Hey uberchain, I'm just curious, but what do you think of the whole 'Ellie' debacle in Overwatch?
Every time I try to talk about it I just get super tired and irritated because it’s just such a fucking mess, no sides walked out of it unscathed, almost everybody else has said what I think already. As somebody who dabbled in esports prod actively at one point (albeit not T1 esports or as a player) there’s a lot I see and hear. But I’ll give it a go:
#fuckpunisher
Longer thoughts under the cut.
News articles should have reached out to other female players that are already in the T2-T3 Overwatch scenes for their takes in-tandem with their first “Ellie” article. When Eurogamer reached out to me a while back about the TF2 toxicity article, they reached out to others who had spoken up about it. Have real women who are fighting and have fought for their spot in the pro world give their takes, tell their stories, share their words, and inspire others to try for the people that will listen.
The “see they thought she was a girl and so she got a diversity hire over Punisher” argument to support girls having it easier than guys to get picked up is fucking stupid. The situation with Second Wind’s captain saying some blatantly sexist shit, and then a few days later “Ellie” being picked up, is different and could be interpreted as not good will. I don’t see any way of recovering from this after both Coluge and Punisher, they can claim all they want they didn’t know about Ellie but no matter what, it seems sus.
I don’t know how fucking old Punisher is but he needs to stay the fuck away from 17-year-old girls like the actual Ellie. Punisher has done this multiple times with other girls and basically used them for his dickhead catfishing social experiments. This is not a new thing, it will not die out, but I hope it gets throttled, bottlenecked, and have consequences that really mean something for it. #fuckpunisher squad rise up
I’m not sure if this one is confirmed but apparently Blizzard KNEW about the Punisher situation due to tips??? I’m just wondering why they didn’t do anything then. The Punisher catfishing situation has not helped Blizzard. The recent firings and Activision shit have not helped blizzard. The former HotS esports employee who came out about racial discrimination, and mentioning that he was in an environment that discouraged him to talk about it, has not helped Blizzard.
Following the above, the only thing that has been good for Blizzard was S76′s reveal as the second gay hero, but because of how poorly timed it was with the Punisher situation people would push the argument that Blizzard used it as a way to distract from the Punisher situation and the genuine harassment Ellie did face. Additionally, the HotS esports employee said he was upset that Blizzard pushed S76 to encourage diversity in their fiction, when in real life he was not helped or encouraged to talk about his racial discrimination.
#fuckpunisher
I’m sure there’s more but I’m sure others have said it already.
I’m shit at this tbh but the #1 thing I can recommend is communicate, communicate, communicate. Communicate with your partner and with your friends. Do not be afraid of talking to your friends and having them offer their own advice, you don’t necessarily have to listen to it but it might help in case something’s going on with your relationship. Don’t be afraid of your partner not liking something you say because that can not only hurt you but it hurts them, it develops fear of what they might say or how they might react and it means you hold back things from them in your fear.
Every good part of a relationship I’ve had - even the worst ones where I’ve done irreparable damage to somebody I should have respected, or where somebody’s done that back and made me feel less than human - where I have felt comfortable and they have felt comfortable, is when I or they have been completely honest and we’ve been able to talk about it, what things make us uncomfortable, what things we like, what compromises we can make, what’s not working out, and not trying to hold each other down. Talk about it. Talk more. Talk less if it’s getting possessive or not respecting boundaries. Talk about it if they don’t know that. Always talk, don’t be afraid to talk.
Like look at the latest SU episode like fuck man how much shit you reckoned would have been avoided if a lot of things had just been talked about with transparency prior to any of whatever that was had went down for years like what the fuck
hey, i was going to ask if you were going to i63 but it says that you're a former TFTV graphic designer & writer on your tumblr. are you still doing photography though?
I’ve decided to step back from teamfortress.tv due to it interfering with some life crap for now. Work-wise, I haven’t done graphics and SFM for any TFTV events in a long time, and the last photography event I did for TFTV was for Rewind II in February. As it stands, that’s partially because a majority of LANs in the EU region (which is arguably where most broadcasted LANs happened) are headed by Essentials.TF. Since they have in-house SFM artists and other media people it seems redundant to bring on more. However, I might come back to TFTV or any org as staff in the future - for now I want to focus on my graphic design work, business ventures such as Ascent Esports, and animating some dumb ass SFM crap again for my comatose YT channel.
