Comments save fics. This is going to be a bit of a ramble. But I want to get it off my chest, even if I am only screaming into the void.
My most recent fic is clearly an unmitigated flop. I didn’t think it was that bad. (In fact, I thought it had some pretty strong moments). But based on the utter lack of reaction to it after quite a sizeable number of hits, I’ve been more than a little crestfallen.
Clearly I’ve missed the mark in writing it in some way. (Thought I’m neither astute or detached from it enough to see how). So, after twenty four hours, I came to a conclusion. I was going to take it down.
Yes, that’s a really overly emotional, dumb gut reaction. But I’d poured a lot of myself into this fic, and to see no enjoying it was a painful experience. No one owes it a like. I know that. Neither the fic or me are entitled to anything from anyone. But still, it hurt to see it failing so badly.
So, I went to delete it. And hovered over the button. A mixture of self pity and reckless self assurance stayed my hand. I’d give it one last chance. It had until the morning when I woke up. If nothing had changed by then…I’d kill it.
Thirty minutes later I got a message.
“kicking my feet and screaming!! this was an incredible read, i love how you wrote this!!!
incredible work dear author”
I’ve always appreciated feedback and comments. They’re always a joy to read. This one though. This one hit different.
Someone liked my flop of a fic. My self doubt was what my sense of reason knew it to be all along. Baseless. But if I’d never gotten that message. If they’d never let me know how much they liked it. I would have erased it. Purged it from the internet, and that person would never had had the chance to ever re-read it and connect to those words inside it like I do.
That one comment stayed my hand.
Now, even if it gained a million views and never gained a single other kudos or comment, I wouldn’t delete it. Because that one person did connect to it. And I want to save it for them.
It’s still a flop as a write this. But it has two comments now! Both more precious to me than even a thousand kudos. Because they saved my fic. Spared it an overly emotional, ignominious death. Showed me that no matter how much I think it a failure, someone out there will connect to it. That I’m not alone in thinking “I really enjoyed reading this fic.”