Diving Deep into his love: Knowing Jesus and the way he lived as a way to understand why he does what he did and as to why he is who he is
Whenever I try to learn a song, especially when the language used in the song is foreign for both my ears and mouth, like for example Rasa Sayang, or La Vie en Rose, or Hana Wa Saku; I often try to understand what the lyrics says first. After that, I appreciate the way that the song was made and who it is for specifically. Like Rasa Sayang, in which as I remembered when I was in grade 8, was a Malaysian children song where the title literally translates to “feeling love” (Fan, 2014), or where La Vie en Rose is about love that turns your frown upside down because you see life in pink, or in other words, it is about love that makes you have a positive outlook in life; or where Hana Wa Saku is about the hope that people see in Japan after a disaster as the song says that flowers will bloom . Understanding the essence of the song makes us appreciate the not only the song but also the writers of the song, and not only that, but we also would be able to reflect it on our own experiences.
What am I trying to say here? I am trying to say that there is something more to what we see, and it implies to almost every aspect o our life. Things we often see as it is something ordinary for us. But when we know why it is there and what it’s worth, we don’t see it as ordinary anymore. We realize that it is special and that it is not to e taken for granted. Like for example, the copy and paste function of our computer devices. Us generation Zs take it for granted that we don’t have to type everything that we need to type in transferring information to where we will write the information we took from another source. But if you will imagine how things were before, you will understand that you are lucky.
As of the moment, I know that I am lucky because I got everything I need. The things that I often take for granted are becoming more important to me every day. Sleep, food, hygiene supplies, my tuition grant, everything else that I currently enjoy. A great example of it is having Jesus. I seldom pray and talk to God. Most of the time, I pray because I’m supposed to. I don’t really see myself as having that great bond to Jesus as of the moment. I feel like He is losing me. I am being taken into an abyss of uncertainty and anxiety and nothingness. I feel unsafe and unsure of whether I will be able to make it through the day, through the week, through the month, or through this semester. I know that I am weak, and it seems my faith for Him and for His plans are weak. I feel lazy, stagnant and I see myself as good for nothing. I really feel down and I know that life will bring me down more.
So, what keeps me going? It’s not just my dreams. It’s not just my loved ones. It’s Jesus. I know that no matter what I think about myself, he still sees my worth. I say this because of the way I know Him. I know that I would not be able to fully grasp everything about Him, but I am trying. And in doing so, I was able to see that I was deep in his love. How did I say so? As I watched the video about Jesus’ historic life, I learned more about Him; how he lived, how other people see Him, and how the church was formed through Him.
The video that I have watched made me see Jesus as a human. I have always seen Him as divine, but this time, I saw His human side, which justified the fact that Jesus is both a God and a Human.
Before, it was a fact the that I blindly believed in. I know in words that Jesus is Both a God and a human but I don’t fully know what it means. But as I have known more about Jesus’ past, I understood it a little more now. I know now as well that there is more that I should learn about Him because the knowledge that I have acquired came with voids that wishes to be filled. That is what happens when we learn something more about something; we realize that there are more things to know about those things. And as beings that thrive to understand things about life, we grab on to that bait, we head on with our life trying to acquire it. In my situation, I just realized that Jesus also felt fear, and anger, and lust, and everything else that makes us human. It made me feel that I don’t have to be so hard to myself because as human as I can be, I can also experience those feelings. Before, I despise myself when I can’t control my feelings. I was so strict to myself before. I forced myself before to a limited set of behavior because I was accustomed not only by my beliefs but also to what I think others think of me that I am behaved, so must not get angry, I must not be foolish, I must not be fearful, I must do things that would satisfy other people. In short, I was a perfectionist and this made me anxious and restless in everything. I wasn’t much of a perfectionist anymore because people helped me get out of it. And I don’t suppress my feelings that much anymore although I still feel guilty about it sometimes. After realizing Jesus has human feelings too, it made me less restless about it. It’s just comforting to know that Jesus has gone through the feelings that I tried to avoid as well. Because of knowing Jesus’ historic past and knowing how he lived, I was able to connect myself to Him more. I get to see Jesus being in my shoes. Because of that, my Christian belief was deepened. I get to see the connection of Jesus to my life. He is not just a God. He is also my friend that understands me. As friends, we must know each other well. With studying His historical self, I become a better friend because I try to know Him better, so that the connection that we already had would be greater. So that I would trust Him and His plans more. So that I could convince myself more that I have a friend that knows how I feel.