Temporary brain damage was the only excuse for the idiotic decision to dive head first into whatever this arrangement was. He was well aware that it could only end in catastrophic disaster, but he hadn’t been able to help himself.
When he saw you look so insecure standing in front of him, playing with the threads on your sleeves asking if he would sleep with you, he knew he couldn’t say no. All he wanted in that moment was to pull you into his arms and make sure you felt as beautiful as he’d always thought you were.
And when you settled on his lap and kissed him so gently, he knew he was a goner.
He’d been waiting for that kiss for nearly half of his life and a voice in the back of his head told him if he passed it up now, he would never get the chance again. If this was the only way he could have you, he’d accept it and make the most of it.
And he would make damn sure you remembered it.
Jinyoung’s hands traced your sides under your sweater, finding your skin just as soft as he’d imagined, curves in all of his favorite places that he’d write poems about if he was more of a writer than a reader.
The way you tasted, God, he couldn’t get enough. He could kiss you for hours right here, with your thighs on either side of his hips and your fingers looped into his hair. It didn’t even matter that his dick was already hard as a rock from a few swipes of your tongue.
He was an idiot for ever thinking he’d been over you in the first place.
One hand slipped down the slope of your thigh until his fingers pressed right in the middle, rubbing a tentative but firm circle against your clit through your leggings.
“Is this okay?” he asked, practically panting once he pulled from your lips, hoping that noise you’d just made was one of pleasure.
Just as he began to retract his hand, you grabbed his wrist and guided it back between your legs so that he could continue. If he wasn’t a goner before, he sure was now.
“Bedroom?” he asked after a minute, feeling a wet spot begin to form on the fabric of your leggings. He wondered if you always got turned on this fast or if maybe, just maybe, it was just for him.
Then somehow he was carrying you back to your bedroom, but not before pressing you into the wall in the hallway, scattering kisses across your neck and collarbone. It was a test of his willpower not to rip your leggings right down the middle and take you right there against the wall–not to mention your roommate and best friend was only one door away.
Once he was in your bedroom and you were stripping his shirt off, the reality of what was happening started to hit him.
Jinyoung only had sex with three women in his life, two in his freshman year of college and then Yeri. Nobody since then. He was fairly confident in his sexual abilities, but he didn’t know what you liked. With Yeri, he’d had five years to learn her preferences and what made her tick.
This couldn’t be bad. He couldn’t let you leave this bedroom disappointed or unsatisfied, otherwise he might just go walk into traffic at the closest busy intersection.
For a moment, he wondered what would have happened if he’d left early, or if Jackson had stayed to help clean instead. Had you only asked him because he was there? If so, could he really blame you? Jackson was likely the better candidate anyway, and he could say with confidence that his friend was not in love with you.
Jinyoung had never expected anything from you beyond your friendship, and he was more than happy to have it. But it made his stomach turn a bit thinking about his best friend’s hands exploring your body instead of his own, even if Jackson had more experience and would probably be way better at it.
“Seriously?” your voice broke through his anxious spiral as you ogled his abs, fingertips trailing across the firm muscles. “Have you always looked like this?”
He blushed like a preteen on their first date, covering it up with a scoff. “You know I like exercising. What did you expect?”
He was suddenly extremely grateful for every single morning he’d gotten up before the sun and dragged himself to the gym with Jackson. Until now, he hadn’t been too concerned about how his body looked, he’d just wanted a way to challenge himself.
But Jinyoung would be lying if he said it didn’t puff up his chest a bit when your eyes scanned his body in awe. Yeah, he’d definitely be keeping up his gym routine now.
“I don’t know. Now I’m a little scared to take your pants off, I mean, what have you got hiding there?”
If anyone else–literally, anyone else–had said this to him, he probably would have turned and walked out. But he liked the clumsy way you spoke without filters, even if it made him cringe at how ridiculous you sounded.
“Oh, god. Please never say that again.”
You giggled, eyes twinkling as you looked up at him, and he had to lean in to kiss you just to keep his heart from bursting straight through his rib cage.
****
Once it was all over and Jinyoung was making his way back out to his car, post-orgasm bliss long gone, he realized he may have made a huge mistake. He’d been too weak to deny his heart of what it had been wanting for a decade, and now he feared he had dug himself a hole he couldn’t get out of.
Jinyoung was screwed for life now, knowing how your fingernails felt digging into his shoulders and the incredible noises you made once you’d finally lost yourself to the pleasure. Jinyoung knew how you tasted and how you looked when you came, and he’d never be the same.
All of these things were so much better than he’d fantasized over the years, no matter how hard he’d tried not to. While he was with Yeri, he’d trained himself not to think about you like that, but he was ashamed to admit he’d failed on a few occasions.
Now, it would be nearly impossible to think of anything else besides your lips parted in ecstasy, murmuring his name, and how soft and pliant your breasts felt beneath his hands.
“Real smooth. How could this possibly go wrong?” he said to himself out loud, shaking his head at his own stupidity.
He’d have to take it back. Tomorrow, he’d go into the bookstore and apologize for taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable, and maybe then you’d be able to go back to normal. Just rewind, like it never happened.
It would be a hell of a lot easier for you than him, but he could do it. He had to.
~~~~
a/n: okay i didn't wanna do like a play by play, every moment from his pov type of thing, so i was more focused on his internal thoughts for the build up and then afterwards. i want to write more for tp couple in the future if people are interested, i just don't want to be beating a dead horse if no one cares 😬
as always, i love you so much thank you for taking time out of your day to read this little gem! let me know what you think, have a great day ❤️
Temporary brain damage was the only excuse for the idiotic decision to dive head first into whatever this arrangement was. He was well aware that it could only end in catastrophic disaster, but he hadn’t been able to help himself.
When he saw you look so insecure standing in front of him, playing with the threads on your sleeves asking if he would sleep with you, he knew he couldn’t say no. All he wanted in that moment was to pull you into his arms and make sure you felt as beautiful as he’d always thought you were.
And when you settled on his lap and kissed him so gently, he knew he was a goner.
He’d been waiting for that kiss for nearly half of his life and a voice in the back of his head told him if he passed it up now, he would never get the chance again. If this was the only way he could have you, he’d accept it and make the most of it.
And he would make damn sure you remembered it.
Jinyoung’s hands traced your sides under your sweater, finding your skin just as soft as he’d imagined, curves in all of his favorite places that he’d write poems about if he was more of a writer than a reader.
The way you tasted, God, he couldn’t get enough. He could kiss you for hours right here, with your thighs on either side of his hips and your fingers looped into his hair. It didn’t even matter that his dick was already hard as a rock from a few swipes of your tongue.
He was an idiot for ever thinking he’d been over you in the first place.
word count: 2.5k lol what this was supposed to be a drabble
summary: while your toddler naps, jinyoung finds a way to make the most of your time alone together.
warnings: sex, domestic af, jinyoung is a great dad and is 110% whipped for his kid and his wife!! this is also NOT edited in the slightest
“She can’t hear us,” Jinyoung said, his nose nudging your earlobe and making you shiver.
You sighed as your hands traveled along Jinyoung’s back, head battling vagina over the probability of your eighteen month old daughter hearing you and waking from her nap. The baby monitor sitting on the kitchen island was practically taunting you, reminding you that Seohyun could begin crying at any moment.
“But what if she-”
Any words you could have used to finish that sentence were immediately erased from your brain as Jinyoung pulled you to the edge of the counter, his bulge pressing into your core.
Your sex life had gone down drastically in frequency just like everybody had warned you, but it didn’t make you want him any less. It was just near impossible to find the time between work, Seohyun, and keeping up with the never-ending errands of life.
By the time the two of you made it to bed most nights, neither of you had the energy.
But today, Seohyun had gone down for her afternoon nap easier than normal. And it was Saturday, so neither of you had to work. It only made sense that the moment you’d turned around to tackle the dishes in the sink, Jinyoung had pulled his best moves on you.