Unfortunately I’m also not going to i63 due to expenses and life crap. Rewind II and Copenhagen Games really ignited that LAN desire and so I really wanted to go to i63, but iSeries is an expensive LAN. That goes for non-Brits as well tbh based on what I’ve heard about rental costs etc. iSeries is absolutely worth it IMO; if you can afford to go you should. Myself personally I can’t nor is it a great time to. Speaking from a volunteer POV too, it’s more justifiable to hire an EU photographer (with their own gear, TFTV or Ready Up’s camera equipment has almost always been rented by sponsors or work partners) rather than crowdfund or sponsor an NA photographer to the UK.
Often photographers/videographers who archive events are taken for granted. Right now and ever since, saving history is important, and I encourage people currently involved with LAN events or going to LANs to really absorb that. Remembering the good old days/good times helps with visual memories and archives. You’ll look back on those moments & memories fondly when things in life are tough, and when you remember those days with those people you cheered with, played with, and laughed with, you’ll smile and be glad you recorded it.
#My opinions since my Rewind 2017 post-LAN thoughts have changed a lot to the point where I don’t agree with past thinking or habits, but there’s a lot from then I’m still sentimental about. Even now I really do want to contribute to competitive TF2 behind-the-scenes, but I can’t right now; though charity events I’m invited to help like Hugs.tf and Tip of the Hats I would absolutely do my best to help out for. That being said, if you’re interested in volunteering because you want to help and/or you like competitive TF2, I encourage it! Of course there’s some unhealthy habits I would not encourage anymore such as trying to put the scene above your wellbeing; the scene will be here no matter what, and it’ll be there for you if you want to leave and come back.
Out all of the communities I’ve been in, TF2 has offered me so many friends and opportunities, even through the absolute worst of it all - and I hope people who took the time to really read this will understand that.
I shouldn’t need to be thanked for it, I’d like to advise more people to do it. I think people should be really careful about charity events and charities, even though the precedent is that it’s all for a good cause. In esports and video games, I’ve seen countless controversies come up with charity events from organizers or staff who had been outed as scammers. I’ve messaged good people who wanted to hold events for charity organizations that weren’t as selfless as they were. I’ve watched video game companies who helped cross-promote with their games, not pay up their share to charity events because of lazy corporatism.
I try to take charity research very seriously because people suck. As somebody who makes cross-promotional merchandise to raise money for charities where 100% of the proceeds go to the organizations, it’s frustrating to hear when companies or events don’t invest the bare minimum they need to for what should matter.
I’m really careful about unethical pinkwashing after I learned about the pink lawsuits years ago. It seemed like absolute bullshit like at the worst leave the “this is our official pigment/colour” fighting to Oreo knockoffs and candies, or Korean pop fandoms. It’s a shame that the level of commercialism found in merchandising pink for this cancer that affects so many women, takes more than what they give. I’m glad BCRF as well as Blizzard are making sure the majority of their proceeds are followed through with what they claim to do.
(I Hope) This Is The Last Definitive TF2/OW Politics Rambling I Ever Keyboard Enthusiast About
TaiRong’s Twitter rant on why he left comp TF2 for comp OW cuts deep. His talk was very specific to AsiaFortress, but it’s a sentiment for many former TF2 pros and talent who prioritized OW. They wanted more than what TF2 was able to give them. In turn, what it gets interpreted as is a slight against TF2 and its community.
I too, have also called brothers and sisters “traitors” at one point because I hated how not only they were leaving me, but then seemed to forget their roots. They didn’t owe me or TF2 anything. It’s not that they forgot their roots, it’s that the people who left are just as angry as the people who stayed.
