#this shmoo writes

[shmoo92]

I am having nebulous thoughts about Caribert, cousin of Kaeya, being more conversant, more diplomatic, and more *everything* than Kaeya, Kaeya fancying Kokomi (or maybe they’re already betrothed!), and Kaeya being jealous / anxious about Caribert stealing Kokomi away

[shmoo92]

Kaeya sends the last (real) Treasure Hoarder running and then rounds on them—

Kokomi blocks—pulls her mask down—

Kaeya immediately banishes his sword, steps back; “Sorry about that, I didn’t recognise you.” Then he’s all charming smiles. “What brings you to this neck of the woods?”

Bitterly, Kokomi replies, “A few too many assassins in Inazuma for everyone else’s comfort."

With great sadness, Kaeya says, “Then I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place.” He smirks, indicating himself. “Mondstadt’s most eligible grandson.”

Dryly, Kokomi asks, "Arsenic and old lace?"

Sara says, “I fail to see how that’s relevant.”

“I must ask your pardon,” says Kokomi. “I neglected to make introductions.” She catches Kaeya’s eye. “This is Kujou Sara, general first class of the armed forces of Her Excellency, the Almighty Narukami Ogosho, God of Thunder; Shogun of Inazuma.” Then, to Sara, “It is my pleasure to introduce His Royal Highness, Kaeya Ragnvindr né Alberich, heir apparent to the former throne of Khaenri’ah, and my fiancé.”

Sara ….

With a flourish, Kaeya bows deeply.

“You planned this.”

Kokomi tilts her head. “Planned what?” An edge glints in her eye. “The Vision Hunt Decree? The war? The formal treaty? The assassinations? Or did I just manipulate Thoma into suggesting Mondstadt as a destination such that I could go on an illicit honeymoon?”

(There are some possible futures, Kokomi knows, where the answer to the first two questions is “yes”. As to whether this is one of them, she remains mum.)

[shmoo92]

Toasty

Kokomi’s comm rings. She sinks deeper into her bubble bath and prods the ‘accept’ button with her toe.

Kaeya greets, “Did i wake you?”

Kokomi hums.

“If you said something I couldn’t hear it.”

Kokomi rises from the water high enough that her mouth clears the bubbles. “Bath.”

“Bubbles?”

“Of course.”

“What kind?”

Kokomi puffs at the suds near her mouth until she clears a small indent, then, “Toasted marshmallow. Tartaglia picked it up from Mondstadt.”

She sinks back into the water and streeeetches her leg and prods the comm with her toe.

The screen switches to video.

Kaeya’s delight quickly folds into comical disappoint as he realizes that all he can see of Kokomi with all the bubbles is one knee disappearing into the suds and the top half of her face. “How am I supposed to enjoy?”

Kokomi once again puffs away soap. “Bubble bath, kaeya.”

“Right.” His eye flicks away and back again. Nervous? “Did you happen upon an unattended, unidentified bag when I left?”

Kokomi hums.

“So it’s mine—“ He glances away and back again.”if you wouldn’t mind popping it a pod —“ His eye sparkles. “—when next you get presents, of course.”

“Mhm.”

“So that’s all.” Then he tosses his hair and lo, her Casanova’s returned. “I’ll have to call you from the bath next time. No bubbles, though.”

Kokomi blows away suds. “Good plan.”

“I learned from the best. Do try to enjoy yourself without me, won’t you?”

Kokomi sits up and leans her head back against the wall—

Kaeya hisses.

She brushes some suds from her collarbone.

His eye flicks down. Drags back up. Bites his lip.

Kokomi sinks back down and with her toe, pokes ‘disconnect’.

.

Scrubbed clean, toasty, and in a fleecy, one piece purple pyjama (with the hood pulled up over her hair), Kokomi glides to the entry way where she left the so called unattended and unidentified bag.

Frankly, if the Dodoco keychain and Pavo branding didn’t already suggest to whom the bag belongs, then the fact Kaeya (or one of his people) had scrawled his full name and contact info on the inside of the back certainly does.

She’s ever so curious as to why he seemed so nervous.

Since he described it as “unattended and unidentified” though, she should treat it as such, and it’s her duty as steward of this outpost to ensure its safety and continued well bringing by treating all such objects as dangerous and dealing with them according.