He’d wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you back against him, sliding your hair off your shoulder with his free hand where he placed soft but purposeful kisses along your skin. Immediately, you’d shivered and become putty in his hands.
“You look so sexy in this dress, baby,” he whispered, his nose brushing against the most sensitive part of your neck. “All morning I’ve been staring at your legs, I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”
You hadn’t meant to look sexy—it was just that one piece of fabric was easier to throw on than attempting to find two clean, unwrinkled items of clothing to put on. And it wasn’t a seductive, curve-hugging dress anyway, just your most comfortable, trusty black spaghetti strap dress.
Then you’d found yourself turned around and lifted onto the counter, dishes in the sink long forgotten as your husband sucked a hickey into your skin. In your head, you did some quick math to figure out just how long you’d have until Seohyun woke up and brought you back to reality.
“Stop thinking,” Jinyoung told you with a press of his lips into your jawline.
You sighed and rested your hands on his shoulders. “I’m trying.”
“I’ll just have to work harder to distract you then, hm?” Jinyoung whispered as his hands trailed a path up and down your thighs, his fingers slipping further up the hem of your dress with each stroke upwards.
Jinyoung was dangerous when he knew what he wanted.
He pulled your body even closer to the edge of the counter, guiding your legs to wrap around his waist. Stealing your lips in a kiss, you both moaned as soon as Jinyoung began rocking his hips into yours teasingly.
One of your hands slipped into Jinyoung’s hair, gripping the soft strands still damp from his earlier shower he’d been forced to take after breakfast.
Seohyun hadn’t been a fan of the organic cereal Jinyoung had tried to give her, and he’d ended up with a half-chewed mouthful of her breakfast all over his face and shirt. Even though it’d been an accident and shouldn’t have been funny, you’d had to turn away and cover your mouth to keep from giggling.
As always, Jinyoung had taken it in stride and simply wiped his face and shirt off before grabbing one of the probiotic yogurts that Seohyun did like from the fridge. Not without sending you a fake glare when he noticed your red face from holding in your laughter.
When you started giggling again now at the memory, just as Jinyoung began peppering kisses across your collarbone, he tilted his head up to make eye contact with you.
“What’s so funny?”
You bit your lip, sliding your fingers through his hair and twirling a strand around your finger.
“Just thinking about this morning when our daughter projectile coughed your nasty healthy cereal into your face,” you told him.
Jinyoung’s eyes narrowed at you as he pulled back, standing straight in front of you again. “Projectile coughing isn’t a thing.”
You snorted. “Tell that to Seohyun. God, you should’ve seen your expression. I wish I’d had my phone to record the whole thing.”
“You drive me nuts,” he told you, chuckling softly as his hands traveled further up your dress until he’d found the elastic of your underwear. “Just trying to be a good dad. Give our kid some nutrients to balance out the jellies and Goldfish that you sneak her when you think I’m not looking.”
You lifted your hips as Jinyoung tugged your panties down your legs and off, smiling down at him when he dropped to his knees in front of you. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Liar,” he said with a laugh as he ducked his head down, placing a kiss to the inside of your leg, just above your knee.
No matter how many times Jinyoung spoiled you like this, it would always make you sigh and shiver just the same. He was now an expert in the art of teasing and building up your pleasure until finally giving you what you both craved most.
“But you love me,” you told him, tilting your head back to rest against the cabinet behind you as your eyes fell shut.
Jinyoung hummed against your skin as he traveled further up your legs, kissing nearly every inch of your skin until he’d finally reached the apex of your thighs.
“Mmhm, I do,” he said, just before leaning in to place a gentle kiss to your mound. Then lower, until his lips brushed your clit and made you jerk your hips up, desperate to feel more.
Luckily, Jinyoung at least seemed to understand you had a time limit. Seohyun was a good sleeper but she was known for waking up from her naps refreshed after only forty-five minutes or less. It was the or less that you were concerned about.
As soon as Jinyoung sucked your clit between his lips, you found yourself arching towards him, one hand grasping the counter edge while the other found purchase in the hair at the top of his head.
“Oh, oh,” you whined, while Jinyoung delved deeper and lower, now working what you could only call magic between your legs. When he slipped two fingers inside to join his tongue on your clit, your toes curled and you had to slap a hand over your mouth to contain your moan.
Honestly, you could barely register what exactly Jinyoung was doing after another few moments, your whole body was now on fire and more sensitive than ever after not having him touch you like this in weeks.
“Baby, I-” you started, one hand still in his hair and now pressing him closer, “I can’t... I want...”
But Jinyoung didn’t let up or stop. He wanted your release and he wouldn’t stop until the moment his mouth and fingers took you over the edge.
His free hand came to steady your hips, lying his forearm across your stomach to keep you from writhing too wildly on the counter, while his other hand moved faster and faster inside of you.
“Shhh-shit, fuck, Nyoung, please God-”
Absolute nonsense fell from your lips as you drew closer to your climax and warmth began to spread from your belly all the way through your body to your fingertips.
Finally the tension snapped and you arched forward this time, Jinyoung’s strong arm over your hips the only thing keeping you from sliding off. You fisted his hair, probably enough to hurt, your other hand back over your mouth to muffle your screams.
Jinyoung didn’t slow down until he knew you’d had too much. Slowly, he backed off, fingers coming to a stop inside of you before slipping out. He sat back on his knees and adjusted his grip on you so that you could gently and safely get your feet back on the ground.
“Holy mother of-” you managed, leaning back against the counter as Jinyoung stood back up in front of you with a pleased grin on his face. “You are way too good at that.”
Jinyoung laughed, slipping his arms around your waist in a gentle embrace, quite the contrast from the way he’d just absolutely wrecked you without even taking his pants off.
“Hmm, I think you might be a little biased, being my wife and all.”
“If I hadn’t seen you the first time you had to change a diaper, I might think you weren’t bad at anything,” you teased.
Jinyoung’s mouth opened to defend himself but you were quicker, slipping one hand down into the loose grey sweatpants he was wearing to wrap around his length.
He sucked in a harsh inhale and closed his eyes, his arms wrapping tighter around you to bring you closer. You smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek before whispering into his ear.
“Now, can we make the most of whatever time we have left until our toddler is back to demanding our undivided attention?”
You could sense Jinyoung’s smirk as he turned his head, brushing his lips against your throat before he responded, “You don’t have to convince me.”
Only a few moments passed before you found yourself bent over the island, your dress hiked up over your ass and Jinyoung behind you, pushing his sweatpants down just enough to free his cock.
You pressed your cheek against the cold countertop, your eyes on Jinyoung the best they could be from this angle. Biting your lip, you watched as he gripped his length, giving it a few strokes before he was lining up with your entrance.
Both of you exhaled the moment he slid inside, a slow movement that allowed you to feel every single inch of him as your bodies became one. You wouldn’t ever get tired of this feeling.
You reminded yourself that you needed to be as quiet as possible, considering Seohyun seemed to superhuman hearing and it didn’t usually take much to rouse her from sleep.
But you couldn’t help the soft whine that fell from your lips the moment Jinyoung started to rock his hips back and forth in a perfect rhythm, his hands bunching up the material of your dress at your lower back.
“Nyoungie,” you whispered, though it was more of a plea for him to move faster or harder, or do something. He was making you insane already, your body still sensitive from the incredible orgasm he’d given you just a few minutes ago.
At the sweet pet name, Jinyoung groaned deep in his throat, squeezing the fabric in his fists even tighter as he picked up his pace. You watched as he tilted his head back in bliss and bit his lip, probably to contain his own moans of pleasure.
It didn’t take much time at all for Jinyoung to start pounding inside of you just the way you’d wanted, the sound of skin-on-skin now filling the room. Even though it was dangerous to make so much noise, you weren’t about to ask him to stop.
You reached one hand behind your back until you found one of his arms. Grasping it firmly, you squeezed your eyes shut and swallowed back all of the noises you so desperately wanted to make to encourage him.
Jinyoung leaned his head forward again, bending over you slightly as he let go with his other hand, choosing instead to nestle it between your thighs and circle your clit with his fingers.