I will never forget Creep*, a prominent AsiaFortress player from Korea, telling me at i55 that he wanted to bring an Asian team to iSeries one day. In i58, that actually seemed like it would be the case, but the Asian players struggled to field a team for i58 because of a majority of their playerbase leaving for OW. When I reflect back on it, it would have been wasteful to collect who was left in Asia if the best players had left. Full Tilt and Crowns were the EU powerhouses, and even the weakest froyotech roster in LAN history would have probably beaten them. Australia still hurts from 4th Place LAN placements to this day.
Of course I would have liked to see Asia at a major international TF2 LAN, let alone South America or even Australia again. I hope they will get the funding they need if they decide to contest the powerhouses of Europe or North America, and I hope they will enjoy their experiences if they do so, as many TF2 players who fight for passion do. I wished the same for Australia when they came back for i58 and ESA Rewind, even though I knew the curse of 4th Place and the lack of monetary justification must have hurt a fair bit.
The fire/candle burning out metaphor is common in my scene. I’m saddened to hear about Pavane and TaiRong attempting to go through it all and fight hard after so many hours of dedication to TF2, but burning out or feeling helpless as so many others have done around me. I’m glad TaiRong asked Fl0w3r and Pine to follow him at the right time, and as such found more success in OW than they did TF2. It took me some time to accept it, but now I can say I think they made the right choice, as did so many others I saw succeed - Seagull, Muma, Mangachu. SDB, Knoxxx, Zebbosai. Some of the many old names and old faces that TF2 players remember fondly; that TF2 players miss.
I get rebuttals of how TF2 was marketed as a casual game a lot. I know this. It was one of the reasons why matchmaking was met with so much pushback when new devs finally were allowed to implement it. To some extent, I’m inclined to agree. My favourite shit to deal with has to be when I see comments that say that the competitive TF2 pros are ruining the game. That they should just leave and stop pushing competitive on a casual game.
Well...they did.
After years of watching Valve to push the community’s 6v6, having to grow up and stop being a salt factory about my brothers and sisters going to OW instead, being paid for and thanked sincerely for my involvement in OW from Blizzard, never touching Valve’s Matchmaking since the first launch week until they adjust it again, and now overseeing what might be the most important piece of TF2 narrative in the form of 1 and a half years of filming - I’m okay with them leaving.
They left, because TF2 itself, as well as the majority of TF2′s playerbase, was insistent on TF2 being a casual game. Therefore, people who wanted more than that finally decided “alright, it’s going to stay a casual game” - and found a competitive game instead. Gameplay opinions, criticized business tactics, and other semantics aside - they found a game that did not limit itself to insisting on being a casual game, but wanted to also be called a competitive game.
I am happy for TaiRong’s success and determination. I understand and sympathize with TaiRong’s anger and his frustration. I am happy he left TF2 if he was no longer happy with it. I can objectively say as a bigger TF2 fan that OW is treating him better so far. How long that will last, I don’t know, but I can 100% say it’s treated him better than AsiaFortress from his tweets and from what I know. Of course I’m sad that TF2 was not enough for him; I understand that his and many other’s anger is more at Valve than TF2 itself. I understand the other side of the story that disagree with that sentiment and will point out Valve’s decisions as wiser.
But that’s okay. I’m glad they left if they weren’t happy here. I’m glad they’re happier where they are.
I’m sure similar fandoms experience this: I see not just former pros, but content creators, artists, Youtubers, talking about how they fear returning to TF2 for anything. The reasons sometimes are similar: they’re afraid of angry TF2 fans who labelled them traitors. They’re afraid of falling back into the comfort TF2 will offer them rather than go out of their comfort zone to try new things for themselves. They’re afraid that they’ll fall back into a depressive state because they were either in a bad state when they ventured into TF2, or they simply will always want more than TF2 was or will be able to offer.
Let them leave then. They are not yours to keep. They were not meant to stay. Their relationship with TF2 was not as fond as you thought it was - who was wrong in that relationship is up to you. Their anger is not because they forgot their roots. Their anger iis not against the community. Some of their closest friends and teammates are all probably from the same roots.
We did not forget their roots. They did not forget their roots. Their anger was because they couldn’t find what they wanted - so they found it elsewhere. And that’s okay.