She opens the bag fully and rifles through.

As expected, pyjamas and toiletries. A spare comm and charger. Snacks—Kokomi helps herself—and an airport paperback and—

A doll, about the size of her hand. It’s well loved and well cared for. And relatively old, too—no one had sold Princess edition Sangonomiya Kokomi dolls for at least two years.

Kokomi smiles to herself, then at the miniature, plush version of herself.

“We’re going to have lots of fun together.”

[shmoo92]

Vaguely shape of water AU

Kaeya’s the prince of Khaenri’ah; he’s being led on a tour of the Abyss’s laboratory; they’re waxing poetically about how Khemia is about to leap forward by decades thanks to a recent discovery—

The abyss opens the door into a lab; inside, there’s a tank, and inside the tank is—

a mermaid from Enkonomiya, a creature so rare the world thought them extinct

Kaeya is /disgusted. “You’ve created mechanical marvels so wondrous as to be the envy of the gods themselves and you debase yourselves torturing a living creature?”

The Abyss is a lil flabbergasted and can only splutter and gape as Kaeya orders his retinue to fetch blankets and bring his car around. He keys in the royal override, emptying the tank and the mermaid out onto the floor, soaking their shoes and boots with whatever goo was in there

Kaeya gingerly gathers the mermaid into the blanket, saturating it with goo, and carries her to his car

idk if they return to his residence where she recuperates or if they go directly to the ocean

As he carries her from the lab, she rests her head on his shoulder

Except he smells like health and life and *meat*

*and she’s so hungry*

But he’s also taking her away from this bad lifeless place; it would be rude to eat him

When she presses her face to his neck, Kaeya shifts her in his arms and cradles her head

and he’s a liiiil weirded out when her teeth scrape over his skin

(They don’t cut him, she’s just letting him know they’re there)

She rubs her forehead against him, she nuzzles, then ever so lightly, ever so gently, she touches her teeth to his jugular.

Kaeya … he stops walking. Something deep in the ancient, primal part of his brain is screaming *DANGER*.

But the mermaid doesn’t bite down. She just returns her head to his shoulder.

Her skin, pulled tightly over her hands and cheekbones, seems sallow, and her scales dull. But maybe that’s just the dim light of the lab corridors. Or maybe—

“You must be starving.”

Kaeya has one of his retinue track down an office phone.

Upon their arrival, there’s a somewhat confused grocer waiting outside their store with a bag of stewing beef.

(Kaeya has them paid handsomely)

Kokomi pushes herself back off of Kaeya’s lap until she bumps the wall of the vehicle and props herself up.

Kokomi tries to be tidy. She has manners, after all. (Make it clean.) if she weren’t so *hungry* she would fret as to how much *tail* she has: it’s sprawled over kaeya’s legs, the bench, onto the floor. How it’s taking every drop of self control to keep her tail from lashing, to keep herself from becoming bloody ~~by killing~~. She’s so hungry she doesn’t notice the motion of the vehicle, that Kaeya swaps out the trays when they become empty, that she nearly takes some of his fingers off when he isn’t careful that one time.

Upon returning to the palace, kaeya carries Kokomi to the swimming and oh—

Kokomi stretches out and sinks to the bottom.

This is nice.

.

Over the next few days, Kokomi is living the life: Sure, the water’s a little stale and she would appreciate some cover, but she doesn’t have to spend a drop of energy on catching prey what with Kaeya (or his staff) bringing her food, she can rest and heal and recuperate.

Kaeya drags as much of his office into the room as he can and does most of his work by the pool.

He’s dictating a letter to his secretary (who’s paid not to raise an eyebrow at Kaeya’s antics) when they hear an unfamiliar voice from the water echoing Kaeya.

They attend Kokomi; she repeats what Kaeya had just said a second time, quite pleased with herself.

Kaeya immediately shucks his work and devoted himself to teaching Kokomi words.

By the time she’s grown restless in the pool, she can label Kaeya with his name and a dozen or so objects. Kaeya, in turn, can passably trill Kokomi’s name as well as “water” (or “home”, he’s not entirely sure).

.

Kokomi tries her best not to squirm too much when she smells the sea. She knows Kaeya can tell she’s excited; he murmurs things that sound nice in her ear.