“Fuck,” you whispered, knowing that he was planning on bringing you to another orgasm before he found his release. “Baby, I don’t think I can... oh, my god.”
Squeezing his arm even tighter, you gasped as he moved his fingers faster to match the brutal pace of his hips. He kissed across your shoulder blade, a mixture of dirty and affectionate words falling from his lips to your skin.
“God, I love you so much. You feel so fucking good, so wet and tight, you’re so beautiful, baby.”
The waves of pleasure started to crest for the second time that afternoon as Jinyoung worked his fingers in tighter circles, changing the angle of his hips ever so slightly to hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of you.
Jinyoung soon let go of your dress completely as he bent over your body, hand feeling around blindly for your free one so that he could intertwine your fingers as he pumped inside of you.
“Let go for me angel, come on, want us to come together,” he whispered, burying his face into the crook of your neck and nipping at your skin.
It took all of your willpower not to scream just then as soon as your orgasm hit, your knees shaking as the intense pulses of your climax threatened to make your legs give out entirely. But Jinyoung was there, his body supporting yours as he reached his own end, emptying inside of you with a gravelly moan against your neck.
His hips slowed, giving you a few more shallow thrusts before he finally slipped out of you, though he didn’t peel his body from yours for another minute. You smiled softly to yourself as you listened to his breathing gradually return back to normal, his heartbeat racing against your skin through his white tee.
When he finally pulled away, Jinyoung helped you to stand up once more, turning you around to face him. He chuckled as he pushed your hair from your face after it had stuck to your skin from the thin layer of sweat across your forehead.
“I love you, you know?” Jinyoung said, leaning close to nudge his nose against yours.
You grinned, wrapping your arms around his waist and tugging his sweatpants back up to his hips. “I love you too.”
With the most perfect timing ever, there was suddenly a whimper from the speaker of the baby monitor, one that was shortly followed by a loud cry. You sighed and pressed your hands to Jinyoung’s chest, about to gently push him away so you could tend to Seohyun.
“Hey, I got it. Go hop in the shower. Do one of your face masks too, or take a bath. I’ll hang out with little bear.”
Your lips formed into a pout because yes, Jinyoung was a great husband, but he was an even more amazing father. And you could use some time to yourself. Especially a shower, considering you were a tad sticky after the quickie you’d just had.
“Stop being so perfect, you’re making me look bad,” you told him, leaning in to press a few short kisses to his lips. “Love you. Thanks for the orgasms.”
Jinyoung could only shake his head as he laughed at you, watching as you walked off towards the bathroom. He flipped off the switch to the baby monitor and headed off to Seohyun’s room, wondering just how he managed to get the two best girls in the world in his life.
He should have known it was all too good to be true.
When Jinyoung awoke that morning, he’d never felt so content. With you in his arms, your face tucked into his chest, he couldn’t imagine a better way to start his day.
He’d accepted that he loved you many years ago; it was a simple fact of life. The summer sun was hot, snow always melted, and Jinyoung was in love with you. Even if he could never have you the way he wanted.
But it was starting to feel like maybe... maybe he could.
It was a crazy thought, but the way you looked into his eyes made him think that maybe you felt the same. Even if it was only a fraction of the magnitude of his feelings for you, he would take it. Any day.
He’d thought about you every moment he was in New York, from the minute the plane lifted off until he’d finally seen your face last night. Of course, he’d thought of your body, of your kiss, your touch, but more than anything he had missed your voice.
The time spent on the sporadic phone calls or the few video chats had gotten him through it all, giving him something to look forward to each night or morning that your schedules lined up. Just hearing you say his name, or tell him about something stupid Bambam had done or when you ranted about irritating customers at the bookstore, those conversations had meant everything to Jinyoung.
He stayed in bed for just a few more minutes, trying to commit to memory the feeling of his arms locked around you and his fingers grazing your soft skin. Even the sound of your breath as it fanned over his chest, he didn’t want to forget it.
If he had known that twenty minutes later, you’d break his heart, he would have never gotten out of bed.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you told him. He searched your face for a sign, for something, anything, to indicate that you didn’t mean it.
When he didn’t find it, he stepped back, feeling cold as soon as he left your body.
“Can you at least tell me why?” he asked.
“I broke one of the rules,” you told him, your eyes cast downward to the floor.
The rules. Always tell the truth, don’t fall in love, and don’t sleep with anyone else. His entire body went rigid as soon as the thought entered his mind. Had you slept with someone else while he was gone?
“Which rule.”
“It doesn’t matter. I think we should stop. Okay?”
Jinyoung clenched his fists, imagining the worst, imagining your body intertwined with another man, your hands running through their hair just the same way you did to him-
“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter? Of course it fucking matters. If you-” he exhaled, squeezing his own fists so tight he could feel his nails digging into his skin.
“Please don’t make me say it, Jinyoung. Just trust me, I didn’t mean to. I… it all happened so fast. I should have said something earlier, before last night. I’m sorry.”
Oh, god. You had slept with someone else. But it didn’t make sense. Why had you told him you missed him every day, and let him think you meant it? And last night, that hadn’t just been sex. He made love to you, the way he had always wanted to.
‘Yours,’ you’d said, with his hand over your heart.
Jinyoung took another step back.
“Fine,” he gritted through his teeth.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered.
“Don’t. I thought—you know, I don’t know what I thought. Fuck me for thinking we’d be on the same page here.”
He felt stupid now, like an absolute fool. What had he thought, really? That you’d change your mind and finally fall in love with him after all these years? After you’d only seen him as that kid you’d known since you were thirteen?
“Jinyoung, I tried. I did. I wanted this to work. But it just happened. I saw Jaebeom… and I…”
At Jaebeom’s name, Jinyoung felt his entire body go cold. Of course, of course it had been Jaebeom. He’d seen the two of you at the club that night and seen how he looked at you, how he’d danced with you and put his hands all over you.
“Why are you crying?” he asked harshly after you wiped tears from your cheeks. “You wanted this, and we promised we’d be honest, right? So when did it happen?”
He was being a dick, he knew it. There was still a part of him that wanted to reach for you and hold you until you stopped crying, to stroke your hair and kiss your forehead. He never wanted to see you like this, and he’d never wanted to be the cause of your tears.
But Jaebeom. Why him?
“While you were in New York.”
So you’d waited until he was gone. That was something, at least. But still, he’d spoken to you almost every night, and it really had felt like you missed him. Then again, maybe his former best friend had seen an opportunity and taken it.
Jinyoung turned his back to you and leaned his palms into the counter at the sink, hanging his head and squeezing his eyes shut. He needed to stay calm and choose his words carefully.
“You should have told me last night. Before.”
He felt sick now imagining Jaebeom’s lips on yours, tasting you the way Jinyoung had been lucky enough to enjoy for the last couple months. His hands on you, undressing you, giving you what you’d wanted for so long.
After all, Jaebeom had been the one you had wanted all along. Jinyoung was only there to make you forget him.
“I’m-”
Jinyoung turned back to you and wiped a hand down his face. “Please, don’t apologize again. Just… it’s probably a good idea if you leave before I say something I’ll regret.”
There was no way you could know the way he truly felt for you, not now. He would have to bury it even deeper now that he’d entertained the possibility of you returning his feelings.
He watched as you gathered your purse and slipped your shoes on, turning at the last moment so he didn’t have to watch the door shut behind you. He didn’t want to know if you’d taken a last glance at him or not.
With an even, long breath, he began to clean up the kitchen, focusing on this task instead of the overwhelming urge he had to go after you. He could catch you before you got to your car and turn you around, tell you he didn’t care who you slept with, that he was fine to be your best friend and nothing more.
Because he was, despite the anger he felt right now. He would get over it if it meant he could still visit you at work, talk about books and nature documentaries and sit in silence perfectly content just to share space with you.
