I just finished reading "This monster lives" which is a book detailing the making of the "some kind of monster" documentary. It was overall a good read, but I'm unsatisfied with the way Kirk is portrayed.
He is written in such a "mystified" way, I derived that from adjectives such as "the ever-gracious", "the ever-patient", "the natural mediator" of the group and also having really wise replies and insights. He's rarely shown as having any real and consistent frustration or vulnerability, at least in comparison to James and Lars (I mean, even Phil, Dave and Jason's affects are more fleshed out than Kirk's ever seemingly were). I think it's quite unfair that his person hood isn't challenged or as profoundly explored as his bandmates (or former, in Jason's case).
I'm not saying that Kirk isn't this kind of person, he certainly is more attuned to his emotions and more mature from this point of view, what I'm trying to say is that I went in expecting some sort of satisfaction that I didn't really receive regarding him in the documentary, that maybe I'd get further insight into what exactly he was going through in that period, and I thought, by also being part of the "core three", he'd also be shown expressing his individuality. Another thing I noticed was when Kirk was mentioned, it was seldom as an individual, it was often "Lars and Kirk", "James and Kirk", "James, Lars and Kirk", which I guess bothered me. I remember he had a whole scene on his ranch, on the beach talking about him kicking his addictions because another wise he couldn't surf and enjoy life, in the car, saying he'd felt the need to shrink his ego and hoped others would lead by example, his displeasure at the band's choice to not add solos etc., I was hoping the book would go more into detail. The author and filmmaker claims that this documentary is about Metallica getting through their hardships and exposing their vulnerabilities and insecurities through therapy and in front of the camera and making a "honest" and "raw" album as a team, but it still feels like the "James and Lars" project, as their focus is on them instead of the entire band.
(also, I'm sorry, I fucking hated when they were referring to the time James was in rehab as the "James-less" era, it was so unnecessary, I understand this was a big thing to happen due to the uncertainty and already low morale, but the others are as much part of Metallica as James is and they shouldn't be pushed to the side in favour of their front man or be seen as an extension of him - it isn't James' fault, obviously)
Overall, it was an insightful read, but not satisfying. I don't know if it's because Kirk was hesitant to lay out his grievances or because he was particularly reserved in showing vulnerability (I doubt it's that, due to them mentioning him being responsive and open to the therapy sessions - he's proved some reservations about the filming process because he is a private person, but gave in for the sake of honesty and sincerity - in comparison to James' reticence and stubbornness) or they simply omitted or cut out these parts in the filming and writing process. Maybe I'm biased, maybe there's actual vulnerability and because of my high expectations, I refused to see and acknowledge it or didn't see it as enough.
james/lars extended "fuck" scene from this monster lives
so yesterday, i posted the "fuck" scene as it happens in the documentary, skom. this is the extended "fuck" scene as it actually happened and also a huge reason why i rec picking up this book as well if you're going to get the documentary. there's a few scenes where you really want the full version of them, but i think this is the biggest one as it pertains to james and lars and them kind of figuring out a way to deal with each other and be friends again.
tagging ohnoitsthebat as per usual.
page 158:
But even the "fuck" scene as it appears on the screen doesn't give the viewer the events as they happened chronologically. [...] We could create some dynamic pacing by cherry picking the best moments of a situation without having to to present them as a single coherent scene. Alternating between the session and the fan-appreciation concert also serves a thematic purpose. We see them arguing, expressing the honest state of Metallica, and then we see them putting on a brave face for the public. The fan day actually happened a few months after the "fuck" session. We juxtaposed the two because it was a way to portray what we saw as the "emotional truth" of what was going on with Metallica, even if it wasn't chronologically accurate.
The manipulation of "reality" in this sequence doesn't stop there. We edited the exchanges between Lars, James, and Phil for clarity and conciseness. We also changed the order of what was said. Lars's "fuck" monologue actually happened toward the end of the session. The more calm lines, the ones intercut with "Seek & Destroy", were actually spoken much earlier in the session. Again, this reordering made sense to us thematically and felt emotionally truthful.
[...]
The discussion was actually a continuation of one that had begun the day before, during which James tried to explain why it upset him when he felt like work continued after the time he was required to go home. He says that he doesn't like walking into a situation where he thinks things have already been decided. James eventually walks out, slamming the door behind him. We see Zack Harmon, HQ's studio manager, follow James to see if he's okay, but what you don't see is that Lars also follows James, for the same reason.