This is going to be a really bad incoherent 3 AM thinking post
TF2′s refusal to take itself seriously via the game and the lore has been one of its greatest strengths but also one of its biggest weaknesses, and an easy way to dismiss any thought invested into it by saying “you’re taking it too seriously”.
Pic related: when Sniper was basically revealed as New Zealand/Zealandia/Atlantis Superman, this is arguably the point where the 25-50% of people who wanted some sensibility basically gave up on the lore.
Everything that the comics have sort of established in terms of setting, history, and characterization have sort of taken TF2chan-era fanon (the bad and good parts of it) and delivered a prompt “fuck you” to it, to the point where I’m convinced the TF2 comics also exist as a way to say “fuck you” to everybody’s expectations. Re-tellings of the medium via fanart and fanfiction that present itself in a more serious light to even the slightest degree, or have invested some form of logical research, as such, are frowned upon as taking themselves too seriously.
Again, this just tends to be standard reaction to fanon that contains a subjective/objective-based deviation from canon but it’s like any sort of dramatic or somewhat serious, logical-based take on TF2 (despite the Jeremy scene in Issue 6 as well as Sniper being shot/seeing his adopted parents in Issues 4-5, establishing yes, you can do drama in a comedy) will not belong ever and the reaction to this compared to other mediums is more harsh because of how much TF2 forces you to not take it seriously or think about it.
Part of why I really liked TF2 is its openness to mold various characters into however you interpret them despite the canon RED team presented, which most people can get away with in animated mediums e.g. Gmod or SFM, or if they create OCs that are a class rather than a character (e.g. BLU Scout acts this way in comparison to RED Scout). But I’ve been conditioned - as is how interpreting canon vs fanon works - to take the canon as seriously as it likes to not be taken. Like if I see any headcanon about how much the mercs must love Miss Pauling or how much she loves them, in the back of my mind I’m like “that’s sweet and I might agree, however that’s taking it way too seriously, and it’s you as a viewer interpreting the subtext in your own way”.
Surely I’m being blinded or jaded by something I’m not sure what (3 AM????) because yes, I’d like to agree that TF2′s lore is very well-written to the point where the ridiculous nature is an art rather than a cop-out to not take various plot points seriously - but I’m also realizing why people sometimes downright refuse to invest in it, continue investing in it, or try to do something different with it.
But is this once of those instances where you can easily say I’m overthinking it/taking it too seriously, because of how much TF2 refuses to take itself seriously?*
*That also might reflect on the game itself, e.g. TF2′s competitive scene wanting to be taken more seriously, but the casual audience dismissing it saying that it’s a game and it should not be taken seriously, due to the assumption that Valve simply does not want to take it seriously. MyM happened and suddenly casual and competitive audiences alike are in a self-fulfilling prophecy where it seems like they have accepted because Valve SEEM to not take it seriously, they should not either.
so Sheila Sadeghi will be a good replacement what about the other person you mentioned what have they done? Do you think tf2 is dying?
I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t looked too much into any of their portfolios until today, let alone Faliszek’s when he left Valve. I briefly glanced at them and I assessed their roles by significance.
I think TF2 is stagnant. Activity for it, even in fan-made content, has slowed down dramatically in viewership and creation. TF2 has hit a point after 10 years, where there will not be anymore massive growth nor decline. Whoever has decided to stay for whatever reasons they choose, will stay in TF2 until they choose to go.I love this game, I love the characters, I still play it, I still make content for it.
I think Valve as a company just doesn’t need to make new games, let alone single-player story driven ones (which saved their ass e.g. HL2, though arguably this was also strengthened by Steam). It sucks but people have been saying they’ve shifted focus to hardware for a long time, and these writers leaving shows that. Apparently none of the original Half-Life writers work at Valve anymore, and there’s been anonymous sources trying to say HL3 was never even started on.
I don’t know if the Pyro or Jungle Update will see significant long-term growth or regained interest; I can always be proven wrong. I think either a port to Source 2 or TF3 is what TF needs at this point to compete with the other class-based shooters that have hit the market, like OW or QC.
I don’t know if Valve will be in any big trouble any time soon if their hardware and Steam sales are working out fine for them; games have been confirmed to be being worked on, but we won’t know how soon we’ll see their release since Valve is comfortable where they are.
