If not all, then I’m sure, many of us have heard of “girl” code. In girl world, it’s the so-called law, the unspoken rules. There was also the MTV show Girl Code. There are just tips, rules, and guidelines to being a girl. It’s like some huge secret amongst female being. But historically, I think, it might be quite obvious why girls and women spoke in whispers and secrets; they were barely allowed to speak without permission. To make a long story shorter, girlhood/womanhood is sacred to the point where we all know the move when someone throws in girl code. I, however, disagree.
You see I’ve recently been pushed to the brink. I believe in what I believe. I love what I believe in. I wish more people believed in what I do. But then I guess that would make for far less interesting, critical conversations. Honestly, truly, my alarms always sound when a conservative tries to speak for marginalized groups they don’t even support. I recognize that’s my own flaw. Sometimes things just don’t merit a response. My parents say that with age and maturity my fuse will lengthen. Until then I suppose I’ll have to remain my “abrasive and controversial” self, which means I can say, fuck girl code!
*sigh* January 21, 2017, a day after the inauguration, humans gathered globally to stand with women. I didn’t even realize it was going on, otherwise I would have loved to be at the Women’s March in Austin. For those of us who couldn’t attend we showed our solidarity the way people usually do these days: social media. In my opinion it was incredible. Not specifically Austin’s, or D.C.’s, or anyone in particular, but just as a general whole. Because in the wake of the world’s chaos, my nation’s chaos, and my own chaos, the world was gathering to stand up for all that is femme.
I’m femme af! It is my personal life mission to speak in terms that open the scope of what society defines as female and womanhood. While also standing up against what they are not but have been constructed as. The Women’s March garnered so much attention, like most things that attempt to bring women to a higher status than second class. Imagine that. Women and their allies said, “Square up!” to the world around them that genuinely seeks to keep them “in place”. January 21, 2017 was a beautiful day in women’s history! I could think of many ways some marches were problematic; that wouldn’t be the point. It’s not every day the world comes together for women. Can we cherish that just for a moment?
The problem that really stuck out for me regarding the Women’s March were the women who felt that the marchers did not represent them. To some the Women’s March was vulgar and a waste of time. Not to be a smartass, but those are also adjectives that have probably been used to define womanhood. Your worst nightmare might be women having complete, unapologetic control of their own bodies. Yet that is such a foreign thought across all nations and cultures in the world. Women just birth the babies, right? Another conversation. Now that I’ve ranted I’ll lead you back to my point. There was quite of bit of backlash post-Women’s March. Not the kind about white feminism or cis-women not including transwomen. It was literally women offended because, “I have no problems as a woman. We’re fine.” Shut up. Stop. I find it fair to mention the vulva hat that surfaced on my timeline. First of all, L O L ! Second, stop it. You completely missed the point.
Listen, somewhere right now, a girl just wrote on social media, “How could a girl mess with another girl’s boyfriend?” G U R L ! You know what? Maybe you’re right, maybe I shouldn’t flirt back with the guy who has a girl, who just slid into my DMs all cute. You’re so right BUT not today. Your problem is your little boyfriend, not the person who’s made zero commitment to you. But y’all…girl code!
· Don’t mess with another girl’s boyfriend
· Don’t support her rights to her own body
There we are. There is a subconscious responsibility as women to be loyal to other women when their men can’t, but not in the way we should. Rather than speaking up against rape culture, women say, “She shouldn’t have put herself in that situation.” Instead of supporting sexual education or reproductive health, we say, “Abortion is murder.” And when you’re boyfriend cheats on you, “She’s such a slut! I’ll always love my boyfriend!” I’m supposed to stop YOUR partner from pursuing me because if they’re ok with deceiving you then I can’t be, although you’re pro-life, anti-choice, and women have a role and women need to respect themselves. I could say that the Women’s March didn’t represent me as a black woman. I still have concerns with western feminists’ presence in intersectional movements. That’s still not the issue right now. I think there were many supporters amongst the Women’s Marches whom advocate for all female identities. You can easily support someone while not subscribing to the act. I’ve never had an abortion, I might never have an abortion, but I support women who do and I value my right as a woman to make my own decision to have an abortion or not. I don’t want to be a housewife. I don’t want to be the caretaker role on my own. I don’t think plastic surgery is the answer. Nudes have a time and place. On the other hand, I believe housewives and caring for children is a job, some plastic surgery looks great, and who hasn’t taken a naked photo of their body? I will support your right to do those things and your right to live the lifestyle you choose. The list is never ending because girl code is supporting females. Women across the world showed up and showed out to further the truth that female is a force.
I don’t care that you think abortion is murder, that’s your prerogative. I do care that you don’t support my right to one. Way too often women have to say, “I can’t be friends with girls. Girls are bitches. I’m not like other girls.” An angel loses their wings every time internal misogyny is expressed. The moral of the story is “girl code” will never be a real thing if women don’t respect each other enough to support them. And I don’t mean respect the girl whom has screwed you over constantly. Feminism or supporting women has never been about liking every woman. As humans, with thoughts of our own, that is impossible in many ways. Regardless, as people who share such an intimate commonality, of which has been condemned by the “dominant” sex/gender, I think women have come too far. We have taken too much male shit to stand on their side and continue to oppress women. All while males think the same about you. I say this with love. Think about how big male egos get when you try to throw hands with other girls over him? It was literally his idea to not use a condom…
Thanks for the read! February is Black History Month so starting tomorrow, in honor of black history and women crush Wednesday, I’ll be posting some of my favorite influential black women! See you soon, Wild Things!