#thirteen years...

[kalyri]

so like...

called my dad to tell him we found a turtle... and to make sure it wasn’t like... something that we could kill on accident (which... if we had thrown it in the water, we would have... but i’m not that mean--technically a tortoise i guess? but it looked too much like our pet turtle for me to be sure) 

ANYWAY!

first thing he says?

“No.”

like... no dad

fuck

the turtle we got is the family heirloom, we don’t need TWO 

collecting animals is your problem... not mine xD

[misguided-king]

did daddy ever make you wear a buttplug (a plug-shaped rubber thing that you have to shove into your butt and wear for an extended period of time)

Wh-- ... Ah.

... Would it appease you if I answered "yes"?