[...]
Early in the next day's session, James haltingly tried to explain his actions from the day before. "I got pretty scared when I walked out there," he admitted. Turning to Lars, he said, "I'm glad you came out and I'm glad Zach did, too. It was nice. I know I want people to follow me out there, and I hate the part of me that wants to walk out and leave, and make a dramatic exit...I felt really suffocated then, really trapped. It was like I was battling again. I was putting out there some pretty vulnerable things, and I got static back, and that scared me."
[...]
He turned to Kirk. "You helped me yesterday when you said this is what you've been feeling like for fifteen years. You do your part, adn then when you leave, we sit there adn fiddle with stuff and make decisions. I couldn't do that. I can't live like that, I can't feel healthy in that."
In the annals of Metallica, this was a historic speech. It was probably the first time either James or Lars had acknowledged the frustration that Kirk (and by extension Jason) had to accept as a condition of being in Metallica. Kirk, ever gracious, said that he had learned to "go with the flow of things". He pointed out, quite astutely, that what James was experiencing was somewhat different, because it involved his relationship with Lars, an ongoing competitive back-and-forth between equals.
[...]
Lars had been fairly silent for a while. After some more talk about the meaning of trust, Phil tried to draw Lars out further, asking, "What are you thinking about?"
"Right now, the way I'm feeling goes between anger and pity." Lars turned to James. "You know, I don't think you want pity, but I feel really sad for you for some reason. That's probably the reason that it's so hard for me to say a lot of these things, 'cause the effort you're making to deal with things is valiant, and so pure. But I just think you're so fucking self-absorbed and selfish. There's a complete lack of respect for others' point of view, or sacrificing your own needs, or caring about I feel or what anybody else in this room feels...I see, inside your eyes and inside your mind, a fucking thunderstorm, a hurricane that you're trying to control. I can tell Bob how I feel about you, I can tell Phil how I feel about you, I can tell Kirk how I feel about you, but it's really hard for me to look you in the eye and tell you how I really feel. I feel so much sadness that it's come to this point, but when I'm not with you, I feel a lot of anger and resentment. I know that you and I want the same thing - it's just that we are further apart than we've ever been before.
"I know the hardest thing about you leaving at four o'clock is that you don't really want to leave at four o'clock," Lars continued. "I know it's a choice you make, but I don't think it's 100 percent. I know you want to stay past four and keep jamming and keep hanging, but because of the place you're in right now, you can't , and that's what makes me hang on, 'cause I know we want the same thing. But in my moments of extreme anger and resentment, I don't want to hang on - I want to run away. The key question has become: Do we want to make a Metallica record? What is 'absolute trust' and is that necessary to make a Metallica record? If you're not having any fun, let me let it be known to you that I'm certainly not having a lot of fun either."
Lars looked worn out. James stared at him for a second. "I'm glad you said that. 'Cause I really, deep down, feel sometimes that it's just...that there's some empty...just an ugly feeling inside. I don't know...How much work are we going to put into this? When you say we want the same thing, what is that thing?"
"From my perspective," Phil said, addressing Lars, "I believe the sadness that you feel is not just about your feelings for James but also about being hurt by his lack of trust in you."
"Of course it hurts me."
"Well, you don't really talk about that," Phil said. "That's what I'm saying."
Lars nodded. "I'll talk about that." He looked at James. "It's really fucking difficult to sit there adn have you tell me that you don't like being in there playing music with me. Yes, it hurts me, okay? I just don't want to become a fuckin' parody. Okay, so it you're not happy playing music with me... [Lars makes his hooked-thumb "get the fuck out of here" gesture.]
[...]
"This is a twenty year marriage between the two of you," Phil said. "There's a great, great love buried underneath a whole bunch of fear, adn a whole bunch of stuff that protects yourselves from being hurt. That's what it's all about. I guarantee you that."
After a bit more talk along these lines, Lars suddenly got up. Without saying anything, he stalked off into an adjoining room that had a Ping-Pong table. The other exchanged looks. James got up and followed Lars. Bob Richman followed discreetly behind them. James peeked in. Lars was walking methodically around the Ping-Pong table, muttering things as he did his laps. James came back to the table. Lars followed a few minutes later.