(She likes the feeling)

Wisely, Kaeya cuts free the blankets around her tail before they leave the car.

This part of the coast has a fairly long sandbar; the car drives as close to the shore as it can, and Kaeya, barefoot, sets off with her in his arms.

The water’s as deep as his shins before he lets her go, setting her down gently on the sand (and soaking himself in the process). She twists herself to be under the water, and with one powerful push of her tail, she’s—

Once in open water, she /exhales. Corkscrews through the ocean, rinsing herself of surface air and lifelessness. She coasts for a minute, and then flips herself around and zips back to the surface.

“I was hoping you’d say goodbye,” says Kaeya.

Kokomi makes grabby hands.

Kaeya chuckles, tosses his sodden shirt aside, and wades out to her.

Kokomi takes his hand and pulls him off his feet and into her arms. She swims them out far enough that—

It’s just the two of them, hanging in space.

Kokomi wraps her arms his trunk and twines her tail around his legs and holds him tight.

Kaeya slides his hands over her back, holding her just as tightly. Feels the flutter of her gills against his skin. He presses his mouth to her neck.

Kokomi purrs, tangles her fingers in his hair. She tugs, just a bit, and when Kaeya lifts his head, she strokes his cheeks.

(She’s so blurry. Kaeya’s eyes /sting.)

Kokomi presses her mouth to his.

He kisses her back.

She sighs happily and leans in.

But then, she pulls away.

Her tail uncoils from his legs though … it does linger.

Kokomi grasps his arms. Kaeya sees the muscles in her shoulders flex, and then he’s rocketing towards the surface.

He looks back when he gets his feet back beneath him.

He swears there’s a pink dot on the horizon.

He takes his time returning to the car, climbing in, claiming he’s drying off.

(He’s sure the dot’s still there.)

His retainers finally coax him in.

.

That summer, he has a courtier head to the beach the day before his vacation is to begin and announce his arrival to the ocean.

He doesn’t bother unpacking upon arrival; he tosses his rucksack on his bed and immediately makes for the shore.

She isn’t there.

Kaeya slumps on the sand and in no way shape or form spends the rest of the day sulking or moping.

As the sun sets, his retinue coaxes him back inside. He pokes and prods at his supper (but, with much cajoling, does manage a few bites), and then drags himself to his room to most certainly not continue sulking or moping.

The next day, he sighs his way through breakfast and his retinue shoo him from the house (though they do so responsibly; a guard lurks on the beach).

Kaeya’s a pile of misery upon a rock when a hand reaches from the water, grabs his ankle, and yanks him in.

Kokomi, smiling brightly, has him pinned to the sand.

She can tell the moment his eyesight resolves and when he can tell it’s her; she kisses him silly.

Kaeya tangles his hands in her hair and kisses her back.

[shmoo92]

Inspired by @happychichuu !

Kokomi wakes an hour and a half before her alarm. She scowls at her clock, then kicks off the bed clothes, gathers her fluffiest, most purple blanket, and curls up in her office chair like a grumpy purple storm cloud.

So lost is she in the mess of her essay that she doesn’t notice the floorboards creek—

A jerk to her chair—

Kokomi screeches, slamming her leg against the inside of her desk.

Kaeya laaaaaaaaughs.

With much less force and almighty frown, Kokomi gently pushes her chair into a partial turn and scowls at Kaeya—knocks Kaeya’s hand away. “Don’t you dare!”

He chuckles and holds his hands up, then, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Woke up early. You?”

“Like a rock. Want any breakfast?”

“Just toast please.”

“Coming right up.” He kisses her forehead—

“Hands to yourself, mister!”

He chuckles and backs away. “One toast, coming up!”

Kokomi watches him leave, and then watches the door just a liiiittle longer, and then returns to poking halfheartedly at her essay—

A jerk—

Colours whip and blur—

Kokomi clutches at the arm rests—

The spinning slows and stops but Kaeya, hands gently easing hers off the arm rests, remains a smeary mess of shapes—

“Fish in the sky and stars in the water ….”

“No merry go rounds for you, got it.” He walks himself behind her chair and eases it into (forward) motion.

“Horses on the ceiling ….”

Kaeya frowns but pushes her chair right up to the table; she flops bonelessly.

“Peacocks in the bathtub.”

“Now I know you’re making stuff up.”

