I Do Love You...
Layla shrugged, pointing to the door as if she wanted him to follow, she had not yet answered his question.
Asher followed after Layla, searching for her the moment that he was out the door only to find her situated just beside the garden. He inhaled deeply through his nose and approached her, sizing her up through furrowed brows. Nothing was said... It just appeared as though he was waiting for something.
Layla looked up at Asher, chewing at her lower lip. "I said I was sorry." She whispered, knowing she hadn't -actually- said she was sorry, but he knew what she had meant with that small kiss earlier in the night. "Don't look at me like that."
Asher canted his head to the side, brows furrowing deeper as the words left her. He shook his head and sighed through a small parting between otherwise pursed lips. "How do you want me to look at you, Layla? A few days ago I didn't know if you were alive or dead, we got you back in a state where you were scarcely hanging on to life and then you just disappear and cut me out for a few days without so much as a word or explanation." He shook his head again and looked back to her.
Layla stared him down, running her tongue over her teeth from behind tightly pursed lips. "I am not going to beg you for forgiveness, Asher." She said, spitting the words out the moment they hit the tip of her tongue. "I fucked up. Again. I know..."
Asher peered at her intensely then, an anger welling up within the greys of his eyes. "Forgiveness? You think I haven't forgiven you?" He shook his head again and looked away from her, turning his attention instead towards the sky. "Of course I forgave you... I've forgiven you for six different things since you disappeared. That doesn't mean that it didn't hurt, or that I'm not angry about it." He lowered his hands from his chest, letting them hang by his sides as he looked back to her. "The thing is, I didn't want or need an apology, Layla. What I wanted was an explanation. To be involved. To be trusted."
Layla curled her arms closer to her body, holding herself tightly. "I know..." She said, the words weakly falling from her lips. She took a small step closer to him, reaching out for his hand if he would let her. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until you were there again. I don't think I ever realize how much I need you until you are there again. I have been on my own for so long, it's..." She shook her head, sighing heavily. "It's hard to let someone in. I'm sorry..."
Asher didn't shy away from her, but the hand that she took was devoid of any sort of warmth, at least for the moment. "I know you know... Which makes it even worse." He shook his head and grit his teeth as she continued, explaining the difficulty. His hand tightened in her own, a mixture of emotions coursing through him. "It's pretty hard not knowing if the woman you love is dead or not for nearly a full two days before you can do anything... It's harder still finding her on the cusp of death... And then she runs off? Has her family guards borderline forcefully escort you away from where she's run off to?" Asher grit his teeth and looked away from her for but a moment. With a blink, his gaze had flicked back to her own. "Because that's the truth of it Layla, I love you and I know you went through something terrible. But I went through it too, in a different way, and you wouldn't even talk about it."
Layla's eyes went wide, staring up into his. "You... love?" She asked, chewing at her lower lip with enough force to nearly draw blood from the surface. She was a mess, like always, but this was kicking her right in the gut. She shook her head, closing her eyes. "No. That's silly. Don't say that." Her head shook again, moving almost violently from side to side. "I am no good for you. Not... no, not like that. Fun, we have fun. Sure. But... Asher, you cannot love me." She said, eyes opening to stare back up into his again.
Asher clenched his jaw and took a firmer hold of her hand as she began to shake from side to side. "No. Stop." He took a hold of her other arm with his free hand. "What you're doing right now, stop it. Because you've known for almost a month that I've been in love with you, ever since it 'slipped' and you ran off upstairs to get more drinks." He shook his head and inhaled sharply. "This thing you've got in your head... That you can't let people in, that you're better by yourself, or that other people are better without you. Just stop it, because it isn't true, and I do love you."
Layla felt his hand squeeze harder around hers, his hand move up to her arm. He held her still. There. In front of him. Just as he had since they had met. There was something about him, about this Ishgardian. He was unwavering. "I don't... Asher... I can't." She whispered.
Asher forced a smile, his nose tightening up and wrinkling as Layla whispered to him. "You can't." He echoed back at her and released his hand from around hers, and his other from around her arm. A single step back was taken and he lazily held his arms out to each side. "Layla, I've been through enough... Really, I have. If you don't know that you can... Well, I'm not going to be able to convince you of it, but I know you can. And when you're ready... If you're ever ready, you know where to find me."