"You all right?" Kirk asked Lars.
"Never been better."
"See, that's where I don't trust you," James said.
"Good," Lars replied.
"Well, wait a minute," Phil said to James. "When he said 'Never been better', you know that's not what he meant."
"Right. And Kirk asked a real question."
"so what does that have to with trusting him or not? If you know that's his defensive maneuver, find out what he really is feeling. You went after him, you went to see him."
"I wanted to walk around the Ping-Pong table ten time," Lars said. "So I did that."
"So what do you think about the fact that he came after you?"
"Who, James?" Lars groaned. "I don't know."
"Did you see that James came after you? To see if you were all right, I assume. What did you think about that?"
"Um, I thought it was a nice gesture."
"Okay, so you got up and left the room to walk around the Ping-Pong table. That's no different than him walking out and slamming the door, except there wasn't as much noise..."
"I just wanted a time out for two seconds, okay? You play ten, you sit down for two games."
"Okay, but most people-"
"And then you go back and play."
"Yeah," Phil said, "but if you leave in a tennis match all of a sudden, you usually let everyone know what's going on. so there was some concern for you, I think."
"And I appreciate that, I really do. Thank you. Now, is it not possible to appreciate that concern without necessarily....just the frustration, like, RRRRRRRRGGGGH." He mumbled something about clearing his head.
"To get to know you better, would you be willing to share the frustration that you were-"
"I'm not sure there's anything tangible. It's just like...Fuck! that's it, I'm not sure there's much-"
[...]
"So you went out and got some pressure reduced, and your adversary in this discussion went after you to see if you were okay. I think that's pretty significant." Phil was beginning to press Lars harder.
"Well, I have to be honest with you. I wasn't even sure who it was. I saw a body standing there." He looks at James. :I realized afterwards that it was you. Thank you for that, okay, thank you, but-"
"I'm not looking for a thank you," James said. "I just heard some noises that I don't normally hear you make, and I went to go see what's up."
[skipping a whole bunch of similar stuff along these lines to the end of the fuck scene]
He walked to James, who sat there stocially as Lars got in his face... "FUCK!"
Lars would later tell us that he had never confronted James like that, not once in Metallica's twenty-year history. At this moment, however, all he said was, "Okay, so I got that out of my system."
James would later tell us that if anyone besides Lars had gotten in his face like that, he would have thrown a punch. But for now all he said was, "Thanks for sharing that, Lars."
i think the one thing that bugs me the most about the doc is that it really paints james and lars into being enemies, even after this scene. you see james hug and be affectionate with everyone else except lars. it was all purposefully left out of the doc. i don't really understand that, but whatever. i think it does a disservice to the great relationship they have between them, but that's just me.
i really like that james went after lars and that lars went after james because it shows that they can be pissed as hell at each other and still care about each other and want to make sure the other is okay. and james pointing out that only lars could get away with what he did to him, getting in his face like that, really proves just how much he cares for lars and loves him.
there's just a really great friendship here and i adore it.
metallica: some kind of monster & this monster lives
so i finally watched some kind of monster and read the accompanying book, this monster lives. let me say that if you're going to buy/watch the documentary, i highly, highly recommend you pick up the book and read it afterwards. it gives you a huge insight to the documentary and the scenes that didn't get fully fleshed out due to timing. especially the infamous "fuck" scene between lars and james. ia slo listened to the documentary with the band's commentary on and i have to say, i was a little irritated to find out that a lot of the movies isn't chronologically accurate. i mean, reading the book explains that the reason it's not is to build a narrative arc.
which i guess makes sense, but i also feel is kind of not completely honest and played up the drama of the band. and they had no problems calling it out on the commentary. the book explains it too. so that's why i rec the book along with the movie.
both of them certainly gives you a new perspective on the band and their relationships with each other, especially james and lars. even if you're not into metallica, i still rec this movie and this book because, like lars says, at its core, this is a movie about relationships.
although i 100% think phil got too close and was a bit unprofessional with the band, but at the end of the day, without his help, i really doubt there would be a metallica around to this day.
also i am 100% convinced that lars is not completely straight. just throwing that out there. i mean, i don't know him personally, but yeah.
also jason, man are you still salty for someone who willingly walked away from the band.