He can only see one of her eyes but it has a mischievous glint.

“Please do accept my most sincere apologies for being too weak to resist the temptation of my cute baboo in a twirly office chair.”

Kokomi sits up. “Apology accepted.”

[shmoo92]

“Look at the decorations!” squees Paimon. “And thé trees! and the stalls—“ She darts in front of Lumine. “Do you thjnk they sell snacks?” She sparkles: “Oooooh Paimon can’t wait to try them all!”

Lumine just smiles, then she closes her eyes, inhales the smell of leaves and wet earth and frying food, and breathes out tension.

Eula says, “You’ve made a good recommendation, Honourary Knight.” She casts an eye over the pier. “Collei, what do you think?”

In Eula’s shadow, Collei mumbles, “Yea, it’s good.” She waves a hand. “It’s a valley but, uh, steep cliffs. Only one traversal. We could bottleneck it, I guess?”

“An astute observation, Collei.”

“I agree,” Kokomi adds.

They attend—

“Furthermore, in the event of an insurrection, the trees would provide us cover and an excellent vantage point.”

Paimon shoots to her side—“Kokomi! You came!”

“How could I refuse?” Kokomi smiles. “A personal invitation from the Traveller to spend time together; it’s a rare gift indeed.” She catches Eula’s eye. “Besides, I welcomed the opportunity to meet the Knights of Favonius’ renowned Spindrift Knight.”

“Well.” Eula clears her throat. “Be that as it may, the honour of meeting Watatsumi’s legendary Pearl of Wisdom belongs to me.” She nudges—“And to Collei.”

“Um, right.” Collei bows deeply. “It’s an honour to meet you, Your Excellency!”

Kokomi inclines her head, then, “Are we not all on vacation? Such formalities are best left with the caravan, are they not?”

“Very well.” Eula straightens her shoulders. “I am glad to meet you, Kokomi. Please call me Eula. This is Collei.”

Collei sketches a wave. “Hi, um—“ She ducks back into Eula’s shadow. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Collei, Eula.” She turns to Lumine, eyes crinkling, “And—“

From away, Klee shouts, “Ms Honourary Knight!”

They all turn; Paimon calls back, waving with her whole body, “Klee! Dodoco!”

In an impressive display of speed, Klee charges down the hill, across the boardwalk, and barrels right into Lumine’s legs—“Klee’s so happy to see you!”

Lumine hugs her back. “I’m so happy to see you, too.” She squeezes. “I like your dress. Is it new?”

“Yes!” Klee bounds back a step. “Mummy had new outfits waiting for Klee and Kaeya!”

“It’s very nice,” says Kokomi—

Klee peers around Lumine’s skirts—“Ms Kokomi, you’re here too! Oh! Did you get new clothes too?”

“Hello again, Miss Spark Knight.” Kokomi makes a show of looking down at her dress—a pale pink number with a bow and lavender ruffles. “Indeed I did, Miss Klee. What do you think?”

But Eula’s frowning. “Klee, did you not leave with Captain—“ She huffs. “Were you not with Kaeya? Where is he?”

From above: “Two knights—“

Eula draws her claymore—“Collei, stay in my sight.”

“—an apprentice, a fairy—“

“Hey!”

“—a mage and her familiar, and princess!”

Kokomi huffs.

They whirl—

Kaeya, wearing so many feathers, goodness, has an arm clamped across Kokomi’s shoulders, pulling her flush to his front.

Hands on her hips, Paimon snaps, “Kaeya, leave Kokomi—“

“‘Kaeya’?” He scoffs. “Who even is that?” He bars his teeth. “/I am the terrible pirate king, the sailward shadow. This—“ He tugs on Kokomi. “—is my prize, and /we will be taking our leave.”

So smoothly it should be criminal, Kaeya scoops Kokomi into a princess carry without even a hint of letting her go and—

Paimon squawks, “Oh no you don’t!”

By some unseen mechanism, Kaeya cues the hoist—“Good luck with that!”—and ascends into the tree tops.

Paimon shrieks with rage; “Oh, /you! You—“

Eula asks Lumine, “Should we go after them?”

Lumine shakes her head. “If Kokomi didn’t want to go, she wouldn’t have.”

Paimon brightens. “That’s a good point!” She spins to face Eula. "This one time, she punched—"

The Foul Legacy right out of Tartaglia.