He loved you. God, did he love you. Even now, with his heart in pieces, he couldn’t let it go.
here’s a cute random the pact couple drabble, taking place a few months after the first part of the epilogue ❤️ i’ll add a read more tomorrow when i’m on my laptop!
pairing: jinyoung x reader (tp!couple)
summary: jinyoung takes you grocery shopping, and you question your entire relationship.
word count: 648
“I can’t believe you, Jinyoung. How could you do this to me?”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“How dare you?”
“I said I didn’t like Cheerios, I didn’t murder your childhood dog.”
“Don’t bring Rex into this, he’s innocent,” you huffed, glaring at your boyfriend as you flipped your hair over your shoulder. “I can’t believe I’m dating you. How could you keep this from me?”
Jinyoung didn’t bother humoring you, despite the tiny smile itching at the corners of his lips. He blinked once, twice, three times, before simply pushing the cart down the aisle to grab a box of his usual breakfast, whole grain granola.
“Oh my god,” you gasped, hands reaching out to stop the cart. “You’re a monster.”
Now that one, that one made him chuckle. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, steering you and the cart towards the end of the aisle. “I’m sorry, would you love me more if I ate a scoop of sugar and chocolate milk for breakfast?”
“Yes, I would. That would make you a normal person.” You twisted your body enough to link your arms around his waist as you walked, pressing your lips against the stubbly skin of his jaw while his eyes scanned the shelves.
It was your first grocery trip together since your relationship became official. At this point, you slept at his apartment more than your own, and since he ate like a sixty year old man, you never liked anything he had in his cupboards. After turning down every meal option he’d given you for lunch, Jinyoung dragged you to the nearest supermarket.
Jinyoung pressed a quick kiss to the side of your head. “That’s part of my charm, no? I’m the responsible one. You’re the one who-”
His words were cut to a halt as you slipped from his side, tossing a box of Pop Tarts into the grocery cart. He sighed.
“-eats like a toddler.”
“But I’m so cute,” you defended with a pout, returning to your spot glued to his side. “And that just means when we have kids, we’ll have the same taste in breakfast cereal. It’ll make our lives easier!”
You didn’t notice the way Jinyoung was looking at you until several minutes later, while standing in front of the coffee creamer, trying to decide between the seasonal peppermint mocha or your tried-and-true vanilla bean flavor.
The decision tripped you up for a minute or two before you finally decided to just go for the peppermint mocha, because how bad could it be?
When you turned back to Jinyoung, he had a strange look in his eyes. In your ten years of knowing him, you’d never seen him look at you like that. You dropped the creamer into the cart, furrowing your eyebrows.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Jinyoung didn’t respond with words. Instead, he cupped your face in his hands and kissed you, firm but somehow gentle at the same time. Right there in the dairy aisle.
You didn’t mind, though. You would kiss him anywhere, any time, in front of anybody.
“What was that for?” you asked once you parted from him, hands clutching the front of Jinyoung’s jacket.
“Just love you,” he said.
You grinned. No matter how many times he told you, those words still made warmth spread through your entire body until you felt like you were floating.
“Love you too,” you replied, leaning up on your toes to steal another kiss. “We should do this more often if it makes you want to kiss me like that in public.”
Jinyoung chuckled and brushed your hair out of your eyes. “Don’t get used to it, angel. Give me time and you’ll be drinking green juice and eating bran muffins, too.”
You grimaced, wiggling out of his arms to make a break for the ice cream aisle. “I’m breaking up with you.”
summary: when you said you wanted to decorate early this year, this wasn’t what jinyoung thought you meant.
a/n: I COULDN’T HELP IT OKAY. if you don’t celebrate christmas or are anti-christmas, i’m sorry, i was taken by inspiration from my last reblog and i had a free moment to write and this is what happened. please enjoy lol also this is 100% unedited
At 12:34 AM on November 1st, Jinyoung awoke to bells jingling.
He sat up in bed and blinked until his eyes could adjust to the moonlight glowing through the window beside his bed. He’d only gone to bed an hour ago, so why was he suddenly being torn from his precious sleep?
With a grumble, he turned over, noticing your spot was still made as if you’d never gone to bed. Odd, but not completely unheard of. Sometimes you stayed up late reading or watching DIY IKEA hack videos on Youtube.
Jinyoung rolled out of bed, pushing his messy hair away from his eyes as he followed the mysterious sound out into the hallway.
He was not mentally prepared for the sight that met him as soon as he crossed the threshold into the living room of the apartment.
There you were, still in your makeshift cat costume you’d worn for your closing shift at the bookstore, hanging bells on a Christmas tree. Where in the hell had you gotten that from?
You wiggled your hips back and forth, humming to yourself. At least it appeared you had put your headphones in before you began jamming to Christmas music. He would have been ten times more grumpy if he’d woken up to Michael Buble or Mariah Carey.
Clearing his throat, he crossed his arms as he took just a few more steps towards you, dodging the plastic containers you had strewn around the living room. There was more tinsel and strings of lights lying around than Jinyoung had seen in his entire life. There was even a god-awful Santa that he could only assume was animatronic and sang Jingle Bells every time you walked by.
You only noticed Jinyoung as soon as you stepped away from the tree, satisfied with the placement of your bell ornaments. Gasping, you clutched your chest and nearly fell backwards right into your favorite life size wooden snowman decoration.
“Oh my God!” you exclaimed, closing your eyes as you tugged your earbuds out of your ears. “You surprised me.”
Jinyoung blinked. “That makes two of us, then. When you said you were decorating as soon as Halloween was over... this was not what I thought you meant.”
Looking from the tree to Jinyoung, you couldn’t help but grin and shrug. “At least I waited until you went to bed?”
Jinyoung didn’t hate Christmas. He didn’t hate any holiday, he just had never been one to go crazy over some decorations and cheesy films. He’d never decorated his own apartment in the years since he’d moved in.
But now you lived here, and he briefly recalled telling you that you could decorate however and whenever you wanted. But that had been back in July, and December had seemed like ages away.
“Where did you get all of this? Where have you been hiding that?” he asked, gesturing to the aforementioned giant snowman.
You grinned. “I got custody of the snowman after moving out, and I’ve been keeping all of this in the trunk of my car. Except the snowman--that guy was hiding in the back of your closet for the last two weeks.”
Jinyoung shuddered.
“Do you like it, though?” you asked, raising your eyebrows. You crinkled your nose, which was still painted with a little triangle and whiskers for your cat costume. You looked so cute and hopeful, Jinyoung had to smile.
With a sigh, he crossed the rest of the distance until he could readjust your cat ears atop of your hair. “I’ll need a minute to get used to it, but I don’t mind it. A bit hurt you didn’t ask for my help, though.”
Your bashful grin turned into a pout within an instant as you looped your arms around his waist. “Oh no, are you really? I just didn’t think-”
Jinyoung chuckled and pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m kidding. Sort of. I did imagine we’d decorate the tree together, though.”
You rested your chin on his chest, tilting your head up to look up at him. “Well, lucky for you, I have enough decorations that you can stay up and help me for the next four hours.”
Jinyoung choked on his next breath, eyebrows shooting up to his forehead. “Four hours?”
“It’s Christmas First, baby! We’re going all out!” you said excitedly, hands trailing down to squeeze Jinyoung’s bum.
As Jinyoung watched you scurry away back towards the plastic boxes to pull out the tinsel, his eyes wandered around the room until they landed on the wooden side table beside the couch.
Inside of that drawer, the one you never went into, behind the batteries and the extra remote controls he’d held onto over the years, was a small black velvet box. The first Christmas gift he’d bought for you.
That one, he’d gotten back in September after you’d had a silly argument over something he couldn’t even remember anymore. He’d walked around the city for an hour before he ended up at a jewelry store.
Jinyoung snapped out of his thoughts and moved to help you with the tinsel, unable to resist teasing you by twirling you around and wrapping the golden decoration around you instead of the tree.
Just the sound of your laugh, so careless and happy, was enough to tell Jinyoung that little velvet box was going to be the best purchase he ever made. And maybe Christmas wasn’t so bad either.
