Hikaru says "You've been lying, Pavel." He says that I need to write this down because I need to see it.
I am... mad at him. I can't think straight. He is nice but I want to be mad at him and scream and hurt him, and everyone else, even though I don't want them to go.
I lied about my results when I went to sickbay. I am not fine. When they tested me- well.
Infections- negative
Tumors- negative
Bacteria, Viruses, and Parasites- negative
Other: A foreign energy detected in my head.
Dr. McCoy says this is not normal, but I know he just means that I am insane, that there is some chemical imbalance, that I can never work again and they will make me leave Starfleet and I will never see anyone again. Foreign energy. Stupid stupid stupid. That means I'm going to die weak and not even me anymore, no? They said that they need to watch me. They let me go back to work- I was not being liar about that- but now they say I must take break, yes? Because I am hallucinating, they are saying. They are saying many things and I am having trouble keeping track because it is hard to keep the English from the Russian and my head hurts so much and-
there's something inside my head with me and of course I was the stupid one to get it and ruin everything.
I am afraid. My head hurts.