ❞ comes his soothing voice, spoken into your hair and against your temple. ❝ you don’t have to feel like this, alone. ❞
clutching at his shirt and clinging to his words, you desperately try to ground yourself in the here and now, but struggle against the overwhelming weight baring down on your shoulders and aching inside your head. somehow, as if he knows, his hand comes up to smooth your hair and rub gentle circles into the back of your head — the ache recedes, though you’re still hyper-aware of its presence. the weight, however, remains; easier, still, to carry when all of your own is leaning against his.
❝ hobi. ❞
your broken call of his nickname breaks his heart and mends it back together all at once, and he swears no one will ever pull the air straight out of him like you do.
❝ i’m right here. ❞
his words stir something in your chest causing an ache of a different sort, and your fingers curl ever tighter into the fabric of his sweater, clinging to him so tightly that you might as well have been one being. always has he been fierce with showing his love to anyone and everyone, but you never quite felt it like this.
❝ i’m sorry, ❞ you rasp, hiding your face in the crook of his neck and curling in on yourself, trying so hard to make yourself small. he doesn’t let you. ❝ i’m so sorry. ❞
i’m sorry for being like this. i’m sorry for breaking down. i’m sorry for making you see it. i’m sorry for making you endure it. i’m sorry i can’t handle this on my own. i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry.
❝ don’t be, ❞ he replies, voice just as gentle as the day you met him and twice as warm, and you can hear the smile in his words without ever looking up to see it. ❝ don’t ever be sorry for how you’re feeling. it’s okay to feel, and it’s okay to show it, even if it seems bad. ❞
you feel the way he rests his cheek on the top of your head and hums quietly to himself, rocking you gently back and forth, soothing you and the atmosphere you’ve created around you both. as if by magic he quiets it all down, the touch of his cool fingers against your hot skin easing you into relaxing against him, finally sliding the rest of the way to the floor.
❝ besides, this... this is what i’m here for. ❞
as if to attest to this, the hand not cradling your lower back comes up to find your chin, persuading you to lift it with his fingers and how they trace the lines of your jaw. when he can finally see your eyes and how they still shine with unshed tears, he still smiles — it’s softer than normal, quieter, but just as bright.
❝ what did i say before? i’m right here. for you. ❞