Would you ever think about writing more from Jinyoung’s point of view for that storyline? You wrote part 6 from Jinyoung’s pov. Would you ever write about part 1 from Jinyoung’s pov? Or was it that part 6 really stood out to you to write in Jinyoung’s eyes? I’m curious on what you were thinking about it? And what you think would’ve been going through Jinyoung’s mind during part 1 or when he was away in NYC for work?
You’re the only fanfic write I’ve seen that writes from multiple points of view and I thought that it was amazingly written. You really made me feel like I was reading from 2 different people’s eyes. It kind of felt like a movie I saw “case of elinor rigby”. The movie told the same story from different points of view and it reminded me of The Pact’s change of views.
I remember you mentioned that you were thinking about turning The Pact into a short story that you were thinking of publishing. I just want to let you know that when you do it I’ll be buying a million copies and also would you give me an autograph too please 👉🏽❤️👈🏽
A super long message, I’m sorry.
thank you for sending this and i'm so sorry it's SO late!!!
honestly i'd love to write the whole thing from jinyoung's pov. since he's such a reserved person he keeps so much of his thoughts and feelings hidden away, and there's a lot i want to explore someday! chapter 1 would be the next one i'd want to write, just to show where his head was at when yn asked if he would sleep with her. because he'd given up and come to terms with loving her from afar and being there for her only as a friend. and when he's in nyc, when all the female employees were interested in him and flirting with him he'd be wondering what yn was up to, or looking for a book she might enjoy.
aahhh yes, i still would LOVE to publish the pact. it's daunting and right now i find it hard to write in general, but that's a dream i don't want to let go of just yet. the story means so much to me and i would love to share it with the world, after a million edits and changes of course lol. i would absolutely give you an autograph 🥺
don't apologize for the long message though, i love it and i'm so happy you sent it!
warnings: a lot of fluff. i cried, you might cry. cursing as always, some mentions of cheesy romantic films?!?
word count: 6.2k
summary: you desperately need to get over your decade-long crush on lim jaebeom, and your close friend jinyoung needs to get over his ex—so the two of you make an arrangement: just sex, no feelings. what could go wrong?
a/n: oh wow, so this is the last part, huh? it has been quite a journey. i’m going to gush a little right now, because this has been such an incredible experience to post this story for you guys. i’ve interacted with so many amazing people, both readers and fellow writers, and i absolutely have this story to thank for that. i’ve grown so attached to these characters, i know that this won’t be the last time i write about them. not even close. so don’t worry, it’s not goodbye.
as for what’s next, there will be an epilogue that i’m praying i can post this week. if not this week, definitely next week. after that, i’m planning on focusing on some drabbles that i have sitting in my inbox (yeah, remember those?! i didn’t forget about them!). and i’ve got an idea i’m really excited about, it’s still in early stages but i feel similarly about it as i did when i first came up with the pact. if you notice some tags on my posts of a certain member... you might get a little hint. but that is all i’ll say on THAT.
okay, my loves, please enjoy this last part. as always, let me know how you feel about it all! i’m proud of this, i really am.
↳ index here
Somehow, a few minutes had turned into a few hours, and a few hours turned into staying the night.
You knew you should’ve left—you should have fessed up and gone home, but you didn’t. You couldn’t.
Not when you woke up to the smell of sizzling bacon and eggs, in an empty bed. You rubbed your eyes groggily as you sat up straight, letting your vision adjust to the bright light.
You shivered, noticing you were still naked. After you pulled yourself from the warm comfort of Jinyoung’s bed, you dressed yourself in his shirt and the joggers he’d given you before padding out to see what Jinyoung was up to.
The sight that greeted you in the kitchen was one you wanted to burn into your memory. He stood at the stove, in just a plain white tee and a pair of plaid pajama pants, stirring scrambled eggs with a spatula.
He must’ve had a bluetooth speaker set up somewhere, because he was currently humming along to a soft, piano heavy John Legend song, one sock covered foot tapping to the beat.
You were so distracted by the sight you ran into the kitchen island, stubbing your toe on the stool. “Ow,” you whined, reaching down to rub your foot.
Jinyoung turned towards you, eyebrows raised. “Good morning. You okay?”
“I’m okay,” you replied, standing up straight again. “What are you making?”
“Eggs, bacon, and some waffles.”
It smelled incredible. You hadn’t had waffles in years, probably not since the dining hall in college. You walked over to the stove, curiously peering at the spread he’d made.
“It smells really good,” you remarked, reaching for a piece of bacon off the serving plate.
Jinyoung waved your hand away. “Nuh uh, go sit down. It’ll be done in a minute.”
With a pout, you made like you were going to listen to him, but managed to swipe a tiny piece from the plate before scurrying off. Jinyoung swatted at your backside and you yelped, shoving the piece of bacon in your mouth.
“Ah, you little-!”
You giggled as you slid into the stool at the breakfast bar, crossing your legs and watching him innocently. “I was taste testing.”
Jinyoung shot you his trademark displeased side-eye before turning back to tend to the breakfast. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good. You?”
You’d slept better than good. Jinyoung was like a living, breathing furnace and he’d spooned you all night, keeping your body nice and warm. You felt completely refreshed, having not even woken up once during the night.
“Good,” Jinyoung responded. “Do you have anywhere to be today, or do you wanna stick around for a bit?”
You needed to leave, but he’d made breakfast and it would have been rude to take off before eating… but after that, you needed to go. You’d stretched this out far too long.
“I… have some errands I need to run, so I should head out after breakfast.”
Jinyoung simply nodded and turned the volume down on his speaker, though you could still hear the romantic crooning over the sizzling of the bacon. Just the smell was enough to awaken the hunger in your stomach, considering you’d barely eaten any of the takeout Jinyoung had ordered last night. You’d been overcome by a different kind of hunger.
Both of you had been insatiable. After you rested for an hour, it was like you were re-energized, exploring each other’s bodies like the first time until you were too sore and tired to move. You were grateful for the peaceful sleep that had followed.
Even now, just sitting on the stool, you could feel the ache in your thighs and soreness in your arms from one particularly creative position Jinyoung had gotten you in. You blushed to yourself, remembering how loud he’d had you begging.
“What?” Jinyoung asked, setting a plate of steaming food in front of you. “Your cheeks are all pink.”
“None of your business,” you teased back, snapping out of your private flashback. You squealed when Jinyoung pinched your side, laying a wet kiss on your cheek.
“So ungrateful towards the one that just made you a full breakfast,” he said, shaking his head at you and clicking his tongue.
His hair was messy, falling over his eyes in the front and one little piece standing up in the back. Other than that, he looked as refreshed as you felt.
“Oh, sorry. Thank you, kind sir, for the food. I cannot ever repay you for this act of kindness.” You bowed your head and clasped your hands in front of you, stifling a giggle.
“You know what,” Jinyoung started, giving you another pinch. “You got a lot of attitude for a girl that, just last night, was begging me to pull her hair and slap her a-“
You lunged to cover your hand over his mouth, your face flushing a deeper shade of red with wide eyes. “Jinyoung!”
The mischievous smile on his lips was evident even underneath your hand, eyes practically twinkling as he stared down at you. He was right, that did happen, but in the daylight, you felt embarrassed.
“Don’t be bashful,” he teased once you let your hand fall away, locking you in with his arms on either side of your body, pressing his hands into the counter. “It was sexy.”
The intense gaze he was giving you was enough to revive that need inside of you once more, only laying dormant for as long as you’d been asleep. You shouldn’t, it’d only make it harder, and yet…
Your hands reached for his waist and you pulled him closer, legs parting for him to stand between. “Kiss me.”
Jinyoung was always such a good listener. He closed the distance between you, lips melting into yours as they had a million times by now. And still, you found yourself never wanting to pull away, only wanting more and more.
It didn’t take much for the kiss to turn more heated, both of you clearly forgetting about the plates of food on the counter, more concerned with your hands wandering each other’s bodies. It was a craving that you weren’t quite ready to kick.