Layla felt an emptiness when he pulled away. Something hollow inside of her, echoing, beating. She closed her eyes and shook her head again. "Wait..." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "That's not... that's not what I meant." She said, turning bright green eyes on him again. "Please don't go..."
Asher had begun to move towards the exit of the grounds encompassing the observatory... And then he heard her voice ring out. It rose in him again, something between fire and calming waters within himself. He shook his head and turned back around to face her. "What do you want from me, Layla? Honestly." He placed each of his hands on his hips and looked back towards the house. "I try to get close and you run away. I chase after and you have me thrown out. I try and uplift you and you turn around and tell me that it's not possible. You can't. What do you want from me? What do you want out of us?"
Layla watched him move away, farther and farther away from her. Each footfall of his boots echoing deep within her heart. "Wait..." She said again, this time only a whisper of a word on her tongue. She didn't know what to do, how to act, what to say. She shook her head again, another tear falling from her eyes, rolling gently down her cheek. "I want you." She finally said, once again chewing at her lower lip. "Isn't that obvious, Asher?" She asked, a bit of anger rolling up from her gut to mix with her words. "You know who I am, you know what I do, but every time I do it, you get angry with me. I don't know any other way to be." She said, hands balled into fists at her sides. "Don't stop fighting now." She said, looking down at the gravel path, words once more nothing but a whisper.
Asher scoffed and shook his head again, eyeing her for a moment before he looked back down to the gravel pathway. "No, it isn't obvious at all, Layla. I followed you and you had me thrown out of your house. You didn't want me then." His fingers dug into his coat and he shook his head again. "I've fought enough, Layla, and I'll keep doing it too. I'm just hoping that you're going to decide to do the same thing. Because this thing that we have, us, is not just fun. Sometimes it isn't. At all."
Layla shook her head again. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to make the emotions inside of her come out in a way that made sense. She was terrified. Every moment with him was amazing, but there was always that nagging feeling in the back of her mind. He was going to leave. He was going to get sick of her shit. Another small tear rolled down her cheek and she took a single step forward. Without thinking she moved, quickly, bringing herself to stand just in front of him before anything could stop her. She pushed all the doubt and all the worry from her mind. She needed him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she pushed up on the tips of her toes, kissing him deeply. "Please don't go." She whispered. "I need you."
Asher stared at her for a good long while as she seemed to consider what to say or do. After a moment he began to turn, just in time to hear her step upon the gravel. He stopped and looked back to her, only to find her wrapped around him and with her lips pressed against his. The conflicting emotions he had held began to fade away, leaving something much calmer and relaxing, even if the rapid beating of his heart could've meant otherwise. He canted his head to the side slightly, kissing her back and curling his arms around her waist. He held her tightly to him and closed his eyes, relishing the feeling before she pulled away just enough to whisper. "I'm not going anywhere, Layla... I just..." he whispered back, trailing off. "I love you, and I'm pretty sure that you love me too... And I was just hoping that this once you'd chase after me instead."
Layla pressed her forehead into his chest, allowing the tears to fall from her eyes freely now. "I love you too." She said, perhaps for the first time in her life, at least to another person. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, I am trying so hard." She said, sniffling back a small sob.
Asher squeezed her even tighter as she began to cry into his chest. "You don't have to apologize..." he murmured quietly and tilted his head forward, resting his chin gently over the top of her head. "I'm never going anywhere out of reach. I'll always be here for you."
Layla pushed back on his chest, looking up at him. "Promise?" She asked, reaching up to wipe at a stray tear. "I don't think I could make it without you, not anymore. Not now that I have had you. Nothing would be the same if you left."
Asher lifted his head from hers and met her gaze. "I promise," he swore and offered a subtle nod. One hand unfurled from around her and rose to help wipe away some of those stray tears. "You don't have to hold back with me, run, or do anything like that." He leaned down and pressed another kiss to her lips, not quite so deep as their previous one, but one that he held to her for a few long moments all the same. When he finally pulled away he inhaled deeply and cleared his throat. "Let’s go home?"
Layla said nothing, though there was a weak smile on her lips. She nodded, slipping her hand into his so that he might lead the way.