A post (ignore)
Sometimes it gets really hard, you know. I wake up to this alarm growing nuts next to my head and my first thought for the day is “I want to die.” That’s a hard way to start a day. You wake up and you want to die. How the hell are you supposed to even get up, if that’s the very first thing that occurs to you? But it happens like that for a lot of days, and not just when you wake up, either. Its like all the time. It just gets really bad. You look up to the top of a flight of stairs you have to climb and you think, “I want to die.” You open your locker and things fall out and you just stare at them and think, “I want to die.” Your friend asks you a question and you don’t even care about your answer, you just think, “I want to die.” It’s awful. And it just sort of hits you, at all the little moments. You feel like you’re in a great big crowd of people that are having a great old time, but you’re standing in the middle of it allo, having a heart attack. There’s even doctors and that standing around, smiling at you occasionally. And you’re collapsing to the floor, wondering, panicking even - Why can’t anyone see what is happening to me? Why is it happening? Why isn’t it happening to them? Why won’t they help? So sometimes it gets really hard. I honestly feel like nothing. It’s a great big crushing terrible nothing. It weighs me down and suffocates me and makes me want to die. But I don’t. It’s both cruel and kind but I don’t die. I just gotta not die for long enough for the feeling if wanting to to go away. Then things’ll start to get better. -L