Paimon grimaces at Lumine and she shakes her head.

"Uh … oh! This other time, she hit the Shogun’s—"

Mechanical body double so hard she knocked her head clean off.

Lumine shakes her head again.

“Yea …. Oh! Paimon knows! We know this oni, Itto! He’s the biggest guy we know! And Kokomi? She can lift him!”

Collei, brows furrowed, says, “Seriously?”

Paimon puts her hands on her hips. “Would Paimon lie?”

“I guess not ….”

Lumine indicates the way Klee had come and nudges her with her hip.

Klee starts—whips around—spins back to Lumine. “Klee’s gotta show you guys around!” She snatches Lumine’s hand and takes off along the boardwalk. “C’mon, Klee has so much to show you!”

TBC

[shmoo92]

a little light that's mine

I’m thinking about Kokomi and Kaeya’s first wedding. They’re young—too young to marry, really (kaeya’s either 15 or 16 November birthdays are haaaaard) but Kaeya’s dying.

It’s been a few weeks since Crepus died, since Diluc killed Kaeya, since Rhinedottir rebuilt Kaeya’s spine. But all the healing in all of Mondstadt isn’t enough to maintain sterility, and infection gets its claws in.

The worst part is the infection isn’t all that bad, considering the catastrophic state of the injury. But the fever, raging and out of control, will not cool.

The light of Khaenri’ah is the spluttering flame of a candle, the last fluff clinging to a dandelion in a wind storm.

Yeye himself can’t save Kaeya. (Morax himself couldn’t save Guizhong.) But maybe, just maybe they can carry forward his magic—

.

Kokomi is sixteen, a head shorter than her classmates, and still wearing tank tops under her hakama. Even if she weren’t soon the divine high priestess, she knows she’s different. her bones know it.

So she isn’t entirely surprised that, when she returns to her chambers in the shrine after class, she finds Barbatos.

She is a little surprised that he’s rifling through her jewellery box, that he’s set all her ring boxes in tidy rows on her dresser.

He offers her mother’s wedding band.

She strings it on the chain around her neck, and takes his hand.

They land in Mondstadt; thunder crashes, the rain falls almost horizontal, and the wind very nearly rips away Kokomi’s cloak but she pulls the hood down low over her eyes and runs where the hand in hers tells her to.

It’s hardly a minute but also an age that they’re finally inside and Barbatos, now in travelling clothes, leads her through the manor. It’s dark, the lamps turned low, and more and more quiet the deeper they go into the house. Even the kitchens and its banked fire seem subdued.

Yeye bows deeply. Adelaide, handkerchief twisted in her hands, offers something to that effect.

Barbatos nudges Kokomi. He gives her a handful of cecilias, lifts the hood from her face, and kisses her forehead. Adelaide reaches around Kokomi and unclasps the chain. She drapes a white wool shawl over her head, almost apologetically, and arranges it over her hair and shoulders as if it an Inazuman bridal hood. She fusses—Yeye touches her arm and she steps back, steels herself, then with trembling fingers and from her pocket she draws out a ring box. Yeye helps her open it and Adelaide pushes two rings into Kokomi’s hands. She presses her lips to Kokomi’s temple. Kokomi feels wetness upon Adelaide’s cheek.

Yeye opens the door and they go through.

The pantry-turned sickroom is stifling. If not the heat then the smell, of burnt skin, sweat, incense, and illness.

Kokomi crosses thé tiny space and kneels on the rug by Kaeya’s side. Adelaide sits on the cot by Kaeya’s head. Barbatos sinks to the floor by the door. Yeye stands by the foot of the bed.

It’s cramped and what ceremony they manage chokes on grief.

The ribbon is an apron string, the chalice a mug, the wine tepid water. Yeye intones the absolute bare minimum of a Liyuean marriage rite. Kokomi puts her mother’s ring on Kaeya’s thumb and Adelaide, on Kaeya’s behalf, slides his grandmother’s ring onto her finger. Kokomi kisses the corner of his mouth. She thinks, please don’t go. I just met you!

She also thinks she smells ash. She’s here and somewhere distant. It’s dark and a nightmare but a pillar of light bursts from the horizon and pierces the sky.

That difference thrums in her bones; her viscera roils and thrashes and she realizes—

It’s trapped. Caged, even.