I flew back in from California a few days ago after the last stage of filming for Ready Up, and the first TF2 LAN of 2017. In the past live Team Fortress 2 events I have been privileged to have been flown out to - i55, Tip of the Hats 2015, DHW 2015, DHS 2016, i58, and Tip of the Hats 2016 - I’ve never felt post-LAN blues like the seventh event I’ve attended thus far.
LAN, aside from a competition to see who is the best team out of all the teams competing in an equal playing ground, is a social gathering. A coming together of a community that has followed each other for a combined purpose. A forging of relationships with each other over a common passion, to know not simply players as players but players as people - as friends, as comrades, as partners, and as Redeye said: as family. This is something I would like to convey through Ready Up as we wrap up the filming stage and move forward into the editing stage from here on out. This is why me, Dashner, and Sideshow were flown out to Rewind.
Once it’s released, Ready Up may be my last major competitive TF2-related contribution. I’m in no rush to finish it, though. We’re going to take our time with it, most likely extending the date from early 2017 to late 2017 - we just want to make sure we do our best for our sponsor, the competitive community, and everyone who will watch. I am thankful for Dashner’s passion and knowledge for co-direction. I am thankful for Sideshow’s eloquence and confidence for co-interviewing. Both have taken time out of their jobs with OW for this.
I personally always want to show this community that they’re appreciated and loved, despite our differences and frustrations in how we view the same game we play. I work hard, because I feel like the community counts on me to deliver. I know I’m not obliged to do so, but I like to do so. I’ve been told numerous times that this in particular, this is not worth my energy. This is not worth my time for a community that in love is equal in hatred when you make a misstep. Some people have gone as far to tell me I’m clinically insane. These people could be right for all I care.
So what of my family then? The family one of the strongest figureheads in the esports community notices and praises fondly? When Dashner and I caught Redeye literally in the middle of ESL NY’s hallways amidst the tough and scary security, right outside the arena where the sound of matches bled out - standing in this hallway interviewing him then and there, we felt touched by his words. We were thankful for him remembering us past his stardom and status. Redeye has always tended to check in every now and again to smaller esports scenes, to see how they’re doing. It’s sweet and sincere, and knowing this was his nature made those words he gave us feel genuine to me.
ESA Rewind this last week was when I realized that I had said Ready Up would be my last major contribution to comp TF2. Like many others, bills are piling up. I owe debt. I’m rebuilding my design portfolio and figuring out the plan for 2017. There’s a lot of money I’ve invested into other future TF2-related projects I won’t ever see a return on from Valve or the TF2 community. I want to stay, but only if I can afford it (as do most sane people). As expected, the idea of never seeing my friends and family from here again is something I’m not readied up for.
Filming was wrapped on Friday after we arrived early for the European and Australian bootcamping and interviews, and B-roll was left to shoot on Saturday and Sunday, the actual game days. Dashner was manning the big guns for Ready Up (aka our expensive rentals), so I chose to focus on photo coverage for Teamfortress.tv. (There was a lack of photo coverage from i58 due to focus on Ready Up. I recruited Jasbutts and we went ham.) What I also chose to focus on was my international friends from Europe, and that’s when I got to learn more about Se7en.
Kaidus had approached me a while back to talk about his new organization and team he wanted to bring to America for Rewind, as well as future events and LANs. I recognized the Crowns champions, as well as my Full Tilt’s boys and the launching legend. He had named them Team Seven, a tongue-in-cheek response to the criticism Crowns Esports Club had faced back when Kaidus was more heavily involved in coaching it.
I like the storyline FROYOTECH presented for this LAN’s victory: they came back from their 3rd Place slump at i58 and proved that they were still one of the strongest teams to be reckoned with. Habib’s mother was there, who kept asking Jasbutts about how the game worked as she spectated it, and finally watched her son win. Nursey has successfully shut up a good narrow-minded portion of the community and became the first female TF2 player to win an international LAN in the highest bracket. Paddie and Freestate finally became part of the FROYOTECH victory roster.