Jinyoung began peppering kisses along the line of your jaw until he’d reached your neck, the skin already tender and covered in marks from last night. Neither of you worried about leaving bruises, hickies, or scratches. It was like you’d both wanted to mark your territory.
There was already a slickness pooling between your legs, and it had taken no time at all, he had barely even touched you. It was so easy for him—it made you want to stay in all day, let him hold you and in return, worship every inch of him.
But you couldn’t.
Like a blast of cold water, you realized with a start that it was now or never. If you didn’t end it now, you’d continue putting off the one thing that you needed to do. This was it.
“Jinyoung,” you whispered, voice coming out weaker than you’d intended.
“Hm?” he murmured against your skin, the vibration sending a shiver down your spine.
“We need to-” Your words were cut off by a gasp from his teeth nipping at your collarbone. “We need to stop.”
“Why?” he asked, smirking against your skin. “We can always heat up the food later. I have an appetite for something else now.”
Your teeth dug into your lower lip. You already felt the tears welling up behind your eyes and your heart painfully pounding in your chest.
“No,” you replied. “We need to stop. This. All of this.”
It was like it took a moment for it to register, for your words to get through. He pulled away, slowly, eyebrows furrowed.
“Wh-” he shook his head in confusion. “Why?”
You gulped, taking in a deep, shaky breath. “I just think it’s the right time. You’re over Yeri, right?”
“Yes,” he answered, with no hesitation. “But-”
“Okay,” you responded, lips pressing together with a nod. “Then… mission accomplished, right?”
Jinyoung shook his head once more with a humorless laugh. “I don’t get it. We have fun together. I thought this was working for both of us, we were getting what we wanted?”
When he said it, it made sense. You did have fun, and you were getting all of your needs met and then some. But you couldn’t keep it up, you couldn’t let your feelings grow until they’d be impossible to ignore.
“I just-” you whispered, searching for the right words, the ones that could get him to agree without him seeing right through you. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Jinyoung stepped back until no part of his body was touching yours. You felt cold already. His tongue ran along his lip as he stared at you, searching your face for an answer you prayed he wouldn’t discover.
“Can you at least tell me why?”
You wanted to. You really did. There was a big part of you that wanted to tell him the truth, how you fantasized about this all being real, not just for fun. Something that could last. You wanted to wake up next to him in the morning and fall asleep in his embrace every night. But it was one-sided, which meant it could never happen.
“I broke one of the rules,” you managed, voice cracking.
Jinyoung’s entire body tensed in front of you, and you watched as a cold brick wall went up behind his eyes. That openness, the trust you’d built. Suddenly, you felt like it’d been severed in half. “Which rule.”
You swallowed, wringing your hands tight enough that you could feel your nails pressing crescents into your palms. “It doesn’t matter. I think we should stop. Okay?”
“What do you mean, it doesn’t matter? Of course it fucking matters. If you-” he stopped himself, exhaling slowly, and you noticed his fists clenching at his sides.
“Please don’t make me say it, Jinyoung. Just trust me, I didn’t mean to. I… it all happened so fast. I should have said something earlier, before last night. I’m sorry.”
A realization seemed to dawn on him, his eyes darkening. He took another step back. “Fine.”
Maybe he knew. Maybe he could tell by your tone that you’d fallen in love with him, and after all, it had been a dealbreaker. You both went into this specifically because there would be no feelings involved, and you’d gone and fucked it up.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered. Your heart felt like it was cracking into a thousand pieces.
“Don’t.” Jinyoung’s jaw looked like it was wired shut, and there was a fire in his eyes you’d never seen before. “I thought—you know, I don’t know what I thought. Fuck me for thinking we’d be on the same page here.”
“Jinyoung, I tried. I did. I wanted this to work. But it just happened. I saw Jaebeom… and I…” You wiped at a stray tear on your cheek. You wanted to explain it to him, that you didn’t realize until you saw Jaebeom, but the words were hard to find.
At Jaebeom’s name, Jinyoung narrowed his eyes and balled his hands into fists.
“Why are you crying?” He asked harshly. “You wanted this, and we promised we’d be honest, right? So when did it happen?” There was something new in his tone, something you’d never heard from him before. Deeper than anger. Hurt.
You sniffled. “When you were in New York.”
Until he’d left you, you didn’t realize how deep your feelings for him ran. The distance had brought you clarity, however terrifying it had been to accept your fate. You simply couldn’t ignore the truth any longer.
After an unbearably long silence, Jinyoung turned and walked over to the sink, leaning his palms onto the counter. “You should have told me last night. Before.”
Your lip quivered as you brushed more tears away. Of course you should have told him sooner, you should have told him the minute you figured out that you felt more for him than friendship. But you’d been weak and scared.
“I’m-”
“Please, don’t apologize again. Just…” he turned back around, words coming out slow as if he was carefully choosing each one. “It’s probably a good idea for you to leave before I say something I’ll regret.”
This was a new side of Jinyoung for you to witness. Cold, angry, and bitter. You should have known better, to keep your heart out of it, but it was too late now. You didn’t fully understand why he was so hurt, but he had every right to deal with your confession however he pleased.
Another apology was on the tip of your tongue but you swallowed it back, simply nodding before you began gathering the few things you’d brought with you. Jinyoung watched you in silence, his eyes burning holes into the back of your head as you slipped your shoes back on.
Luckily, you made it all the way to your car before you doubled over, finally releasing a strangled sob. Why did it feel like a thousand knives slicing at your skin, all at once?
You loved him. God, did you love him. Even now, with your heart in pieces, you couldn’t let that feeling go. You shut yourself into the safety of the driver’s seat, grateful for your tinted windows as you cried your heart out, forehead pressed into the steering wheel.
Maybe you’d be able to move on someday, just as you had with Jaebeom. But for now, you’d let yourself feel the emptiness.
~~~~
You sniffled, grabbing another tissue and blowing your nose.
“How do you look at the girl you love, and tell yourself it’s time to walk away?”
Your lips mouthed the words along with Channing Tatum, at the very same moment that Bambam snorted, chewing his popcorn noisily.
“Come on, man, this movie is bullshit.”
“Bam. Shut the hell up,” Sana retorted, jabbing her elbow into his side from her spot on the couch.
“Ow,” he complained, rubbing his side, but he shot you an apologetic look regardless.
It was movie night, and you’d been given the privilege of picking the film to watch, which you were sure was completely out of pity. Usually, it was put up to a vote, but for the first time ever, Sana declared that it was up to you to pick. Yugyeom and Bambam whined about it, but let it go fairly easy.
It’d been more than a month since that morning with Jinyoung, and you hadn’t seen him since. You didn’t feel it was your place to reach out to him, knowing he probably needed time, but you’d been surprised after the first few days of silence.
Then it hit you. You’d lost him, for good, all because you couldn’t control yourself. The one person you’d grown to trust wholeheartedly through it all, even beyond Sana. You let Jinyoung see every part of you, and you had nothing to show for it now besides a broken heart.
You’d cried more that first week than you had in years. Your lowest point was Friday, when Sana came home to you laying on the couch, watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and eating marshmallows straight from the bag.
Things got better from that point, but you still felt as if you were walking through life on autopilot. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, sleep, repeat. You hadn’t realized how big of a part Jinyoung played in your daily life until he was gone. It all faded from technicolor to black and white.
“I’m just saying… she wouldn’t be crying if she’d let us watch John Wick like I suggested,” Bambam offered up weakly.
You took a deep breath, straightening your back and wiping your cheeks. “I’m fine. It’s just hormones. I have my period,” you said, knowing this would get him off your back.
“No you don’t,” Yugyeom said. “Your period was last week.”
“How do you know that?” you asked, gaping at him.
Yugyeom shrugged. “I figured out your menstrual cycle. For my own good. You always make me carry in the incoming orders when you have cramps.”
Damn, maybe you needed to stop using your period as an excuse.
You blinked at him and everyone laughed. Everyone except Jackson, at least, who continued to sulk in the corner of the other couch. He’d been keeping his distance from you, though he still came over occasionally. There was a certain icy exterior about him in your presence. His loyalty to Jinyoung trumped his loyalty with you, which was understandable.