And here before her, clinging to life with a sluggish heart and infrequent, shallow breaths, is the key. If she can just—

She’s herself and she’s the moisture in his lungs. She’s kneeling on a rug over wood and she’s the blood crawling through his veins.

She turns her attention upon the fever; it collapses before her. She wonders what all the fuss is about. She notes the kidneys and their failing; they restore themselves to wholeness and a glimmer of vitality returns. Why are they all so worried?

(Who is ‘they’?)

She comes upon the blood brain barrier and the infection pounding against it until She, and it scatters.

SHE sails along arteries and blood vessels and bone, sweeping debris and decay and disease in HER wake.

What is anything against HER?

SHE becomes the spinal column; observes the weak firing from frayed and cauterised nerves through artificial bypasses spliced and intertwined; the cleanly severed bone ever so slowly fusing with a transplant.

Frankly, it’s a mess.

It will become whole under HER watch. This is HER domain; this is where SHE reigns, She just needs—

What did She need?

Kokomi returns to herself. Adelaide’s tucked in the corner of the cot, unconscious. She hears low voices from the kitchen.

The difference in her self; it is different from others but it is her and she is it. She is caged and She is the cage but the cage is a shield, a shell, and She will bide Her time until She has the key.

The key.

She needed the key, the key—

Is within Kaeya. Is Kaeya.

Kokomi reaches out and touches his cheek. Her husband’s cheek.

He’s asleep.

Just asleep.

[shmoo92]

“It’s a scam. A hoax.” Diluc levels his glare at the bookcase before whipping back around and storming across his study. “This *cannot* be real.”

“And yet,” drawls Kaeya, looking over the thriced-damned letter as if this would be the time it spilled all its secrets.

(It had been a month since Kaeya had found the envelope among his post. Hand addressed to “Kaeya Ragnvindr”, unassuming brown packing paper, and a return-to-sender in Cyprus, he had no reason not to open it.

It was only after he had opened it and found a second envelope—this one made of rich cardstock and closed with a wax seal—that his heart sank so hard and so fast that he was nearly sick in a waste basket.)

“This is not a harlequin romance! Or a hallmark movie! Or even a YA novel!” snarls Diluc. “People don’t just get contracts of marriage from the rulers of tiny, previously unknown, Mediterranean kingdoms!”

Kaeya dumps the letter. “Neither do little boys get whisked from the rain by loving families.”

It’s tiny, but Diluc flinches nigh-imperceptibly flinch.

“Anyway, are you coming to the airport with me or would you rather stay here and run some other background check you haven’t thought of?”

.

As Kaeya’s scrawling the name of his alleged betrothed on one of the airport’s tablet-sized white boards, Diluc asks, “Did you take security into account?”

“Clearing Airport security or security in general?”

“Airport. If she’s actually a princess she’ll have her own security.”

“I did not.”

Diluc huffs.

“Oh, you haven’t heard? Thanks to some treaty or another, this is technically a domestic flight. No customs necessary. Besides, *princess*.”

Diluc grumbles, “VIPs should not be exempt.”

“I feel like there’s an element of trust that people in the public eye acquire by virtue of global shaming should they be arrested for doing something dumb in an airport. Regardless—“ Kaeya hisses, “this is *hilarious* coming from a guy with two fake passports!”

The airport speakers chime and announce an arriving flight—

“This is hers.” Kaeya drags Diluc by the sleeve over to the Arrivals gate.

“I’ll buy you an ice cream on the way back to cheer you up,” says Diluc.

Kaeya just gives him a dirty look.

And so, they wait.

And they wait some more.

The speakers announce another flight.

Kaeya unclenches his jaw.

As the speaker announces a second flight, Diluc nudges Kaeya’s arm. “What flavour do you want—“

A stranger asks, “Kaeya?”

They both jump; Kaeya swats Diluc’s hand from his holster. “That is me!”

The newcomer nods at his sign. “And that is me.”

Kaeya croaks, “Welcome to Mondstadt.”

“Thank you!” Then Kokomi asks, “Is there a Taco Bell nearby?”

Kaeya feels suddenly detached from his physical form.

Distantly, he hears her say, “I want to try ‘Ba-ya Blast’. It’s such a pretty shade of blue!”