As it usually goes, though, I root for the teams I’m asked to be involved with. This was on another level. I screamed my lungs out for Se7en. I knew their flaws and their criticisms. I didn’t care. It was like i55′s Ascent and i58′s Full Tilt. And some of these were Full Tilt. I liked Crowns way back then too. These were my boys. This was my team. I wanted them to win. This time, I knew their history and their players the most out of any team I had rooted for. European Prem TF2 was the scene I was watching the most at one point in my time here. FROYO got it in the end, and of course I didn’t want Se7en to lose, but I had a worse fear - I didn’t want them to leave.
Again, coincidentally - Rewind was the seventh TF2 live event I flew out to. It might be the last TF2 live event I see them at too. I didn’t realize how much I actually gave a shit about this until it hit me, that this could be the last time I’d see them play TF2. It could be the last time I’d see them attend a LAN, or go pro in another game. CS:GO or OW, maybe? I don’t know, I want them all to keep going and not...disappear? Jasmine Tea is disbanding, one of them is going off to focus on school. That also hurt, it’s always amazing having the Australians at a TF2 LAN. Yet this one for Se7en, why? My colleagues & friends feel similarly, but it’s like why do we feel like that? People come and go all the time. And underneath it all, I’m just a fan who does more shit than I should out of my love for this game and this community. What worth is my opinion?
Every time I run into Sideshow IRL, it’s uplifting to know he’s still around somewhere else. When we say our goodbyes, I usually make it a point to tell the dribbler, “let this not be the last time; we will see each other again”. It might be because we also cross paths in OW things, but it’s something I make a point to tell everybody in TF2 for my farewells, as an incentive. A promise.
I went to Blizzcon. Aside from the interviews we got there, I’ve talked to the ex-TF2 pros who have fire re-lit in their eyes, who are being appreciated, rewarded, and shine on in OW. I can’t be upset. I too was treated very well by Blizzard while I was there, to the point of tears. I don’t want to be another one of those TF2 fans who wants to hold back somebody from moving on to other opportunities, or telling them not to quit. If it’s outside of their priorities, then I’m not important, and TF2 is not important.
I understand more than ever after Blizzcon and Tip of the Hats when people need to go. There are other priorities in life. There are other things to pursue. This is why I remember telling him, “wherever your journeys may take you”. So why is it that - almost selfishly, as though I have rejected any concept of what I just learned about not holding people back, especially if I tell myself I have no significance to this player, this person I realized I ended up looking up to more than I thought - I wish I’d said, “please don’t leave yet”?
And it went similarly for many other people that I realized that, how much I looked up to them as players and colleagues, then as friends and family - and it’s like...the idea I might never see these people represent again. That I might never see these people again. That sense of absolute finale, knowing that all things eventually come to an end; knowing that people that you are proud to say are part of your life, your passion, your hope, could be temporary due to the distances you might not be able to bridge...
That every farewell hug I shared, every departing Uber I waved at, even my own Uber I was escorted to by the last friend I’d see before my flight as he turned around and walked away while my car drove off -
Fuck me, no. Not yet. It seems ridiculously melodramatic for real life. It’s almost laughable, the fact I haven’t learned. None of us have learned, to be honest. The idea of leaving for good, even on my end, never seeing those people again - I haven’t readied up for that at all.
Rewind it all for me. Take me back, remind me of why we fight so hard to attend these things. Whether you’re a player, a former pro, a production crewmember, LAN organizer holy shit the LAN organizers, or a spectator. The post-LAN blues and the LAN high that just overwhelm any sense of practical reasoning you had. And then we end up going back when we thought we were out, and we don’t learn - because we love this game too much. We love each other too much.
You desire the friendships and the relationships you’ve forged stronger together in the real world. Your heart aches to hear the laughter and see the smiles of the people you’ve befriended beyond the internet. You say shit like, “let this not be the last time, we’ll see each other again” so you can fight not just for the game, but for them. For your community.
LAN, aside from a competition to see who is the best team out of all the teams competing in an equal playing ground, is a social gathering. A coming together of a community that has followed each other for a combined purpose. A forging of relationships with each other over a common passion, to know not simply players as players but players as people - as friends, as comrades, as partners, and as Redeye said: as family.
