story of my life
I was in depression. It was very difficult phase of my life. I would be awakening whole night. I thought all kind of stuff, life, love, job, career, family etc. I didn’t what kind of problem I had had.
I surfed mobile data at night because I didn’t have internet at home to seek the solution. I typed how to be positive, how to get away from depression, how to do meditation, how to learn English..blah..blah..blah..
Sometimes I thought I know my problems and I would solve them. However, I saw all the problems in bigger picture and drowning me towards ground.
By the time, I was losing my confidence. I used to fumbling words to pronounce while asking questions regarding my job assignment. Focus was one thing which I totally lost. People were becoming problem to me. I felt awkward to ask suggestion and help.
During those periods, there were many issues running in my life. When I fell into depression, I still don’t remember. But, when I joined FM and started to work my dream job. I found myself unskilled. When colleagues started to make me feel worthless then I started feel hopeless. I feared so much that I would be failed in life. I lost confidence when they satire on me, insulted and scolded me. I was elder than them but they humiliated to me because I was incompetent.
There was certain person who supported to me a lot but I was broken inside very much. They made me feel dumb and in some night of my life, I thought I’m.
When I told to my sis, she coaxed me that never feel such worst thing in your life. I was struggling to live up to my best. I lost many years without doing anything. I watched whole day either television or spent time with friends. When I turned in late twenties neither I had profound knowledge for anything or true friend. I was alone and there weren’t anyone to rely.
When I got the job in reputed English daily, I was pretty happy, though, interview had been disaster. I had a tiny hope that I would get job. Anyhow I got it. I was here depicted again incompetent. I needed to write in English and I was weak on it. I had neither vocabulary nor grammar. Few months past, however, problem started in my reporting related facts. There seen height of carelessness and incompetent to work. My boss started to irritate with me. Office was also kind of mess. I was loner there. There was not anyone to talk and share things. I felt awkward and had huge problem to focus on job. Mostly, I did silly mistakes and my boss saw me as silly and dumb girl.
During this time, I was also suffering in my private life too. My ex came back in my life. I was fool and I thought everything would be good. He showed me dream and I blindly believed on it. When he knew I couldn’t afford money to marriage, he took me for granted. He called me to do intercourse and I agreed, thought, he might be realised later after creating new memory with him. But, I was biggest dumbo in the world. I didn’t hurt that much when he did negative remark on my family condition, my body and behaviour. I felt devastated when he made me feel that I forcefully made to spend him time with me. I always tried to make him happy, tried to live most memorial time but I failed. He doesn’t care me or I felt to realise him about my importance. Maybe, that was also cause of my depression.
After a month, my self awoke at the middle of night. Why I’m wasting my time in tiny things. Nobody is perfect. Some learn fast and some learn slowly. But, one thing never should perfect practice makes man perfect. I did practice everyday. My boss started to give me assignment to check my grammar and expression. She preferred simple language and forced me to deal my life.
I was highly suffocated, so I started to write about my story. I did writing for therapeutic.
Now, I’m glad. Right now, I’m living my dream as successful international journalist. I’m in safe zone of my job. I have dearly husband who loved me a lot and supporting family with my siblings love.