Okay like say for example if I see a movie or hear a song around the time period a couple weeks before the even happened to me. When I see these things that remind me of that certain time period I get extremely sad. Like I start to tear up and lose the ability to speak. I start to sweat and all of that just because I get reminded of the time period before the event but not the even itself. Ever since the event though I have not felt myself improve in anyway possible. I'm thinking of getting help
Hi :) I’m so sorry it took me all day to get back to you.
Sometimes remembering the good hurts more than the bad. I don’t know exactly what happened in your situation, but I remember that it was more difficult for me to be reminded of the good times with my abuser. It made me question my understanding of what happened, because the bad was so clearly bad, but the good was so clearly good, and how could both have truly been the case? For me a huge trigger was remembering the way he used to kiss me. I could feel it for months after and it made me miss him, which caused crying spells and anxiety attacks out of thin air. It was hell.
Regardless of whether you have what would be diagnosed as PTSD, it sounds like you’re dealing with grieving some kind of loss, or struggling to wrap your mind around a time in your life that led to intense pain of some kind. If you haven’t felt any improvement, I absolutely encourage you to seek help. Sometimes just having an outsider’s perspective can help you figure things out.
Pain and trauma do not have to be dealt with alone. If you have health insurance, I strongly encourage you to look for mental health providers in your area. If you don’t have insurance, universities often offer free counseling from Master’s students, as part of their program.
Getting help is not a bad thing; it does not mean you’re crazy, even if you choose to see a psychiatrist and explore the option of medication. That doesn’t have to be permanent. None of it does. A good therapist can help you sort through what’s going on in your mind, as someone outside the situation with perhaps a different opinion or perspective. If you’ve never had counseling before, I also want to encourage you to know your rights as a person and as a client. If for any reason - ANY reason - you don’t feel like a therapist is right for you, try someone else. I’ve seen a total of about 12 therapists. You’re allowed to be picky. :)
I want to give you a tool, though, because this helped me a great deal when I first started trying to sort through my anxiety issues:
When you start to feel anxious, start to sweat, grab a notebook and answer the following questions in order -
1) Identify - What is this fear/anxiety actually about?
2) Possibility - On a scale of 1-10, what is the possibility that what you’re afraid of will realistically take place?
3) Self-talk - What kinds of things are you telling yourself right now that’s making the fear grow? (This one is difficult sometimes, and can make you kinda spiral. Let yourself go for a bit, but stop and read what you’re writing.)
4) Realism - If the situation or thing you’re afraid of were to actually happen, what would be the consequences?
5) Control - What can you do realistically to control the outcome of what you fear may happen?
I hope this was helpful. If you have any more questions, feel free to pop them in my inbox. Heck, if you want to try that tool and get some feedback, go ahead. I’m here to listen and help if I can.