On Moments Later Felt
“As he turned to me, the mild amusement on his face, I saw it. The words, poised to spring forth from his lips, the narrative that he would provide. The shattering blow it would deal to who I was, what I was, my entire worldview. I could see it hovering in the light of his eyes, the slight curve at the corner of his mouth. I braced myself. And so, when a moment later he made a small "Snrk" sound and turned away, I felt . . . almost cheated. I wasn't worth the effort it would take to destroy me?! HOW DARE HE DISMISS ME. My anguished, raging retreat fogs my recollection, but I remember stumbling outside and swearing loudly at an inoffensive street light as a homeless man stared with wide eyes from his makeshift shelter.
It would be years before I realized he knew. That he'd seen the fatal mirror in my eyes, that I'd had the blow dealt without a single word being uttered. That he felt no need to bring the hammer down on the shattered pieces of my self-regard. He knew, as I have learned, that there is no substitute for the lessons you teach yourself.”