You focused back on the movie, desperately trying to keep your thoughts away from Jinyoung. It had been the biggest hurdle you’d faced these last weeks, and one you’d failed to cross every single time.
You didn’t care about the sex. It had been incredible, but you would have lived without it if you could just have him back in your life. Even just as your best friend. The one you texted when you saw something funny, the one you leaned on when you were feeling sad or anxious, the one whose laugh was the single best sound you’d ever heard.
If only you knew how he was doing. Did he hate you? Your mind had jumped to that conclusion thousands of times by now. You knew him, you knew if he’d decided he was done with you, that was it. The same as he’d done years ago when he chose to get over you.
Jackson excused himself to the kitchen for a drink and you quickly followed, claiming you wanted to refill your popcorn. He was crouched in front of the fridge, arm extended painfully to reach the last can of cider in the back corner.
“Jack?” you asked, fingers tapping nervously against the side of the popcorn bowl. You kept your voice down, knowing your friends in the living room would be able to hear you easily, and there was no way they weren’t attempting to eavesdrop already.
He glanced up, acknowledging your presence, then returned his focus to the task at hand.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Finally, his fingers wrapped around the can and he stood up after retrieving it, turning around to face you. “I guess.”
You’d never seen him like this. Jackson was one of the most loyal human beings you’d ever known, but you didn’t realize how awful it would feel when it worked against you.
“How is he? Is he okay?” You swallowed, wringing your hands together. You had a million other questions, but you’d start there.
Jackson traced the lip of his cider can with his fingertip, tongue pressing into the inside of his cheek. “He’s fine. You’re not his favorite person right now, if you want me to be honest.”
Of course you weren’t. That message had certainly been received.
“I know. I just-” you cut yourself off with a deep breath, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I guess I thought it would be okay after a few days, and we could go back to normal.”
Jackson looked at you like you were crazy. “Seriously? You thought it’d go back to normal? Come on, Y/N.”
Your stomach turned with guilt yet again. “I miss him. And I… I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. It was an accident.”
“What, you tripped and Jaebeom’s dick caught your fall?” he asked, eyebrows raised. There was no way your friends hadn’t heard him. You heard rustling, and it sounded like someone paused the movie.
“Wait… what?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t—he told you I slept with Jaebeom?”
“Yeah. You told him you did. Didn’t you?”
“No!” You shook your head, gripping your bowl so tightly it felt like it would break. “Why would he think that?”
Jackson shrugged. “He said you slept with Jaebeom while he was in New York, that you admitted it when he came back.”
“What the hell is going on in here?” Sana interrupted, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “Y/N did not sleep with Jaebeom. Did that asshole say she did?”
“No, Y/N said she did.”
“I didn’t!” You set the popcorn bowl down before you could drop it, rubbing your temples once your hands were free. “He thinks I slept with Jaebeom? That’s why he hasn’t talked to me?”
The world seemed to spin around you and your heart pounded deep in your chest, all of the information falling together as you remembered back to that morning.
I broke one of the rules… I saw Jaebeom… It just happened…
“Oh my god.”
“What?” Jackson and Sana asked at the same time.
“I didn’t sleep with anyone else! I’m in love with him!”
Both of your friends stared at you, jaws practically on the kitchen floor. Bambam and Yugyeom appeared in the doorway behind Sana, ears perked up like curious cats.
“Who are you in love with?” Yugyeom asked, looking between you and Jackson, pointing to the latter. “Him?”
“Oh my god,” you repeated, pinching the bridge of your nose. “He thinks I slept with Jaebeom. What the fuck?”
“You’re in love with him?!” Jackson asked, eyes nearly bugging out of his head. “But he—Y/N, you need to tell him. Right now.”
“Tell who?” Bambam asked.
“Jinyoung!” You and Jackson answered in unison.
“You’re in love with Jinyoung?” Yugyeom asked, but you were already pushing past him to get to the living room.
You needed to talk to him, explain it all. The thought of sleeping with someone else… it made you physically sick. Jinyoung was the only one you’d wanted for a long time. Longer than you even realized.
“Hold on a second,” Sana called, stopping you. You turned back around to face your friends. “I thought you said he didn’t feel the same way?”
“I didn’t think he did. Does he?” You asked, directing your question to Jackson.
He chewed his lip. “It’s not really my place to say…”
“Jackson.” You took a deep breath. “If I go over there and pour my heart out, am I going to make a complete fool out of myself?”
Jackson took a moment to mull it over, then shook his head. “No. I think you should go over there, right now.”
------
You didn’t even change out of your comfy clothes before heading over to Jinyoung’s. It didn’t matter how you looked right now, you just knew you needed to get to him. Your heart was racing at a million miles a minute, hoping and praying that you weren’t too late.
What if you were? What if he was out on a date now, or had someone over? If that was the case, you didn’t think you could come back from that. Just the thought was enough to break you, but you had to try.
Pure adrenaline propelled you to his apartment door, but once you were there you froze. What were you going to say? Should you just come right out with it?
I know you hate me, but there’s been a misunderstanding—I’m actually in love with you.
You found yourself whispering the words to yourself over and over as you stared at his door. It was easy to say out loud now, but you knew it would be more of a challenge to say it to his face.
“I’m in love with you. That’s all you have to say. Come on, it’s not that hard. God, stop being such a wimp,” you told yourself, running your fingers through your hair until you felt like it was going to start falling out.
“Sorry to interrupt, but-”
You nearly jumped out of your skin at the deep voice next to you, spinning around to come face to face with Jinyoung. He was in his usual dark grey suit and black tie, grasping his briefcase in one hand.
“Jesus,” you gasped, hand clutching your chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”
His expression gave nothing away. For all you knew, he still hated you. Although it was a relief that he had been at work, not out sticking his tongue down some other girl’s throat.
“Sorry. Uh,” Jinyoung reached up to rub the back of his neck. “Do you mind? I need to get in there,” he said, nodding towards the door.
You apologized and moved out of his way, watching as he pulled out his key and unlocked the door. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until Jinyoung kept the door open for you to follow him inside.
That was a good sign, right?
After letting the door shut behind you, you didn’t know where to go, so you just stood close to the door and shoved your hands in the pocket of your hoodie, if only because you had no idea what else to do with them.
“How long were you standing there?” you asked, silently praying he hadn’t already heard you confessing to the door.
“Not long,” Jinyoung replied, setting his briefcase down at the kitchen island and shedding his suit jacket.
Typical. He didn’t give anything away, and he still hadn’t even made eye contact with you. He definitely hated you.
“I need to tell you something,” you said, finally. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been this nervous.
Jinyoung turned to face you, hands resting in his pockets. You hadn’t seen him in over a month, and the sight of him in his dress shirt and tie… was overwhelming, to say the least. You gulped, averting your eyes to the floor.
“Okay…”
“I didn’t sleep with Jaebeom. I didn’t sleep with anyone else,” you started. First and foremost, you needed him to know that. It killed you knowing he’d spent the whole month thinking you’d given your body to somebody else when you couldn’t even stand the thought. “That wasn’t the rule that I broke.”
It took you a moment to be able to look up at Jinyoung. He was biting the skin of his lip, almost like he was nervous too. He took a single step forward, though it still felt like there was an ocean between the two of you.
“Okay. Which rule did you break, then?”
One deep breath in, one long breath out. You could do this. But you needed to feel him, to ground yourself to earth before you risked it all.
You took a few hesitant steps towards him, one foot in front of the other until you were close enough to smell his cologne.
“I didn’t mean to. And if you don’t feel the same way, it’s totally okay, I just… can’t lose you. This last month has been hell without you. So, the truth is...”
You reached out, wrapping your fingers around Jinyoung’s wrist until he slipped his hand out of his pocket. Finally, his fingers intertwined with yours and you felt it. Safety. Security. Home.
“I’m in love with you,” you finally confessed.
“I know,” he responded.
“What?” you asked, stuttering. “H-how did you know?”
