If there's one thing I'm sure about, is that I'll always have a 'thing' for you. I don't know whether it's a good thing, or a bad thing. But I know that you make me feel more alive than any other person had made me, do things that I never would have done, pushed me harder than I would. I guess I should thank you for that.
You're the one that helped me through the stupid bullshit I had to deal with earlier this month. You were there for me, even when it seemed like no one was there to help me out. You were the one who showed me what the world had to offer and that one stupid little bitch shouldn't be bringing me down.
I don't know what I should expect, because I thought I would be fine without feeling for you anymore. I honestly thought I would be able to get over you, and I was foolish enough to believe myself. I guess it was because you were there for me when I was at my lowest. I let my guards down, and because of that, I relied on you a little more than I should of.
But the difference between the me now, and the person that used to like you once upon a time, is that I know that we would never end up together. I know that there would be nothing between us, mostly because of the fact that we're leaving for universities literally going the opposite ways, we're going to meet different people, fall for different people. WIth distance so great, don't you think that it would be close to impossible to have a stable relationship? Sure, we may have a chance when we're older. But what are the chances that we are gonna stay in touch? It terrifies me that you might end up forgetting me along the way, however, the more I look at it, the more that I realize it's bound to happen. People have lives, they change, they move on.
I honestly don't know, but I know enough to not get attached like the last time, and not get hurt by the last time. But sometimes, I just can't help myself by doing this because with you, I don't mind taking a risk. I don't mind taking a leap of faith, I guess it's because of the person you are. I just like how it's kinda a new adventure every time.
I believe that I'm overthinking things, as always. I shouldn't be feeling anything for you, I shouldn't even care about you that much. And I certainly shouldn't have fallen for you this hard. But I'm stronger than before, I'll be fine and I'm sure as hell going to get over this.
I'm not going to let my feelings ruin this friendship. It's funny how I expected us to never talk to each other again, but turns out, we eventually did. We got whatever happened in the past, out of the way and are friends again (what a miracle) but then this happens and I just don't know what to do.