“I heard you telling my door,” he answered, one side of his mouth lifting in a smirk.
You sighed, ducking your head in embarrassment. “Oh god.”
Jinyoung tugged your hand and pulled you closer. “It was kind of adorable. But I wanted to hear you say it, you know, to me.”
Tilting your head up, you looked him in the eyes and shrugged. “Well, it’s true. Do you…?” you trailed off, your heart pounding in your ears.
“Hmm,” Jinyoung hummed, lifting his free hand to rest against your cheek. “Do I what?”
Your head tipped forward to rest against him and you whined, “Come on. You know what I’m trying to say.”
Jinyoung chuckled, the sound rumbling deep in his chest against your forehead. “Okay, okay. Let me see your face.”
With a sigh, you pulled back to look up at him. He was staring down at you, complete adoration in those brown eyes. You swallowed, fingers squeezing his hand to anchor yourself.
“I’ve been in love with you for a long time, angel. I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t do it.” He spoke softly, and even though he didn’t say much, you felt every ounce of his feelings for you spill out at once. “You’re it for me.”
You blinked and a tear fell. For the first time, you didn’t try to hide it or wipe it away. “I’m sorry that I took so long to catch up.”
It was odd to think that all of these years, you’d been chasing after Jaebeom when Jinyoung had been right under your nose. This person that understood you on the deepest level possible, and could make you smile more than anyone you’d ever met. He was everything you lacked, and vice versa. You couldn’t believe it had taken this long for you to see it.
“There’s no rush. You’ve been in my life all this time, and that was enough for me.” Jinyoung caught one of your tears under his thumb, swiping it away. “I thought I’d gotten over it. I threw myself into work, into Yeri, but she saw right through me. Then you suggested this… arrangement, and I couldn’t say no. It all came flooding back that first night.”
You still remembered it like it was yesterday. The way he’d held you, made you feel beautiful and wanted, like nobody else ever had. That was the first time it’d felt different with him, the first time you saw him as more than a friend. Now here you were, more in love with him than you thought possible.
“I was scared. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner,” you admitted, bringing your joined hands up to your lips so you could kiss his knuckles. “But now that I’m here, I’ve never felt more secure. It’s worth the risk.”
“I promise,” Jinyoung began, brushing his fingertips along the line of your jaw, “that I will never hurt you. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll love you for who you are, through all of your good and bad days, your chaotic cooking, all of your teasing and testing of my limits.”
You let out a half laugh, half sob. “Jinyoung, you’re it for me too. I can just… I feel it, you know? Here.” Your free hand came up to rest on your own heart. “This is yours.”
“I’m never going to take it for granted.”
You’d never seen him so soft, so vulnerable. There were tears in his eyes, too. It was almost like the last decade had been leading to this moment, right here. Even though he was fully dressed in his fancy work clothes and you were wearing a ten year old hoodie and ratty joggers, this was where you were meant to be.
“Can you kiss me now, please? It’s been too long.”
Jinyoung laughed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I think I can do that.”
By the time he leaned down, lips only inches from yours, you finally felt like the world had righted itself.
You tipped your head up the rest of the way until your lips melted into his. Letting go of Jinyoung’s hands, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. There were tears falling down both of your cheeks, but it was the best kiss you’d ever had.
With Jinyoung’s arms around your waist, he brought you flush against his body, kissing you until you both had to come up for air. Jinyoung pressed his forehead against yours, noses brushing together as you caught your breath.
“I want to do this right,” he said, quietly, gripping your waist. “Start over, almost. I want to take you out on a real date, one that doesn’t end with sex. I just…” Jinyoung shrugged, pulling away just enough to kiss your forehead. “I want to show you what you’ve deserved all this time.”
Your cheeks felt hot, just thinking of going out on a date with Jinyoung. As if you were a teenager again, being asked out for the first time. This was how it was supposed to feel, you realized.
“I love you,” you told him and slid your hand into his hair. You had missed the way his strands felt between your fingers. “I don’t want to stop saying it.”
“God, you’re so god damn cute.” Jinyoung kissed your nose and you giggled, leaning down to bury your face in his neck.
“Shut up,” you whined and squeezed him close in a hug, feeling him laugh into your hair. “Can we cuddle and watch a documentary?”
“Mhm,” he hummed, bending down to tuck his arms under your knees. You gasped as he lifted you up easily, wrapping your legs around his waist so he could carry you over to the living room to set you on the couch.
“Ugh, you’re such a show off,” you said as you snuggled into him, nudging his side.
Jinyoung poked your side with the remote in retaliation, grinning enough that his dimples popped and his eye whiskers made an appearance. It made butterflies flutter in your stomach, a feeling you now welcomed rather than buried down.
“Here, pick something,” he said as he handed you the remote and wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
After ten minutes of scrolling and debating on what exactly to spend your night watching, you finally decided on a two hour documentary about Edgar Allen Poe. You easily leaned into Jinyoung’s side, your bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces.
Your eyes drifted shut after twenty minutes, so comfortable in Jinyoung’s arms that your body fell into a light sleep. You vaguely registered a blanket being draped over your lap, though Jinyoung’s warmth never left you. You just snuggled deeper into him, nuzzling your face into his chest.
An incessant buzzing awoke you from your impromptu nap, feeling something vibrate against your thigh. You whined, lower lip jutting out as you opened your eyes. Jinyoung kissed your temple as he pulled his phone from his pocket, eyebrows knitted in confusion as he stared down at the screen.
“It’s Sana. I honestly didn’t even know she had my number.”
“Answer it. Make it stop,” you pouted, rubbing your sleepy eyes.
“Hello?” Jinyoung asked after bringing the phone up to his ear.
Jinyoung was silent for a while, and you could just barely register the sound of Sana’s voice on the other end, but not loud enough for you to make out what exactly she was saying.
“Yes, she’s here. Yeah… No, I know… Jesus Christ, Sana… Listen, you have nothing to worry about, okay? Yeah… Okay, bye.”
Jinyoung cleared his throat as he hung up the phone, setting it down on the empty cushion next to him. “Well,” he began, slipping his arm back around your shoulders, “it’s safe to say, you have a very loyal friend in Sana.”
You raised a brow. “Oh yeah?”
“Yes. She just explained, in very graphic detail, how exactly she would, uh, remove my manhood if I ever hurt you. So.” He pressed his lips together, eyes staring into space as if he’d been scarred for life.
You fought back a smile. “Oh, wow. I mean, you’d better listen. I’d be very sad if anything happened to your-”
“Please don’t say manhood,” he finished for you, releasing a deep sigh.
Giggling, you patted his thigh. “Alright, I won’t say it. But the fact still stands.”
Jinyoung chuckled and shook his head. “I won’t, though. You know that, right? I can’t even imagine it.”
“I don’t need you to promise that, Jinyoung. Life…” you shrugged your shoulders, turning your body so that you could truly face him, look him in the eyes. “Things happen. Maybe one day, you’ll have a bad day at work and snap at me when I tease you a little too hard. Or maybe I’ll snap at you. We’re gonna fight, Jinyoung. And it’ll hurt. But this,” you reached for his hand, lacing your fingers through his. “This feels right. This is what I care about.”
The corner of Jinyoung’s lips lifted as he looked down at your hands, then back up at you. “How about a new pact?” he asked, twisting your hands until only your pinkies linked together.
“Okay.” You curled your finger around his.
“Let’s make a deal. We’ll love each other, listen to each other, be honest, and just… choose each other. Every day.”
The deep, sincere tone of Jinyoung’s voice was enough for your eyes to well up once more, though you fought it back down.
“Deal,” you said, leaning forward to kiss the back of your own thumb, the universal ‘pinky promise’ gesture. Jinyoung did the same, then pulled you closer by your hand to press his lips into yours. You smiled into the kiss, melting against him once more.
You didn’t know what would happen in the future; you couldn’t make predictions or promise that it would always be perfect, but you knew that finally, through all of the ups and downs and the wrong turns, you had found your home. It was here, with Jinyoung.
